The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for April 2005

Pope Benedict

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I have been pinged by a number of people who would like to find out what my thoughts are on the new pope. The answer is that I am somewhat ambivalent about him. From a religious perspective there is no impact whatsoever. It really doesn’t matter what he thinks because we come at faith from two different perspectives.

From a global community perspective I am interested because he has the ability to influence many people in many places and I am not so insular to think that he is meaningless to me.

I would like to see the church do more than it has done in regard to Jewish-Catholic dialogue. I would like to see a more evenhanded approach to the peace process in the ME and I am curious to see if he will bring it into a more modern stance or push it backwards.

For now I am content to wait and see what old Benedict does. I have to admit that the name just gets me, I so very much want to refer to him as Pope Benedict Arnold or Eggs Benedict. It is not particularly funny, but I do have a child like sense of humor.

The Music of Ugandan Jews

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Most people would probably be surprised to see hear that there are Ugandan Jews. If you use the following link you can find a nice description of the community. For those of you who have problems clicking here is a snippet:

“Nestled within the rolling hills and valleys of Eastern Uganda lives a community of 500 black Ugandans who practice Judaism, observing Jewish holidays, singing Hebrew songs, dining under the Laws of Kashrut, and keeping the Shabbat holy, as they have for generations. Guided almost exclusively by the Torah, the Abayudaya daven in their synagogues, usually made from mud huts, in four different villages outside a town called Mbale. This page stands as a testament to their ability to withstand total isolation — and anti-Semitism — in a Ugandan village to celebrate the tenets of Jewish faith.

The History and Culture of the Abayudaya

Why do a community of black Ugandans practice Judaism today?

In the early part of this century, a well-known Buganda leader named Semei Kakungulu resisted both the European Colonialists and the Missionaries with whom he came into contact. Kakungulu read of the Jewish faith, met several European Jews working through the British protectorate, and was eager to read, learn, and practice. During the 1920’s a European Jewish trader met Kakungulu and taught the community the theory and practice of the Jewish faith. From 1920 until 1992, approximately 15 Jews from the outside Jewish world have visited the community. In 1992, Julia Chamovitz and Matthew Meyer visited the Abayudaya for Shabbat and were urged to send more visitors. Since then, many more have visited the isolated community, including a delegation of American Jews and two rabbis.”

The description above is a little bit dated. Currently one of the Ugandan Jews is attending the Ziegler school of Rabbinic Studies at the University of Judaism.

In reference to the title of the post there is a CD available called the Abayudaya – Music from the Jewish People of Uganda
 It is a blend of Hebrew, English and some Ugandan languages. I enjoyed listening to it and found it interesting to listen to familiar songs that had been arranged in a fashion I was not accustomed to.

She Wants to Save My Soul

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One of the best parts of being Jewish is being targeted by missionary groups. Someone did me the favor of giving out my office number to some group who has now called to talk to me about turning my life around by giving me a personal relationship with G-d..

I was ever so thrilled to hear that they are interested in my personal welfare and today was an especially good day to contact me as I was ready to let someone know about how pleased I am with how the day is going.

Here is a pseudo-transcript of the conversation.

Them: Hi, may I speak with Mr. Jack.

I answer the phone as Mr. Jack, so it was apparent from the start that they were not listening.

Me: I am Mr. Jack.

Them: Hi Mr. Jack, I am so glad that I could speak with you today. I was referred to you by your friend John. He thought that you might be interested in attending a special program that is designed to improve your personal health and satisfaction as well as that of your spouse and family.

Can I spend a moment talking to you about this?

Me: Uh, how long is a moment?

Them: With a happy smile in her voice, just long enough to let you know that there is a place and people that can really help you make more of yourself and your life.

Me: Are you with the Marines?
Them: No, that is not who I am with, but you could say that I am a soldier.

Me: Are you with the Army, Navy, Air force? What is your MOS?
Them: Actually I am with Our Lady of Spanking the Monkey. (Ok that is not the real name) I am really interested in speaking with you about G-d’s word.

Me: Who was it that said you should call me?
Them: My notes say that it was your friend John.

Me: Oh, you mean John Dabaptiste. Did he have a French accent?
Them: I am not sure, but he was very interested in helping you.

Me: Well, you never can tell when you need a helping hand.
Them: That is right and there is no better friend in life than Jesus.

Me. Oh really. The last person who claimed to be my best friend slept with my wife and got her pregnant.
Them: That is terrible.

Me: Yes, it is. I am not sure that I want to meet your friend because he might try and do the same thing. And then I might go back to prison. Because if he slept with my wife I’d crucify him.

At this point there is a pause followed by a loud shriek and then words with a less friendly tone.

Them: Mr. Jack you are being very rude. All I am trying to do is help you.
Me: No, you are not.

Them: Mr. Jack, I am concerned about your immortal soul and what could happen to it.
Me: No, you are not concerned with anything that relates to my own thoughts and beliefs because you think that I am wrong and misguided. But let me tell you what, I am not a silly sheep who needs to run around trying to impress my thoughts upon others. My G-d doesn’t require me to act like an obnoxious ass.

Magic occurs and she suddenly acts like nothing has happened.

Them: Mr. Jack, I know that hearing this is hard for you. So I would like to help you. If I could I would like to personally escort you to the meeting and then once you have seen it we can we’ll see how you feel about it.
Me: That is a different approach. Does it work?

Them: Does what work?
Me: Offering yourself?

Them: What!
Me: Didn’t you just offer yourself to me?

Them: I most certainly did not. That is a terrible thing to say.
Me: I was wondering, because I was trying to think how I would explain it to my wife. I suppose that I could tell her that it was a religious obligation. How would you like to become my third concubine?

