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The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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Archives for June 2008

Bad Sushi, A Bum Knee And Me

June 15, 2008 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

Evening folks. As you can see I am still playing around with Project Playlist. Eventually I plan on taking some time to rearrange the music so that there is an order that to it that makes sense.

Right now it feels a bit schizophrenic to me. Can’t say that I am all that surprised by it as this seems to be a current theme to my life. Just look through the blog and you’ll find me carping about all sorts of crap.

In the meantime I have to empty out the contents of my head into this overstuffed couch. Don’t ask me what that means because I haven’t a clue.

Had the opportunity to go play poker with the boys. It was a hell of a lot of fun. I haven’t seen those guys in far too long and I have to say that I have really missed them. There was something nice about just hanging out with the old cronies. Every now and then it is nice to be nothing more than “Jack.”

For a few hours I wasn’t dad, husband or son. For a few hours I didn’t worry about how to pay the mortgage, retirement, kids etc. For a few hours I felt like the guy I used to be. It was nice, because sometimes I miss that guy.

He was a relatively easy guy to please. Time with the boys, good pizza, beer and the occasional moment with a special someone usually took care of most things. But before we get too far let’s tie this more clearly into the title of this post.

One of the clear advantages of being “present day me” is a bank account that allows me to enjoy some things that the 20 year-old could only dream of. The downside to that is that now I am very conscious of when some things just don’t hit the mark, like sushi.

I love sushi. It is easily one of my favorite meals. I could eat sushi every day and not get tired of it. The big problem is that I can’t afford to. I don’t want to come off as being a snob or trying to say that I have a sophisticated palate. The thing is that I have reached a place where I can taste the difference between cheap fish and that which is of a higher quality.

As a point of clarification the cost of the fish is not always indicative of the quality. But I can also say unequivocally that cheap sushi is really disappointing. Enough about that.

Let’s move on to discussing knees, specifically my own. I am relatively bullet proof, or at least I used to be. Until quite recently I used to say that my only real weakness is this funky digestive system that I cart around with me, but that may not be entirely true anymore.

My knees have begun a civil war. The shots may not have been fired from Fort Sumter, but nonetheless the knees have gone beyond simply diplomacy. It should be noted that the routine and consistent pounding that they have received from 25 years of basketball, squatting, stair climbing and daily use have a roll in this.

It would also be fair to say that they are carrying a larger load than they used to, but the squeaks and cracks that emanate from them seem to be no different than before. The main change is the dull ache and the sense that they just don’t give the same support as they used to.

Along with the knees there have been other signs of wear and tear. A pinched nerve in my neck, occasional shoulder pain and a back that hates the early mornings.

Did I mention that I can’t just walk on the court and begin playing anymore. Well, that is not entirely true, I can. The thing is that it takes me a few minutes to get going. Until I break a sweat I feel like I am stuck in molasses. For those few of you who will appreciate it, “3400 RPMS and the Turbo kicks in!”

Hell, how long does it take for my freaking turbo to kick in. I am not aging all that gracefully. I am having a terrible time accepting that my body doesn’t do what it should do. My mind remembers exactly what I could do and expects a perfect performance each time.

I keep telling myself that if I push hard enough, if I just visualize what I want then I can make it happen. Why can’t we live our dreams. Why must we settle for a life that doesn’t quite meet our dreams. Why can’t we push the limits and try to hit that higher mark.

One of these days I’ll have to make some more adjustments. One of these days I’ll stop playing ball and go back to swimming. I swam competitively in high school. One of these days I’ll sign up for a Masters Swimming program.

In fact if I had the time I’d do it now.

Filed Under: Random Thoughts, Things About Jack

The Princess Speaks

June 13, 2008 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

Here is an exchange my daughter and I had last night.

Daughter: I want to watch Dora.
Me: Don’t you want to watch the game with me?

Daughter: No. I want to see Boots and Dora.
Me: We’ll have to do that later, the Lakers are coming on now.

Daughter: I am the princess and I make the rules.
Me: I am the king and this is my castle.

Daughter: Who tells the king what to do?
Me: Everyone.

Daughter: Everyone? But does the king have to listen?
Me: Nope, he is the king and he makes the rules.

Daughter: Ok daddy. I’ll watch the game with you.
Me: Thanks sweetheart.

Filed Under: Children

The tears That do not Fall- Part II

June 13, 2008 by Jack Steiner 1 Comment

The rules of the blog are there are no rules. The rules of the blog are whatever I establish along the way. The rules of the blog are that when I have trouble writing a post I have to just jump in and start writing.

It is the equivalent of doing a fire walk without preparing yourself. You take off your shoes and just start marching across those coals and hope that you are capable of placing your mind in that faraway place in a hurry. So, here I am hopping up and down on both feet hoping that I don’t burn the hell out of my feet.

If you were to ask me when I started to hit my stride as a blogger I’d have to say that The tears that do not fall is one of the posts that comes to mind. It isn’t fluff. It is not a joke. It is not nonsense about bathrooms or elevators or silly gadgets. Those things have a place here too, but it is the serious posts that give this joint a little something extra, at least I think so.

When I think about it I never could have imagined that years later I’d find myself thinking about that post. The night that my grandfather died I sat next to his body and let the tears roll down my face and realized that something had changed inside me. I wasn’t locked up in the same manner.

