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The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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Archives for May 2008

How Do Fighter Pilots Go To The Bathroom

May 18, 2008 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

Here at the Shack we are proud purveyors of news about all sorts of things, including bodily functions. We have a certain appreciation for the call of nature and have wondered about how pilots take care of this.

There is something somewhat comical about the image of the tough fighter pilot waltzing off his plane with a big stain in their flight suit. Anyway, CNN has the details about a potential solution to this problem.

Is it just me or does the Advanced Mission Extender Device sound like a sex toy.

“WASHINGTON (CNN) — Where do fighter pilots traveling faster than the speed of sound go when they really need to “go”?

Until recently, the answer has been: into a bag.

But it’s not a great solution. “Piddle packs” — heavy-duty bags containing absorbent sponges — have been blamed for at least two crashes over the years, and they’re not always tidy.

A few years ago, after enduring years of complaints from pilots, the Air Force let it be known that it was looking for an answer.

A small medical equipment development company in Milton, Vermont answered the call.

“The DoD put out a list of projects they needed solutions for,” said Mark Harvie, president of Omni Medical Solutions. “Bladder relief for pilots was one of the items on the list and we were looking for a new project,” he said.

After four years of testing by the Vermont Air National Guard and the Air Force and about $5 million in government and private funds, AMXD is spelling relief for pilots aloft.

Under the old system, pilots routinely avoid liquids before taking off to prevent the unmentionable. But dehydration can make them more susceptible to the G-forces typically seen in fighter aircraft, Harvie said.

When nature’s call becomes too pressing to ignore, a pilot has to fly and unbuckle the harness at the same time — while using both hands to maneuver around in a seat to which he or she is virtually molded.

The aerobatic maneuver is even harder for female pilots.

On long or cold-weather flights, the amount of gear and clothing made the maneuver nearly impossible, and pilots would sometimes have no choice but to relieve themselves in their flight suits.

In the AMXD, a cup for a man and a pad for a woman is strategically placed before the pilot dons a flight suit.

An instructional DVD tells pilots: “When the time comes to urinate, unzip the flight suit, remove the hose…. The control unit will pump the urine from the cup to the collection bag, where it will be chemically gelled.”

Remind me not to touch the gel. 😉 BTW, if you are interested in reading more of the bathroom news you just can’t live without you can click here or here.

Filed Under: Bathroom Stuff

It Is Going To Hurt When I Hit Bottom

May 16, 2008 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

The four year blogiversary is fast approaching. In a short time I am going to sit down and try and write a post that is appropriate for that day. I’ll try to be eloquent and insightful. I’ll do my best to be profound and to demonstrate that I have learned something.

Can’t say if I’ll succeed. Can’t say if it will accomplish what I want or hope it will. We’ll see.

Had a long talk with my dad today, kind of a state of the union for me. He sat and listened and gave me the same advice I have heard all of my entire life. “You can’t do anything other than try your best and sometimes that won’t be enough.”

I hate to fall. I hate to fail. Took some risks and it looks like they may not materialize. Can’t say for certain if they’re going to fail, but it doesn’t really look like they are going to succeed either.

It feels a bit like standing on a bed of nails. I can feel the sharp edge poking against my feet. It doesn’t hurt, but it is clear that if I stumble I am going to find myself in a world of hurt. It will be more than a gentle prick.

I am more than excited. I am terribly frightened that this time I really blew it and at the same time I am intrigued. Is it ego, is it bravado that drives me. If I can pull this off it will be something special and if not, well it is going to really hurt when I fall. I can’t keep the balancing act going much longer.

If you asked me to draw/paint a picture of what is happening in my head I’d tell you to picture a battlefield. I am surrounded by enemies. Covered in blood and gore all I can do is use my sword and my ability to try and survive. It doesn’t look good. It doesn’t look like anyone is going to come ride to my rescue.

