The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for April 2013

Bombs In Boston- What Matters

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Bodiam Castle, East Sussex, England, 11 October 2005

The bombing in Boston today made me heart hurt and my blood boil.

But in situations like this I remind myself to do what Mr. Rogers said and look for the ‘helpers.’ I look around and I see how many people are trying to do whatever they can to help.

I see more good than bad and it restores my faith in humanity.

Don’t Hide Behind The Castle Walls

I am not a pacifist in any sense of the words.

If you punch me in the mouth I want to reach into your chest and rip out a few vital organs so that you and others will understand that you are not allowed to treat me or anyone this way.

But I don’t take that as reason or license to act without concern or regard for justice. I want the people or person who are responsible to feel the weight of our collective boot on their neck.

And I want them to see we aren’t hiding behind the castle walls. We are not living in fear. We are still going to the park to play and hiking in the mountains. We go to the beach when we want to spend time at the sea and when it is time to travel we fly on planes.

Whomever is responsible  needs to understand we have already won. We play the long game and not the short. You did something awful and changed lives. You hurt people, but you didn’t win because we are still here and we will find you.

Good People Are Everywhere

Good people are everywhere. This is not just something I believe. This I know to be true because I have seen it and will continue to see it because most people are good.

Believe in people. Believe in humanity. Believe in each other.

We are worth it and we deserve it.

Writer’s Block Is A Myth

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Writer's Block II

Some of you aren’t going to like me much because when you tell me you have writer’s block I am going to roll my eyes at you and ask you to fill my head with your top ten excuses.

Tell me something I can believe like you fell down the stairs and wound up naked in bed with your neighbor. I’d believe that, because hell the last time I fell down the stairs I ended up in my downstairs neighbor’s living room and found the Swedish Bikini Team wearing nothing but G-strings and shirts that said “Once You Go Jack You Never Go Back.”

But that wasn’t as bad as when a dozen donuts and an extra large pizza attacked me.

Really, they did and the only way I had to defend myself was with my teeth and the mighty stomach acid I just happen to carry around in my belly.

Stop Lying To Us

Stop lying to us and by us I mean you and I because neither one of us like it.

We both know that you are hiding behind silly excuses. You are hiding behind your fear of getting naked and you should be tired of it.

Look I get it. I am not the man I used to be either. The hair isn’t is as full as it used to be and the cuts in my belly show up when I flex extra hard.

But I have got skills and abilities that I didn’t have when I was younger.

I know how to make you swoon, cry, sing and scream.

That is because I have some life experience and so do you.

Fuck Your Fear

I am not channeling my inner Gary Vaynerchuck here. Sometimes I swear like a sailor because when you write you need to shine a light on the dark corners and face your fear. You need to just write and let the words flow from your fingertips onto the page.

Sometimes I do it by shadowboxing to the theme from Rocky. Sometimes I dance with reckless abandon and just let loose. Time to be like old Willy Shakespeare and unleash the dogs of war.

Sometimes it is by just writing about whatever comes easily.

Weekend Eating

Friday night I had sushi and Saturday night I went out for a good steak and enjoyed some Scotch with it. In between I spent a significant chunk of time lifting weights and walking on the treadmill.

You know why I am sharing that?

Because sometimes when the words don’t want to jump from my head onto the page I just write about whatever comes to mind. Sometimes I start in the middle and write backwards.

Sometimes I write about intimate moments and sometimes I write about silly things that are tied into those intimate moments. One of the best pieces of writing I ever came up with was an eight grader’s perspective on Fellatio.

It was tied into a school trip I took where the older and more experienced boys talked about the women they had been with. This dude (me) didn’t want to be left out and came up with one of the dumbest stories you have ever heard, but it made for a great coming of age piece.

Discipline and Practice

Writing is a skill that is improved via discipline and practice and based upon TheJackB school of writing you write about anything and everything. You include coming of alongside religious and political perspectives. You dig in and write about why every student needs a gun and how the schools would be safer if playgrounds were made out of Taffy and broken gum balls.

It is a mix of silly and serious with the intent to train yourself to write upon command.

And it is an understanding that sometimes you are going to write junk that makes you cringe and stories that make your feel such pride.

You Can Do It

This isn’t a skill or ability that is limited to just the select few. The ghosts of Twain, Poe, Dickens and Mrs. Hackleshmackle your high school English teacher are not going to haunt you for failing or praise you for succeeding.

You can do this but you have to stop making excuses. Writer’s block is a myth and you need to stop buying into it.

Grandma Didn’t Listen To This Music

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movember2011
He escaped from a hairy situation.

This is stream of consciousness writing and yes that is me in the picture above. I won’t tell you how it connects to this post because you probably won’t be able to follow my train of thought or maybe that is because I am not sure how to explain it clearly.

All I can do is ask you to walk with me on this journey for as short or as long as you wish and we’ll see how and where it goes.

Musical Accompaniment

Dear Grandma,

Today is your 99th birthday and I am still surprised you aren’t here to celebrate it with us. You died on my wedding anniversary, three years ago.

