Archives for August 2016

The mix of music on my iTunes has already played its way through The Long & Winding Road, Come Together and somehow made its way to the Fiddler On The Roof soundtrack.

It is a good combination of tunes for a day that feels twice as long as eternity.

Four cups of coffee, a Double-Double from In-N-Out and exhaustion is enough to get me dancing with Tevye around my room…sort of.

Sort of means there are boxes and things everywhere but none of those obstacles are enough to prevent me from singing Tradition to the empty room.

That is cuz the tradition in this house is that dad stays alone the night before the movers come so that he can manage the move unencumbered of parental duties.

Strange & Surreal

It feels strange and surreal to know our time living in the townhouse I never wanted to live in is…done.

The silence I normally welcome is deafening and the excitement I feel about moving towards a better future is tinged with a bittersweet taste.

This move is being broken up into two pieces, not by my choice but because it is how things worked out.

It means for a couple of weeks I’ll live in temporary housing and then make a bigger move to find new housing again.

The bigger move is the real step into creating the future I see us moving into but it doesn’t come without sacrifice.

I figure if my great-grandparents had the courage to leave all they knew behind for a shot at a better life this should be easy in comparison.

Old Jack Steiner speaks, reads and writes English, has a great job and is a citizen.

That is more than the aforementioned ancestors had and it doesn’t cover the ease with which technology shrinks the world.

A couple of clicks and I can communicate with friends and family or if need be I can hop on a plane and be back within a few hours.

And the thing is if I want to do more than Tevye and sing about becoming a rich man than I need to take advantage of opportunities when they are presented.

The thing is, when this one showed up I didn’t hesitate to do my best to make it my own and well now I get to find out what happens when you get what you asked for.

Are Fathers Better Lovers Than Mothers?

A few people heard about the new deal and offered unsolicited advice and criticism of my plans but I ignored them.

It is easy for people to tell you what they think you should do, especially when they won’t suffer the consequences of said advice.

I don’t wear a sweater when others are cold so why would I listen to their fears and commentary.

Doesn’t mean I won’t or don’t ever listen to what other people say, just that I am selective about it, especially when someone tells me a mother would never do that.

Gah, only an idiot tries to distinguish whether mothers or fathers love their children more.

Parents love their kids, the end.

The music in my ears never stops playing but even if it did I know the parade of images inside my head wouldn’t end.

Some hours earlier my 12-year-old daughter accompanied me on a run to get more boxes and take care of more errands surrounding the move.

Our conversation wandered through a variety of topics and ended up on jobs and marriage.

I told her my sweet girl I wanted her to get a great education, to study hard and work towards getting a good job.

She asked me why and I told her I wanted her to be self-sufficient and to not put herself in a position in which money dictates every choice and decision she has to make.

And now hours later the conversation replays in my head and I hope I did a good job of explaning and expressing my thoughts.

I hope she understands the point of the conversation is I want the best for her and I want her to live her life fully and completely.

I don’t want her to feel like she has to get married or to become a mother because society expects it. I want it for her if she wants it.

I want her to take advantage of all her potential.

The thing is I am working on about 9 hours of sleep over the past few days so I know I am beyond exhausted and I might not be as eloquent or clear as I want to be.

The Cries of The Unpacked

The movers will be here tomorrow around 8 so I must go.

I must go because of the awful cries of the unpacked possessions are haunting me the way Frume Sara haunted Tevye.

Tell the kids I love them, dad is off to make our future.

There is something about Patsy Cline’s Walkin’ After Midnight that makes me want to go outside and find the moon she sings about.

Maybe it is a sixth sense that pushes me to take advantage of the magic that moonlight sprinkles upon the earth or maybe it is something else.

Don’t ask for more detail than that because experience has taught me sometimes you have to just accept that some things are and that other things…aren’t.

It took years for me to learn that particular lesson and even now there are moments where the most significant challenge of my day is to just sit still and let things happen.

That is because your favorite dad blogger brings a certain intensity to all he does and a desire to encourage people to do as he wants.

You might ask if that is because I have a need to control situations but that is not how I see it. No sir and no ma’am.

Human nature pushes most of us to take the path of least resistance and sometimes it means things don’t go as we want.

I suspect more often than not it has nothing to do with whether people like or dislike us and more to do with fighting inertia.

Ask my kids and they’ll tell you I push them to frame the circumstances they encounter that way because we act differently when we don’t think things happen because someone wanted to be a jerk.

Anyhoo, that thing called inertia and the path of least resistance are why I sometimes have been known to engage in the aforementioned encouragement.

If I ask you for help and am polite and reasonable most people are happy to give it. Can’t tell you how many times it has helped me get things done.

But then again, sometimes it just doesn’t matter because there are times where it can’t or won’t work and you just have to wait.

I have been thinking about my pal Mr. Emerson for most of the day.

Why?

Because I busted my ass to make things happen and now that they have I am going crazy trying to get 987 hours worth of to-do list in just 12.

That might be an exaggeration but sadly it is just a slight one.

And that my friends is why I keep reminding myself of the quote because it helps me not to go crazy while trying to pack.

What Happens When Gumption Sleeps With Audacity

I messed around with using brazen or moxie instead of gumption but audacity defenestrated both of them so they lost out.

Somewhere around 10 I walked into my son’s room and asked him why he hadn’t begun packing or at least sorting his stuff.

He shrugged his shoulders at me and I told him if he wanted to make it to 25 he ought to get started.

