The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for February 2008

HH #155- The Falling Asleep At My Computer Edition

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The button below contains a link to a special message. Ok, it is not that special but it is a message that you can listen to. Just click and enjoy.

Hello and welcome to Haveil Havalim #155- The I am Falling Asleep At My Computer Edition. I encourage you to spend some time sifting through the many posts here. There are some very fine writers to read.

Also, please be aware that this will be updated and edited throughout the day so be sure to come back throughout the day.

Judaism

Samuel Scott linked to Kosher Kitchens.NY’s Funniest Rabbi offered Ki Tissa ‘Tudes.
EJP presents A Shared Jewish Community and Anti-Semitism 2.0 a.k.a. The Facebook Dilemma

From Wolfish Musings Guest Post: Why Gedolim Fail. I think that I once heard someone mutter Sheitel Shmeitel.

Would you agree or disagree that Retirement is Not a Jewish Concept. Ask the grouchy old bear or better yet read a guest post about Orthodox eating disorders.

Mottel has Jerusalem of my Soul -A Song of Ascents. You never know when you need to know How to alienate more Frum Jews.

From a Simple Jew Question & Answer With Yirmeyahu – Sanzer Chassidus. SuperRaizy has a PSA called Jewish Mother Needs Marrow Donor.

Mottel presents Purim Koton in Thought posted at Letters of Thought. Schvach Yid presents Schvach – פני

Dan presents My Jewish Birthday. Sammy shared Human Rights Watch – MR. MAGOO WANABES.

Lion of Zion asks How Did Jewish Women Know When To Light Shabbat Candles in the 18th C.?
frummy twelvestep presents Egypt and the 12 Steps.

A Simple Jew presents Question & Answer With Rabbi Dovid Sears – Minhagim Under the Magnifying Glass

Baruch Pelta presents New Location for A Response to One Above and Seven Below posted at Orthodox Freelancers Guild.

Steg provided a definition of Left Wing Modern Orthodoxy. Mother in Israel enjoyed a movie about The Rav.

Shira wrote An Eye for an Eye. Friar Yid has the answer to More questions.

Israel

Batya presents Why Don’t They Demand That The Kassams Be Stopped? Yisrael Medad presents Holy Hole! and Now, Where Else Did They Burn Books?

Treppenwitz has Faith in human nature. Sometimes you need Strength vs. “Strength”

Over at Yourish you should read The modern-day Hitler speaks again. The EOZ shared Benny Morris’ letter to The Irish Times .

Soccer Dad continues his prolific pace with Confirming the kill and More mor.

Jameel wants to know who is Monopolizing Jerusalem. It is a topic that is being blogged about by many others as well.

Lady Light shared Not Hateful Comments, Just Facts. Arlene in Israel is Standing Strong.

West Bank Mama offered Preparing For the Next War. And from This Ongoing War we receive 1,150 rocket attacks last year; 400 so far this year.

Carl provides the inside scoop on how Rachel Corrie died. Linda wrote about An Absence of Hope. Balabusta in Blue Jeans wrote Haim Smadar.

I always thought a snow day had more snow than you can see at For This? Dry Bones has a post called The Jewish Homeland (1998).

If you don’t subscribe to Daniel Gordis’ Dispatches I urge you to do so. Go take a look at Back to the Mishnah.

Carl has some advice for Olmert with Israel’s ‘exit strategy’ and ‘Defense’ against Kassams useless.

Robert J. Avrech presents Home Game posted at Seraphic Secret. Satiricohen shares Israel to Dismantle Army, Foreign Office to Assume Defense of Country.

Lion of Zion had this to say: Mamzer of the Month: Daniel Machover. Gila Weiss presents To Die in Jerusalem, Part I and To Die in Jerusalem, Part II.

Ben-Yehudah presents How Does He Know? and How Does He Know? – part 2.

The waffle king shared the story of Captain Joe. Avrohom adler presents Pigs in the Future.

The Big Felafel says Another Lesson Learned: Just be a Crybaby. Benji has important information: BREAKING NEWS: Hamas taken over by 7 year-old.

On the Face produced Prime Time Palestinians. At IsReali you can read WSJ Loving Israeli Wine.

Politics/World

At Gates of Vienna the Baron posted If Kosovo Can, Why Can’t Palestine? Ocean Guy knows What We’re Up Against.

Israpundit says Kosovo bought and paid for by Saudi Arabia. The Elder of Ziyon has a post called
Hate taught in British Muslim school .

Judeopundit posted New York Times braces for revenge. At Israel Matzav you can read that
Congress wanted to move the US embassy to Jerusalem.

