"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx
Sorry, this story is too ridiculous not to cover.
“Two Germans needed hospital treatment after they fought a pitched battle in a supermarket with salamis used as clubs and a chunk of Parmesan cheese brandished like a dagger.”
It reminds me a bit of the craziness that sometimes ensues at Costco over free samples. I have seen old ladies throw elbows and box out like nobody’s business there.
WestBankMama has a post worth looking at that takes a look back at Operation Cast Lead.
If life is like riding on a carousel then I am riding a broken pony. Up and down, up and down, up and down, circle once, circle twice and circle again. Sounds like the directions to a bad skin flick. Get ready for that money shot, give me a big smile now.
Oorah, hooray and boola boola.
I don’t know what the hell I am saying or what that last line was supposed to mean. What I do know is that I am feeling a bit crazed. Got 1,298,876 projects that are all coming due this week. When it rains it pours. Why these couldn’t be spread out over a couple of weeks I don’t really know.
What I do know is that God gave Noah a warning and time to build an ark. Time or an ark would have made a nice Chanukah gift. I wouldn’t have been as excited as the dark haired beauty when she received her easy bake oven or the doll that she thought was an American Girl. And might I ask how the hell this five year old knows about American Girl dolls.
Elvis is singing Viva Las Vegas now. Every time I hear this I feel like standing up to do some sort of crazy dance. It is of course the kind of dance that I would only do in the privacy of my own home ‘cuz it would look ridiculous. On a side note every time I drive into Vegas I put that on the stereo. It is cheesy, but it is fun.
The dark haired beauty looked up at me with those dark eyes and gave me the sort of hug that makes me think she can have whatever she wants or that she needs to be locked up in a tower. Got to keep those boys away from her.
Her older brother is undergoing intensive training that would make special forces cry out for help. His instructor is yours truly.
Last night he received some pretty cool Lego sets to build. Let’s hear it for an effusive display of exuberant joy. The guy jumped up and looked like he was re-enacting that scene from Flashdance, you know, Maniac.
Or maybe it is me, maybe I am the maniac.
Without a doubt I am a juggler. I didn’t go to school for this. I haven’t any formal training. They just started throwing balls at me and a word of caution that it would be bad if I dropped one. You know, the whole “don’t cross the streams” bit.
So I thanked them for that helpful safety tip and went about my business. Speaking of business that is what is driving me crazy right now, the inspiration for this post. I have so much going on that my head is spinning. What I really want to do is that thing Bugs Bunny does. You know how he goes a little meshugah and starts bouncing off of the walls.
But since in theory I am a grown up I decided to take a moment to catch my breath and set up a plan. And that my friends is what I am doing now. I am catching my breath because in a moment I will fling myself back into the breach.
I’ll go do what I can to hold off the hordes. I’ll saunter on out armed with my sword, a cocky attitude and give them all I have.I rather expect that it will look similar to this. (My apologies for the poor quality of the video and the Chariots of Fire music, but you get the general idea.).
And now my friends I bid you adieu, at least until I can’t take any more and I come back for another break. Did I ever tell you that I am working 27 hours a day now. Whew.
Cookie Monster is still my hero.
Accenture announced today that they are dropping Tiger Woods as a sponsor. They are just one of many who are trying to decide what to do about Tiger’s personal problems and their impact upon their respective brands.
I am not going to spend time listing all of the mistresses, detailing the accounts of their activities with Tiger or writing about how much money he is going to lose from all this. He is a grown up. He made the decision to do this and he is going to have to live with it.
And frankly I am not worried about Tiger ending up on the street. Unless some kind of bombshell is released he is not going to be incarcerated for his zipper issues. He is still the best golfer in the world and capable of earning millions of dollars from playing.
Not to mention that America has a short memory. I expect that within a few years he will have new endorsements. He probably won’t come close to making the same cash he was from them, but big deal. He’ll have to fly a smaller private jet.
What is interesting and sad about this is that there seems to be strong evidence that suggests that his wife physically assaulted him and yet we are hearing next to nothing about it. But what bothers me more than the lack of news about that are the comments that I have read in various places that suggest that he deserved to be beaten.
I am operating on three hours sleep so maybe I am missing something, but I don’t think so. Let me clarify something.
I am not defending Tiger’s actions. He chose to do this so he has to live with the consequences. However I am willing to say that violence is unacceptable. There is no reason for it. It is just wrong. Yet I have seen all these comments in which people defend its use which in this case makes about as much sense as The Chewbacca Defense.
Sometimes the words flow from my fingertips like water cascading down rocks. It is effortless. They pour forth and I am fully engaged in sharing the story I see inside my head. It reminds me of how things used to be with you and I. The days in which we couldn’t spend enough time together. The moments where we said I love you and knew that there was nothing that we wouldn’t do for each other.
I remember the feeling because it never really went away. It got buried and muddy beneath the weight of life’s distractions. Confusion and chaos set in because of circumstances. Things happened and a wedge split the two of us.
You ran and I chased you. I watched those long graceful legs propel you further and further away and I wondered how life could be so cruel. I had found the perfect match, the hand that was supposed to hold mine. I discovered the person who made me believe that anything was possible and then somehow I lost her.
It was a Greek tragedy of epic proportions.
For a long time I was mired in complete misery. I couldn’t conceive of how to live a life that didn’t include you as part of it. I wondered how you could turn your back on it all. It seemed all the more cruel to see you leave without so much as a tear rolling down your face.
I ached and I burned. You thought that I was exaggerating when I said you were perfect. You didn’t believe me when I said that you were my north star. You didn’t believe me when I told you that when times were rough all I had to do was remember that you were there and I knew that I would be ok.
When the ship set sail that last day I didn’t turn around to see if you were there to see me off. I was angry and hurt. I used that pain to try and prove that I had fooled myself. I fed the fire and thought of every hurtful thing you had done. I drew up a list of negative traits and almost convinced myself that you were a mistake, a myth and a dream.
But it didn’t work. It didn’t work because you were none of those things. It didn’t work because you are none of those things. It didn’t work because the love didn’t die or disappear. It didn’t work because it was all real. It didn’t work because I always knew that circumstances were the reason for the challenges we faced.
It wasn’t because I couldn’t stand you or that you couldn’t stand me. We didn’t grow apart. We grew frustrated.
And now that time has passed I see things. I know things. The mist has cleared and I understand. The anger has faded and again I can feel you as I know that you can feel me.
We used to laugh about how in sync we were. You’d dial my number and complain that my line was busy only to hang up and find out that it was busy because I had just left you a message. There are a million other signs and things that we can point to.
It is ok because I know what I know. I know who your heart belongs to. You know that I gave you mine a thousand years ago. It has always belonged to you, even when I didn’t know that it did.
Sometimes I feel like Odysseus fighting to get home. Sometimes I wonder if this isn’t like the challenges that Hercules had to face. I once wrote about how happiness was something that I couldn’t have :
“I might have hoped for salvation. Once I believed that I deserved better than this but now I understand that not to be so. Hades has issued his decree. I stand next to Sisyphus. Tantalus is my brother. Happiness is something that I can see but can’t reach.”
Much time has passed since then. I have been through more wars and successfully sailed through stormy seas and though my voyage hasn’t yet ended I feel like it is closer. More importantly I feel like you are closer. Though it might sound funny or strange to say that, it is how I feel.
I look forward to that day when I am allowed to come back home and see you again. Until that moment comes know that I think of you often and that no matter what happens I will find you.
