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The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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Archives for August 2016

Some Weeks Are Busier Than Others

August 11, 2016 by Jack Steiner 6 Comments

In the years to come I am sure I’ll look back more fondly upon this particular moment in time but I am not quite there yet.

Because when you move out of your house into temporary housing and then go for simple surgery the next day you don’t give yourself much time to relax.

It doesn’t matter if you scheduled the surgery or if you knew in advance you were moving into temporary housing because knowledge doesn’t always remove the sting of some things.

But it can and in this case does take some of the edge off of a harder moment because I did make all of the arrangements myself.

It is all part of the transition into the next phase of life with the goal of moving on to bigger and better.

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Some Weeks Are Busier Than Others

The doc says this is a simple hernia surgery and that if I wanted to I could wait to do it.

I thought about it and opted not to because sometimes it is easier and smarter to go with what and who you know.

Since the move is in two parts I had to get out of the old place but won’t be in the new for a little bit and the time in between works as a nice transition to get all I can in order.

Or at least that is what I have told myself and the kids.

It is on to bigger and better and part of that involves doing whatever we can to improve or at least maintain our health.

What I didn’t tell them is I am nervous about the surgery.

That wasn’t because I was trying to be brave or hide my fear but because it all happened so quickly I didn’t have time to realize I am a little concerned about it.

It is new to me, surgery that is.

I have been fortunate to be relatively healthy so I haven’t experienced this part of the healthcare system and  I am not real excited about being put under.

But since I am still quite tired from the move I hope it leads to a nice nap and that when I wake up it won’t be too uncomfortable.

Bigger and Better

That has been my mantra the last few weeks, onto bigger and better.

I look back at the past, say thank you for the good things and goodbye to the other stuff.

I am grateful for all I have including good doctors and the ability to do what is necessary to heal whatever small wounds time and age have wreaked upon me.

The hardest part of this might be the instruction not to lift anything heavy for a while.

Heavy is a relative term here because the doc says 10 pounds is the limit and the weights I lift for exercise usually weigh a little more.

So I’ll do my best to listen and to give my body time to heal with the idea that it will lead to a bigger and better opportunity for everything.

Almost Time

I told my kids not to worry about coming to the hospital because it is an outpatient procedure and there is no point in using up one of the last days of summer to sit and wait for me to come out.

I’ll see them tonight.

In theory if I am up to it you might find me back at the computer later tonight.

I have been so busy I haven’t had as much time to write as I would like to, so if I am required to be more sedentary for a while I hope to use my time here at the keyboard.

Got to run now and head off to admitting, see you on the other side.

Filed Under: Life

Are Fathers Better Lovers Than Mothers?

August 8, 2016 by Jack Steiner 6 Comments

The mix of music on my iTunes has already played its way through The Long & Winding Road, Come Together and somehow made its way to the Fiddler On The Roof soundtrack.

It is a good combination of tunes for a day that feels twice as long as eternity.

Four cups of coffee, a Double-Double from In-N-Out and exhaustion is enough to get me dancing with Tevye around my room…sort of.

Sort of means there are boxes and things everywhere but none of those obstacles are enough to prevent me from singing Tradition to the empty room.

That is cuz the tradition in this house is that dad stays alone the night before the movers come so that he can manage the move unencumbered of parental duties.

Strange & Surreal

It feels strange and surreal to know our time living in the townhouse I never wanted to live in is…done.

The silence I normally welcome is deafening and the excitement I feel about moving towards a better future is tinged with a bittersweet taste.

This move is being broken up into two pieces, not by my choice but because it is how things worked out.

It means for a couple of weeks I’ll live in temporary housing and then make a bigger move to find new housing again.

The bigger move is the real step into creating the future I see us moving into but it doesn’t come without sacrifice.

workforprize

I figure if my great-grandparents had the courage to leave all they knew behind for a shot at a better life this should be easy in comparison.

Old Jack Steiner speaks, reads and writes English, has a great job and is a citizen.

That is more than the aforementioned ancestors had and it doesn’t cover the ease with which technology shrinks the world.

