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The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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  • About Jack
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Archives for February 2008

The Story of The Three Cellphone Chargers

February 29, 2008 by Jack Steiner 12 Comments

A few weeks ago we took the family down to San Diego for a quick weekend getaway. It was quite an adventure. We enjoyed a three car pileup on the freeway, the death of an aunt and the hospitalization of my grandmother, and that was on day one.

Anyway, that is background for this story. One of the beauties of the modern age is that a cellphone and a laptop provide you with a mobile office. It is a great time saver/ball-and-chain. So I rarely go anywhere without my electronic leash. This trip was no exception.

The day came and went and we returned to the hotel. As the sun went down I dutifully plugged in my cellphone and cellphone charger into the outlet in the bathroom and went off line for the evening. On a side note I should add that there was a nice sense of relief from not feeling like I had to check my email every five minutes.

The next morning came and I smiled as my children enjoyed the hotel breakfast buffet. Following our sumptuous meal we headed back upstairs to grab our things and checked out. Having had plenty of travel experience I expertly tossed the room to ensure that nothing would be left behind. However, I expertly forgot that a 3.5 year-old girl who wants to see Shamu can be quite distracting and as a result I forgot to take the both the cellphone and charger from the wall.

Twelve hours later on the road back to Los Angeles I realized what had happened. I took a quick look at the freeway and decided that I didn’t want to backtrack 18 miles. Why go back when I could use my cellphone to call the hotel and have them mail the charger to me.

The first indication that my plan was flawed came during the initial call to the hotel.

“Sorry Mr. Jack, housekeeping has gone home so we don’t have anyone to check your room for the charger. Please call back in the morning.”

It didn’t really faze me. I figured that I had a car charger, no problem. The next day comes and a very nice lady tells me that housekeeping has found my charger and that they will mail it back to me. I thank her and figure that within a day or two I’ll have my charger.

But that is not what happens. The charger doesn’t show up. Another call to the hotel to ask about it explains that they are sure it was sent. For the next couple of nights I spend chunks of time in my car using the portable charger. That phone is a business line, I can’t let it not be charged.

After more time than I care to think about listening to late night talk show hosts prattle on about politics, sports and UFOs I decide that I am going to just buy a new charger.

What I don’t know is that apparently my cellphone provider thinks that $50 bucks is a fair price for a replacement. I am irritated by this and decide screw it, I’ll find a better source and so begins the quest for fire, err replacement charger.

Amazon comes through with an amazing deal. I can purchase the replacement for a penny. The only downside is that it costs $8 bucks to ship it via ground. But I don’t want to pay more than $20 for a unit that costs a penny so I say screw it and order it. After all it shouldn’t take that long to reach me, what is a couple more hours sitting in the car.

That couple more hours turns into excruciating pain and finally I can’t take it any longer. I decide that the next day I am going to do what it takes to find a charger.

Once again I resume my quest. My steel clad steed and I drive around and locate a vendor at a local mall. He has a cart from which he sells all sorts of generic cellphone accessories, better yet he has a charger that works on my phone. For twenty bucks and change I have a replacement.

The next two nights feel like heaven. The end of the day comes and I don’t have to live in my car. It is a tremendous pleasure to just relax. I kick myself for not thinking of this earlier. Don’t forget that I have already ordered a replacement via Amazon. Even though it only cost a penny I got nailed on the shipping costs so technically I have two chargers for about $30 bucks.

For an additional $20 I could have saved myself the aggravation of hanging out in the car and had a charger the entire time. Or had I been willing to commit to an extra hour of travel time I could have just turned around and gone back for it. Between you and me I never liked that idea. I was afraid that I would drive back and find that for some reason or another I wouldn’t be able to get the charger and then where would I be.

But I didn’t do those things. I didn’t spend $50 bucks for a new charger. Instead I spent the majority of three or four nights in the car waiting for the damn phone to be charged.

Yesterday I came home and found two packages on my door. The first was the charger from Amazon and the second was an envelope from the hotel containing my charger. Great, now I have three chargers for my Treo.

And I didn’t even mention that in a few months I intend to switch over to a BlackBerry. Fark!

Filed Under: Random Thoughts

The Fear of Failure

February 28, 2008 by Jack Steiner 6 Comments

“If I find 10,000 ways something won’t work, I haven’t failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.’
Thomas A. Edison

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”
Thomas A. Edison

I suppose that sounds rather New Agey, but anytime I am feeling like I have failed to succeed I try to take a look at these two quotes. Actually there are a bunch of others that I like to read, but I didn’t have time to include all of them.

And that leads me to my next point/comment. The moments that I find that I am most disappointed with myself are tied into the fear of failure, not failure, but the fear of it. It is much easier to live with knowing that you tried than to say that you never did.

Filed Under: Random Thoughts

Most Popular Videos At The Shack

February 27, 2008 by Jack Steiner 12 Comments

Updated to include Treppenwitz’s Favorite Dance Song/Video;



One of these days I have to share my thoughts about luck and timing, but for now you’ll have to settle for a partial list of the most popular videos of the last 18 months or so.

Here they are in no particular order:

Jimmy Kimmel’s Blanking Ben Affleck
Does Size Matter?
Spontaneous Subway Dancing
Japanese Toilet Humor
Confession of The Moment

Filed Under: Videos

Children Watch as Snake eats family dog

February 27, 2008 by Jack Steiner 12 Comments

I don’t know about you but I’d be more than a little concerned about this.

