What Happens When The Rabbi’s Daughter Sleeps With The Priest’s Son


April fool!

Daddy bloggers aren’t supposed to write about the sexual affairs and escapades of the clergy and or their families. We aren’t supposed to share these sordid tales of sex, lust, love and romance in the places where people read about potty training, homework and summer vacations.

But sometimes you have to break the rules. I am not talking about one particular set of rules either. No, I am referring to all of them written, unwritten, spoken and unspoken. It is not because I have a problem with authority or am intentionally trying to shock you either. It is because writing is art and I am compelled to practice my craft…constantly.

Girls Like To Dance

It is a little after midnight now on Saturday night and I am really just flexing my muscles, writing muscles that is. Truth is that if I could go play ball now I would go. I am wide awake and in need of some physical activity. Burn some calories and turn off the mind for a bit.

iTunes is on the shuttle and I am sitting here listening to a random set of songs take me on a walk through my past. Free Bird is playing now. I don’t have to close my eyes to hear some of the older boys in my neighborhood tell us that you never wanted to get stuck dancing with a girl you didn’t like to this song. I think that I was around 9 when they told us that and it didn’t make sense to me.

Really, at 9 the last thing I wanted to do was dance with a girl. I had a million sisters and knew all too well that girls were nothing but trouble. Time passes and I am in high school dancing with a friend to Free Bird. She doesn’t really want to dance with me because she likes one of my friends and is trying to make him jealous. I tell her that she should just tell him and she says that she can’t say that.

Not long after the song I’ll say something that really pisses her off. I know that I didn’t know then what I said to upset her so I’ll try to remember now what it was. I can’t. Try as I might I can’t remember.

Sometimes I think about all the crazy stories I have and wonder about my kids. My daughter is so very like me it scares the hell out of me. She pushes the limits and is determined to do things her way.

I applaud that but sometimes I cringe because I see such potential for trouble. I have survived my own foolishness and I expect that she will too, but a father isn’t supposed to just ignore these things. So I do my best to try and help her avoid these things and she bats her eyes at me and does her thing.

Later she comes to me, throws her arms around my neck and tells me that she loves me. She knows that I love that but she hasn’t figured out yet that it won’t always work. She can’t avoid the consequences by trying to manipulate me. I won’t cripple her by never punishing her. I try to make them logical consequences. Overall she is a good kid and she hasn’t done anything out of the ordinary, but like I said she is my girl.

I jumped off of the roof into the swimming pool. I wreaked havoc all over the place and convinced more than a few people to get into trouble.  But I wasn’t a cute girl who could convince some stupid boy to do what I wanted and one day she will. One day she will be the heartbreaker.

One day some boy or boys will wish that they took me up on my offer to kick their ass because physical pain heals faster than mental. One day some boy will dance with her to Free Bird and he better be good.

A while back I received an email from someone who said that they thought I was over the top about parenting. I told them that maybe they would feel better if they were on top once in a while.

Hmm…maybe this should be another reminder that this attitude might be genetic.

Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction

When I look back on the last eight years of my life I can see the proof of that statement. Read through my blog and you’ll find the tales of the handyman that lived in the shed, the cats that were accidentally cooked inside a burning car and the story about how the guy who was training me went crazy. You’ll find stories of friends who died, two widowers and more.

Some of these tales really will make you cry and some will make you laugh. There is no doubt that some of them will make you ask if I have exaggerated or taken any sort of poetic license and I’ll probably tell you that I wish I could say that I had.

The Beatles are singing Because and I am smiling. The title is perfect. Sometimes there is no other reason than “Because.” A few moments later Dragostea Din Tei by Ozone comes on and my smile becomes even broader.

My kids and I have danced to this one and it is all because of this guy. Some of my favorite moments come from dancing with reckless abandon with my kids. They actually have rhythm so they look ok. I told my son that one day the girls will appreciate that and he told me that he’ll never dance with girls. I told him that I thought those might be famous last words but I didn’t say anything about Free Bird.

What Happens When The Rabbi’s Daughter Sleeps With The Priest’s Son

Years ago that is the sort of question I used to ask some of my teachers. It was a poor attempt and I am grateful that one of my teachers pointed out that it wasn’t an impossible situation. He offered the obvious explanation that it wasn’t impossible for a man to become a father before they became a priest and that the Father could really be a Father.

And if the Father who was Father’s son met the rabbi’s daughter well it was possible they would have relations.  Now I am just a Jewish kid from Los Angeles so it is possible that there is something in Catholicism that would prevent the Father from becoming a Father but that doesn’t change the point of my teacher’s remark.

It is late and I need to catch some shut eye but before I go I need to remember that I have two old posts that I want to use again. They are Dark Doesn’t Mean Bad or Scary and Using Music To Write Blog Posts.

There is so much more to do and so little time to do it. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t have to sleep but we’ll save that for a different time. Night y’all.

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  1. Chloe Jeffreys July 4, 2012 at 9:37 pm

    Having a child like yourself is the greatest blessing and the worst curse. I’d never wish it on anyone. I’ve found it painful and terrifying, but also exhilarating.  That fact that he is 21 now and isn’t dead means the world to me. And I wonder how it is that I’m still alive.
    The circle of life is a bitch and we’re all her whores. There’s no escaping it. But still as a parent it is your job to try. Good luck with that, my friend.

    • TheJackB July 4, 2012 at 11:00 pm

       @Chloe Jeffreys I am up for the battle. These children of mine are worth it, even though they make me crazy. Sometimes I wonder about it all, but it is a hell of a ride.

  2. Jens June 4, 2012 at 5:03 am

    Interesting question, awesome writing. I am curious how much you sleep each day, I sleep about 5-6 hours, but if I’d guess, you probably sleep 1-2 hours :) 

  3. bdorman264 June 3, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Sleep is good BTW….we just need 25 hours in a day, huh? 

  4. CrossBetsy June 3, 2012 at 5:04 am

    I shouldn’t have listened to that song before going out! It got to me… Agghhh!

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