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The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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  • About Jack
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Archives for May 2007

Comfort Food

May 17, 2007 by Jack Steiner 3 Comments

The LA Times has a nice write up on an old favorite of mine called The Apple Pan. Here is a section that gives a short overview of it.

IN the shadow of the Westside Pavilion in West L.A. stands a tiny building that houses a world. People come there for burgers and pie, and they keep coming back because something about the place is magnetic. They can’t stay away.

The people who work there keep coming back too. Decade after decade, you see the same faces. The lunchtime sandwich cook, Charles Collins, has worked at the Apple Pan for 50 years. The owner, Martha Gamble, was the first waitress when her parents opened the place in 1947.

In all this time the Apple Pan has served an unchanged menu of distinctive burgers, sandwiches and pies. One regular customer estimates that he has eaten, at minimum, 1,000 steakburgers over the years.

The regulars probably aren’t surprised that the Apple Pan has turned 60. It’s been part of their lives since the corner of Pico and Westwood boulevards was best known as the site of California’s first drive-in theater.

What’s the deal about this place? Looks won’t tell you much. Inside the small white building with green trim and a sign reading “The Apple Pan Quality Forever,” there’s no décor but plaid wallpaper and some much-lacquered wood paneling. Twenty-six stools line a U-shaped counter with a brick-walled grill area in the middle.
Taking sides

THE moment you enter, you sense an obscure protocol in force. The room is divided into right and left sides, each with its own waiter, cash register and coffee urn. Regulars habitually sit on a favorite side, even when a stool becomes available on the other.

Why? “They’re used to a particular waiter,” Collins suggested.

“I don’t think about it,” said a young woman who didn’t want to give her name. “It’s like what side of the bed you prefer to sleep on.”

When people have to wait for a seat, there’s no room for a real line to form. Still, they yield to one another in strict order of arrival, like drivers at a four-way intersection.

At lunch, you need to place your order briskly because the waiters will be hopping from one urgent task to another. Dinner is less crowded and more leisurely.

There’s a homey Midwestern quality about the place. If you don’t feel like a soda, you can ask for buttermilk. Actual cream comes with your coffee. All the recipes are family recipes, and the back of the menu tells you where the originator of each was born, whether in Ohio, Missouri or Nebraska.

The burger arrives without a plate. It’s wrapped in paper, shoved in a bag and slapped down in front of you on its side, with an edible edge peeking skyward.

Filed Under: Things About Jack

Have You Ever Noticed?

May 17, 2007 by Jack Steiner 10 Comments

Have you ever noticed that a group of men singing never sound bad. Consider this for a moment. Ten men singing individually. Each one of them has a voice that could only be loved by an alley cat or someone who is deaf.

However, if you place them together and have them all sing something happens. Suddenly their voices merge and the horrible shrieking is replaced by something different. It is replaced by something that sounds decent. It might not be great, but it is not so horrid that you feel the need to poke yourself in the eye with a sharp stick.

What do you think?

Filed Under: Random Thoughts

Wednesday Night Ramblings

May 17, 2007 by Jack Steiner 5 Comments

Just finished watching LOST. Some of my pals bailed out on this a while back as they thought that the story meandered far too much. I have no doubt that the writers were operating off of MSU for a while but they seem to have gotten their act together. I’ll hang in there long enough to finish it.

Can’t say that I am sorry to see the JIBs end. I am tired of the campaigning and carping. Some bloggers need to grow up and find some other interests. Although I suspect that for some people it is going to be a traumatic finish. If you are a second rate hack with a limited vocabulary and the mental capacity of lobotomized llama you might be in trouble. Without the JIBs you are going to really have to tax the old melon to come up with new cartoons. The thing with satire is that it needs to be funny.

It certainly is possible to be stupid and funny. Stupid funny can be worth a chuckle. The problem is that you are just stupid. Then again when you parade dumb ideas in front of two or three sycophants you probably haven’t realized just how many people are laughing at you and not with you. Or maybe that is the problem. Maybe the burning anger and insecurity comes from the fear that everyone realizes just how little substance there is behind the shower curtain you hide behind.

I finally watched Casino Royale. It was much better than I expected. I should have seen it on a big screen but just never managed to get around to it.

In other blogging news I am still collecting posts for the upcoming edition of Haveil Havalim. It has been a busy week so I haven’t had as much time to work on this as I normally do. As always I encourage you to send your posts in. Haveil Havalim is the official carnival of the Jewish/Israeli blogosphere.