I have written about it before and shared stories about the days before and after you left us. Grandpa died a week before Melissa’s wedding and it was because you weren’t there.

That is not a condemnation, I am not angry or upset with you and if I was grandpa would come back from the dead for me. You know that every woman would want to be loved the way he loved you, 76 years of marriage, a testament and  a miracle.

But when I say I am surprised you aren’t here it is because you were a powerhouse of energy. Your daughters, grandchildren and all who knew you well can attest to that. We should all have the kind of energy you had in your eighties and early nineties.

There is no doubt in my mind that if your eyes hadn’t gone you would have made it many years longer than you did.

Your heart gave out but I think that your inability to see had something to with it.

And we move on

Posts that Are Tied into This

When I think about my grandparents and what I learned there are a million different stories that I could share with you. They were among the most colorful and interesting people I know and I learned much about life from them.

It is no secret that I miss them and I always will. The most important people in your life never go away, even when they aren’t around. You might not be able to talk to them in the same way but you hear the whispers of their voices and remember.

A Question of Dignity

One day soon I am going to have a conversation with my children about something that happened at one of the garage sales we had before we sold our old house. My daughter definitely won’t remember this moment and I am fairly certain that my son has forgotten as well but I am going to remind them because it is important.

A homeless man wandered into our yard and started looking at the items we had for sale. He flipped through some books, bags and toys and came to a stop at a pile of my shoes.

I watched him flip through them and settle on a pair of brown loafers.

He walked over to me and asked me how much they were and I told them they were a couple of bucks. He nodded his head, pulled out his wallet, handed me some cash and walked away.

I could have given him the shoes for nothing. I could have offered him a bunch of things, but he didn’t ask for a handout. He asked how much they were and I gave him a price because it was a question of dignity.

He wanted to pay and I saw no reason or purpose to take that from him.

My children need to hear that story again not because it makes their father look like a good guy but because I want them to remember the importance of treating people with dignity, especially those who can’t command it the way others can.

People shouldn’t have to command it, but I live in the real world where I see lots of examples of the poor way we treat the homeless and the mentally ill.

Time To Exercise

Grandma, it is 9:30 on Saturday night and I am going to stop writing about you and sharing these thoughts because I need to go hit the treadmill.

You would approve and appreciate that. You didn’t stop exercising until the final days of your life and I will do no less.

I only wish you and the rest of the crew were around. I wish you could see your great grandchildren and that we could talk about things. I wish I could tell you about my life now and listen to your stories again.

You were much quieter than grandpa but ever so sharp. The people that didn’t take the time to learn from you missed out. You would never have said that, so I’ll say it for you.

So long for now.

Peeling Back The Layers

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Gold Dust Woman -Fleetwood Mac The Dance -1997

The Chain ~Fleetwood Mac Live 1979

I learned many years ago that truth really is stranger than fiction and that the stupid and ridiculous plot lines of day time television might actually be things that could happen.

That is because people do not always act based upon logic or reason.

Sometimes our hearts go to war with our heads and we do things that make no sense. Sometimes those actions are harmless and sometimes they aren’t. There are consequences for all that we do but you often don’t know what they will be until you walk through the door.

Where Is Monty Hall?

Part of what makes life so damn interesting is that you are given the choice to take what is in the box or what lies behind door number one but no one tells you what happens when you choose one or the other.

No one tells you which choice a wise person would make and which would belong to the fool. Sometimes it doesn’t matter because the fool can choose to be the wise person and the wise person can be the fool.

That is the joy of the journey. It is the chance to walk along a road and have experiences that you can’t possibly have without taking that walk.

My kids and I talk about it.

They ask about whether it is fun or scary and I tell them it is both. I say that I don’t want a life that doesn’t have some variety because I want to feel like I am alive and to be stagnant is to die a slow death.

Peel Back The Layers

Somewhere in this blog is a post that talks about the need to feel fear when you write. It talks about the benefits of touching raw emotion and taking a chance. It is spelunking in the darker parts of your mind and exploring the things you aren’t so sure about.

Maybe it is just me. Maybe I am the only one who picks at the scabs to experience the pain that lies beneath.

Maybe I am the only one who uses that to move into a place where I write about the harder things, the darker things, the painful things.

Or maybe not.

Those two Fleetwood Mac videos touch me for a million different reasons. There are layers upon layers contained in the music, the people and the words.

I like them because when I listen I can hear everyone singing. It is not just Stevie or Lindsey.

I hear multiple voices and see evidence of the different people who make it all work.

“All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,” As You Like It

“Life … is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.” Macbeth

“Everyone can master a grief but he that has it” Much Ado About Nothing

Shakespeare

She Almost Swallowed The Whole Thing

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::Throughout life you will meet one person who is like no other,,, ::

Have you ever had a conversation where you felt like you spent the majority of your time fighting to get a word in edgewise? My guess is that more than a few people can relate to this and the frustration it causes.

A conversation isn’t supposed to be a monologue.