BRISBANE, Australia (AP) — A 16-foot python stalked a family dog for days before swallowing the pet whole in front of horrified children in the Australian tropics, animal experts said Wednesday.

The boy and girl, aged 5 and 7, watched as the scrub python devoured their silky terrier-Chihuahua crossbreed Monday at their home near Kuranda in Queensland state.

Stuart Douglas, owner of the Australian Venom Zoo in Kuranda, said scrub pythons typically eat wild animals such as wallabies, a smaller relative of the kangaroo, but sometimes turn to pets in urban areas.

“It actively stalked the dog for a number of days,” Douglas said.

“The family that owned the dog had actually seen it in the dog’s bed, which was a sign it was out to get it,” he added.

I am not trying to pile on, but if I found a 16 foot python in my house I’d call someone sooner rather than later.

“The lady who was there threw some plastic chairs at the snake, but you’ve got to remember that this is about 50 kilograms (110 pounds) of aggressive muscle,” Rose said.

A plastic chair? If you are going to try and do something that might antagonize the snake and or save the dog it better be more than that. Here is a blurb about this from another news source.

Sydney – An Australian man whose pet dog was eaten by a giant python as his family watched in horror is afraid to leave his children alone at home in case of another snake attack, media reports said on Wednesday.

Can’t say that I blame him. I feel badly for the children, that can’t be easy to see.

Filed Under: animals, Children

Tuesday Night Tunes

February 27, 2008 by Jack Steiner 4 Comments

A really odd mix of music, but I like it.

I Like It, I Love It–Tim McGraw
Swing– Trace Adkins
A Country Boy Can Survive–Hank Williams Jr.
All My Rowdy Friends–Hank Williams Jr.
Monday Night Football–
–Hank Williams Jr.
Knights of Cydonia–Muse
Cherry Cherry– Neil Diamond
Sweet Caroline– Neil Diamond
I Alone– Live
Lightning Crashes– Live



Filed Under: Music, Videos

My Dad Has A Problem

February 27, 2008 by Jack Steiner 10 Comments

There are moments in your child’s life when words fail to convey just how deeply you love them. Sometimes those moments are matched by moments when you can’t believe how this amazing person has managed to make you want to set your hair on fire and run screaming through the woods.

And of course there are an infinite number of moments that lie somewhere between the poles of happiness and Hopping Mad.

If you have spent any time really reading this blog you are probably aware that old Jack has a digestive issues that sometimes sends me running for the hills. Most of the time I am just fine, but every now and the folks below decks, you know the ones that live in steerage decide to make their presence known.

So dear reader allow me to tie the children and digestive system together. Today I had the privilege of taking Jack the younger to school. Most of the time I am not able to do this, so we were both excited. But even though he was excited I never forgot that the dear lad has a devilish streak in him so I made sure to keep a close eye upon him. Keep him on task so that we could leave enough time to get to school before the bell rang.

I was ever so pleased by how the morning went. I made him breakfast, saw that he was dressed, teeth were brushed, hair combed all in plenty of time. It was perfect and then capricious chance made an appearance.

Just as we were heading towards the door the phone rang. I intended to ignore it, we have voicemail for a reason. The dear boy had other plans. With a bounce in his step he glided over to the phone, picked it up and answered it.

By the look on his face I could tell that it was someone that had to speak with me. I took the phone from his hand and found myself conversing with a major VIP and consequently was unable to ask if we could reschedule the call.

That wasn’t the real issue. The problem was that it was at this moment that the engine room rang the deck and insisted on stopping the ship. I apologized to my son and hurried off to ask Scotty and company to recharge the dilithium crystals post haste.

Upon completion of my task we headed off to school and headed straight for the office to get a late note for my son. And that’s where the imp decided to zing me. He walked into the office and told the woman behind the counter the following.

J: I am not lazy. I didn’t mean to be late.
Office lady: That is good.

J: I would have been here on time, except my dad has a problem.

If I am not mistaken there was an echo and the words “My dad has a problem” repeated over and over. It was just the sort of thing you want hanging in the air.

As the office lady stared at me I offered a tooth filled grin and made some sort of comment about kids saying the darnedest things.

She brushed it off, handed him the late note and the two of us headed down the hall. I looked at him and said that we need to have a discussion about what is appropriate for conversation and what isn’t.

He told me that he already knew what I was going to say. So I looked at him and asked him to tell me.

“Don’t play with your penis in public.”

Just as he was telling me this two of the fifth grade teachers walked around the corner. The look on their faces made it quite clear that they had heard him say this. Maybe I was feeling overly self conscious, but that look made me wonder if they didn’t think that he was chastising me.

Great. The office lady thinks I have a problem and the fifth grade teachers think that I am playing pocket pool. I can’t wait for his Bar Mitzvah, I am so going to tell a few of the old stories.

Speaking of old stories I came across a slew that I thought I’d share with you again.

Mr Nobody Made Me Do it
Proud and Humbled By the Four-Year-Old
Things My Four-Year-Old Has Done
A Six Year Old Wonders
Where Babies Come From
Profanity- The Children Learn New Words Part Deux
Sex & Children
Great Moments In Parenting- Parts of our Body That Grow
Are You Smarter Than A Rabbi? Part I
Are You Smarter Than A Rabbi? Part II

Filed Under: Bathroom Stuff, Children

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