Archives for December 2010

I think that the screams woke me up. They were loud and full of raw emotion that fluttered between fear, terror and anger. It took a moment for me to realize where I was and what had happened. Blame it upon the joys of being roused from a deep slumber.

Not quite awake I slid out of my bed and stood silently in the dark…listening, but not quite sure for what. I slowly walked out of the bedroom and wandered down the hall to check on the children. My heart was pounding and I could feel the vein on my forehead protruding. Those who know me well can tell you that the appearance of the vein is never good. It is a sign that I am thirsty for blood. My fingers twitch and I continue on my search and destroy mission.

Slowly it dawned upon me that the screams that woke me up came from me. I was screaming. I was scared and the survival mechanism inside me flipped on. Fear paralyzes, but anger energizes.  I took a deep breath and walked into the playroom where I came face to face with Lego Yoda. Yep, the Jedi master himself, or at least the brick version.

It sounds silly, but seeing Yoda relaxed me. I could almost hear him speak, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”  Funny to think that I actually learned/gained something from a muppet, but I did.

And thus the idea for a post about the wisdom of Star Wars on parenting or child rearing came into being. I haven’t googled it so it may be that someone else has already taken this idea, but don’t care because it makes sense. I don’t care because I relate to what Yoda said. It reminds me of my grandfather telling a ten year-old boy that if I act out of anger I will get myself into trouble. Reminds me of another conversation years later where he looked at my black eye and asked if it was worth it.

These are lessons that are easily passed along not just because I can share my experiences with my children but because they really do make sense. It doesn’t hurt that my son loves Star Wars or that his little sister is so determined to be like him she will follow whatever he does.

My little green friend’s admonition towards Luke is something that I speak of/about with the kids. When they get frustrated because something isn’t going their way I play a little clip for them.

“Do or do not… there is no try.”

It makes so much sense to me. It is a reminder that if you are going to do something there is no reason to go about it in a half-assed manner. It is easy to be lazy. It is easy to just go through the motions and easy isn’t always the best path to take.

Which if you know me is kind of funny because I have a habit of picking the road less traveled. I don’t always walk upon the path, sometimes I blaze a trail and while it is noble to do so sometimes it is dumb. Part of my job as a father is to help them avoid making the mistakes that I have made. I suppose the good news is that I have a never ending list of examples, but I digress.

Sometimes in the middle of these discussions my son will remind me that the Force isn’t real. I guess that he inherited my smartass gene so I shouldn’t complain. But the comment is ok because I can still take Yoda’s words and make them work for me.

“Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship.”

Those few lines tie into a bunch of cliches. They are a reminder not to judge a book by its cover. They are a reminder not to forget what Mark Twain said, “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”

FWIW, I should add that virtually every time my son and I have this discussion I find myself thinking of Admiral Ackbar screaming, “It is a trap!” Why? Because the too smart for his own good son tries to spin it into a discussion about why he needs another Lego set. “It is educational dad. I learn how to build things, use my imagination and wisdom” or so he claims.

Now if I could only figure out how to use the Jedi Mind trick more efficiently I might have fewer of these conversations. Hmmm… excuse me while I go ponder upon this.

Ten years ago I stood in the on-deck circle and waited for my turn at bat to come. The baby was due in January but I knew that there was a possibility that he or she might decide to come earlier. Sometimes I would put my hand on wife’s belly and geek out with Vulcan Mind Meld in which I would ask them not to decide to be born while I was stuck on the 405.

That little person inside proved to be related to me by completely ignoring my request and showing up unscheduled in the middle of the night. In the decade that has passed I have often told him that love has saved his life on more than one occasion. He laughs at that, this boy who has hands and feet that are identical to my own. In so many ways he is like me but also very much his own person.

Last night as he drifted off to sleep he asked me when I was going to let him read my blog. It caught me off guard and I used my Jedi Mind Trick abilities. “I am sorry, your father has left the room.” Apparently all this time playing with Star Wars Lego sets has given him his own Jedi training and he was able to shrug it off.

“Dad, you are right there.” I smiled and told him that he is way too smart. Even though it was dark I could see him smile and was more than a little pleased when he repeated the question with the caveat to not try to change the subject. I laughed again and told him that I had a different question for him to answer first.

“If we were Star Wars characters who would we be?” It is a funny sort of thing to think about because though we share a love of Star Wars there is a distinct difference in our experiences. That difference is the source of the PSA that teaches dads how to talk to their children about Star Wars. I grew up in a world in which Darth Vader was evil incarnate. That scene in Empire in which he tells Luke that he is his father is epic. Unfortunately the changes that have been made have stolen some of the thunder and power from it.

I mention this because I half anticipated him telling me that I am Anakin and that he is Obi-Wan. I haven’t really thought about what character I wanted to be since I saw Star Wars in the drive-in. Yes kiddies, I saw it in 1977 at a drive-in in Chatsworth- I am old. 😉

Anyway, the question was never answered because in the silence of his bedroom that little boy of mine slipped into a very deep slumber. It is a beautiful thing watching your children sleep. They are little bundles of potential who don’t worry about serious stuff. When they sleep you see innocence illustrated and wonder what you can do to regain such peaceful slumber for yourself.

Having been saved by the proverbial bell I was granted some time to consider whether I’ll let him read this blog. My intention has always been to give this over to my children, but not for many years to come. The plan was to let them read it as grown ups and that is probably what I’ll stick with.

They really don’t need to be exposed to some of this material for quite some time to come. But his question is a good reminder that we are reaching a point in time where I am going to have to be more cautious in what I share as these stories are not solely my own.