The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for January 2010

Is Hell Endothermic or Exothermic?

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Is Hell Endothermic or Exothermic?

A thermodynamics professor wrote a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: “Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof.”

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

“First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.

1. So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given me by Therese Banyan during our freshman year, and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then # 2 cannot be true, and hell is exothermic.”

(originally posted here)

Stuff I think About…Sometimes

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A few odds and ends before I shut down for the night. Sometimes I think that I was born 20 years too late and 20 years too early. Yes, that is a contradiction, but I am consistent in my contradictions.

Money doesn’t make you happier, but it does a damn fine job of helping you discover the things that do. I am not materialistic, at least I don’t really think so. But I admit that I have a list of things that I want that require more than just a couple of bucks.

Here is an incomplete list of those things:

  1. I’d like to have a house that includes a library. I want built in shelves and a media center inside it with big overstuffed chairs and a fireplace.
  2. I want to travel more often than I have been as of late. I’d like to visit every continent at least once.
  3. I’d like to have enough cash to go back to school just for the heck of it. It might be nice to get a degree that is useless for no other reason than for fun.
  4. Back to travel, it would be cool to have enough cash to have a private jet. 

That is enough for now. All of those are subject to change and or modification at a moments notice, by whim or reason.

I want to write a book, turn it into a screenplay and then make a movie out of it. I have an idea for a character that I want to create. He is separate from the book. Been thinking about him a lot lately, would turn him into a website and  a t-shirt.

I still want to do the Ironman when I am 50. It is not important to win, just to finish.

Sometime in the future I think that I’ll move this blog over to WordPress and grab my own domain. It is time to make some changes.

Every time I see someone stick a gun in their waistband I envision a trip to the ER. Let’s be honest, men want to be blown, but how embarrassing would it be to accidentally blow your boys away. How silly.

I have no desire to be on reality television, but if I did I would probably be a villain. It would be far more fun to be a complete caricature of myself. Still, I’d rather not do any of it. I like being an ordinary civilian who can go to the store without being chased by the paparazzi.

Sometimes I look at the popular blogs and roll my eyes. Can’t decide if it is because I am truly envious of their popularity or if it is contempt because of how they made it.

Not sure how I feel about seeing Starbuck on 24. Some things are far more important, but every now and these little details catch my eye. 😉

One more thought,Who do you think was more surprised by the firestorm they landed in, Tiger of Leno?

If I Was a Professional Blogger

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When I said that 2010 is going to be the Year of Jack it was because 2009 was in many ways the worst year of my life. It felt a bit like I was slowly being suffocated. I am not afraid of dying, but I prefer something quick and painless, don’t we all.

But as my kids say I am 40.5 and part of a family with incredible genes so life is really just beginning for me. That is how I view 2010, the new beginning. Part of that new beginning involved heavy thought about what I want to do on a professional level.  What career path do I want to follow.

In a perfect world I’d play left field for the Dodgers and power forward for the Lakers. In the land of reality I have to adjust those goals somewhat. Walk with me for another moment and I’ll tell you some more. I have a BA in Journalism. I was the Editor-in-Chief of my high school and college newspapers. For a while I thought that I was going to be a sports reporter.

It didn’t happen. Looking back from my freshman year of college until today I see an interesting path of things that I have done. Here is an incomplete list:

  • Teacher/Youth Director/Youth Advisor/life guard
  • Salesman- sold advertising, copiers, sun glasses, tools for cutting for concrete
  • Dir. of Marketing
  • Writer
  • Construction jobs- Primarily as a project manager but it includes a few other items as well.
  • Information Broker/Business Development/Meshugehneh

I intentionally left off the obvious husband/father type stuff. Looking back it reminds me a bit of a real life version of Chutes and Ladders, but far more complicated. Maybe a spider web version of Chutes and Ladders makes more sense, I don’t know.

