Urine For a Tale- Or Pissed Off About Peeing

Blogging is a wonderful thing. You get involved with all sorts of interesting people and all kinds of interesting stories. It is an ever changing adventure because you truly never know what is just around the bend. There is always a new story to tell and new blogs to read.

One of the aspects that truly drives me is the interaction with the readers and other bloggers. Blogging is voyeuristic. There is a certain interest in reading about other people’s lives and in seeing their comments on your own. It is a real learning experience in which you receive an education about how others live their lives.

In March of ’06 I published Teach Your Boy to Pee Like a Man. It was a simple post that featured Peter Potty, the Toddler Urinal. As you can see it is a real product. Sadly, Shack Enterprises is not responsible for this one, but stay tuned because our inventors are always working hard to come up with new and exciting products that improve your lives.

Anyway as it is close to18 months since I wrote this one I had basically forgotten about it. Like a good post it lay there hibernating in cyberspace patiently waiting to be called upon. And sure enough the call came.

This morning I was notified that a reader named Ali had left a very long comment in which he took me to task for my position.

Here is an excerpt: of his lengthy comment:

To my own, peeing while standing is a nasty actions, also it does not feet a man’s character, that’s like you imagine a respectable man standing up still some where, his penis is out and his piss line in front of him! Who made the rule that males MUST stand up while urinating? And don’t relate it to the nature, potentially many things are natural as an ability; one can bring it out (gun), aim and kill, but he has choosing power, although he has the ability, but he may not do it if he is sane; one can just bring it out, aim and piss, but does it mean he can not do it in a way but that?

Why stand to pee? Why aim? Aiming is for the time when you are distant to your target and can’t be close to it, but when you can be close to it, and if you are sane, you prefer being close to your target than aiming to the target. So sit down and be relax, the name of the place you are doing that in, is rest room! And why you waste your time and energy in cleaning bathrooms? You can save it for more useful affairs by reducing the need of bathroom to be cleaned!

Let’s take this slowly.

You said “that’s like you imagine a respectable man standing up still some where, his penis is out and his piss line in front of him!”

As a father and a son I have had this very important conversation. There are some helpful safety tips to bear in mind.

  • You should always hold your penis when urinating so that it doesn’t flip and hither and thither. It doesn’t matter which hand you use, just whichever one is comfortable. BTW, I still have nightmares about how Captain Hook does this.
  • Stand close to the urinal, but no so close that you suffer from sprayback.
  • When urinating outdoors remember to urinate with the wind and not into it.

There are many other rules that I could list, but that might impede the flow of the post and derail this stream of thought.

You also said “Why aim? Aiming is for the time when you are distant to your target and can’t be close to it,

My friend, any woman can answer why aiming is important. Of course if you have a sense of humor you probably already know how much fun it is to leave the toilet seat up or intentionally dribble some water on the seat. There are few things that are funnier than hearing the middle of the night squeal of pleasure when she discovers the gifts awaiting her in the dark bathroom.

You also suggest that standing to urinate is not relaxing. Au contraire. Here is a simple test that you can use to prove otherwise. Drink a six pack of beer and then force yourself to wait several hours before answering natures call. I guarantee that you will find that standing fills you with a mighty sense of relief.

As I mentioned Ali’s comment was quite long and involved. It also alerted me to the existence of a terrible organization that is clearly devoted to emasculating men. It is called MAPSU or Mothers Against Peeing Standing Up.

Forget the War on Terror, the War in Iraq and all other wars because now is the time for men of conscience and shlongliness to band together to eradicate and destroy this fowl organization. (Side note, fowl is intentionally spelled in this manner. There is a reason that they call them hen parties).

The good news is that I already know there are other bloggers out there who understand the import of this. You could always take a look at Pee Like a Man!
or Embarrassing Technology Malfunctions.

To quote Forrest Gump, “That is all I have to say about that.”

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Comments

  1. Jack's Shack says

    JDMD,

    Well said.

    Joe,

    Ouch.

    KRG,

    Ok.

  2. Kol Ra'ash Gadol says

    OK, but still: read the story.

  3. Joe the Troll says

    ” BTW, I still have nightmares about how Captain Hook does this”

    Imagine Edward Scissorhands.

  4. Jewish Deaf Motorcycling Dad says

    The lines out the door to the women’s room at any rest stop, concert, ball game, etc., is enough evidence for me that the quickest way to get in and out is the best way. Sitting down and standing up (with the appropriate adjustment to your attire each way) takes valuable time and clogs up the queue for the next guy.

  5. Jack's Shack says

    PT,

    Well said.

    Silk,

    Urinals come in all sorts of different heights and sizes.

    Anon,

    You’re entitled to your opinions.

    Babka,

    Be careful, you could be disappointed with who you end up kissing. The net is full of all sorts of interesting folks. 😉

    in a short story tht might make you reconsider peeing standing up.

    KRG,

    This might be a case of TMI, but I know what it is like from both positions and given the option I’ll stand every time.

  6. Kol Ra'ash Gadol says

    Sherman ALexie, Whom I firmly believe is the greatest American short story writer living, wrote a story called “St Junior” in one of his books called The Toughest Indian in the World
    The reason I think he is the greatest living American short story writer is beause when he writes, he writes with utter tenderness about his characters, and yet there’s no semtimentality. I walk away from his stories feeling a senseof love for his characters. I know that’s weird, butthereit is.
    While I probably would never have commented on teaching you son to pee (I’m sure mine will pee standing up at some point, too, and really I don’t care, since the house rule is to put both lids down on the toilet so everyone is more or less equally inconvenienced, and no one falls in) I think Alexie makes a great case for love and peeing sitting down. It’s a -I don’t want to say throwaway line, because no good writer has throwaway lines, but let’s say that it’s not what the story is about, rather a character demonstration- loving moment in a short story tht might make you reconsider peeing standing up.

  7. The Babka Nosher says

    I’ll kiss the person who can convince my 3 year old to pee in the toilet. I don’t care if he sits, stands, or does a handstand as long as his aim is good.

  8. Anonymous says

    There is something wrong with men who sit.

  9. “looing” = “looking”. A typo, but I suppose it could have been a British pun.

  10. When I married my macho 6’3″ 240 lb. late husband, I was startled to find that he SAT to urinate at home. I asked why, and he said “A toilet is not a urinal. It’s too low. It would make more sense to use the sink.”

    Of course, he had an extremely high IQ, and was sensitive to the needs of others.

    He figured that anyone who offered nice-looing home urinals would make a mint.

  11. PsychoToddler says

    Harrumph!

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