I miss the good old days of the Wild West when you could solve road rage by knocking out a horse. Being a competitive sort of fellow I climbed into the lion pit at the zoo and gave the poor guy in the picture above a hard left and look what happened.
Since I am right handed you can only imagine what would have happened if I had given Leo a taste of five fingers of fury…would have been ugly.
I imagine since the Internet is filled with smart and righteous people someone is dialing PETA right now to express their outrage at Jack the Dad Blogger who so cavalierly talks about beating up a 500 pound beast.
All I have to say to them is you ought to try wearing these vajamas. Yeah, that is a hell of an idea. Let’s describe them as beingÂ Vagisoft and because we believe in equality let’s create something more masculine.
Let’s make the Penijamas and describe them as being quite durable. “You’ll have your Penijamas for years because they are as hard as a rock.
The Shmata Queen just snorted her tea straight through her nose. All apologies to my queen, it is hard to be dignified when tea shoots out of your nose, of course it is hard to be dignified when anything shoots out of you.
That is one of G-d’s jokes upon man– if it shoots from a person you guarantee they’re making the kind of face they never want to see immortalized in pictures.
Be The Bigger Man
You might wonder if the our subhead is going to lead us into some sort of size joke but I am here to assure you it is not. There won’t be any comments about the emails we receive that promise us pills that will turn me/you an or your man into someone nicknamed Tripod.
No, I am about to tell you about a conversation I had with my son about the importance of being the bigger man. That kid o’mine is locked in the midst of middle school and some of the things kids do are just nasty.
So we talk about being the bigger man, learning when to stand up for ourselves, when to ignore, when to glare and when to use his ownÂ Â five fingers of fury. Don’t mess with a Steiner because we come in pairs and it is not because we are schizophrenic. Â “Yes, we are! No we are not! Shut Up!
Anyhoo the young master and I have been talking daily about some of the antics of his so called friends and why people act like idiots.
Today I told him about a dear friend of mine who has a very close friend that I can’t stand. I try to be very honest with my son but I couldn’t tell him that I want to give this other guy a box of Ex-Lax brownies and then steal all of the toilet paper from every bathroom within 18 miles because I wouldn’t be the bigger man.
But I couldn’t not tell you fine folks about that particular dream.
And I can tell you quite honestly that even though I find this man to be as endearing as the tag on my underwear I tend to just ignore him because our mutual friend likes him and it is not my place to tell him who to be friends with.
That makes as much sense to me as trying to ban a word that hurts a group of people at the expense of a group of others.
A Comment About Facebook
My brother posted this on his Facebook account and I thought I’d share it with you:
A recent study conducted by the Fouker Institute proved that 3 out of 5 dentists recommend Trident and 19 out of 3 billion people allow Facebook status updates to change their political/religious views.
Have I ever mentioned that guy is an insouciant pain-in-my-ass but I love him anyway.
And now I have to leave you because a spontaneous dance party just broke out here. I’ll see you in the comments. Go on now, dance or comment or do both.