I woke up before my alarm wondering if the tornado sirens were going off unsure of where I was and wondering if the screaming I heard was coming from my own lips.
Took a deep breath, opened my eyes and found myself lying on top of the comforter with a desperate need to empty my bladder.
Sat up and stretched and silently demanded all parts of my body behave.
There will be no mystery aches or brains and no discovery of bruises whose unknown origin irk me.
The only response I got was from my bladder saying it didn’t care where it was emptied and that I had a short time to figure it out.
Rolled out of bed and figured I should be grateful because I drank about 32 ounces of water after 10. Some of the boys tell me doing that guarantees a middle of the night bathroom visit.
Took care of the first part of the morning routine and asked why I feel like I am panicking.
It’s Just A Blog
I have two main blogs and a handful of others that I still support but I don’t know how long that will continue.
Time and energy are huge factors in why I wrestle with condensing what I have in to just a couple of places.
Limited resources are best used in ways in which we get the most out of what we have, or so I muttered to myself.
You may ask yourself why I am not more decisive and says it is just a blog.
Since you can’t see inside my head you haven’t any understanding about how proud I am of some of the work I have produced and how valuable writing is for me.
In the five minutes that have passed since I started writing this post I have noticed a distinct release in tension and pressure.
That sense of panic and dread is fading because putting pen to paper triggered something inside my head, clarifying what caused the upset.
Now that I understand what set me off I can say there is a reason for the discomfort and concern. It is there because there is a situation that I have limited control over and it could get ugly.
But knowing why I feel as I do is usually good enough for me. It takes some conscious effort to push aside and push through, but I can do it.
It doesn’t quite explain why I hear Banarama singing Cruel Summer but it does remind me of ’84, the beach and girls in bikinis.
That was a good summer.
I Want Candy
My reverie is interrupted by a Snapchat from my daughter as she walks into middleÂ school and her 7th-grade commentary sends me back a few more years.
It is the spring of ’82 and I am at Magic Mountain in Valencia. This band called Bow Wow Wow is going hold a concert there and the park with filled withÂ punkers.
There are people with mohawk haircuts, leather jackets and a ton of earrings and piercings. Might not look as shocking today as it did then, but back then they made a statement.
As I wander through the park with friends The Waitresses song I know What Boys Like starts playing on the overhead speakers.
Doesn’t take long for some of the girls around the park to start dancing and singing along to it. The guys and I look at each other, thinking about times we have been teased.
Girls are the great mystery to us. One moment they’re holding our hand and or doing more and the next they ignore us.
We can’t figure out what the hell they are thinking and aren’t convinced they know either.
Fast forward 35 years and some of the conversations with my single friends still sound the same. I imagine women probably say the same about us.
Don’t Stop Believin’
Someone tell Chuck I am doing it and that I am encouraging my kids to do it too.
Can’t just pass through life, got to live and live hard. Make your mark and whenever you reach that finish line you’ll feel better.
That is what I tell myself and the moments when it feels like the bull I am riding is about to throw me are the best and the worst.
So I go back to my eighties music and pull out Journey.
Saw them in concert in August of 2015 and was a part of a crowd of people singing Don’t Stop Believin’.
Man, I am legitimately nervous about some stuff, but it only takes a couple of hits from these arrows to give me a little swagger.
Enough to be almost cocky, but not quite.
Paying anything to roll the dice just one more time or something like that. 😉