The Aftermath Of The Storm

It’s almost a month since my father died and now I wander through the aftermath of the storm picking up the pieces.

Sometimes I feel like I am wandering on a sandy beach picking up pieces of driftwood, marveling at the majesty of nature.

One moment the storm is mighty and terrible and then it is gone and you can’t imagine a nicer, warmer and more inviting place to be.

And then there are those other moments where the sea rages and I fight to keep the waves from tossing our ship against the rocks.

Love hard and live hard.

It is how I roll.

The Aftermath Of The Storm

I started this blog in May of 2004.

Dad was on life support and the docs said he was done, but Steiner the Elder challenged Death to a bare-knuckles brawl and Death was dumb enough to accept.

Dad beat him.

He kicked his bony ass up and down the street and embarrassed him so badly that it took Death a decade to try to come back.

That sneaky bastard made an effort to slip in through the back door and we’ll give him credit because he did all he could to weaken dad.

And so we reached the place 14 years later where Death felt comfortable coming back and they went at it again.

When I got the call they told me dad wouldn’t make it through the night, so I did what I had done before.

I booked the first flight I could catch and drove like Batman chasing the Joker to the hospital.

Dad was still conscious, still fighting but in more pain and distress than I had ever seen before.

He made it five full nights beyond the doctor’s prediction.

Intellectually it all makes sense and I understand exactly what happened. My father had a pretty damn good life.

We had lots of time to talk about all that was going on and we said most of what had to be said.

I say most because you never really feel like you got enough time. I expected it but the truth i I am surprised at how much harder this is.

Surprised that as an almost middle-aged man there have been moments that reminded me of being a 10-year-old boy who just wanted to play catch with his dad.

The silence is deafening and though I accept it I will never like it.

One day at a time is the new mantra.

What Comes Next

We move on from Words Are For You to a month of silence into the new place where we wonder what comes next.

I don’t have the time to provide a proper post that fills in the blanks, gaps, nooks, and crannies for what I am referring to here.

This isn’t intended to be a teaser where I give you a taste of something that will catch your eye and make you anxiously await the next installment.

It’s just one man saying one of the hardest and biggest changes a person can face has come about and now that it is over I am standing on the other side trying to catch my breath.

This is the first moment I have had to think about and consider what I want to do, what I ought to do and what I need to do.

It is the first moment where I can try to wipe away the fog and figure out what comes next.

Life is forever changed and for once that is not an exaggeration. The lack of hyperbole in that underscores the intensity of the moment and the profound sense of “WTF” just happened.

I guess I am going to find out.

Words Are For You

These words are for you.

Your ears are who they are meant for.

Along with the hope you’ll hear, understand and listen.

No one knows for certain what will happen if we walk down one path.

But we know alone and apart is an unwanted companion.

Fear says they won’t be heard or understood.

Hope says fear is foolish and far too anxious.

Patience.

Hope says be patient and what will be will unfold.

Maybe.

Lead Or Follow

Someone asked why this place has been quiet for so long and I told them Traveling Jack has been engaged in multiple adventures in places without WiFi or cell service.

They ask if the Shmata Queen has been a part of these or if Traveling Jack has been alone.

If I told you she was kidnapped and I have been working out the details of how to rescue her would you shake your head and ask what really happened or beg for more details?

Would you say it’s inconceivable she would allow herself to be captured and or locked up or that she would need my help?

If you picked another option and said I would let her remain locked up and not breach the castle walls and pull her out of there you would be wrong.

They haven’t built the place that could do that.

Lead Or Follow

Sometimes you have to choose between options and the question is as simple as lead or follow.

You may want and long for the shades of gray which enable you to see circumstances in terms that aren’t as stark but you can’t always get what you want..

So you pick the road and lead or follow the path for as long as you can and that is how it goes until life chooses to make you change again.

Maybe it is with a shmata and maybe it is without.

What is today will not always reflect what is tomorrow.

That may make your heart cry or may make it sing.

More to come on this or maybe not.

Looking For America

We elected a clown and incompetent boob who says he is trying to make America great.

How many school shootings have we seen since he was put in office?

That doesn’t mean I am ignoring Las Vegas or the other horrors he seems to claim are committed by people who don’t look like him or are done by those who are mentally ill.

I don’t recognize this and I can’t accept it as the way things have to be. Guess I am looking for America.