A couple of clicks and I can communicate with friends and family or if need be I can hop on a plane and be back within a few hours.

And the thing is if I want to do more than Tevye and sing about becoming a rich man than I need to take advantage of opportunities when they are presented.

The thing is, when this one showed up I didn’t hesitate to do my best to make it my own and well now I get to find out what happens when you get what you asked for.

Are Fathers Better Lovers Than Mothers?

A few people heard about the new deal and offered unsolicited advice and criticism of my plans but I ignored them.

It is easy for people to tell you what they think you should do, especially when they won’t suffer the consequences of said advice.

I don’t wear a sweater when others are cold so why would I listen to their fears and commentary.

Doesn’t mean I won’t or don’t ever listen to what other people say, just that I am selective about it, especially when someone tells me a mother would never do that.

Gah, only an idiot tries to distinguish whether mothers or fathers love their children more.

Parents love their kids, the end.

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The music in my ears never stops playing but even if it did I know the parade of images inside my head wouldn’t end.

Some hours earlier my 12-year-old daughter accompanied me on a run to get more boxes and take care of more errands surrounding the move.

Our conversation wandered through a variety of topics and ended up on jobs and marriage.

I told her my sweet girl I wanted her to get a great education, to study hard and work towards getting a good job.

She asked me why and I told her I wanted her to be self-sufficient and to not put herself in a position in which money dictates every choice and decision she has to make.

And now hours later the conversation replays in my head and I hope I did a good job of explaning and expressing my thoughts.

I hope she understands the point of the conversation is I want the best for her and I want her to live her life fully and completely.

I don’t want her to feel like she has to get married or to become a mother because society expects it. I want it for her if she wants it.

I want her to take advantage of all her potential.

The thing is I am working on about 9 hours of sleep over the past few days so I know I am beyond exhausted and I might not be as eloquent or clear as I want to be.

The Cries of The Unpacked

The movers will be here tomorrow around 8 so I must go.

I must go because of the awful cries of the unpacked possessions are haunting me the way Frume Sara haunted Tevye.

Tell the kids I love them, dad is off to make our future.

Filed Under: Children, Life

Are You An Illiterate Brand Whore?

August 4, 2016 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

A short tour of the parent blogosphere today provided a fresh reminder about how many illiterate brand whores are masquerading as bloggers.

Can’t tell you how many times I came across advertising that was camouflaged as a blog post or all of the times I wondered if the brands spent any time reading the posts they paid for.

It warms my tiny black heart and angry black soul to see the sort of drek people slap upon their pages.

Really, it is good to know that fortune can smile upon you and provide you with products and trips even though you haven’t a clue how to tell a story that includes a beginning, middle or end.

Jack’s A Cranky Jerk

Some of you will label me a cranky jerk and provide a litany of reasons why people shouldn’t take me seriously.

You’ll say I am jealous or suggest I should keep my mouth shut because my prose isn’t perfect and wave your fingers back at me.

That is cool with me because I am not here to get your approval any more than you need to get mine.

I have spent the last 12 years blogging because I love to write and because this world had been one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given.

Bloggers come and go and very few last unless they have fun doing this and that includes the people that are going on all of the trips and getting all of the swag.

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Why Do I Comment/Complain?

I love writing and I believe it deserves respect. I believe it is a skill and that it is possible for all of us to improve.

I get cranky when bloggers devalue writing and our work by throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks and by working for free.

I believe a rising tide raises all ships and that Illiterate Brand Whores are dropping bombs through the middle of our ranks.

It is hard enough to make a buck this way and to make things work without those hacks blindly lumbering around.

Show some respect for yourself and for others and take a moment to proof your work. Get to know your spellchecker and take some time to ask if your stories have a beginning, middle and an end.

truewriting

Do with this what you will.

Call me a crank, a saint or something in between.

I am the guy who bleeds at the keyboard or whatever the hell it was Hemingway said.

You may not ever find perfection here but you will find passion and a desire to do better every time.

My words mean something to me even when they suck.