Sammy offered Clinton’s Church Publishes Anti-Israel Books and The State Department “Ain’t Got No Class”

Chana shared some thoughts about Albert Bitton. DA posted Muslims: They Love Obama, They Love Him Not.

Tzvee says Jews Should Support Barack Obama.

Personal/Miscellaneous

Elisson is a proud father.

Frum Satire said Jewish Facebook: it was only a matter of time. He also provides advice Frumster Marketing: How to get the most out of your profile!

Jacob wants people to stop throwing sheep at him. Ben-Yehudah presents A New Religion?

Shira has “Tax widow’s” lament–a CPA’s spouse grouses. Zahava presents Choosing to be Frozen. CR has managed to learn another lesson.

Rivka wants to know Breakthrough or breakdown? On my blog I offered She Needs To Know About Boys, The Body Watcher and the The Art of Pretending.

Elie shared TV Trivia Thursday #12. Pearl says it is Not Open To Discussion.

Maybe Pearl should talk to Therapydoc about Constructive Criticism. Tamara channels folk rock with Where Have All the Honeybees Gone, Long Time Passing.

Sarah wishes that she would learn. Click here to find out what. Aussie Dave has a special request.

A little Fish babka might do the trick. B2 at Toner Mishap has found a use for SpongeBob that is a bit off of the beaten track.

Interested in doing business, than you might want to read Blogs Israeli entrepreneurs should know. Want to learn more about the Church of Spock.

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of Haveil Havalim using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

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Chasing Cars- I like These Lyrics

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It is one of those songs that make me think of that feeling you get when you first fall in love. More to the point it reminds me a bit of the past, those days long ago when I was all of 17 and the future was completely unwritten.

Some other songs that kind of hit that mark for me include Jack and Diane, The River and The Boys of Summer to name a few.

We’ll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don’t need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don’t quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They’re not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life

[Chasing Cars lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Let’s waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they’re all I can see

I don’t know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

She Needs To Know About Boys

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My daughter is determined to continue her quest to make all of my hair fall out. If you are not familiar with this or want a quick primer go take a moment to read Penis Talk Revisited. It should help bring you up to speed.

This past weekend the family headed down the fabulous 405 to go visit Seaworld. It was our second trip out there so the kids had a good idea about what was there and what they wanted to do/see.

The day started out innocently enough. There was a dolphin show and a visit to see the seals and otters. Much oohing and awing about the animals was shared, especially during the pet show. Midway through it all my daughter climbed into my lap, placed her arms around my neck and kissed me on the cheek. As my spine slid out of my body she looked me in the eyes and said “I love you daddy.”

I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t beaming from ear to ear, especially when the woman behind us told me that is beautiful and that she loved her hair. What can I say other than I am a proud father.

What I didn’t know is that her preschool is training her to be an assassin. My daughter the killer looked me in the eye and told me that everyone has private parts. She was very serious about it. I nodded my head and told her that she was right. Then she told me that children need to listen to their parents and that they shouldn’t go anywhere with strangers because a stranger might take them.

I told her that she was right and assured her that her parents would never let anything happen to her. One day she’ll realize that she doesn’t have her own security detail and that things can happen, but for now I don’t have a problem with telling a white lie.

And then she hit me with it again. “Daddy, does Shamu have a penis or is she a girl?” I smiled and said that there were boy and girl whales. But that wasn’ t enough for her.

“Can I see Shamu’s penis, does it look like yours and my brother?”

Crap, my baby girl just nailed me. I tried to explain that animals have private parts too and that somethings were just for them.

“But daddy, I saw a doggie go potty lots of times. Animals aren’t people.”

Playing for time I asked her why she wanted to know and she said “I need to know about boys.” I told her that she had plenty of time to learn about them. She looked at me and explained that sometimes she and her brother fight, so she wanted to know more so that they wouldn’t fight anymore.

It is a beautiful thing to watch. She is so damn sharp, I just wish that her point didn’t have to prick me. It was an innocent question, just a child’s curiosity. It is not that I won’t can’t talk to her about these things, I will. I am just guilty of being madly in love with a dark eyed beauty who believes that I am Superman.

Of course my baby is already working on her female look of death. Men, you know the one I am talking about. It is that look that women give us when they are preparing to launch a verbal onslaught in which they attempt to eviscerate you for not remembering, listening or doing some unimportant something or other.

Having called my hand I decided to try and go full bore to see if that would take care of the situation.

“The boy whales have a penis but you can’t see it because it is underneath their bodies. We can’t see that part very well because they’re swimming in the tank or the ocean.”

That held her for a moment and then she threw the ball back at me.

“Can you draw a picture of it for me?”