There is no better way to increase your exposure than to take advantage of it. Remember it is a low calorie, contains no trans fats and is high in fiber.

The last five songs on my iTunes:

Arabian Knights
Siouxsie and the Banshees
Sour Girl
Stone Temple Pilots
Midnight Rider
Allman Brothers
Comfortably Numb
Pink Floyd
Hotel California
The Eagles

Back in my college days you could frequently find the boys and I at the local pub. They had a balcony overlooking a swimming pool. During the spring it was one of our favorite haunts. We’d get a few pitchers of beer, enjoy the view and engage in spontaneous karaoke. Ok, karaoke is not really a good description, it was more like spontaneous singing.

More in the next post.

Filed Under: Random Thoughts

It Is Ok To Have Sex With Animals In Norway & Denmark

May 17, 2007 by Jack Steiner 3 Comments

File this under the bizarre. Where do they think they are, some small town in Australia.

Neither Denmark nor Norway has a prohibition on sex with animals, as long as the animals do not suffer.

On the Internet Danish animal owners advertise openly that they offer sex with animals, without intervention from police or other authorities, Danish newspaper 24timer reports.

In correspondence with the animal owners, the newspaper was told that the animals involved have many years of experience and that the animals themselves wanted sex. The cost to the client varied from DKK 500-1,000 (USD 85-170).

Legal gray area
The Norwegian Food Safety Authority’s section chief for animal welfare, Torunn Knævelsrud, could not rule out that such a bordello could be legal here as well.

“It is difficult to say yes or no,” Knævelsrud told Aftenposten.no.

As long as basics like shelter, feed and care are in place, and injury or suffering to the animal can not be documented, there are no other ways to attack an animal bordello under existing Norwegian law.

For the full story please click here.

 

Filed Under: Random Thoughts

Hamas Official: World, Israel, Arabs To Blame For Fighting

May 17, 2007 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

When you can’t take responsibility for your own actions you can always find someone else to blame. This speaks volumes.

The international community, Israel and Arab countries are to blame for the current inter-Palestinian fighting in the Gaza Strip for failing to life an economic siege on the Palestinians, a senior Hamas official said Wednesday.

The remarks by Moussa Abu Marzouk, deputy head of Hamas’ political bureau, came as fighting renewed between Hamas and Fatah in Gaza early Wednesday when Hamas gunmen stormed the home of a top Fatah official in Gaza City, killing five bodyguards inside, Palestinian security officials said.

The attack comes after a brutal day of factional fighting between Hamas and Fatah rivals in Gaza that killed 15 people. Four days of intense Palestinian infighting in Gaza have killed 41 people.

“The international community and Arab countries shoulder part of the responsibility for the current events due to their attitudes toward the national unity government,” Abu Marzouk said in Damascus.

“The continued financial and political siege has pushed matters to this simmering tension,” he said. He also blamed Israel and Arab apathy toward the economic sanctions for the fighting.

“The Israelis are behind all these events,” Abu Marzouk said. “It’s illogical that the Arabs stand idle watching the Palestinian arena while it’s on the verge of explosion under the siege…this is a constant pressure that has led to a real explosion.”

Filed Under: Islam, Israel, Politics

Liveblogging Breakfast With The Shmata Queen

May 17, 2007 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

After the first two episodes of this series I received a number of requests to share more sessions. So in response to those requests I decided to live blog a recent breakfast. You might be surprised to learn that the dear old Shmata Queen is not always a bundle of joy in the morning.

SQ: Take that %$#*&*((( laptop off of the ^$%&%#&U* table.
Me: Or what?

SQ: You know what.
Me: Is that a question or a statement.

SQ: Grumble, grumble. These silly jokes are growing old quickly.
Me: I know someone who is growing with them.

SQ: &*^$*^((%% the damn laptop..
Me: Note to self, when she first wakes up she can be irritable..

SQ: I am waiting.
Me: So are most of the people we know. The big question is what are they waiting for. Moshiach, the next big sale at Macys, culture to hit cleveland.

SQ: Must you always insult cleveland.
Me: You know Ezzie said that clevelanders are cursed.

SQ: He didn’t mean it like that.
Me: Sure he did. Ezzie is a man of his word.

SQ: He was being facetious.
Me: You do know that in Old English facetious means telling the truth.

SQ: Stop typing.
Me : When did you get to be so bossy

I think that you get the general idea. That is enough nonsense for now. Perhaps we’ll share some more later.

Filed Under: Random Thoughts

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