There are many fine writers in the parent blogosphere. Many men and women whose command of the language makes me strive to do more and become better.

I just wish the brand whores didn’t get as much attention as they do. It is a real shame that and a disservice to those who deserve better.

End of rant.

Filed Under: Blogging, Writing

What Happens When Gumption Sleeps With Audacity

August 3, 2016 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

There is something about Patsy Cline’s Walkin’ After Midnight that makes me want to go outside and find the moon she sings about.

Maybe it is a sixth sense that pushes me to take advantage of the magic that moonlight sprinkles upon the earth or maybe it is something else.

Don’t ask for more detail than that because experience has taught me sometimes you have to just accept that some things are and that other things…aren’t.

It took years for me to learn that particular lesson and even now there are moments where the most significant challenge of my day is to just sit still and let things happen.

That is because your favorite dad blogger brings a certain intensity to all he does and a desire to encourage people to do as he wants.

You might ask if that is because I have a need to control situations but that is not how I see it. No sir and no ma’am.

Human nature pushes most of us to take the path of least resistance and sometimes it means things don’t go as we want.

I suspect more often than not it has nothing to do with whether people like or dislike us and more to do with fighting inertia.

Ask my kids and they’ll tell you I push them to frame the circumstances they encounter that way because we act differently when we don’t think things happen because someone wanted to be a jerk.

Anyhoo, that thing called inertia and the path of least resistance are why I sometimes have been known to engage in the aforementioned encouragement.

If I ask you for help and am polite and reasonable most people are happy to give it. Can’t tell you how many times it has helped me get things done.

But then again, sometimes it just doesn’t matter because there are times where it can’t or won’t work and you just have to wait.

workforprize

I have been thinking about my pal Mr. Emerson for most of the day.

Why?

Because I busted my ass to make things happen and now that they have I am going crazy trying to get 987 hours worth of to-do list in just 12.

That might be an exaggeration but sadly it is just a slight one.

And that my friends is why I keep reminding myself of the quote because it helps me not to go crazy while trying to pack.

What Happens When Gumption Sleeps With Audacity

I messed around with using brazen or moxie instead of gumption but audacity defenestrated both of them so they lost out.

Somewhere around 10 I walked into my son’s room and asked him why he hadn’t begun packing or at least sorting his stuff.

He shrugged his shoulders at me and I told him if he wanted to make it to 25 he ought to get started.

“Dad, I am not going to be 25 for years.”

“Smart guy, before you think your old man has forgotten you won’t turn 25 for nine years let me assure you I haven’t. I know exactly how old you are and if you don’t start working it will take exactly 9 years and 3 days for you to finish serving your sentence.”

He told me the smile on my face was making him nervous and I winked and walked out.

Hell, I would have done the same thing at his age so I shouldn’t complain but…

Anyhoo as I walked back to my bedroom I took another mental inventory of our stuff and thought about how much work remains.

Rumor has it that people five miles away heard the scream I let loose after that.

That is because during the past ten years I have moved about five times and I’ll hit another three this year.

I blame the frequency on the love child of audacity of gumption and brazen.

Perspective Is Important

It would be easy to wallow in negativity and tell you about how I was force fed a shit sandwich and told to smile while swallowing it.

It would be easy to share how hard it was and how I look at some of those moments as being the worst of my life.

There were moments there where I was certain the sun had been extinguished and that love and happiness were things I was allowed to see other people enjoy.

The thing is I was given a double dose of tenacity and enough self confidence to believe there wasn’t anything I couldn’t figure out or at worst…outlast.

Fast forward to the present and I can’t tell you if there was more outlast or outwit played by me against the challenges I faced.

All I can tell you is today I am damn close to getting back and beyond where I once was.

That is a celebration in itself and a reminder to not let myself go too crazy because of the endless packing.

about the truth

You would think that after all of these moves I would be an expert and that it would be easy for me.

In concept there is a lot of truth in that except we have a ton of stuff and that is after numerous runs to Goodwill, dumpsters and what have you.

