Archives for August 2011

A Post I Hope You’ll Read Version 765

August 17, 2011 by Jack Steiner 5 Comments

Good writers who want to be great learn at an early age that they should be prepared to write and rewrite as many times as necessary. It is a worthwhile endeavor and something that I really should do more of as it would make the posts you read here better. Better isn’t really what I want to achieve but it is an improvement over fair and good so there is some motivation.

My head and my heart are at war and have been for quite some time now. The reasons why aren’t really germane to this post so I won’t address them here other than to say that I have a plan. In fact the plan was to write a post called “The Art of Making Tough Decisions” but I decided that I didn’t feel like focusing on one topic so I made this the post that I hope you will read.

It is going to include a few videos, some song lyrics and an assortment of odds and ends. Inside my head I hear the theme to Sanford and Son and see this post as resembling the junkyard they ran.

And now links to two songs and clips of song lyrics:

“In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along”

“We started a story Whose end must now wait
And, tell me
When will our eyes meet
When can I touch you
When will this strong yearning end
And when
Will I hold you again”

My favorite bloggers are almost always those who wear their hearts on their sleeve. I like the people who dare to put it all out there and let the chips fall where they may. I suppose that some of it is because I take a similar approach. I suppose it is because I have learned that there are some exceptionally generous people around and that if you learn how to ask for help they will give it.

It is something that I want my children to see, experience and remember. I don’t want them to grow up in a world of fear and uncertainty. I don’t want them to get lost wandering in shadows and darkness wondering if the axe is going to fall. I want them to experience a world of wonder and fun. I want them to continue to see the magic and mystery of the world and to understand that sometimes we fail but we always get back up. And I want them to get back up in a different way than I do. When you knock me down I spring back up with my fist cocked and fire coming from my nostrils.

When you knock me down the Taurus in me lowers his horns and prepares to charge. I don’t want the kids to spring back up like that. I don’t want them to ever let others take advantage of them. I don’t want them to be suckers or to be abused, but there is a middle ground. I want them to find that middle ground.

Seventeen years ago I went to my cousins’ 50th wedding anniversary party and was absolutely amazed by how well my cousin Stan danced to this song. He was 74 but he moved better than almost every man in their. I had no idea that he could dance, but I loved what I saw. It was pure joy and unadulterated happiness.

Some of you have contacted me and asked if I am ok. Some of you have sent some wonderful notes of support and I am quite appreciative. It is worth mentioning that your perception of my reality is different than mine. I am aggravated by some of the things that have happened. I am annoyed and irritated by most of it because there is not much that I can do to change things.

It is not lack of desire, but an understanding that some things are outside of my control. So I come here and vent. I come here and blow off steam and so it goes. But I never forget that this shall past and that in the not so distant future I’ll feel the sun upon my back and see blue skies. Besides, this sort of nonsense makes for good blog fodder- there are endless numbers of stories that I could tell.

The comment section is wide open. Feel free to share your thoughts about the post, about life, movies, music or anything.

Teach Your Children To Be Responsible With Money

August 16, 2011 by Jack Steiner 14 Comments

The 17 long time readers of the blog know that every year I write several posts about educating my children. There are two standard posts that I include in this group:

1) The cost/benefits of a private school education.

2) Curriculum- What sort of courses should our children be taking and what isn’t being taught in school that should be.

How to use money responsibly is at the top of that list. Ignore your political leanings for a moment and think about the shameful behavior of the US government a few weeks ago regarding the debt ceiling. Think about the economy for a moment and then take a stiff drink because you’ll need it after that.

More than a few of us are living paycheck to paycheck. More than a few of us are wondering how to make ends meet. People are losing their homes, fighting to find affordable healthcare and wondering if they will ever be able to afford to retire. One of the best things that we can do is teach our children fiscal responsibility. It is not something that they will learn in school so it is up to us to teach them how it is done.

Some time ago I learned about a tool/company that we can use to help make that happen. It is called ThreeJars and it is a simple, yet effective way to help provide that education. Watch the video just below and you’ll gain a greater understanding of how it works and what it does:

I strongly encourage you to check it out. They offer a free two week trial. If you like it sign up for it and start helping your children learn about the value of compound interest and saving. If you don’t sign up that is cool too, but either way I strongly urge you to teach your children how to use money responsibly. It is one of the most important and critical lessons that they will learn in life.

(Disclosure: I am part of their affiliate program.)

The Bull In The China Shop

August 16, 2011 by Jack Steiner 13 Comments

Some years back when things were good and there was an abundance of love and a shortage of problems June told Johnny that she was amazed by how deftly he handled arguments. She said that she found his ability to stay calm and collected to be admirable. He laughed and told her that he wasn’t always as calm as he appeared to be and related how he used to like to try to keep the other side off balance by playing to their emotions.

