Archives for November 2005

Here is another show that with a little tweaking could be so much better. If I ran it I’d begin by making sure that nothing offered was the name brand and then I’d throw in items that didn’t necessarily match.

Contestant number one would be so flustered trying to figure out how much to bid on the Sonemersawaisamsungvczenith entertainment center. How do you bid on a stereo that comes with a dictaphone, Black and White TV with a record player that only plays 45s and an Eight Track player.

In between things like this I’d throw in little twists a la Let’s Make a Deal and then just for fun I’d make sure that the winners found out what the taxes were on their winnings at the same time as they won them.

Just imagine this. Congratulations Mrs. Hackleshmackle you just won the showcase showdown. The total of your winnings is $32,635.98. Mr. Smith from the IRS is here to collect the $29,765.23 that you owe in taxes immediately. The look on their faces would be priceless.

Ok, maybe that wouldn’t be so much fun or all that enticing but it would lead to interesting scenarios such as Bob Barker Rage.

I liked the show much more when the winner of each round got to spend their winnings on prizes, especially because each episode had these cheap ceramic dogs that you could buy for something like $500 bucks a piece.

While on my way home I heard a couple of men debating ways to try and improve unity within the US. One of their arguments was insisting that English be declared the national language and mandating that all documents only be available in English.

I have a number of thoughts about this but am interested in hearing yours. What do you think?

My favorite line here is from the police spokesman.

“SIOUX FALLS, S.D., Nov. 21 (UPI) — A South Dakota teenager has been charged with indecent exposure for allegedly having sex with a mannequin.

A security guard found Michael James Plentyhorse, 18, sans pants on the floor in the Washington High School Alumni Room in Sioux Falls, S.D., with a half-naked female mannequin, the Sioux Falls Argus Leader reported.

“There was inappropriate activity between him and the mannequin,” a police spokesman told the newspaper. “That’s the only way I know how to put it.”

The spokesman said security staff had reported the same mannequin found undressed on several occasions.”

“Innovators of Our Time

We mark Smithsonian‘s 35th anniversary by revisiting scientists, artists and scholars who’ve enriched the magazine—and our lives

Every genius, said the Danish writer Isak Dinesen, is doomed. She meant that geniuses, or those touched with a spark of it, had very little choice in life. Each one, she said, was powerless “in the face of his own powers,” compelled to follow a certain path and to do a particular thing with instinctive flair and originality, whether that meant being a master chef, an inspired writer of poetry or an astronomer unraveling the secrets of the stars.

Genius is an overused word these days, but it may not be too strong a label for many of the figures marching through our pages this month. All have been chosen for inclusion because what they do—or what they have done—has made a difference. And a contribution. Each has been here before to enliven Smithsonian; most continue to enrich our lives by their work; all will doubtless inspire future generations by their example.”

For the list click here.

Came across this little ditty but I am not sure when if ever I will be able to use this.

“WHEN A BULL whale comes at you with an erect penis, it’s nine feet long,” said Gregory Colbert, aiming a fork at his Caesar salad. “It’s like a torpedo. And you’d better get out of the way, fast.”

I nodded appreciatively, as though there were a realistic chance that, at some point in the near future, I might indeed find myself in the company of a bedroom-minded bull whale — and that Colbert’s advice on the measurement and potential destructiveness of the creature’s whalehood might save my life.

“But an adolescent male sperm whale is the worst,” Colbert continued. “He weighs between 15 and 18 tons. You’re basically the size of a piece of sushi to him. The worst thing you can do is panic. He’ll see your chest moving up and down and think to himself, ‘Hey, this guy’s afraid of me; that means he must be lunch’.”

With that, Colbert put down his fork and released a giggle of almost childish excitement.”