Inside my head there was much cursing. I looked for baseball bat or brick wall to bang my head with. My daughter wants me to draw whale porn.

Without thinking I mentioned something about proportionality and said that it would be too big for the paper. The words had barely left my mouth when I realized that I had made a poor choice.

“How big are they daddy?”

It is not fair. I am not supposed to have a discussion about how big a penis is with her. My daughter is not supposed to interrogate me or ask me to compare the size of my own pal, period end of story.

Just as I was getting ready to try and sputter some other response a guy carrying Cotton Candy walked by. I was so happy to see him I almost kissed him. That would have made a fine ending to the story…

Years from now my kids would tell the story of how their father got arrested for sexually assaulting the Cotton Candy Man. That is just great, what an image. Fortunately sanity prevailed and the conversation took a turn for more mundane things like “Dad, her candy is bigger than mine.”

What Can Your Body Endure?

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This kind of trivia always catches my eye:

What is the hottest curry you can bear to eat?

The active ingredient in curry or chilli is capsaicin. The more capsaicin present, the hotter the curry. Ordinary Tabasco sauce is about 260 parts per million capsaicin. A habanero chilli contains about 17,000ppm.

Theoretically, the hottest curry you could make would be a bowl of pure capsaicin crystals. This dish would be 10,000 times hotter than a vindaloo.

Although capsaicin does not actually cause a chemical burn or any direct tissue damage itself, the impact on the nervous system of such powerful stimulation is similar to an allergic reaction. As well as incredible pain, you could expect uncontrollably streaming eyes and nose, upper body spasms, and severe difficulty breathing for 30 to 45 minutes.

In fact, our ultimate curry would be five times stronger than the pepper spray used by police for riot control.

Provided you are healthy with no history of heart conditions or asthma, it might be possible to survive a teaspoon of pure capsaicin, but impossible to eat anything else for a few hours.

Theoretical limit: 5g capsaicin
Current record: 0.1g

In 2005, Blair Lazar refined 500g of capsaicin from chilli peppers to create a sauce. He tried a single crystal. “It was like having your tongue hit with a hammer,” he said.


How fast can your legs carry you?

The question of how fast it is possible for a human to run is more complicated than it sounds. Even deciding who is today’s fastest human is tricky.

The current world record for the 100m sprint is held by Asafa Powell of Jamaica, who clocked a time of 9.74 seconds in 2007. This gives an average speed of 36.96km/h, but since the runners must begin from a standstill, this includes the time taken to accelerate.

Sprinters in a 200m race will complete their second 100m in a shorter time than the first because they are already running at full speed as they cross the 100m mark.

Since the advent of electronic timing in 1968, the men’s world record for the 100m has been beaten 11 times (but never by more than 0.05 seconds). Improvements in track and running shoe technology or the effects of wind and altitude are the most likely causes of this.

Most of the forward force in a running stride is supplied by the quadricep muscles. These are attached to the knee by the quadriceps tendon. Work done by Dr Gideon B. Ariel in the 1970s suggested that any time faster than 9.60 seconds would require forces high enough to rupture this tendon from its attachment point. Taking this as the fastest possible time for the 100m would give an average speed 37.5km/h.

Top sprinters peak around the 80m mark. Taking this as a guide, it’s possible to estimate a runner’s maximum speed as 11.96m/s or 43.06km/h.

Theoretical limit: 43.06km/h
Current record: 42.52km/h

In 2007, Asafa Powell ran with a 1.7m/sec tailwind. Despite this, he only improved on the record by 0.05 seconds.

How many bee stings can you survive?

2243: the greatest number of bee stings ever survived.

600: the theoretical dose needed to give a 50 per cent chance of death.

Want to learn more? Click here.

Young Workers- Are They Spoiled or Just Confused

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The Dallas Morning News has an article that caught my eye about the generation called “The Millenials.” Much of it resonated with me.

“They’ve been overparented, overindulged and overprotected,” she says. “They haven’t experienced that much failure, frustration, pain. We were so obsessed with protecting and promoting their self-esteem that they crumble like cookies when they discover the world doesn’t revolve around them. They get into the real world and they’re shocked.

“You have to be very careful in how you talk to them because they take everything as criticism.”

I would never say that this describes all of the Millenials but it is dead on for a bunch that I have encountered. Some of the comments I have heard about how unfair it is to have to work, what they think they deserve etc. just throw me. Listening to it makes me feel really old.

But the thing that really blew me away was reading that some parents are still so involved in their children’s lives they feel entitled to call their office on their behalf. If my mother or father contacted my employer to complain about how I was treated or buck for a raise I’d be irate.

Eventually they have to grow up and fend for themselves. This helicoptering thing isn’t going to help that at all.