Initially I had intended to sit out on the balcony and watch the waves break upon the shore. Armed with my laptop, a fishing pole and a bottle of Scotch I was going to write a post that would make your head spin and your heart ache. It wouldn’t have been good this post, it would have been great. It would have Â been uplifting, profound and insightful. It would have been the sort of post that made you nod your head and wipe the lonely tears that drift down your cheek. But people plan and god laughs so I didn’t get to write that post.

I didn’t get to sit out on the balcony and watch the sunset nor did I get to enjoy that glass of single malt. Instead I took a group of children, all of whom are related to me and talked about how big the dolphins are and whether I could swim faster than a whale. I shared stories about Superman and Aquaman. We laughed at jokes that I didn’t get but enjoyed for the sole reason that five year olds can be exceptionally funny.

So that super post is doing a little jingle jangle inside my head and the words I had intended to use to describe his bull in a china shop manner are left unsaid. And somewhere out there is a person who would appreciate these words and this tale more than most. Somewhere out there they do whatever it is they do and live however it is they live as do I.

It is one of the great conundrums of my life, this indescribable thing. The question of what to do or what not to do is one that perplexes and vexes me. Promises were made of a nature that I can’t ignore, but the dead of night isn’t the time to think nor consider these things, so I shan’t.

Instead I’ll encourage you to take some time to read one of these recent posts or something from the archives:

Reflections of The Day- Gratitude

August 14, 2011 by Jack Steiner 28 Comments

I’ll readily admit to being biased but this afternoon I watched an angel dressed in white toss flower petals on a white runner. She wore flowers in her hair and each time she tossed her petals a little more joy was spread around the room. Â A collection of family and friends witnessed this as did many who were strangers to us. More than a few of them stopped me to tell me about the how the angel I call the dark haired beauty stole their hearts along with mine.

Later on that little girl of mine would come take me by the hand and lead me on to the dance floor and while the rest of the guests ate she and I danced. She put one hand in mine, wrapped an arm around me and then lay her head against my stomach and together we swayed softly to the music. There was something soft and innocent about that moment that swept me away and I could only hope that she felt it too.

I looked at her and wondered what it might be like to have this father/daughter dance again many years down the road. Looked at her and wondered what sort of woman my little girl will grow into and smiled softly. A short time later I danced with my mother and listened as she told me that she couldn’t be old enough to have children who were in their forties.

“Mom, your daughter is the bride and there are 289 kids running around here, most of whom are your grandchildren,” I said. She just smiled at me and asked me to try to remember the moment.

++++++

Many hours later I sit here at the computer and remember the blur that was today and the week that was. It started with a funeral and a celebration of a life that was lived and finished with a celebration of life joined together. My children and their cousins are all old enough to remember this day. It felt good to see them alongside nieces and nephews and to know that they were experiencing something special.

The week, weekend and day were full of change and a lot of laughter and for that I am grateful. I needed those moments and that laughter to help gird myself for the battle that comes. I needed that time to remember what is important and to recharge my batteries because harder moments are coming. Soon there will be days that I wish not to remember and experiences that I wish not to record.

But such is the nature and way of life. We don’t have a choice about these things. Good, bad or indifferent the days come and all we can do is our best. I think that what is hardest for me is the unpredictability and uncertainty of these moments. Sometimes I would treasure and celebrate these things but not now.

I am ready for what is coming to arrive so that I can get it behind me and move on to the more important and pressing things. But at the same time I am grateful for what I have and the knowledge that the hard times have moments of beauty and grace. The story only ends when you give up. Until then each page waits for you to turn it so that you might write upon it.

The future calls to me and I must answer.

The Most Valuable Possession

August 13, 2011 by Jack Steiner 15 Comments

It is Friday night of the weekend of my sister’s wedding and my parents are hosting Shabbos dinner for friends and family from out of town. Dessert has been served and the kids are running around with their cousins while the grownups drink coffee and talk. I am standing outside on the terrace staring at streaks of orange and red and thinking about my grandfather. It is only a week since he died and his absence is palpable.

The painted sky is simply beautiful and I can’t help but think about how this is one of those moments where all of my grandparents would have told me to try and burn all I see and feel into memory. It makes complete sense to me to do so. In so many ways memory is the most valuable possession that we own. Sometimes it is the most painful but I try to focus on the positive and think of it as being the most precious, most beautiful and most valuable.

Midway through my musings I have this bizarre thought that 25 miles north of me my grandfather lies in a box that is buried beneath a mound of dirt. He was claustrophobic and for a long time very unhappy about the idea of being placed inside the casket. Long ago I promised him that if he knocked on the casket I would stop everything and pull him out. I remember telling him that there were better ways to get attention than to be buried alive and he told me to stop being a smartass, but the smile on his face made it clear that he appreciated it.

