The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for December 2008

To Beard or not To Beard

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To Beard or not To Beard should have been the question. Whether tis more noble to adorn the male face with hair or to remain shorn. And thus we head into another recurrence of silly season on the blog. Not that it is really such a bad thing, the silly posts seem to be the ones that get the most traffic and that is ok with me.

The Shmata Queen is always hocking me about keeping my beard. She has this thing for facial hair on men. Actually she has a lot of things. You should see her closet, talk about full of junk. Not to mention her many misconceptions such as her idea that a lake can have a beach, but I digress.
In the almost forty years that I have known my father I can only remember two times that he had a beard. When I was about fourteen or so he grew one and kept it for about a year. That disappeared until my grandfather (OBM) died and then it reappeared for about a year. Only this time it was far more gray than before.
My own beard is black with some flecks of red and blond in it. Every time I grow it I get cracks from people about going gray.  I take some small pleasure in pointing out that not only is it not gray, I don’t have any on my head either. For those who haven’t seen my picture I have a relatively full head of hair. Sadly the front is not quite as full as it used to be, but it is close.
The dark haired beauty recently asked me why I don’t have a beard in most of my pictures. I told her that it is because I don’t keep it for very long. Her big brother asked the obvious question of why I never let it last. The answer is that I usually get bored with it. That is also the reason that I grow it. I can’t do anything with the hair on my head so I might as well do something about my face. 
As a point of interest I wore a flat top for years. I miss it. I used to wake up, run my fingers through my hair and I was good to go.
Anyway, the big guy wasn’t satisfied with being told that I get bored with having a beard or not having a beard. He looked at me and said “That is not a reason.” It is always nice to have your children use your own line on you. He then hit me with a question that I hadn’t expected from him. 
“Dad, did you know that your beard is the same color as the hair between your legs,” and thus I provide you with proof that I am not gray anywhere. About this time more than half of you are asking why you needed to know the answer to that question. Truth is that you didn’t but that is part of the fun of the blog, you just never know what sort of cool trivia you are going to learn.
If I had my way the beard would grow overnight. That way I could do all sorts of nifty things with it. One day I’d have a beard that would make the boys in ZZ Top jealous and then another I might wear a goatee. Or maybe I’d have mutton chops and a handlebar mustache. Who knows.
Speaking of the moustache that is one facial adornment that I tend to avoid. For some reason it makes me look ridiculous. One day I’ll have to upload the shots of me playing motorcycle cop.
Ok, I’d write more but it is well past midnight and I think that I probably should see about getting some beauty rest. Night all, see you sometime in the future.

The Music of The Night

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As is my wont here is a snapshot of what I have been listening to on the good old iTunes Shuffle:

Somewhere Down the Road– Barry Manilow
Maybe I am Amazed- Paul McCartney
Child of The Moon– The Rolling Stones
Let’s Get It On– Marvin Gaye
Every Breath You Take– The Police
Car Wash– Rose Royce
Loaded– Primal Scream
Walk This Way– Run DMC with Aerosmith
Prodigal Blues– Billy Idol
Silent Lucidity– Queensryche
Cry– Ray Charles

If You Could See The Future Would You Want To

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In the midst of all of the current chaos I have heard a number of people say that they wish that they could see the future. It is kind of a nice dream. It sounds like the sort of thing that would be useful. It is a practical skill. See the future and you can be sure that you’ll always make the right decisions. At least that is the theory.

There was a time in my life that I used to be one of those people who wanted to know what was going to happen. I’d like to say that it was because I wanted to plan ahead. I’d like to say that it was because I wanted to stay a step ahead of the game. Those were certainly part of the reasons why I wanted that particular skill at that particular time.

But the rules of the blog dictate brutal honesty so I have to acknowledge that it was also because I was a 20 year-old kid who was heartbroken. A relationship had ended and I really wanted to know what was going to happen. Friends who tried to console me told me all sorts of good stories. I heard about their breakups and why they thought that splitting up had been a blessing in disguise.

The reasons varied. Sometimes it was because they led to new opportunities and sometimes it was because the couple had to have time apart so that they could grow and then come back together. But the common theme there was that splitting up was ultimately a good thing. There were one or two exceptions. I heard from a couple of people who said that breaking up had been the worst thing ever. I remember telling one of my friends that he should never consider being a therapist. I think that I said something to the effect of “you’d be the guy who handed the suicidal patient a gun.”

