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The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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Archives for March 2006

Why Men Don’t Listen To Women

March 29, 2006 by Jack Steiner 6 Comments

“When men and women speak, the human brain processes the sounds of those voices differently, Britain’s Mirror and Agence France Presse report of a new study from the U.K.’s University of Sheffield. While most of us actually hear female voices more clearly, men’s brains hear women’s voices first as music. But it’s not music. It’s someone giving them a honey-do list. So the brain goes into overdrive trying to analyze what is being said.

Bottom line: Men have to work harder deciphering what women are saying because they use the auditory part of the brain that processes music, not human voices. Men’s brains are not designed to listen to women’s voices. It’s not the pitch of the woman’s voice, but rather the vibration and number of sound waves that cause the problem, notes Discovery News.

But guys have no trouble at all hearing each other because men use a much simpler brain mechanism at the back of the brain to decipher another man’s voice and recognize it as speech.

Click here to read the rest of the story.

I would have given different reasons for why we don’t listen such as lack of logic, substance and accountability but I am tired of being hit in the head with pumps and red Shmata lipstick. 😉

Filed Under: Uncategorized

They Wore Feathered Hair

March 29, 2006 by Jack Steiner 7 Comments

This website just cracked me up. Check out this description:

“Surely you’ve thumbed through a high school yearbook from the late 70’s and early 80’s and you’ve found photo after photo of women wearing feathered hair modeled after the wild, tossled, flipped-back, golden tresses of Farrah Fawcett. Yes, it’s true that many women went into hair salons between 1976 and 1983 asking for the “Farrah” look, but is this what they actually came out with? The answer is yes for some, but for many the answer is no, no, no, no, no. You see, many actually came out with “The Bertinelli” . Haven’t heard of that one, have you? Well then, what is The Bertinelli”? It’s simple; you cross the Dorothy Hamill (short hair, but flat on top and center-parted) with “The Farrah”.”

Old Jack had a Jewfro so you won’t ever see pictures of me looking like any of these guys.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

It is Not a True Story

March 29, 2006 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

Hi folks,

It seems that I managed to confuse a couple of people with this story. Some of you are asking for the rest of the story. I suppose that if I wanted I could create more details and extend this further. Maybe I will. I have to think about it.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Mark Steyn On Multiculturalism

March 28, 2006 by Jack Steiner 6 Comments

“In a more culturally confident age, the British in India were faced with the practice of “suttee” – the tradition of burning widows on the funeral pyres of their husbands. Gen. Sir Charles Napier was impeccably multicultural:

“You say that it is your custom to burn widows. Very well. We also have a custom: When men burn a woman alive, we tie a rope around their necks, and we hang them. Build your funeral pyre; beside it, my carpenters will build a gallows. You may follow your custom. And then we will follow ours.”

This makes sense to me. It ties in well with stories about converts who face death sentences, riots based on cartoons or murders of people because of their ethnicity/religion. The time is coming when we are going to have to make a decision whether to push or be pushed.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

He Stole My Lunch

March 28, 2006 by Jack Steiner 7 Comments

He stole my lunch. It might not have been gourmet, but it was mine. A simple paper bag containing some food items that were specially prepared for me. Not unlike many instances of theft the event happened quickly.

I had been walking when I realized that I needed to respond to Mother Nature’s call. I entered the bathroom and placed my bag on the counter next to the sink and sashayed over to the urinal. It was a zip-n-zip moment, which was good because I was quite hungry.

The door slowly creaked open and a man with dirty blond hair walked in. He was wearing torn jeans, a pair of Doc Martens and a stained white t-shirt. Slowly he turned and inch by inch he walked over to the sink to stare at his face.

There was something about the guy that bothered me. He made me feel itchy and a little uneasy. He was my height and had a wiry build. His face was a little worn and I could see that he was not unaccustomed to working with his hands.

It is hard to look intimidating when you are standing in front of a urinal with your pal in your hands, but I did my best. In a different time and place I might have growled at the jackal. Somehow I just knew that he was going to do something to make me mad.

He must have been watching and waiting for the right moment because he timed it perfectly. When he grabbed my lunch I was in the first stages of the initial shake. It wasn’t like I could just start running after him, but at the same time nobody takes my food and gets away with it.

Cursing, I stuffed the little guy back into his home, zipped my pants and set off in pursuit of my lunch. He moved well for a guy wearing boots, but he didn’t count on the power of hunger and the passion a man has to protect what is rightfully his.

We shot down a hallway, weaving in between startled shoppers. I vaulted over a stroller and spun around the cosmetics counter. Barry Sanders never juked and jived like I did. I made OJ’s run through the airport look like he was mired in quicksand. I was getting closer. I just needed another moment and I would be close enough to grab him.

Just as I was about to tackle him the way was blocked by a group of nuns heading through the foodcourt. In exasperation I shouted “Jesus” and then continued on around them. By this point I was losing steam and beginning to huff and puff a little. I was almost ready to give up when he turned around and taunted me with “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

I roared in anger and gave it one last effort and caught up with him in front of the Cinnabon. He was trapped between me and the counter. He smiled at me and tossed the bag over the counter and dared me to do something. That was a mistake, a big mistake.

It took less than a second for me to close the gap between him and myself and not much more than that for me pick him up and body slam on the counter. As he slid over the side he managed to grab ahold of my shirt, ripping the sleeve. I was irritated when he stole my lunch. Now I was pissed off.

I jumped over the counter and grabbed ahold of the jackass. He was stronger than I anticipated with a grip that would have rivaled a pit Bull. But that wasn’t enough. I pinned him against the wall with my left arm and held him there.

“I hope that you are hungry,” I screamed. And with that I grabbed ahold of the Cinnabon dough and started forcing huge gobs of it into his mouth. “How does that taste? Do you like it? Is it good?”

He flailed around with his arms and tried to free himself. “Stop, stop, stop, please,” he stuttered.

“You’re right,” I growled. “I forgot the sweet stuff.”

Grabbing ahold of his collar I pulled him towards me and was the recipient of a lucky punch, a wicked right that stunned me. It was almost enough to make me let go, but not quite. Blinking away the tears I got him into a headlock and walked him over to the vat of frosting.

With a grunt I picked him up and dropped him into it headfirst and then staggered over to pick up my lunch. It took all of my effort to drag my body back over the counter and to a table. I collapsed into a chair and dumped the contents of the bag onto the table so that I could finally eat.

And that is when I realized that I had grabbed the wrong bag.

(and there you have a quick, first draft of a silly and sloppily constructed piece of fiction.)

Filed Under: Bathroom Stuff, Random Thoughts

The Card Game Blew Up

March 28, 2006 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

“Beijing – Four people died in northeast China after a dispute over a game of cards ended in bloodshed when one of the players returned with a hand grenade which later exploded, state media said Saturday.

The four were playing cards on Wednesday in Meihekou city in Jilin province when a quarrel broke out, said the Beijing Times. One of the group later returned with a hand grenade and it went off during a scuffle.

Three people died on the spot while the fourth died in hospital the next day, it said. Two passers-by were also slightly injured by the blast.”

Who needs a gun when you have a couple of grenades lying around the house.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

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