“Apparently my dream date has graduated from the St. Bernard School of Open Mouth Kissing. I stand there in shock trying to figure out if she thinks that my face is made of chocolate or peanut butter.Â The Mistress Of Tongue
Confession I was going to go a different direction with this post. I was going to shareÂ aÂ letter to the universeÂ and tell you what I learned and then I was going to tie it into the six posts in the bullet points below:
But I changed my mind. Read my words and bored myself silly so I decided to revisit the graduate of the St. Bernard School of Open Mouth Kissing and maybe even tell you about the girl with sandpaper hands who didn’t understand you can’t milk a man the same way you milk a cow.
Really, I was going to but I only had one drink this St. Patty’s Day and I am still traumatized so I hesitate to go there. Blame it on my fragile male ego, I have a handshake that gorillas are jealous of but that sandpaper woman was gifted with a hybrid version of Edward Scissorhands and a monkey wrench.
Oh the horror of it all.
How 69 Drunk Bloggers Made More Money Than You
Do you really want to know how 69 drunk bloggers made more money than you because I can give you an answer. But before we go there let’s take a moment to talk about earthquakes and 100 year-old grandparents.
My grandfather would have turned 100 on Monday March 17, 2014. Since he died of a broken heart I have no doubt that had circumstances been different he and I would have celebrated.
But grandma died and after 76 years of marriage and 85 years of friendship he wasn’t up for hanging around.
I knocked on his casket at the funeral and told him if he knocked 3 times I would pull him out of there.
Because he was claustrophobic and since I loved my grandfather my promise was an easy way to ease his mind and give him one less thing to worry about.
Don’t Call It A Shamrock Shake
Monday morning started with a bang and a whole lot of shaking. Â Mother Nature blessed up with an earthquake. I asked her to stop it but she ignored me and to prove a point she kept sending more quakes throughout the day.
I wanted to lean in and tell that bossy woman she is one crazy bitch but I was afraid she would think I told her to relax and or called her hysterical.
Not unlike many men I have learned women don’t respond well to that so it is best to find other w0rds. Still I admit I was a bit irritated. A year ago I walked back into my apartment in Fort Worth and was about to jump into the shower when I found out we had a tornado warning.
For three hours I sat in my sweaty workout gear because I was worried about what would happen if the tornado caught me in the shower.
I told Mother Nature it wasn’t cool to behave that way but I guess she remembered that I said I prefer earthquakes to tornadoes because quakes come without warning. You don’t get to watch them on television and wonder if they’ll come visit or not.
Quakes either ignore you or they come kick down your door and say hi.
What About The 69 Drunk Bloggers?
If I was like some of those 69 drunk bloggers I would give you a link now to a free ebook for you to download. That ebook would consist of several of myÂ most popular postsÂ and would include a link to my class, the one you have to pay for.
And you’d pay $50 or $60 bucks a pop so that I could tell about providing great content that is relevant and interesting to you. And then you’d get a pitch to shell out some more cash to be a part of a small and select group of individuals who are learning how to recreate my fail proof system for blogging success.
I don’t know about you but I think it would be much more interesting to talk about how those writing groups and stories I mentioned above helped me become a better writer, gain more freelance writing jobs and realize how much joy writing brings to me.
But since it is late and the bed is calling my name I’ll share one more piece of advice and say goodnight: “Don’t take it so seriously. Have fun with blogging and it will come out in your writing. That is a good thing. Your readers will recognize it, appreciate it and want to be a part of it.
What do you think?