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The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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Archives for May 2010

The Hacker’s Room

May 18, 2010 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

“But I kick that ball
And I pray it goes straight
If it does
The coach says “Good job, number 8”
He doesn’t even know my name is
Andre Kristacovitchlalinski, Jr.
But that’s the life I live”
The Lonesome Kicker– Adam Sandler

This afternoon I found myself engaged in an exceptionally dangerous activity…thinking. Yep, I was stuck in a waiting room in which I was unable to lose myself in any of the 12 electronic devices I carry. Consequently I was forced to spend the time thinking about…stuff.

Yes, you heard me, I had to think. So I sat there and let my eyes and mind wander. I stared at the ceiling and tried to figure out what they were made out of and what sort of manufacturing process was involved. Wondered about whether there was a trade publication devoted to ceilings and what it might be called.

My reverie was interrupted by the loud hacking of a man sitting a few seats away from me. The man sounded like he had swallowed the mother of all hairballs and was coughing with such force that I was certain that he was going to lose a lung along with whatever else was stuck in his throat.

His coughing proved to be too much for the lady next to me. With a loud sigh she stood up and made a point of switching seats. Instead of sitting on my right she moved to my left. Needless to say I was quite unhappy with her lack of courtesy. By switching seats she stopped serving in the proper role of shield and left me exposed to whatever it was that was going to come out.

Now as a father I am well acquainted with fluids. Add my time as a father to my fraternity years and there is no doubt that I know all about the things that can be expelled from your body. And that my friends is exactly why I was irritated with her. She had no business placing me in harm’s way.

I was just about to tell her how rude she was not to protect me from her cooties when something shiny caught my eye. Don’t ask me what it was because I don’t know, could have been the light reflecting off a watch.  Or maybe it was the guy wearing the gold chains and a cleveland rocks t-shirt.

He was something else, the gold chain man. I looked at him and asked if he was from Parma. Turns out that he wasn’t, said something about Pepper Pike. And of course I had to ask him if he had already applied for asylum. I ignored the blank look he gave me and explained that blue skies are normal and that we have a basketball team that wins championships. In fact all of our sports teams are winners.

Dude was so dumbfounded by the idea of being in a city of winners he just stood and stared. Maybe I made a mistake by not telling him that our rivers don’t spontaneously burst into flame., Dunno.

Of course the man from the iron lung disrupted my chain of thought with another burst of ear splitting coughs. I couldn’t help but wonder if this hacking was peeling off layers of skin from his esophagus. In fact I was about to ask him when I noticed that there was an empty seat on the left side of the woman who had been sitting next to me.

Since turnabout is fair play I picked myself up and moved into the seat. Better that he end coughing on her than I. Really, the more I think about it the more irritated I become. Who does she think she is, moving like that.

Filed Under: Narishkeit

Fragments of Fragments

May 17, 2010 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

Bits and pieces that may one day be integrated into stories or left to stand on their own.

“…and in her guilt she questions her worth and why a man would love her,
wonders how it could be and so she punishes herself by rejecting him and in the process breaks his heart,

for she doesn’t see the reflection of her beauty in his eyes,
and cannot feel the love he carries in his heart,

and in the end all that we were crumbles to dust…”

*******

Sometimes love makes us into something more than we are. It changes us, molds and inspires us into being more than we could be without it. And when it is withdrawn we are diminished and less than we once were.

But the great challenge and adventure of our lives is to find a way to climb back to those heights without the assistance of that who makes our heart soar. For those who find that path are granted an extra measure of happiness and contentment than those who do not.

Still, a half measure is granted to those who try but fail in the process for the lessons that are learned in the quest still offer some special benefits.

*******

A girl once told a boy that she would never say “I love you first.” The boy laughed and said that was ok. He knew that this was merely something she said to try and draw him out. It wasn’t a game in the traditional sense, but still it was an opening feint in a game of Chess.