Since that time there have been some moments here and there where I have found myself shedding a tear or two. A couple weeks ago while listening to Trace Adkins sing You’re Gonna Miss This I found myself getting choked up.

I lay back on the bed and looked out the window with a clenched jaw. For a moment I felt my lip quavering and I thought about just letting go. I wanted to, but I had too much to do, too many things to take care of so I just didn’t.

That is certainly different than how things used to be. It has been a slow process, but I feel things loosening up inside. I am well beyond the point of feeling like I have to prove I am tough by not crying. It is still not what I would call easy to do, but…

I suppose that there is still a bit of a safety issue. It is not something that I am likely to do around most people, if anyone. I am still relatively guarded about many things, but …

Remind me in four years to provide another update and I’ll let you know if anything else has changed.

Filed Under: Things About Jack

Regrets, I Have a Few

June 12, 2008 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

Once upon a time I regularly used this blog as my confessional. It was the place I came to when I needed to mentally exhale and let go. It was a happy and safe place that I used as a refuge. Over time things happened that chipped away at the sense of joy and security it provided. Little bits of this and that came and went and the desire to use it in this fashion was diminished.

I found it all to be a bit disturbing. No one wants to see their happy place disappear or be tarnished in any fashion. We may all understand that life never stops changing, but you still want to know that there is a place that is static. It feels good to know that there is at least one place that you can always rely upon to be…safe.

But life takes our plans and does what it will to them. You go to sleep knowing that on the other side of the world people are starting their day. You go to sleep knowing that somewhere in the night there are still people who are awake, working, playing, living their lives and that this impacts your world too.

This is not the first time that I have touched upon this topic. Earlier this year I wrote A Life Without Regrets because that is really what I want. It may not be realistic to have that as a goal, but there is good reason to shoot for the stars.

Incidentally I began writing this post earlier today and then had to set it aside for hours. I mention that because some time the gap in time creates a difference in tone.

Inside my mind I can hear a voice that sounds a bit like Sam Elliot say something to the effect of “when a man reaches a certain age there are certain things that he wants…” It is a bit of tired cliche, but it is quite true. I am 39 and struggling to accept certain changes in my life. Many of them are tiny things that I normally would shrug off, but they are part of a larger group and that irks me.

The collective nature of these scrapes and bruises is a bit wearing.

Divide and conquer. Break it all down into tiny little pieces. Take it day by day. All you can do is your best. You’ll get through it. One day you’ll look back at this time and laugh. One day you’ll look at this time and think about how easy it all was.

That last paragraph is a partial collection of the kind of advice I have received over the years from friends and family. I have been known to share a few of those with those who have sought my counsel too.

Are they reasonable comments. Do they contain the sort of wisdom that you can use to overcome challenges. Will they ease the pain.

That last paragraph is a partial collection of the sorts of responses I have to that collection of advice. It is added to the four letter words that are swirling throughout my head. I may yet look back and laugh or I may look back and cry.

I haven’t any problem accepting that life is a journey and that part of the joy of living is what you experience on the road. That makes sense and I believe in it. But it doesn’t assuage my concerns. It doesn’t repair the damage created by a few mistakes here and there. It doesn’t give me the ability to forgive myself for some decisions that I made that I now think were foolish.

That last paragraph is a bit more dramatic than it should be. It is not that life is miserable or that it is completely falling apart. It is just more challenging right now and I am questioning what I am getting out of some things. I wonder if there is an ROI for the struggle. I don’t feel the need to beat myself over the head unless there is a reward at the end and at the moment I just don’t see it.

Filed Under: Life

Circumcise Me-Yisrael Campbell

June 12, 2008 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

The folks at The Jewish Channel turned me onto this comedian. I grabbed a section of their write up about him for your review:

Yisrael Campbell was born Chris Campbell in suburban Philadelphia, and was raised, he says, “Catholic enough to know I was going to hell.” As a teenager he battled drug addiction and alcoholism, but resurfaced from it and moved to L.A. to pursue an acting career that never quite took off. Circumcise Me shows how this gentile who hated authority and all organized religion was slowly drawn to Orthodox Judaism, and shares the jokes inspired by his transformation—which are often as profound as they are funny.

Filed Under: People

100 days of sex

June 11, 2008 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

All done in the name of the science:

Denver Post lifestyle reporter Doug Brown and his wife, Annie, were featured on NBC’s “Today Show” this morning discussing a book about their sex lives.

Doug Brown wrote the book after Annie suggested that they have sex every day for 100 days. She said that after 14 years together, their sex life had become stale.

“Just Do It: How One Couple Turned Off the TV and Turned on their Sex Lives for 101 Days (No Excuses!),” details the journey.

“Immediately, I had second thoughts,” Annie Brown told interviewer Ann Currie in this morning’s interview.

“When I would tell my girlfriends about it, immediately, their mouths would drop open and they’d ask, ‘Are you crazy?’ ”

“You couldn’t do this for the rest of your life. … It was exhausting,” said Doug Brown.

But he recommends couples push themselves at least once a week, regardless of fatigue.

Annie Brown said there were lasting benefits after the experiment was over.

For the full story please click here.

Filed Under: Love, marriage, Sex

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