Force of will is what is going to make the difference. If I want to survive it will be through sheer determination, too stubborn to lie down and die.

It sounds goofy, but it is an accurate representation. The challenge is to do my best not to be overwhelmed by it all. And right now that is an enormous task.

Filed Under: Random Thoughts, Things About Jack

The Story of Two Souls (Replayed)

May 16, 2008 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

I wrote this post quite some time ago. It must have been picked up by someone because all of a sudden the traffic has spiked around it. Anyway, since it seems to be so popular I thought that I’d run it again.

This story has a beginning and a middle but there is yet to be an ending to it and in some ways that is most fitting because it is a story of love and not just any kind of love but one that is all consuming.

The love we speak of is the kind in which you are addicted to the other person, they are your air and your blood. They share your heart and own a piece of your soul. It is the best kind of love and the rarest to find outside of the love of a parent for their child.

Daniel and I had been friends for quite a few years when he first mentioned Anne to me. They were both married to other people and happily so, but somehow they had met online through a bulletin board they both posted upon.

At first it hadn’t been anything more than a minor flirtation that slowly matured and developed into a deep friendship and then into a raging inferno of love and lust. It was not planned and it caught the two of them by surprise as it was clear that the feelings that they had were quite deep and very strong.

In some ways it was a very different and unique kind of love. Daniel and Anne were not strangers to love as they had both had past loves and of course they were both married to people that they thought were besheret. Neither one of them had gone to the chuppah with any thought or sense that one day they would view the work week the way that they had viewed their weekends for it was only at work that they had real freedom to write and speak with each other.

Their love was different because of how they had met. They were an online match, almost a cliche in the information age but it was an accurate description. So it was when they began communicating with each other they were able to avoid the pitfalls and challenges that sexual tension in men and women brings. There was no concern about whether he should try and kiss her or if she should let him. No worries about finding the perfect dress, shirt, jeans, heels, cologne or perfume. It was very freeing.

Anne and Daniel bypassed all that and concentrated on communicating with each other because words were all they had. And something interesting and amazing happened, there was complete honesty. It was the kind of honesty that you sometimes feel when you share your life story with the stranger who sits next to you on a long flight.

I remember well the day that Daniel told me about how happy he was and how scared. Somehow he had stumbled into or onto a relationship that he knew was different. Every time he spoke with Anne his heart sang and he knew that she was someone special.

Anne felt the same way. Daniel said that he felt foolish at how fast she figured it out and how at ease he felt when she told him she loved him. There was no awkward moment and no uncomfortable silence. He smiled and repeated it back to her. He loved her too and he apologized that he had to say it over the phone and that he wasn’t able to show her in person his true feelings.

That moment changed their lives in a dramatic way because it called their current married status into question. It changed their relationship, molded it and forged it into something that had to be characterized as a torrid love affair. It was a burning love based upon friendship, respect, and believe it or not incredible desire.

When Daniel told Anne that he was going to find a way to come and see her he could feel her heart pounding and he knew that when they finally kissed he was going to have to hold her firmly because her knees would buckle. That kiss would be another defining moment.

Shortly thereafter they found a way to meet. It was only for a few hours but when they hugged each other it felt like they had always been together. Lovemaking was something that could not be described as anything but the merging of two souls in common cause and desire. They moved together as one and their goodbye was bittersweet. For though they knew that they would see each other again it felt as if a hole was being ripped out of their being. There was a huge gaping wound that bled and ached.

If there is such a thing as love at first sight they were the couple that would have experienced it. Later that week Anne received a card from Daniel that said:

“One kiss. One touch. One man and one woman and nothing will ever be the same. You know it and I know it and we live it.”

She cried tears of joy. At her desk she looked out of the window and wept because she could imagine losing this man but wasn’t sure how she could manage to get him. She had never wanted to be the other woman. It wasn’t even a passing thought.