It wasn’t until the 23rd dumpster run of the day that I remembered I am freaking 47 and that I have been a father for a hell of a long time.

Certainly not as long as others but long enough for all of us to have acquired all sorts of stuff.

And th0ugh we have worked hard to shrink the number of things we own we have also tried to make sure we keep stuff we use on a semi-consistent basis.

Doesn’t mean we can’t rid ourselves of more stuff but it does mean that some things are kept because it is more cost-effective to hold onto than replace or rent them.

Ambition Meets Heart & Soul

“Dad, you are as goofy as the boys in school.”

I smile at my daughter and tell her I hope I am goofier.

When she asks why I tell it is because I have earned it.

Before she can answer I turn on Can’t Stop The Feeling and start dancing.

“Dad, you can’t dance.”

I laugh and tell her she is only partially right.

“I know how to two-step and slow dance. Girls always liked slow dancing with me.”

She rolls her eyes at me and I drop my voice an octave and tell her to come practice our wedding dance.

That kid gives me a hair flip and walks down the hall but not before she giggles at my goofy moves.

****

In the quiet of the night I stare at the ceiling and go over a list of things to be grateful for. Life is one hell of a journey.

Filed Under: Children, Life

Adventures In Moving

August 1, 2016 by Jack Steiner 6 Comments

I have this image of putting on a backpack with straps that lead back to the kind of trailer you normally describe as being part of a Semi-truck.

Except there is no cab and motor because I am supposed to be both.

It intrigues me to consider and mull over what my subconscious is saying.

Can’t decide if it is a complaint about the cost of moving and an effort to rebel against the price or if my mind says “buddy, you have a body built for moving heavy crap so you might as well use it.”

Reminds me of a recent moment on the court where a man twenty years younger said he needed someone else to guard me because he was tired of me throwing him around.

Ego smiles at this because it is proof that I am not yet as old as I fear I have become as if there is any real significance in any of this.

Because it is certainly not as valuable or meaningful as being told your character is of the highest standard or that you are the kind of person others should strive to be like.

But none of these things are necessarily of the same import as trying to figure out the best way to conduct the current move we are about to undertake.

“The city is built
To music, therefore never built at all,
And therefore built forever.”
Alfred Tennyson

There is something about the bear in the photo above that catches my eye and holds my attention.

Maybe it’s because I know he doesn’t spend time wondering about worrying about the choices he makes or has made.

Nah, that dude just goes forth and lives and there is much to appreciate and learn from in that.

Except as much as I want to be like that bear I have to accept I don’t have claws, fur or serious teeth I can use along with instinct to provide for the kids and I.

Sure I could go off the grid and do things to live off of the land in a way that bear might appreciate and or recognize but that is not the path we are on and I am good with that.

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Adventures In Moving

Got a couple of weeks left to pack up our gear, hire movers and find a new home.

I am pretty damn excited about it all but a little nervous too.  Got to come up with a bigger chunk of cash now than I had expected to but it kind of feels appropriate.

Why?

Because there is this goofy voice that says I need to prove my desire to leap into the future and reap the rewards that will come with it.

Call it a modern day sacrifice that is more humane than killing animals or humans.

So I stare at my garage and ask myself how much stuff I really need to take along with me. Stare aft the furniture and wonder if it wouldn’t be smarter to just junk most of what I have and start over.

Whatispossible

When the kids asked for an explanation I told them heart and head said this would be the smartest way to move into something bigger and better.

For a while they scowled but not too long after they said if I thought it was right it was worth going for it.

And then they asked what would happen if they said no and I told them if they found a winning lottery ticket, bag of money or genie we could rethink it.

We laughed and I promised them I would do my best to make it work well for all of us and we agreed they would do the same.

So here we are, one week away from the first move we have to make and a couple from the really big one.

It is kind of scary, but mostly in a good way.

Tell the bear to make some room because if this goes half as well as I expect I am going to have more time to take the kids to go hang out with him in his home.

Got to run, I hear Mr. Toad’s engine gunning and I can’t be late.

Filed Under: Children, Life

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