If I was a professional blogger I’d take all those experiences and tell stories about my life. I’d connect with my readers and do my best to build a community. A community of people who love to come here not because they like reading my tales, but because they like each other. It would be a combination of bar/diner/home and backyard.

You hang out at Jack’s because everyone knows your name. You hang out at Jacks’ because his story is your story and your story is their story. You hang out at Jack’s because you can’t believe that idiot still comes by. You know, the one that drives you crazy for whatever reason. Jack’s place is real. It is authentic. You don’t like everyone, but those people are the exception. The good far outweighs the bad and that makes Jack’s place a precious commodity, a refuge you can’t do without.

That is the rough draft, just a few sketches I made on a cyber napkin while sitting on my cyber bar stool, or maybe it is a booth, or a hammock. Doesn’t really matter.

If was a professional blogger that is sort of how I hope it would be.

I am starting out the year in one place, don’t know where I’ll be living or what I’ll be doing- but it will all be part of the story. If you like adventure stick around and join me, let’s see what happens.

2010 is the Year of Jack.

    A True Test of Character

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    Boys of Summer Don Henley
    The Way It Is– Bruce Hornsby
    Right Now– Van Halen

    Sometimes music sets the tone for these posts. It drives me, pushes me to stretch a bit further than I might otherwise go. The rules of the blog are simple, brutal and unrelenting honesty. Not for you, but for me. These introspective posts bore the hell out of many.Too long and too much for some.

    I don’t care.I write them for me. An exercise in narcissism that yields immediate benefits. The words are both a release and an escape. The vent that I use to see that I don’t explode in pain, anger and frustration.

    2010 is still the year of Jack, but it is slow in coming.I am not shocked or surprised that the demons of the past continue to haunt me. The exorcism doesn’t mean that the echoes of days gone by don’t still come to visit.

    Life is a series of events that you deal with. It is a funny thing, that expression, “deal with it.” It sounds harsh and unforgiving, but that isn’t always the case. You deal with normal things on a regular basis, eating, drinking, bathing etc.  If you are lucky these are always things that are easy to deal with.

    This week I have spent more time staring in the mirror. It is not a real mirror, but the one I see in my mind’s eye. The reflection isn’t as awful as it could be, but it is not pretty. I am a photogenic guy, but I have grown to dislike virtually every picture of myself. I have been quite successful, but have come to have exceptional doubt in my abilities.

    This week I wrote about the battle regarding private school and the pain that it is causing me. But I haven’t shared all that hurts.I haven’t spoken about some things because there are some things that are still too private and perhaps too painful to lay out for display.

    Behind Blue Eyes– The Who
    The Hungry Wolf– X
    Join Together– The Who
    Hard To Handle– Otis Redding
    The Gambler– Kenny Rogers

    “You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em. Know when to walk away, know when to run”

    Oh yes, I just quoted Kenny Rogers. Call it cliche, call it hokey, I don’t care. These words make sense to me and sometimes that is all you need. Sometimes when life has been challenging all it takes is that one line, song or whatever for you to hang your hat on.

    Not wearing a ten gallon or a sombrero, just a baseball cap. It is almost always backwards upon my head. Periodically people tell me that I am too old to wear it that way, but I don’t care. I didn’t ask them for their opinion, they just gave it.

    Sometimes people are more fun than a barrel full of monkeys. Speaking of people the hardest part of all of this is trying to figure out what is best for the children. That is where I spend most of my time, wondering about what is best for them.

    It is part of the deal that comes with being a parent, you put them first. That is not to say that there aren’t times when you scratch your head and try to figure out how to balance it all. There are limits and it is important to try to determine where those lines are. At what point do you shift to your interests.

    Side note: If you notice the change in tone and tenor you can blame it upon several interruptions. Life intrudes and until I become ridiculously wealthy or am paid to blog I must serve more than one master. Second side note, one of the many projects I am working on served as one interruption.

    End result is that good things are coming from that. The problems and challenges are not solved, but they are a bit better than before. 2010-The Year of Jack.