Suddenly there was a click and the line was dead. I was rather disappointed, it was right about the time that the conversation was getting to be interesting.

Age is Catching Up with Me

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Today was another watermark in my life. There are a number of moments that caught my eye, but I’ll cover just a few and leave it at that.

As is my wont I’ll just jump into it and you can comment or refrain as the mood strikes you. Today we went to Disney’s California Adventure. About a month ago we took the children to Disneyland wher they were offering a special twofer which allowed us entrance into both parks for the price of one.

In my head I the image I see is the way that I looked when I was about 20 or so. I was a workout fanatic and had my bodyfat down to somewhere around nine or ten percent. The abs were ripped and if I walked around without a shirt I didn’t have to flex to show off the six-pack, it stood out on its own.

I won a benchpress contest with a group of friends. We all put up 225 as many times as we could. I ran it up and down 17 times and then was still able to do a couple more sets. My arms and back were ripped. In short I was in amazing shape, but university life made it easy for me to accomodate an aggressive schedule at the gym, something that I miss dearly now.

I don’t think about it too often because it just aggravates me, but I am happy to be able to get some time in the gym so that I maintain some semblance of who I was and more importantly avoid completely going to hell.

The day we went to Disneyland my son spent a large part of the day begging to ride the train. We pushed that off for hours because it is one of the easiest rides to get on, the wait for it is relatively short.

While we were standing in line my son mentioned that he needed to respond to nature’s call. The big challenge with this is that like many small children he considers the bathroom an inconvenience and will do what he can to avoid going, including lying about whether he actually has to go when we ask him. So often when he says that he has to go the moment is imminent and we move quickly so that we can avoid accidents.

Sure enough he says that he has to go right when we are almost ready to board the train. Unfortunately there was no easy way to leave the line so I had to lift him over a fence so that we could go.

I jumped up and tried to vault over the fence. I must have done that particular move a thousand times and never had any trouble. This time my legs didn’t cooperate and the spring that I expected didn’t come so as I jumped my right foot caught on the top of the fence and for just a moment I teetered back and forth.

Thankfully my fragile male ego was saved by the 6 foot blonde woman who happened to be standing behind us in line. I noticed her and her boyfriend very early on, well before we had to make the bathroom run. To be honest, I noticed her legs, they really got my attention and for a brief moment I wondered if a 6 foot blonde woman who was clearly in her early 20s would be interested in a man like me.

And then I had to laugh because I looked around me and I saw a guy holding a backpack, stroller, wife and children. I would imagine that to her I looked like an older guy, not old enought to fill the role of daddy, but still not a peer.

The reason that she saved me from falling was that I was determined not to fall on my face in front of her. A person has to have a few fantasies in life and there is no reason for me to let that one go. So somehow, some way when my foot hit the fence I managed to drag it up and over and landed on my feet.

More important to this story was the surprise I felt that my legs didn’t move as I expected. It was like being let down by an old friend.

Fast forward to today and my son and I are standing in line waiting to go on a ferris wheel. While we are waiting I hear the guy in the college sweartshirt make some sort of comment that was along the lines of at least I am not pushing 40.

Well, I have a couple of years before that happens, but it struck me that most people probably no longer look at me as being a 20 something. Not that it matters all that much, but it was strange to think that I am approaching what many people would consider middle age. Since I expect to live to be at least 130 it is clear that I am still a lad and far away from that particular mark, but not as far as I once was.

While riding the ferris wheel I got nervous. It was really tall, could be a 100 feet or so. All I know is that if I fell out I would have little time to develop wings and learn how to fly. But it is not the first time that a ride has made me nervous. It has happened a number of times recently and I cannot understand it because I used to love this kind of stuff.

I was the guy who would ride anything without fear and now I find I am forcing myself to get onto these rides. I grit my teeth and get on determined to enjoy it, and I usually do. Nonetheless this is just odd.

One of the other things that has made me more aware of my age are a growing number of age related kinks, bruises and muscle issues that do not heal over night the way that they used to. I try to run my body as I always have and what do I find but rebellion. The whole ssystem refuses to operate under the past agreement and conventions.

I feel like pieces of me are being taken away and no matter how hard I try I cannot prevent this, I can only slow the process.

Third thing that happened today is that while standing in line I had a guy talking about being 38 and what that meant to him. I smiled because I thought that he was really old and then it dawned upon me, he is only two years older than I am. It was a surreal moment.

None of this really matters much, but since it has crossed my mind I thought that there was no harm in speaking of it, about it, around it etc.

Carter: Rich States ‘Don’t Give a Damn’ About Poor

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“ATLANTA (Reuters) – Former U.S. President Jimmy Carter on Thursday harshly criticized his own country and other wealthy states for being stingy with foreign aid and said in rich countries “We really don’t give a damn.”

In a speech to a human rights conference in Atlanta, Carter said increasing financial assistance was critical to battling malaria, AIDS and other common diseases that disproportionately affect the poorest parts of the world.

“Unfortunately, in the rich countries like ours, we really don’t give a damn,” said Carter, who was president from 1977 to 1981 and who won a Nobel Peace Prize in 2002.

He especially criticized the United States for failing to follow other Western nations which are increasing spending.

Although America tops the foreign aid donor list in dollar terms, it falls behind the Netherlands, Canada and many other smaller, less affluent nations when contributions are measured on a per capita basis.”

Sorry Jimmy, but I find your attitude and statement offensive. I agree that we can do more but it is not just a matter of throwing money at the problems of the world. Look at the mess the UN made of the Oil-For-Food program.

Not to mention that there are large numbers of people working to improve the world and make it a nicer place to live. To suggest that rich nations don’t give a damn is nothing more than hysterics for the purpose of press time.