There is a rhythm that comes with my best writing.
A song that sometimes has words and sometimes is devoid of them but never fails to help find my way.
The rhythm sets the pace and helps create the tone of the pieces and posts that I paper on so many different blogs and sites online.
Sometimes the music and I lose touch and the disconnect creates a different sort of chaos than I am used to.
One that prevents me from writing with the sort of reckless abandon I like to write at.
Instead of feeling confident that the words flowing from my fingertips settle softly into the right places and at the proper paces I get anxious.
Anxious because I know I am not getting it done and that the words don’t meet the standard I set for myself.
Disappointment and I grow very close during these moments but I do my best never to become its favorite acquaintance.
Instead I just keep pushing myself to pump out the words because sooner or later that musical muse will be found and the rhythm returns.
True Confessions About Real Problems
Sometimes I make a point to take a hard look at my life and create a list of true confessions about real problems.
It’s a simple check I use to prevent myself from wallowing in fake misery.
For example, I have been thinking about the costs involved with blogging and trying to figure out if it is time to make some changes.
I am not talking about the less tangible costs such as the time invested in writing and promoting but the ones we can easily track.
Hosting, themes, domain name registration all come to mind.
Hosting is where I am feeling the most pain because at the moment it feels like I might be paying too much.
I have done some very basic research into other hosting companies and plans and felt like banging my head into the wall.
It is not because it is complicated but because these changes I keep writing about are wearing me down a bit.
Feels a bit like I am juggling chainsaws and flaming torches so I can’t be cavalier about catching them.
I know enough about tech to move it all by myself but not enough to feel confident that I can do it without struggling.
That doesn’t mean I will struggle, but I very well might encounter some real challenges and I don’t have a ton of time to dedicate to figuring it all out.
So I really need to look into hiring someone to do it and I don’t have a ton of spare cash that I can dedicate to it.
That is problem and one that I don’t take lightly but it is not as serious as when I was unemployed and the bank was trying to take my house.
Not as serious as when I wasn’t sure how I would come up with the cash to put food on the table.
Those were real problems.
Hosting is a problem, but not like those.
Ten Years Of Perspective
A decade ago I wasn’t just a home owner.
I was in the midst of remodeling my house, had two kids in private school and was the sole provider.
Dear old dad was the man, the guy who had a successful career and was doing well enough to cover everything on my own.
Man I was proud of that, so very proud that I had figured out how to do it all.
And then I was given a personal tour of life afterÂ shit happens.Â
It started out slowly and then snowballed into something much larger and more challenging.
We said goodbye to private school, the house and so much more.
When Rocky talks about life beating you to your knees I understand because that is what happened to me.
Didn’t matter how hard I tried or what I did because it all failed.
It crushed me.
Took a long time before I could say it aloud our admit it.
I never gave up, not completely.
There were moments when I wanted to and times when I wanted to let my anger/frustration free from where I kept them chained up.
But I didn’t and I clawed my way back to the surface.
That is and was part of why I say I tasted life because I have known the good and the bad.
It changed me and I am not who I was when I waltzed into the storm because that man never conceived of a problem he couldn’t solve in a short time.
Can’t blame him because until that time it was all he knew and experience had proven him correct.
About Protective Big Brothers
In a very short time my baby is going to turn 12 and all hell will break loose.
That last part isn’t true but sometimes when she asks me to tell her stories about what happened when she was born I say all hell broke loose.
She rolls her eyes at me and gives me that “DAAAAD, that is not nice” that preteen girls sometimes come up with.
Anyhoo, she informed me that she would like to have a birthday party with boys and girls. I said fine and said we need to pick a time/place.
Shortly thereafter she began texting with some other girls to try to figure out what date was best and all hell broke loose.
One of the other girls started yelling via text and said my daughter couldn’t use any of the dates she had proposed.
Somehow her older brother convinced her to let him text this other girl and my boy used his finest diplomacy by using four letter words.
Part of me was very pleased to hear he stuck up for his little sister and part of me was irked, because the kid knew those words were probably not going to solve the problem.
But my little man did it and when I suggested he might try a different approach next time he told me he would take whatever consequences came.
I asked why and he said no one is allowed to talk to his sister that way.
All things considered I guess we have done something right in raising them to look out for each other.
And though this party may be a pain-in-my-ass to get arranged I don’t mind it because in the scheme of things it is not really a problem.
Not so long ago I wouldn’t have been able to do anything and now I can, so I am grateful for that.