“Dad, I am not going to be 25 for years.”

“Smart guy, before you think your old man has forgotten you won’t turn 25 for nine years let me assure you I haven’t. I know exactly how old you are and if you don’t start working it will take exactly 9 years and 3 days for you to finish serving your sentence.”

He told me the smile on my face was making him nervous and I winked and walked out.

Hell, I would have done the same thing at his age so I shouldn’t complain but…

Anyhoo as I walked back to my bedroom I took another mental inventory of our stuff and thought about how much work remains.

Rumor has it that people five miles away heard the scream I let loose after that.

That is because during the past ten years I have moved about five times and I’ll hit another three this year.

I blame the frequency on the love child of audacity of gumption and brazen.

Perspective Is Important

It would be easy to wallow in negativity and tell you about how I was force fed a shit sandwich and told to smile while swallowing it.

It would be easy to share how hard it was and how I look at some of those moments as being the worst of my life.

There were moments there where I was certain the sun had been extinguished and that love and happiness were things I was allowed to see other people enjoy.

The thing is I was given a double dose of tenacity and enough self confidence to believe there wasn’t anything I couldn’t figure out or at worst…outlast.

Fast forward to the present and I can’t tell you if there was more outlast or outwit played by me against the challenges I faced.

All I can tell you is today I am damn close to getting back and beyond where I once was.

That is a celebration in itself and a reminder to not let myself go too crazy because of the endless packing.

You would think that after all of these moves I would be an expert and that it would be easy for me.

In concept there is a lot of truth in that except we have a ton of stuff and that is after numerous runs to Goodwill, dumpsters and what have you.

It wasn’t until the 23rd dumpster run of the day that I remembered I am freaking 47 and that I have been a father for a hell of a long time.

Certainly not as long as others but long enough for all of us to have acquired all sorts of stuff.

And th0ugh we have worked hard to shrink the number of things we own we have also tried to make sure we keep stuff we use on a semi-consistent basis.

Doesn’t mean we can’t rid ourselves of more stuff but it does mean that some things are kept because it is more cost-effective to hold onto than replace or rent them.

Ambition Meets Heart & Soul

“Dad, you are as goofy as the boys in school.”

I smile at my daughter and tell her I hope I am goofier.

When she asks why I tell it is because I have earned it.

Before she can answer I turn on Can’t Stop The Feeling and start dancing.

“Dad, you can’t dance.”

I laugh and tell her she is only partially right.

“I know how to two-step and slow dance. Girls always liked slow dancing with me.”

She rolls her eyes at me and I drop my voice an octave and tell her to come practice our wedding dance.

That kid gives me a hair flip and walks down the hall but not before she giggles at my goofy moves.

****

In the quiet of the night I stare at the ceiling and go over a list of things to be grateful for. Life is one hell of a journey.

I have this image of putting on a backpack with straps that lead back to the kind of trailer you normally describe as being part of a Semi-truck.

Except there is no cab and motor because I am supposed to be both.

It intrigues me to consider and mull over what my subconscious is saying.

Can’t decide if it is a complaint about the cost of moving and an effort to rebel against the price or if my mind says “buddy, you have a body built for moving heavy crap so you might as well use it.”

Reminds me of a recent moment on the court where a man twenty years younger said he needed someone else to guard me because he was tired of me throwing him around.

Ego smiles at this because it is proof that I am not yet as old as I fear I have become as if there is any real significance in any of this.

Because it is certainly not as valuable or meaningful as being told your character is of the highest standard or that you are the kind of person others should strive to be like.

But none of these things are necessarily of the same import as trying to figure out the best way to conduct the current move we are about to undertake.

There is something about the bear in the photo above that catches my eye and holds my attention.

Maybe it’s because I know he doesn’t spend time wondering about worrying about the choices he makes or has made.

Nah, that dude just goes forth and lives and there is much to appreciate and learn from in that.

Except as much as I want to be like that bear I have to accept I don’t have claws, fur or serious teeth I can use along with instinct to provide for the kids and I.

Sure I could go off the grid and do things to live off of the land in a way that bear might appreciate and or recognize but that is not the path we are on and I am good with that.

Adventures In Moving

Got a couple of weeks left to pack up our gear, hire movers and find a new home.

I am pretty damn excited about it all but a little nervous too.  Got to come up with a bigger chunk of cash now than I had expected to but it kind of feels appropriate.

Why?

Because there is this goofy voice that says I need to prove my desire to leap into the future and reap the rewards that will come with it.

Call it a modern day sacrifice that is more humane than killing animals or humans.

So I stare at my garage and ask myself how much stuff I really need to take along with me. Stare aft the furniture and wonder if it wouldn’t be smarter to just junk most of what I have and start over.

When the kids asked for an explanation I told them heart and head said this would be the smartest way to move into something bigger and better.

For a while they scowled but not too long after they said if I thought it was right it was worth going for it.

And then they asked what would happen if they said no and I told them if they found a winning lottery ticket, bag of money or genie we could rethink it.

We laughed and I promised them I would do my best to make it work well for all of us and we agreed they would do the same.

So here we are, one week away from the first move we have to make and a couple from the really big one.

It is kind of scary, but mostly in a good way.

Tell the bear to make some room because if this goes half as well as I expect I am going to have more time to take the kids to go hang out with him in his home.

Got to run, I hear Mr. Toad’s engine gunning and I can’t be late.