It is supposed to involve more than one person in the discussion but sometimes that doesn’t happen. Should you ever have the occasion to have said conversation with me please understand that if you dominate the entire thing and show no interest in my thoughts I am going to day dream about shoving something large inside your gaping maw so that I can take my turn at the jibber-jabber.

Your 187th favorite curmudgeon is tired of these battles. He is tired of feeling like the other person doesn’t care about his thoughts or opinion which is why he sometimes just ends the conversation and walks away. Or if that is not possible he gets lost in thought about shoving the aforementioned large object into the other person’s mouth.

Two Ears and One Mouth

There is a reason why we have two ears and just one mouth– it is to listen twice as much as we speak.

Ok, I am not the first person to say that nor will I be the last but it is worth remembering.  If you want to tie it into social media you can think about whether your are using the various platforms you are for engagement or for broadcast.

If all you do is broadcast you are missing out on a tremendous opportunity to meet people. If you are broadcasting for business you are really blowing an opportunity to engage with prospects and existing customers.

I have been making an effort to police my own talking habits too. There is no purpose or point in climbing up on a soapbox to complain about these things unless I hold myself to the same standards.

So I am working to be conscious of these things and to make a point to do more than ask people how they are doing. If I ask I listen to their response. It drives me crazy when people ask me how I am and then ignore my response.

If you don’t want to know than don’t ask. It is fine with me to say hi and leave it at that, but to ask and ignore is obnoxious.

I have also noticed that your 187th favorite curmudgeon is growing less interested in small talk and is often more interested in silence and referring to himself in the third person, twice removed.

Don’t bother trying to figure out what the third person twice removed is, this is what happens when I do higher math after midnight.

On a serious note, I really do dislike discussions with people in which I have to fight to get a chance to speak. It is obnoxious.

But some people are so enamored with the sound of their own voice they can’t seem to shut their mouths long enough to listen and hear what others are saying.

How To Use Blogging To Have More Sex

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40+290 Notch

This post is written from the male perspective primarily because I wanted it to be based upon reason, logic and order, but mostly because I am a man.

I’ll let you decide if it merits comments, criticism, concern or censure.

How to Use Blogging To Have More Sex

If you are married or living with with a partner one of the most effective ways to use blogging to have more sex is to limit or eliminate blogging at night or during any period of time during which your wife/partner is awake and potentially interested in dancing the horizontal mambo with you.

Really, instead of preparing a 987 word treatise on how brands can use social media to effectively manage a communications crisis you can manage your own conflict in the bedroom, bathroom, couch, kitchen or living room.

If you happen to have spouse or partner who reads your blog you could write them a love letter or prepare some hot and steamy post in which you prep them for doing the dance.

Just think about how much your readers will benefit from reading about how you want to blogger them all night long while they massage your wordpress and make sweet love with your plugins.

Use Your Blog To Prove You Pay Attention To Their Needs

You might consider using your blog to prove you pay attention to their needs. Write about how you want to give her a place to lean in and that you think women deserve equal pay for housework and cooking.

This is an especially effective tactic to use with mommy bloggers, especially those who claim that parenting is exhausting.  Your partner/spouse will appreciate you even more when you use your blog as a platform to call their bluff.

There is no better way to bring joy into their life and to get lucky than to use your blog as a place to let them know you know they spend their days screwing around and that they should spend their nights doing it too.

Blogging Should Be Fun

What you just read was about ten minutes worth of writing that popped up because my Triberr feed was filled with some of the most god awful material.

It was awful because the writing was dull. It was awful because the writing was safe. It was awful because the writers weren’t willing to take any risks.

Blogging should be fun and so should writing.

Some of my favorite posts are those that come from a place where I touched fear. Some of the best comes from when I was willing to go somewhere that didn’t feel safe because it was raw, naked emotion.

My Goal Doesn’t Have To Be Yours

My ultimate goal is to become a better writer and to achieve a dream of  getting paid to write whatever I feel like writing about. My goal doesn’t have to be yours nor does my style.

I don’t know how many people will read all the way to the end here. I can guarantee that some won’t because the headline won’t catch their eye, because they are bored or because they are offended.

I am ok with that.

Hell, let’s stay with the theme and talk about sex for a moment. If you have enough sex with someone eventually you need to mix it up. You may love missionary but sometimes you need for them to be on top or bent over the couch.

Sometimes you need to mix it up or go on vacation and do it somewhere different.

You need to have a partner who trusts you enough to be willing to work with you to make you happy.

Writing is no different.

Readers

If your blog is only focused on business and you aren’t the boss/owner you might want to extra careful how risque you get with your blogging. You might want to be careful because you don’t want to scare away good prospects.

But you also want to be careful not to bore them to death either.

Passion and personality go a long way to helping you build a relationship with your readers. Some will love you and others will just like you and sadly some will hate you.

But don’t worry about the ones who hate you because clearly they haven’t figured out how to use their blogs to get lucky and their lack of sexual outlet has perverted their judgment. 😉

What about you?