The day of the funeral I made a point of bending over to whisper, “grandpa, this is it. Knock three times on the ceiling and I’ll get you out of there.”Â If you haven’t noticed I have a dark sense of humor but he appreciated it and that is all that matters. He didn’t knock and so we carried him over to his body’s final destination and I watched as he was lowered into it. I suppose that it is important to clarify that I wasn’t the person who verified that he was inside- butÂ I have to believe that no errors were made.

However I can verify that the rabbi and I made sure that the entire casket was covered in dirt.Â My sunglasses hid the look in my eyes as my shovel rained dirt down upon him. It is not the first time that I have helped to bury a loved one and it probably won’t be the last. Some people don’t like it but I take it seriously. It is one of the last courtesies that we can extend to those who wander off into whatever lies beyond the pale.

Saturday night there was another family function and I found myself standing in front of the home I grew up in with my kids, cousins, nieces and nephews. We tossed around a football and I watched boys who used to be babies turn into almost pre-teens before my eyes and thought about how much has happened. Close your eyes and life has a way of getting away from you.

It reminded me of people long gone and some just removed from my life who spoke about potential and living up to it. That is something that I sometimes find troubling…potential. Or maybe it is more appropriate to say that I find unfulfilled potential to be troubling. It sometimes eats away at me and I get lost in the land of what could have been and perhaps what could be. It is a line of thought that I try not to get caught up in as it is not real productive to dig at the wounds of what I wish could have been. I don’t have many regrets, but those that I do are…painful.

That is not the sort of possession that I am real fond of, but I suppose they help to make me who I am. From a different perspective we could say that they help to make me who I am going to be. Yep, I said going to be because who I am today is not who I am going to be tomorrow. That is not supposed to be some sort of goofy philosophical comment but acknowledgement that what is happening today is having a significant impact upon me now.

I wonder what sort of possessions this experience will leave me with.

++++

Shared with Just Write. Follow the link to meet more writers.

Pride

August 12, 2011 by Jack Steiner 10 Comments

“I like criticism, but it must be my way.“- Mark Twain’s Autobiography

It is heading towards Midnight with a capital M and I really should try to get some sleep but I am wired. Perhaps it is because I know that in a few short hours it will officially be one week since grandpa died. He has moved that much farther away from my present and further into my past.

Grandpa didn’t know that I am moving or about any of the current challenges that are in front of me. That was intentional on my part. Some of it was due to pride but most was due to my not wanting him to worry about things that he couldn’t help me with. He was a generous man and made a point to help people. One of the things that I appreciated about him was that he preferred not to make a big deal out of it. He wasn’t one to look for public recognition of the things that he did to help others which is sort of funny because he liked being the center of attention.

But to quote him when you are at the end stage of the game there are some things that you don’t do so I made a point not to talk to him about these things. I suppose that you can attribute that reluctance on my part to pride- both mine and his. He wasn’t in a position to help me and it would have wounded his pride to discover this. At the same time I was reluctant to ask for any help from anyone so there seemed to be no point in talking to him about any of it.

“No man ever does a duty for duty’s sake but only for the sake of the satisfaction he personally gets out of doing the duty, or for the sake of avoiding the personal discomfort he would have to endure if he shirked that duty; also I indicated that there is no such thing as free will and no such thing as self sacrifice.“- Mark Twain in Eruption

Pride is a funny sort of thing that makes people act unreasonably and illogically. I have been thinking about it quite a bit lately. Some of it is because I am trying to figure out how I got to be where I am so that I can avoid visiting this place again. I want to figure out if pride is part of the reason that I find myself fighting these battles. But I ask myself what happens if I do decide that pride bears some responsibility because pride is also responsible for helping to pull us out of this mess.

Good old pride, the double edged sword- how I love thee.

If I were a more superstitious man I might say that there is a reason why Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd is playing now but I am not that guy. I am just a semi- superstitious man who wishes that he could play the guitar and sing. My daughter would like that. She would love to sit next to me and sing along to whatever I happen to be playing. It doesn’t really have to be guitar, the piano would work just as well. The thing is, that I can’t play piano either- nor can I sing very well.

Hmm…is it just me or did my pride just show its face here again. Not sure about that, but what I can tell you is that I wish both of my grandfathers were here now. They were very different men in many ways but they loved me as I loved them. And moments like now are when I miss them. Moments like now remind me that we developed a friendship thatÂ complemented the grandfather/grandson thing.Â But some wishes never are filled and this is one of them. So instead of wishing for what I can’t have I am working on a number of things that I can.

Most of those are things that are good for others but a few are for me and me alone.

It is time for bed but the thought I focus on now is that people don’t remember what you do but how you made them feel. My goal this weekend is to make people feel good.