Parked the car at about 9:30 and sat in the dark thinking about the events of the very recent past and the evening. Twenty minutes earlier I was back on the basketball court, huffing and puffing my way back into shape, mind pushing muscles to remember how to do their jobs and will fighting physical exhaustion.
Been 10 months since I last played and part of me reveled in the moment, the joy of being back on the court was there and much joy there was.
I love this game and I love playing it. Love this game but I hear the clock ticking more loudly than I ever have and so I am very cognizant that my physical skills are not what they used to be. It is a humbling feeling to have some younger guy beat you when you know that there was a time he never could have done so.
Yet that was then and this is now.
Is It Intuition Or Desire?
The plan had been to walk back into the house, shower, eat dinner and then write about a moment on the court. The plan had been to express my anger and dismay about something and then it got sidetracked by a post calledÂ Is It Intuition Or Desire?
Saw in my stats that someone had been reading it and decided to take another look. One paragraph jumps out at me, begs me to pay attention so I do.
I am not really sure what made me think of that moment but I have learned to listen to these thoughts. I have learned to try and sit in the quiet of my mind so that I can try to identify what I am thinking/feeling.
Things are happening now. Good things. Big things. Changes.
I feel a bit like I am in one of those crazy Kung-Fu movies the boys and I used to watch as kids. I am Bruce Lee and there is a circle of men around me. They keep attacking and I keep finding ways to beat them all.
Whirling, turning, jumping, bending and dancing all around I avoid the blows and hand out my own. They canâ€™t stop me. They canâ€™t contain me. All they can do is slow me down.
Those things I felt came about, not all, but many and perhaps the most important. Can’t be more specific than that because there are boundaries in blogging that even an unfiltered man like I maintain.
But I recognize that in the midst of much joy there is some anger and frustration there too. So in my cryptic manner let me continue by saying it felt a bit like I managed to steal fire from the gods and then they tried to steal it back.
So now I am in the second part of my quest.
It Might Have Been Worth Getting Arrested
A man showed up at ball tonight. He is probably ten years older than I am and a half foot shorter.
I bump into him while chasing a rebound and he complains. ‘I have a broken rib, please be careful.”
My initial thought is that he is a fool. It is a contact sport. Even if you don’t bump into anyone the running and jumping can’t feel great on your rib, but it is his choice to be out there.
I promise to be careful and for a while that is ok. Time passes and after he fouls me I say nothing but just play harder. He looks at me again and tells me about his rib but now I am irritated.
So I tell him that he is selfish and delusional. Selfish to think that he can come play and expect everyone there to try to cater to his needs and delusional to think that people will.
He calls me fat.
I laugh and tell him that I feel badly, especially when it comes from an 8,000 year old man who is too stupid to recognize he is hurting himself.
He says something else and I tel to shut the fuck up, because I am done listening. I just want to play.
But part of me wishes I would have slapped him across the face. A slap is among the biggest insults among men. We don’t slap other men.
I Am Glad Nothing Happened
I am glad nothing happened. It would have been a complete waste of time but part of me is still amazed that he could actually suggest that we should cater to his broken rib.
I have this feeling about the future. It is a very strong sense of knowing that certain things are going to happen. There are multiple pieces to it.
Some of these pieces make perfect sense to me and I am certain that they will happen. Some of the details may be adjusted somewhat, but I am confident this is going to be.
But there are other things that I feel quite strongly and they areâ€¦confusing.
I want to say that it is intuition, but I wonder if perhaps it is just desire.
I moved heaven and earth to find out whether it was intuition or desire. It was both. Now I have to play out this hand and work through the second part of the quest to see what happens.
Part of me is quite certain because I know things. What happened in 1724 isn’t limited or done. It is just in transition. Time will tell how that all plays out.