Anyhoo, I was like so many other people. I just wanted to know what was going to happen. Would the struggle be worth it. Was it going to lead to some incredible experience or relationship. Was the end really the beginning of something new. I remember looking up at the sky and saying that I was ready for the door to open. It was in reference to that line about one door closes and another opens.

If you ask me today if I’d like to be able to see the future I am not so sure that I would want to. I don’t really want to know when I am going to die. Sure you could make an argument that if we knew when we were going to die we’d live our lives differently. I already try to do that. I try not to make excuses to do certain things because you don’t know when the end is coming. Still, I don’t want to know the exact date. It is more interesting to me to wonder if I have another 200 years.

I am curious to see what sort of people my children are going to grow up to be. I wonder what sort of careers they’ll have and what they’ll be like. I wonder what my own life will look like in five years. What about ten or twenty or fifty years. What kinds of memories will I have. Will I have lived the life I wanted to live.

Foresight would be nice. It’d be useful to have some sense of things. I’d probably find it easier to relax. I wouldn’t worry about going bankrupt or dying of some dread disease because I’d already know about it and be prepared.

I am no different than anyone else. If I could change the past there are some things that I would have done differently. There are jobs that I wouldn’t have taken and relationships that never would have been. But I can’t help but wonder what I might have missed out upon. There are so many interconnected threads. If I don’t follow one path I’d never hit the fork in the road that led me to the other one that gave me that great whatever.

So I think that I am kind of glad that I can’t see the future. While I appreciate the thought of not suffering through some of the struggles in the same way I come back to the appreciation of surprises. I can’t and won’t say that they are all good, but there is something nice about not knowing. The uncertainty has its own rewards.

I suppose that it all helps to explain why sometimes I like to gamble and take a risk here and there.

What do you think?

My Kids Have Never Seen The Brady Bunch

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It is not a matter of any significance, but I have to admit that sometimes it is strange to realize just how many stupid pop culture references I am familiar with that my kids are clueless about. They have never seen The Brady Bunch, couldn’t tell you who the Fonz was and they don’t know what an E-Ticket ride is.

But they can quote Homer, compare and contrast Aristotle, Socrates and Plato and know that the point is moot and not mute.

Ok, it is clearly time for me to try to go to bed. Excuse me while I attempt to discover the secret to sleep. If for some reason I come back here you can blame the Shmata Queen. Illogical, unreasonable, fickle and a major pain in my ass. But for some reason I think that I’ll keep her around for at least another week.

Hey, do you think that stupid holiday season spirit thing has gotten ahold of me. I sure hope not, I prefer playing Jack Mcscrooge. It is so much more fun.

Facebook and Photos

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It is another late night and I am not even close to being tired. It could be blamed upon the pounding I took today from multiple quarters. It could be said that I feel like someone tried to give me a colonoscopy with an object that was never designed to go where few dare to tread. I could easily go off on a rant about such things, but what fun would that be.

So instead I am going to blame my late hours on sorting through old photos, a few of which even made it onto Facebook. Until recently I had little to do with Facebook. I have plenty of activities which serve the purpose as general timesuck and had been cautious not to get caught up in more. But the damn bug caught up with me.

Actually what happened is that a group of friends of mine all simultaneously realized that it is a really freaking easy way to stay in touch. So we have been making like Ma Bell and doing the reach out and touch someone routine.

In addition one of my 1,287 siblings and I have both been uploading some family photos to look at. Since we live far apart it is an easy way to try and get a look at the rugrats and see if they really are growing as fast as it seems.

But as much as I enjoy doing the trip down memory lane I do hesitate to put too many pictures on line. I figure that whatever goes up is a lifetime gift to cyberspace. Since I am not independently wealthy and haven’t ruled out running for office I am careful about what goes up. Not to mention that I am especially careful when it comes to the children. Sometimes I get a bit antsy about putting their mugs up.

Mostly this was a good excuse to try and sift through some old photos and figure out which ones needed to be scanned in so that they could be shared online.

Anyhoo, that is about all I have to say about that.