Where Babies Come From

One of the joys of being a parent is fielding the many different questions that our children throw at us. It is probably fair to say that there are a few standards such as what happens when you die and where do babies come from.

Until recently the big kid and I hadn’t spent any time discussing babies other than the moments when he told me that he no longer liked certain shows/toys because they are for babies. That changed this weekend as he decided that he really wanted to know. To quote him, “tell me the real story.”

I paused for a moment and considered the best way to explain it. I wasn’t embarrassed or afraid of the discussion, but to be honest hadn’t really thought about how to answer it. So here is approximately what I said.

“To make a baby you need a man and a woman. Men make something called sperm. Women have eggs. When you combine the sperm and the egg a baby is made.”

Of course he asked how do you combine the two.

“A man sticks his penis inside a woman’s vagina and shoots the sperm inside her.”

There was a momentary look of horror on his face.

“Dad, that is disgusting!”

“You might feel differently about that one day. In fact you might even want to do it,” I replied.

Now here is a crucial piece of information that you need to appreciate the story. I told my son about sperm and where it goes while standing alongside him at a urinal. Little did I know that this activity was going to influence his opinion about the whole topic.

As we washed our hands he started to laugh and told me that he had changed his mind. He wanted to have sex. I looked at him and asked him why he had suddenly changed his mind. He laughed and said that he wanted to pee on girl’s crotches.

I tried to explain that they were two different activities, but he was laughing too hard. Later on I got to witness his telling his grandfather that “dad peed on mom’s crotch.” I have to admit that for a moment I was tempted not to explain to my father how his grandson had come up with this idea as the look my father’s face was priceless.

Later this evening he and I are going to revisit the topic so that I can clear up any misconceptions. I think that I’d like to try and stave off the possibility that he’ll run around school/public telling people that his dad pees on mom. It might have a detrimental affect upon his ability to get a play date.

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