Until she met Daniel she had thought of herself as being very happy with her marriage and her first husband. Her first husband, that is how she thought of the man she lived with. He was the father of her children and someone she cared about but not someone she wanted sharing her bed any longer.

She was a good wife and a good mother. She doted on her children and she tried to keep the first husband happy in all ways, but every time she slept with him her heart cried out as if she was being violated.

For his part Daniel was in a similar situation. He felt trapped and experienced bouts of extreme sadness at the time he had lost and would not be able to spend with Anne. She was so good to him and did so much to make him happy but he never could completely forget about his own home life.

It was also good and he was also a good husband and a good father. But Daniel knew that it was only a matter of time before it was obvious to everyone that his heart had a new flame and it made him feel guilty.

He hadn’t gone searching. He hadn’t done anything to short circuit the marriage but somehow he had found someone new and he couldn’t imagine living without her. Sometimes he would try and be practical and think logically about it. He’d think of walking away and telling her that he was sorry, that it was too late.

But every time he thought about it a dull pain in his head appeared and a sharp ache in his side. And he knew that one day they would leave their current spouses and go to each other. One day they would have to face the pain of ending one love affair and beginning a new one and though the thought of it pained him he was more upset by the guilt he felt at the excitement of starting a new life.

So there you have much of the story of of Daniel and Anne. It is tale with a beginning and a middle but the end is not yet written. Some loves can only be delayed but they can never be prevented.

I wrote a second part to this. You can find it here.

Filed Under: Love, marriage, Relationships

Saudis Tell Bush to Suck It

May 16, 2008 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

There are more professional headlines that I could use than “Saudis Tell Bush to Suck It” but they’d be lacking the edge that this one requires.

You see our fearless leader asked our so called ally to help us by pumping more oil. Let’s take a look at the story, shall we.

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia (CNN) — Saudi Arabia Friday rebuffed President Bush’s request to immediately pump more oil to lower record prices, saying it does not see enough demand to increase production.

The Saudis said they would increase production if customers demanded it, Steven Hadley, Bush’s national security adviser, said.

Ali al-Naimi, the Saudi oil minister, on Friday said the country had increased its production by 300,000 barrels a day on May 10 in response to customer requests.

Al-Naimi said the increased production would bring Saudi Arabia’s daily production to 9.45 million barrels per day by June, according to the AP.

Bush is spending much of the day in closed-door meetings with King Abdullah, the Saudi ruler.

Friday’s visit was Bush’s second trip to the kingdom this year, coming as oil prices reached a new record high Friday of more than $127 a barrel. When he traveled to Riyadh in January, his request for the Saudis to pump more oil was also rejected.”

I haven’t any love for the Saudis for a whole host of reasons. I’ll share a number of links with you that help illustrate why:

Saudi Scholar Spouts Holocaust Denial and Calls for Genocide on Hamas TV (Video)

The good old Saudis who punish victims of rape

Another Reason Why Saudi Arabia is A Problem

I Don’t Trust The Saudis- Their Textbooks

In short they violate human rights, they fund terrorists and they promote intolerance for religious beliefs that are not based upon Islam. It galls me to no end that we help fund a racist, misogynist society that is working to undermine our own.

Filed Under: Poltics, Saudi Arabia, World

The People You Love Most

May 16, 2008 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

Fields of Gold

In the quiet of the night my son asked me to try and explain why boys fall in love with girls. He admitted that there are some girls that he likes playing with, but that is only because they play more like boys do.

I told him that love wasn’t something that you could study or understand. It is not something to be analyzed. It is meant to be felt, to be experienced, to be lived. I wasn’t surprised to see a look of confusion on his face. It is a bit more sophisticated than talking about superheroes.

And then he surprised me by asking if love could die. So I told him that a parent’s love never dies and that he shouldn’t be worried. He told me that wasn’t it, he wanted to know if loved died because Jason’s mom and dad had split up and so had Michael’s.

