Sometimes the hardest post to write is the one in which I try the hardest to be the most profound. I am not sure why I bother, ego I suppose. It is nice to feel pride in my creation, to look at it and know that I have produced something beautiful. But that defeats the primary purpose of this blog which is to serve as a record of my thoughts and feelings regarding a particular time or event.
I rather enjoy being able to search the archives to see what I wrote about on this day last year. I mulled over trying to do a similar roundup to the one I did last year but frankly I just didn’t have the time to do it. Maybe I’ll get around to it later, but I doubt it.
It is well after midnight here and I am wide awake. I enjoy this time of night immensely. And now for a musical interlude courtesy of my iTunes shuffle. I’ll let you dear reader identify the song:
I hear the drizzle of the rain
Like a memory it falls
Soft and warm continuing
Tapping on my roof and walls.
And from the shelter of my mind
Through the window of my eyes
I gaze beyond the rain-drenched streets
To England where my heart lies.
My mind’s distracted and diffused
My thoughts are many miles away
They lie with you when you’re asleep
And kiss you when you start your day.
And a song I was writing is left undone
I don’t know why I spend my time
Writing songs I can’t believe
With words that tear and strain to rhyme.
And so you see I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you.
And as I watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die
I know that I am like the rain
There but for the grace of you go I.
These milestone posts are kind of fun, even when I feel like I have got nothing left in the tank. I am privileged to have some of the finest friends anyone could ask for. For years we gathered every New Year’s Eve and celebrated. The first official party was twenty years ago. We were in college. Those of us who went to school out of state made a point of coming home for the party. It was important. It was special. It was needed. It was where we reconnected and reaffirmed our friendship.
Perhaps that sounds goofy, or strange or melodramatic. But it is accurate. Through the years the party grew in size. We met new girlfriends/boyfriends and shared our lives. There was laughter and there were tears. Over time the girlfriends/boyfriends morphed into husbands and wives. Some of the marriages ended in divorce. Cancer took one of us, suicide took another. Some of us lost parents and we held their hands and later we cheered when their children appeared.
Twenty years later the party is no longer a given. It survived a good 15 or sixteen years of uninterrupted celebration, but eventually things got in the way and we failed to keep it going. Ok, that is not entirely true. The streak was broken but we did bring it back a time or two and we’ll do it again.
The party is not dead, it is just waiting for someone to take charge of it and make it happen.
And that ties into something I told my son today. We had a long conversation about life. I told him that it is important to remember to take control of life or it will take control of you. I didn’t say that we can control everything. I told him that there are a lot of things that happen that you can’t control, but you can control how you react to them.
I explained that we can do our best to try and guide our lives and do the things that we want to do, that make us happy and that is why school is important. Learning is a tool. It is something that we can use forever to help us do things that make us feel alive and involved.
Just before the kids went to sleep I took an extra moment to give them another kiss and another blessing. I told them that you can make your dreams come true, even if you have to go to Texas, Kalamazoo or Kathmandu. All you need to do is believe, make a plan and execute it.
I should add that in the morning I promised to help the big kid look up the word execute in the dictionary. And I should also add that the little genius asked me if the rabbi knows what it means.
I may manage to come up with another post or two before the new year comes, but if I don’t let me say Happy New Year. May 2008 be a better year for all of us and the one in which we see the fulfillment of our dreams.