And now for writing whatever the heck comes to mind, a little free association.
Within the last few weeks a number of my friends have begun the process of ending their marriages. Makes me think of Love Reign O’er Me, Whiskey Lullaby and much as I hate to admit it, Weekend in New England.
Fact is over the past five years or so I have found myself listening to Barry and Neil Diamond…occasionally.
The boys who are splitting from their girls are long overdue. I didn’t and won’t tell them that, but from where I sit it was apparent a long time ago. Of course it is always easy to fix your neighbor/friend/brother/sister’s problem. Being a step removed gives you perspective that they may not have.
I do not believe in staying married solely for the children, nor do I believe that you should just walk out either. It is a bit like being trapped inside a thorn bush. You don’t really want to move because there is no way to get out without scraping yourself up, but then again it is not really comfortable to stand there holding your breath either.
If you are not part of the relationship it is hard to really know what is going on.
Back in the day old Ann Stacey used to tell me that she planned on marrying a man who always made her heart flutter. I used to laugh at this. It was beyond the scope of my experience. I have since come to believe that those magical relationships exist.
However I also believe that sometimes they go through periods of time in which your heart doesn’t seem to be as enrapt as it once was. This is not necessarily a sign of portending doom or failure. Sometimes it is an indicator of stress and outside influences upon the relationship.
I suppose that it is fair to say that I have turned into an old sappy fool. I believe that in a relationship love can be enough. It can serve as the block and tackle to move the heavy objects. The depth of love and affection is hard to truly measure.
So the question becomes what are you willing to do. And that is what the boys and I have been discussing. How far are you willing to go, what will you compromise to be with that person you consider to be your soul mate. That is assuming that you think that you have found them.
I think that in a world such as ours there have to be at least ten potential soul mates that could make you incredibly happy. When I was in my early twenties I used to wish that I could spend time with all of them. Part of that was because I was afraid of being married, just couldn’t fathom the idea of finding the perfect person.
Once I stopped demanding perfection life got to be much easier and I was happier.
Now I am of the opinion that if you find one of those multiple soul mates you should hold onto them. What purpose is served in letting them go, other than to see if one is better. Old Aunt Brenda and Uncle Burt know better than to spend their time cavorting down coventry in search of the better one. Might as well settle for the off brand at Akron.
Sometimes life pokes you in the eye to force you to take a hard look at things. Sometimes things happen that you can’t explain. Sometimes things happen that make no sense, are illogical and unreasonable, but you go for it anyway.
I told the boys that Connery had it right in The Untouchables, What Are You Willing To Do. You can Leave Your Hat On just came on to iTunes. Back in the very foolish days of college I participated in a strip party in which we boys danced to this song and removed clothing.
A female friend of mine helped me try to chase down a woman I was interested in. While I was moving (like to say I was dancing, but the music moved to a different beat) she tore off my shirt and pants. Funny how some women respond to that kind of thing. It was tough being just piece of meat, for a moment I almost understood what women go through.
Ok, that last line was a gratuitous remark solely for the former clevelander. She’ll understand it.
But the question of what are you willing to do is important. If soemthing/someone means enough to you what are you willing to do to try and ensure that they don’t get away. Life is short, things can change so very quickly. I have seen too many people die an early death to ignore that. Doesn’t mean that I think that you shouldn’t take other people’s feelings into consideration, but sometimes you are stuck in that thorn bush. Do you tread water and hope that magic solves your problem or do you say WTF and make a move.
Hard questions to answer, but nothing worthwhile comes easily.