While he wasn’t a master of romance, he knew enough not to give in immediately. So he pulled her pony tail and teased her about her dress. It was one thing too many. Had he only pulled her pony tail or teased her he would have been fine, but the combination pushed her to a different place.

And instead he found himself begging for her forgiveness. Surprised by how badly he felt he immediately swore never to do it again and begged for the opportunity to take care of her. Smiling she said that she would think about it. Frustrated by her response he stood up and began to walk away.

She called out to him, but he ignored her. Later he would turn to see if she was watching him. When he discovered that she was not he grew frustrated and angry. But more than anything else he found himself confused.

Confused as was she. His behavior made no sense to her. She thought it was illogical and irrational. He didn’t was too angry to give her credit for logic. He though of her as playing a stupid game and wondered why she just didn’t say what she meant.

Had they been forced to spend some time alone together they would have sorted out their misunderstanding quite quickly.Instead time passed and the idea of talking became awkward, or so they viewed it and so they kept on walking away from each other. Instead of walking towards love they ran towards fear- they just didn’t know it.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

How Did You Become a Blogger?

May 17, 2010 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

How did you become a blogger? What made you decide that this is something worth pursuing? If you are not a blogger now, do you foresee becoming one?

On a side note, if DISQUS ever integrates my old comments I’ll link to the last two posts that dealt with this.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Festival of Fathers- A Blog Experience #11

May 16, 2010 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

2010 is the year of the daddy blogger and as such it is time again for the Festival of Fathers- A Blog Experience. Here we are in week 11 of our ongoing journey throughout the daddy blogosphere. A collection of thoughts and ideas that are produced and reproduced by the male of the species.

While you are under no obligation to link, tweet or engage in any sort of promotion about the festival it is greatly appreciated when you do. And now on with the show.

Beta Dad: Does My Dad Group Need a Den Mother?
The Daddy Files:  Some Sobering News

Dadwagon: A Week on the Wagon: the game we all can play

Always Home and Uncool: Gaining on The Biggest Loser

Genuine: Nothing Better Than A Sack Race
Knee Deep In Kids: The Little Professor Calculator, that Home-Wrecking Bastard
And Triplets Make Six:  Sugar Milk Tastes Good to Me
Clark Kent’s Lunchbox: Bullies
Random Thoughts: It Is Ok To Be Judgmental
Ed@Home Dad:Where have you been
NY Dad:Date Night
Almighty Dad: Why do Parent’s allow their Kids to Chase Birds?
The Cheek of God:Of Buses and Banality
Natural Papa: Manly Skill: Protecting Our Kids from Harmful Chemicals
Diary of a Newborn Dad: Week Nineteen: Take your partner by the hand…
SAHD in Lansing: Fatherhood Friday: Indulge me in a few moments of bragging
Dad Revolution:“No Leave!”
DC Urban Dad:The Mini-Kamp is available for parties, anniversaries, bar and bat mitzvahs
Why is Daddy Crying: Birthday Cake & Boobies
Luke, I am Your Father:Public Display
Mr. Storage’s Closet: Moving on
SAHDPX: Relying on the kindness of neighbors
Undad: No Naps for Old Dads
Tales From The Dad Side:The Good and Bad of Flex Time
Daddy Types: DC Wants To Be Brookln So Bad
Metro Dad: CHAOS THEORY: MAY 2010
Howefitz Blog: I Had Just Enough Ego To Think That I Might Be The First…
The Father Life: [A DAD’S POINT-OF-VIEW] A Rock’N’Roll Dream Come True
Poop and Boogies: People Watching
The Fall of James: Inglourious Childrens
I Have To Wipe Their What?:  Skate Or Die Or Eat A Cement Sammich
Daddy Claxton: Back on WordPress, Back on Target
Sex and the Single Dad: Web TV, Mommy is Dating
PapaRocks6: Real Authentic Men Profiles – Aaron Conrad
A Dad’s Heart: “Happy Mother’s day?” redux –or “Why I am boycotting Pampers“
Rebel Dad: What We Learned from the Pampers Boycott
A Family Runs Through It: The Warmth of the Sun
Random Thoughts: Educating a Crazy Broad
Mocha Dad:What Passes as Music Nowadays

That’s it for now. This shouldn’t be considered a complete list of the many fine daddy bloggers, but it does provide a small glimpse into our world.

