The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for September 2004

A Sukkah that could withstand a hurricane

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I am sure that the Head Heeb has his own stories of Jewish GIs and the holidays. I came across two stories today that I found interesting. The first is about a Sukkah that was built by the army for Chaplain Capt. Shmuel Felzenberg who is currently stationed in Iraq.

And the second story albeit an older one is about a Passover seder that was held in one of Saddam’s palaces.The seder was organized and lead by Rabbi Mitchell Ackerson (LTC, USA), the senior chaplain for the US Army 220th Military Police Brigade.

I found it interesting because you don’t find a ton of Jews in the US military. It is not for a lack of a patriotism, but a thousand different reasons. Such as in my case a problem with authority. If you ask the people that know me best what would happen if I had enlisted or been drafted they will uniformly respond with “he would have been court martialed.”

I prefer to think of this as being more like a strong streak of independence.

I have a dsyfunctional digestive system

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Yes, it is true. I have a dysfunctional digestive system. I am not in the mood to give you the exact title and definition. For the purpose of this post it really doesn’t matter, in part because I haven’t the foggiest idea where I am taking this yet.

Like a lot of my writing it is a journey in which I go whichever way the road takes me. If I head up the 101 I may stop at the Big Yellow House in Summerland, Pea Soup Andersens in Buellton or some other joint for no good reason other than I feel like it.

Although the reality is that my dysfunctional digestive system often requires me to make adjustments on the fly. I may be king, but the stomach is the cruel emperor and upon occasion it requires attention. It brooks no disobediance, when the call comes I must heed it quickly or risk a messy situation. Thus far I have proven to be the victor. The secret has been determination, the ability to thread through traffic at high speeds, the willingness to use the great outdoors and a very strong sphincter. I know, that is really graphic, but this is stinky business.

My dysfunctional digestive system has played a sizeable role in my life. At times I have skipped social events and have been late to work several times. When I was younger I was late on dates and actually missed a few. But there was no good way to say to these women that I would be happy to go out to eat, but I am not eating. As I recall from my dating days about half of them would order and then not eat anyway.

Some attribute my my dysfunctional digestive system to diet. That is only partially true, sometimes it doesn’t matter what I eat, it punishes me. So to piss it off I eat all of the foods that I am not supposed to. Nothing like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

My dysfunctional digestive system is an attention whore. It is not uncommon for my stomach to rumble loudly, so loudly that people nearby can hear it. And it is not uncommon at dinner parties for the host/hostesses to worry that they have poisoned me because of the rumbling.

But there are worst things. Some of the bits that you have seen in the movies have happened to me. I have gone back to my date’s apartment for a nightcap and had to suddenly rush to the bathroom. Better yet, the bathroom was occupied by the roommate and when finally available I discovered that it did not have a fan or toilet paper.

SO I know that you are asking yourself why would someone sit down without checking for toilet paper. And to my female readers I ask a similar question. How hard is it to check and see if the seat is down.

The lack of a fan has also been problematic. All that rumbling results in action, expressive bodily functions that are not “appropriate” for sharing that early in the dating process. Sometimes I have demonstrated my tremendous ability to sing loudly. Did I ever mention that, I can really belt it out. The problem is that most people find it to be more exciting to be belted rather then listen to the soft, sweet dulcet tunes I produce.

Another fine aspect of my dysfunctional digestive system is my tremendous ability to imitate a balloon. Sometime my dysfunctional digestive system blows me up like one big bloated object. Too bad it doesn’t make me lighter than air, I would be pleased to float all over and my dysfunctional digestive system also provides the power to propel me forward.

Maybe I’ll contact the patents office and try and determine if I am able to put a patent together on this idea. It could solve my commute problem.

War with Iran

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At Rishon Rishon David writes about his thoughts on war between Israel and Iran . He posits that both Bush and Kerry must understand that Israel will not sit by and watch Iran develop nuclear weapons and that because of the War on Terror the U.S. cannot allow Israel to attack Iran.

The end result he proclaims is a US attack on Iran. It is a sensible conclusion given the circumstances we see. Iran does not acknowledge the existence of Israel. It is a primary supporter of Hezbollah and other terrorist organizations that attack Israel. We even saw during the Olympics that the Iranian athlete refused to compete against an Israeli athlete.

Bush is already laying the groundwork, making sure that the Iranians understand that there will not be a compromise on their acquiring nuclear capabilities. If Bush remains in office, I would not be surprised to see something like David’s suggestion of a US attack on Iran.

OTOH, I am not convinced that Kerry will do the same. At this juncture I rather suspect that Kerry will try and bring international pressure to bear on Iran, but I am not convinced that will be effective either.

An interesting thought to consider. Russia and Israel agreed to work together to fight terror. Traditionally Russia would not work with Israel and would be hesitant to irritate their Arab allies. But I wouldn’t be surprised to see Putin apply pressure on Iran on behalf of Israel. We live in strange times and stranger things have happened.

John Walker Lindh- Early freedom?

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“Sept. 28 – Since his tearful confession in a federal courtroom in Virginia two years ago, the world has heard nothing from John Walker Lindh, the young Marin County, Calif., man who provoked public outrage when he was captured alongside Taliban forces in November 2001. After Justice Department officials agreed to drop more serious terrorism charges against him, Lindh, now 23, plead guilty in July 2002 to aiding the Taliban, and received 20 years in federal prison.

Now, says his lead attorney James Brosnahan, “times have changed,” and the man once reviled as the “American Taliban” has asked President George W. Bush to commute his sentence. “There comes a time after the heat of war that people look at things more fairly,” said Brosnahan, flanked by Lindh’s parents at a San Francisco press conference. “It seems a matter of justice and compassion for the president to reduce his sentence.”

I am not sure how I feel about this. I remember being 20 and doing some pretty stupid things, but none of them involved attempting to kill anyone or engage in treasonous acts against my country.



It would be unfair to not think about this and consider the possibility. But consideration and action are two different things.

Blair Makes Partial Iraq Apology to Win Back Party

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“The evidence about Saddam having actual biological and chemical weapons … has turned out to be wrong,” Blair told Labour’s annual conference, his nearest yet to a “mea culpa.”

“The problem is I can apologize for the information that turned out to be wrong but I can’t, sincerely at least, apologize for removing Saddam,” he said. “The world is a better place with Saddam in prison not in power.”

Now who was it that suggested that Bush do something similar. Hmm….

Cat Stevens Supports Terrorist Organization

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Special thanks to Bloghead for alerting us to a report from the Canadian National Post and an article< that describes Steven’s speech for a “front” for a Palestinian terrorist group.

“In a videotape of the 1998 event obtained by the National Post, Mr. Islam describes Israel as a “so-called new society” created by a “so-called religion” and urges the audience to donate to the Jerusalem Fund for Human Services to “lessen the suffering of our brothers and sisters in Palestine and the Holy Land.”

The Jerusalem Fund is one of four “fronts” named in a secret Privy Council Office memo that was sent to Jean Chretien, then prime minister, on May 23, 2000, discussing what it called groups that “have unsavoury links with terrorism.”

Mr. Stevens’ Peace Train apparently is selective in whom it stops for.