500 More Ways To Have Better Sex & Earn Money From Blogging

I knew a man who once told a woman that he knew if they were trapped on an island with no one but each other he didn’t care because he was certain they would never get bored of each other.

Three days later they found his body on the banks of the Cuyahoga river. A large black purse lay next to it and

A large black purse lay next to it which I suppose is why the older couple that found him thought that perhaps it was the murder weapon.

Midway into their call to 911 they were shocked to see him roll over, dust himself off and stand up.

“Have you ever tried to catch a Pepper Pike? Those suckers are tough but what do you expect, anything that can survive the burning river is going to be a bit harder to handle.”

He paused for a moment and then told them the best places to catch one was in the Heights but made a point to say they still didn’t compare to capturing the mighty Gefilte, king of all fish.

Five Songs

  • The Living Years- Mike & The Mechanics
  • Something The Beatles
  • Baby, Now That I’ve Found You Alison Krauss & Union Station
  • Take The Long Way Home- Supertramp
  • Dazed And Confused- Led Zeppelin
  • Immigrant Song- Led Zeppelin

The more observant among you will notice there are actually six songs and not five in the bullet points above.

If you ask me why I’ll tell you I don’t wear a sweater because you are cold nor do I do things as other people do.

For example, when you say that is an exaggeration and that everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time I’ll shake my head no and demonstrate how I jump into them both legs at once.

Is is unorthodox?

Yes, but it is damn effective and let me tell you it really impresses the ladies. Except when you accidentally trip and fly face first into the wall or door.

That doesn’t impress them, however it does make them laugh and if you play your cards right that laughter is useful. Make a girl laugh and you never know where the damn long and winding road John, Paul, George and Ringo told us about can take you.

island

When I wrote 500 Ways To Have Better Sex & Earn Money From Blogging 982.3 people complained that I didn’t provide 500 items they could use.

One man called me a dunce so I called him a dimwit and suggested he take a look at the word count of the entire post.

He did so and told me that it was more than 500 words so I pointed out that I under promised and over delivered.

Since he never responded I took that as proof of my victory over his provincial outlook and small minded manner.

Make More Money From Blogging

I need to focus on making more money from blogging because I have an evil neighbor who is playing his music so loud it feels like I am standing next to the speaker.

This shlemiel thinks that blasting the neighborhood with elevator music is a public service but he has no idea who he is dealing with.

Not only am I willing to hire a marching band to perform in his driveway from 3-5 AM five days a week I am ready to revisit How To Use 5000 Pounds of Bananas To Terrorize Noisy Neighbors.

They probably don’t know I am the guy who beat Inigo Montoya in a sword fight or that I once was the Captain of The Revenge but then again these aren’t things you typically share with people you aren’t particularly close with.

Six Songs

  • Kashmir- Led Zeppelin
  • Candy- Iggy Pop & Kate Pierson
  • Calypso- John Denver
  • Ain’t No Grave- Johnny Cash
  • Save the Last Dance for Me- Michael Bublé

The more observant among you will notice there are actually six songs and not five in the bullet points above.

If you ask me why I’ll tell you I wanted to see if the people who noticed there were six songs instead of five above noticed there were five songs instead of six here.

I walked out the door and set off for adventure all those years ago never imagining that life would be as entertaining or as tough as it has been.

Fought the monsters I could see and a few I couldn’t and though I didn’t win every battle I never did lose the war.

Midway through it all I wrote the story here and included the words below.

“Submit to possibility and potential and watch what happens.”

Who knew that would be taken literally. Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride began shortly thereafter or maybe it started before it, I’m no longer certain.

What I do know is that when I told my kids life is filled with magic and mystery I did so because if you go through it with blinders on you miss out on both.

How This Ties Into Blogging and Money

Part of making a few bucks from blogging is tied into making sure you have eyeballs reading the words you put on the page.

You who have just finished reading this post are a part of the eyeballs I referred to.

Maybe you hung out because you thought this was too crazy to ignore or maybe it is because you were entertained. Doesn’t matter to me why because it is more important that you did.

Not every dad blogger writes about diapers or basic parenting. Some of us used to do those things when the kids were young, but now they are older and the tales we tell are different.

Now we see glimmers of a future that we couldn’t before and we are pushing to enter because the next chapter of life is almost ready to start.

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4 Comments

  1. The Imp April 14, 2015 at 7:40 am

    Well. There you go.

    And in a pool of noodles, watch out for the shark wearing a wig.

    Indeed.

    • Jack April 14, 2015 at 3:56 pm

      A shark that wears a wig is worth a couple of bucks. Catch that guy and take him around the world and the money will come rolling in. 🙂

  2. Janine Huldie April 14, 2015 at 3:29 am

    Is it wrong that I know have a strong need to listen to Led Zeppelin today?! Seriously though I get it and nice to know when others are actually reading all our words and not just pretending to. Got to throw the readers a curve ball every so often for this reason! 😉

  3. Larry April 13, 2015 at 7:25 pm

    New phase – I get it.
    I was never much a of a Led Zep fan. I know – radical.

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