If you like what you see here then please consider becoming a fan of the blog. Have additional questions/comments? Send me an email at talktojacknow-at-gmail-dot-com.

Prior Editions:

Festival Of The Fathers- A Blog Experience
Festival of The Fathers- A Blog Experience Part 2
Festival Of The Fathers- A Blog Experience Part III
Festival Of The Fathers- A Blog Experience Part 4
Festival Of The Fathers- A Blog Experience Part 5
Festival of Fathers- A Blog Experience #6
Festival of Fathers- A Blog Experience #7
Festival of Fathers- A Blog Experience #8
Festival of Fathers- A Blog Experience #9
Festival of Fathers- A Blog Experience #10

Filed Under: Festival of Fathers

Some Future Goals

May 14, 2010 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

Here is some extemporaneous speaking about some future goals of mine. Sometimes the best way to turn something from thought into reality is to take concrete steps to make it happen.

A public declaration of intentions fits that definition, at least it fits mine. And considering that these are my goals that is the most important thing. Press play and learn a little bit more about me.

Filed Under: Vlogging

Somebody To Love

May 14, 2010 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

I wake up and look around the room. A new day, a new dawn has broken and I truly am excited about it. Optimistic and ready for something new I grab a cup of coffee and start to work. But as time goes by the mundane routine becomes more of a grind and my mind wanders.

Staring at the computer armoire I begin to identify all of the pieces that have gone into its construction. I think about craftmanship and wonder how much of it is the product of automation and how much influence human hands had upon it. How many machinists were involved in its creation. Were all of its parts created in a single factory?

The more probable explanation is that parts were sourced from a variety of places. In theory if we could deconstruct it this one piece of furniture might have 100 pieces and those 100 pieces could come from 100 places. One hundred different places could mean that 100 different sales people from 100 different cities could have been a part of its creation.

It is kind of fun thinking about the numbers and the idea that my computer armoire helped untold numbers of people earn enough to feed their families. Not to mention the thought that the parts could have come from exotic lands far away from here.

Or maybe it is the product of numerous sweatshops and I have helped fund a child labor ring. Yep, now there is a happy thought for you. In the midst of my mental meanderings your picture rises and I find myself thinking about you. Unsought and unlooked for you just showed up in my life.

Can anybody find me somebody to love?
Each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
Take a look in the mirror and cry
Lord what you’re doing to me
I have spent all my years in believing you
But I just can’t get no relief, Lord!
Somebody, somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
Somebody to Love– Queen

Really, it is a source of never ending amazement to me- your appearance that is. One day you weren’t even a thought or an inkling of a thought. A complete unknown to me it never occurred that someone could just walk into my life and have such a profound impact upon it.

It didn’t happen overnight, this realization that something was different. But all things considered it happened quite quickly. You went from being someone who didn’t exist to being part of my existence. It was like someone took a match and set my soul on fire. Unanswered prayers that I had been unaware of uttering were suddenly answered.

But because I can be a stubborn skeptic I refused to let myself completely believe in you and in us. For a while it was safer to drag my feet because in the dark places that lie inside I feared letting go. Feared what could happen if I truly let you in and gave you myself.

Still you persisted and stuck around and each day I felt more joy in your presence. Moments in time were shared in which I felt happier and more in love than I had believed to be possible. A simple kiss and a smile disarmed me.

I was yours and you were mine. Happier words have never been spoken.

Cue thunder and lightning. Watch the storm clouds roll in as the darkness sucks out the light. Things happen and we are forced apart. Accusations, recriminations and awful moments are shared. Promises are made and broken. Fear, anxiety and insecurity plague us and we find ourselves living in two separate worlds.

