Why Me Versus Why You

My car overheated today. It happened a little after 4 PM. I was heading North on Sepulveda Boulevard when I smelled something burning. I looked down at the dash and saw the little arrow heading up and cursed.

This isn’t the first time that I have dealt with this particular gremlin. First time in this car, but not the first time I have had to turn on the heat while driving a car where the temperature inside was already pushing 90. It was just myself traffic and my traveling sauna. Good times.

The location was bad. It is not the place I want to be stuck. That is not because it is unsafe but because inside the Mulholland Pass you have long sections of road that wind in between the mountains. There are no rest stops, gas stations, homes or restaurants to use as refuge. Just lots of road. It gets hot out there.

I know. I have run and walked through large sections of it. The heat rises off of the road and you wonder if you are going to come upon a chain gang working on the road. Except that doesn’t happen out here. You won’t see Paul Newman dueling with the man with no eyes. There is no failure to communicate because there is no one to communicate with.

What I Am Is Not Who I Was Or Who I Will Be. I See Possibilities of Opportunities That Can Be Realities.”

Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong are singing Summertime and I am staring at a different screen than the one you see. That is not because we don’t share computers but because what you are reading is a finished post and what I am looking at is the possibility of a finished post.

Of course there is a question about what that means…finished that is. When it comes to yours truly I see myself as who I was but not who I am. I see what I might become and what I could be. I see possibilities of opportunities that could become my reality.

That might sound like gibberish to you. It might sound like me trying too hard to be a philosopher. Or maybe it sounds like something else. I don’t know. What I know is that at this very moment 10:59 PM P.S.T. I see my life with the sort of clarity that I rarely have.

It gladdens my heart and soothes my soul. Really, I feel like I am in touch with a presence that flits in and out of my llife. For the moment my batteries feel as they have been recharged and I am glad for that.

When the car started acting up I talked to it. I told it that I couldn’t allow it to break down right then. I said that it was the mechanical equivalent of my steed and that I couldn’t very well ride into battle without it. I promised the car that if it got too tired I would push and or pull it up the hill and then jump back into it in time to coast down the other side.

Can’t say if the car heard or understood me but I can say that I got home in due time. I can say that tomorrow is a big day for a multitude of reasons. I don’t know if I am going to be online all that much so I will probably post twice tonight.

But in truth that isn’t just because I don’t know what the morrow will bring. It is because at this very moment, 11:04 P.M. P.S.T. I feel like I have found my feet and I have a rhythm that works for my words.

And when you have that feeling you just have to go with it because you can’t always know how long it will stay with you. It is like when you have the hot hand on the court. You keep shooting the ball until you can’t.

Be A Good Friend

I showed the video below to my son today. I told him that I want him to be a good friend. I told him that I want him to have the kind of friendship you see below.

He asked me if Spock died and I nodded. I don’t know if he saw the tears in my eyes. It is a scene that always catches me, but this time was more powerful than normal. It made me think of ‘D.’ In a few months it is going to be 14 years since he died.

Fourteen years ago we really were so much younger and so very different. I wasn’t a father. I was much more like the guy I once was than the man I am becoming. He was good that guy, flawed but good. The man I am becoming isn’t so very different, good and flawed also.

But so much has happened since then. I want to tell ‘D’ about so many things. He never got married. Never got to be a dad. He would have been great at it. He would have been shocked as I have been at how many of our friends have died, but this is how it goes.

I want my children to know this kind of friendship. I want them to know that some bonds are too strong to be completely broken. I want them to know what it means to make a promise never to forget someone and to keep it.

There is magic in the moment and music in the night, oh how I wish they could feel it.

This is part of Yeah Write #59.

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