Shopping Carts & Special Talents

There are a lot of ways to mark the passing of time. Once you finish school it becomes even more challenging to mark defining moments in time. One moment that stands out for me took place in the Carter administration, or should I say during the time in which good ole Jimmy was president. Anyone remember “Billy Beer.”

This particular memory is tied into a T-Ball game. It was my second season playing the game. I loved it and I especially loved that my team was in the championship. What I didn’t love is that I made the final out of the game. It wasn’t totally my fault. I was forced out at third base, but that didn’t prevent this little boy from crying because he wasn’t fast enough to outrun the ball.

I tried so hard. I remember running as fast as I could, but it just wasn’t fast enough. I still remember the frustration I felt. I was upset. I was embarrassed and I was a little angry. So to make me feel better my father took me out for an ice cream cone. He listened to what I had to say and then explained that we all have special talents and that as I grew up I would learn all about that.

Well, I could make this a long post and give you a heartwarming tale about how this talk helped me grow and mature as a person, but I’ll spare you. Instead I want to share a couple of my special talents with you.

Talent Number 1

I am outstanding at locating a broken shopping cart. If there is a shopping cart that has a bad wheel I can guarantee that I will find it.

Talent Number 2

When it comes time to checkout I can promise that I will find the slowest line. It doesn’t matter if there is one person in a line or 100, my line will be the slowest.

Talent Number 2

In a public bathroom I can promise you that the first stall I choose will be devoid of toilet paper.

I do have other special talents, but I think that I have shared enough for now. What are some fo yours?

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8 Comments

  1. Jack's Shack April 4, 2006 at 4:16 am

    Richmond,

    I had a good friend who we used to refer to as the Wack Magnet.

    MGA,

    Yes, it sounds like we have simi lar skills.

  2. MUST Gum Addict April 3, 2006 at 11:57 pm

    oh Jack, we are DEFINITELY related. I share your same talents (well, the ones you listed here specifically at least) as well as some others.

    I can find a parking spot that is the furthest point from wherever we need to go.

    I can give tzedaka to the guy who collects in shul and then walks out to his lexus parked around the corner.

    I can always find the slowest lane on the highway. In fact, I am *SO* good at this that I can even change lanes and in doing so, the lane I switched to will BECOME the slowest lane.

    I can buy milk and bread that expire the next day.

    I attract crazy people too, but that can probably be linked somehow to my yarmulka stories…

  3. Richmond April 3, 2006 at 6:38 pm

    I attract the crazy people. At wal-mart, at work, the park… If there is a crazy person nearby, I am like a magnet.

    What? Why are you looking at me like that! 😉

  4. Jack's Shack April 3, 2006 at 4:49 pm

    Gavriel,

    Yes, I can do all those things well.

    Misanthrope,

    Torn book covers are something that I usually can avoid.

    CM,

    I find that woman in front of me all the time.

    SI,

    I know that whole LCD story all too well.

  5. StepIma April 3, 2006 at 3:43 pm

    I couldn’t read the words asking what your “special talent” is without thinking about the “what’s your special purpose?” line in The Jerk… 🙂

    I’m really good at buying something the day before it goes on sale.

    Also I’m really good at breaking something nonessential on my things, so it doesn’t make sense to get rid of them and buy new ones, but they’re not really good any more. Like the LCD screen on my microwave. It still works perfectly, but you have to guess what the numbers say. And I have a wobbly clock. I’m not going to get a whole new alarm clock because it’s missing a rubber foot. But it doesn’t stand quiiiite level. It’s a real skill.

  6. cruisin-mom April 3, 2006 at 3:35 pm

    Jack, you are my long lost twin. I have those exact same talents. I always get behind the coupon queen (nothing against coupons, in fact, I’m jealous of people who knock $50 off their bills), who has an entire filing cabinet of coupons with her that she stands there for 15 minutes going through.

  7. The Misanthrope April 3, 2006 at 3:08 pm

    I too can always find the slowest lane even if the freeway is wide open. I can also find the only book that has a torn cover in the store.

  8. Gavriel April 3, 2006 at 1:06 pm

    Are you any good at finding the slowest lane in heavy traffic? How about buying high and selling low? Multi-talented guy for sure Jack.

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