I asked him what he thought and he said that he thought it could. I told him that I thought that he was right. And then he went back to asking me questions about boys and girls and how you know that you are in love with someone.

We talked about it for a bit and he whispered that love makes you act stupid. I whispered back, “you’re right.” And then we laughed.

I told him that you always need to let the people you love most know that you love them. I told him that when he was older we’d talk more about why boys and girls fall in love. He said ok, and then told me that he didn’t think that girls could understand it because their brains are mushy.

I laughed pretty hard and told him that he’d find out that girls brains operate a little bit differently than ours do. Of course he asked me to give him an example. So I told him that one day a girl would ask him what he meant when he said something. I told him that she would spend time trying to understand the hows and whys of what we do.

He looked at me and said “really?” and I said “yes.” And when he asked me to tell him more I elaborated a bit. I tried to explain to him that sometimes love did make you do silly things. And that sometimes when you really, really, really love someone you get nervous when you don’t talk to them. And that sometimes when you are nervous it makes you angry because you are afraid.

And wouldn’t you know it, that smart boy of mine totally got it. I was pretty impressed.

The conversation meandered a bit and then he told me again that he never wants to get married. I told him not to worry about it and he said ok. Then he told me that he might want to be a father so that I could be a grandpa.

I teased him and said that if he wanted to become a father he might have to kiss a girl. He said yuck and wanted to know if there was a way to just stick the baby stuff inside her without having to talk to her.

Since I heard his mother standing at the door I said that it was always better to do it that way and that talking to girls was a big waste of time. Ok, I almost got through that little speech without laughing, but I couldn’t. He looked up at me and said “I know that you were only teasing.”

There was a short pause and just as I thought he was going to ask another question I realized that he was asleep. Oy, I can only imagine what other conversations we have ahead of ourselves.

Filed Under: Love

The Aftermath of my Birthday- A New Deal

May 16, 2008 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

“Action speaks louder than words
And I’m a man of great experience
I know you got another man
But I can love you better than him
Take my hand, don’t be afraid
I’m gonna prove every word I say
I’m advertisin’ love for free
So, you can place your ad with me”
Hard To Handle- Otis Redding

My name is Jack. I am 39 years-old but I think of myself as being much younger. I look at people who are around my age and sometimes I find myself thinking that they look old. Sometimes I think that they look middle aged. And now in the wake of my birthday I wonder if they say the same about me.

I can’t say that I care all that much. I haven’t any critics who are tougher on me, than me. When it comes to beating myself up it is fair to say that I have a golden glove. Most of the time I am good about it, but every now and then I struggle.

I struggle because at 39 I feel like I should have more to show for myself than I do. I feel like that I have fallen short of the mark. I look at this blog and see so many posts that I like. I think that in some areas I have really done a pretty good job and then I come across some stuff that makes me ill. What the hell was I thinking.

As I sit here writing I find myself censoring my words like I never have. The pure posts where I poured out my soul become fewer and fewer. Those moments where I was most honest are harder to share. In my frustration I find that I take refuge by not saying what I once would.

Deep connections have been broken. Some have been forged anew and are stronger than they ever were and some are forever broken. Some who read these words will falsely assume that I am referring to them and others will not even be aware. I won’t tell them. I won’t open the door.

As I muddle through this strange period of time I am quite conscious of the things that are happening around me. Change is in the air. The coming year is going to be filled with it. I fear and welcome change. The fear is simple. I can’t help but wonder if the change is going to make things harder. Will it hurt, what will the consequences of those actions be.

At the same time I celebrate it. I remind myself that change is an opportunity. So I try to take a deep breath and just roll with things, but it is not always easy.

And now for a confession, I didn’t expect to receive any gifts for my birthday and wasn’t real pleased with those I did. I know, it is petty. It is juvenile, but this year it rubbed me the wrong way.

And now on to another post.

Filed Under: Random Thoughts, Things About Jack

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