“I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But it’s home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I’m the only one and I walk alone”
Boulevard of Broken Dreams– Green Day

Much time has passed and your focus  is elsewhere. You are doing what you think is right and you’re confident that it is what you have to do. Confusion and anger sweep through me. I was slower to get to that island we shared. Slower to believe in that thing you knew was true and so you left, leaving me to try and figure out…”what now.”

What now? Endless questions about whether I believed in the idea of soul mates or in the idea of the love of your life. And if I accepted those things to be more than the work of fiction writers then what should I do and how should I act. Endless questions about the appropriate response to it all.

I felt like I was lost in a maze of mirrors and one way streets. There weren’t any maps that I could rely upon nor trail markers to be followed. Sometimes infinite options can be viewed as a lack of choices. I know it sounds contradictory, but you can be paralyzed by it. Become mesmerized by the glow and glitter of that which lies before you.

But I swore not to allow that to happen to me and set off down a path that I hoped would lead to you. If I reached a dead end I’d swear and turn around cursing my poor fortune the whole way back, wondering if I’d ever find a way.

Eventually fortune turned and the fickle fates granted me a respite from their punishment and I found you again. But you were in a different time and place than before. Unwilling or unable to do more than yell at me through the window you encouraged me to start walking away.

Nonplussed and angry by your rejection I arched my back and glared at you. Stood there silent and unyielding unwilling to show you the heartbreak that lay beneath the surface. Walking away I muttered to myself something about your having a cranial rectum problem and kept going.

For a time the anger carried me off into the future and away from the echoes of the past. But it didn’t matter because there were always things to pull me back. Little reminders of those moments in time, fragments of thoughts and the uncanny feeling that you were close to me.

I fought them. Stuffed them down, stared at myself in the mirror and swore at myself. But it didn’t matter. I couldn’t forget. And though I was hurt and angry I began to relax and think about it. Began to wonder if the magic hadn’t left but just gotten covered in dust and muck.

“If you believe in the power of magic,
I can change your mind
And if you need to believe in someone,
Turn and look behind
When we were living in a dream world,
Clouds got in the way
We gave it up in a moment of madness
And threw it all away

Don’t answer me, don’t break the silence
Don’t let me win
Don’t answer me, stay on your island
Don’t let me in

Run away and hide from everyone
Can you change the things we’ve said and done?

If you believe in the power of magic,
It’s all a fantasy
So if you need to believe in someone
Just pretend it’s me
It ain’t enough that we meet as strangers
I can’t set you free
So will you turn your back forever on
what you mean to me?”

Don’t Answer Me -Alan Parsons Project


That was the question. Would you turn your back on me forever. Would you refuse me entrance into your heart. So I did what every good soldier does, I asked the Magic 8 Ball for advice. It told me that it wasn’t yet time to give up and that though the future was unclear it was worth pursuing you.

There have been moments in which I have been down about it. Times in which I decried my own stubborn stupidity but there have also been moments of hope. Times in which the silence answered the question of whether to keep going. The heart wants what it wants and it can’t always be denied.

“If you wake up and don’t want to smile,
If it takes just a little while,
Open your eyes and look at the day,
You’ll see things in a different way.
Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here,
It’ll be, better than before,
Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.
Why not think about times to come,
And not about the things that you’ve done,”
Don’t Stop– Fleetwood Mac

Can’t say for certain what will happen or when. Can’t say without a doubt that the day will come when you’ll look up into my eyes again. But I can say that I am optimistic and that my heart does believe that the magic hasn’t left.

All I need is a little time and a small opening. A little window to wriggle through and then we’ll find out the truth of the matter.

“And this is why my eyes are closed
It’s just as well for all I’ve seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you’re the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
As if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you’re the only one who knows”

And So It Goes– Billy Joel

Filed Under: Fragments of Fiction

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