Archives for August 2010

The Daddy Blogger Blog Hop

August 20, 2010 by Jack Steiner 3 Comments

So while the Festival of Fathers is on semi-hiatus I thought that I’d try and support another dad blogger in his effort to help promote the dad blogosphere. So I grabbed the comment and code- take a look:

Friday is a great time in the online dadosphere. Lots of great posts about dadhood going up in honor of Fatherhood Friday. But what about those of us, like me, who find themselves in the midst of a brain fart on Friday? The answer is simple! IT’S A BLOG HOP!!! Brian ( @SpinyNorman ) to the rescue with his 2nd Fatherhood Friday blog hop over at Dad at the Chalkboard.

The dads have been talking, they have been writing, but most important, they have been sharing. Here is your chance to share with the rest of the dadosphere and keep the community growing and supported. The online community of dads is an amazing group, and is always ready to welcome anything another day may have to share. Here is the 411 on how to get hopping!!!! (via Dad at the Chalkboard)

The Guidlines

1. You need to be a father. New father, old father, soon to be father, want some day to be a father, father…doesn’t matter. You just need to be a dad. (Or a really awesome mom!)

2. You must own and maintain your own blog.

3. If you meet the requirements for rules one and two, look back over your posts from the past week, from Friday to Friday. Re-read them all.

4. Choose the post you feel was your particular BEST for the week. It can be funny, helpful, sad, dramatic, deep, light…whatever. Pick the post that most reflects you and what your awesome blog has to offer.

5. Follow the host. That’s me. It’s quick and painless and I always follow back. (This part is optional, but oh so appreciated!)

6. Put your blog address and a short description of the post in the Linky link located below. Be short but concise. (You know…like twitter!)

7. After you are on the list, surf the posts of the other dads and follow as many as you can. Read and above all else COMMENT! We all know that comments are to bloggers what a keg of Dear Park water is to a desert nomad.

8. Grab the code below, create a new post on your blog, and enter it so you can share the growing list with all your followers. Then just sit back and let it grow!

Join us this Friday and share with the other dads of the web your favorite post from your blog. And of course, enjoy the weekend with your family. Remember that yesterday is just a memory, and tomorrow is but a prayer. We are never guaranteed the time, so don’t sit back and stare.

Teaching Moments

August 20, 2010 by Jack Steiner 12 Comments

Many years ago I listened to my rabbi talk about Gilligan’s Island and how it could be viewed as a tragedy. It wasn’t tragic because they kept screwing up their attempts to get off of the island. It was tragic because none of the castaways grew. There was no personal growth,each and every one of them exited the island the same person that they were before.

I don’t think that I appreciated or understood what he was saying. In part it was because I took great pride in saying that I was constant and consistent. The Jack you knew then would be the Jack that you would know later. All around me I would hear people talking about how much they were growing and I would roll my eyes. It seemed trendy to declare that you were an unfinished piece of art and some new age professor would teach you how to complete yourself.

After a decade of playing dad I see things very differently. I watch my children carefully and take note of their strengths and weaknesses. During parent/teacher conferences I listen and ask questions. The goal is to give them more support wherever they may need it.

And why do I do this? Because they are growing children who need love, affection and guidance. We want them to grow to be menschen, to be productive members of society. And the only way to do that is to teach them.

So I find myself looking for teaching moments. Earlier today I noticed that a doorknob was loose and needed some adjustment so I made a point of asking my son to help me fix it. I could have done it myself. It would have been faster but I would have missed the opportunity to teach him how to do it. I would have missed the opportunity to give him another experience of working with me and the pleasure of learning to work with his hands.

It was a teaching moment.

Earlier this week he complained that some of his friends have decided not to be friends with another boy that he likes very much. I know all of the boys that are involved in this and saw another teaching moment. I explained to my son that the boy he likes so much has trouble listening and is often in trouble. He has had moments in which he bullied other children and has been sent home from school at least once.

My son nodded his head and then I explained that kids like this child are hard to be friends with. They have a knack for getting into trouble and sometimes you get into trouble by association. I told him that some parents may tell their children that they cannot be friends with a boy like that and that if he still bullies other kids he is not going to have any friends.

My son looked at me with tears in his eyes and told me that part of why he was still friends with him was because he thought that he could help him. I told him that loyalty is an admirable trait and that I was proud of him. And then I told him that I am not sure that his boy is worth it. He doesn’t reciprocate and his past behavior makes me question whether being friends with him is sort of like asking for trouble.

It was another teaching moment.

Sometimes I have a love/hate relationship with these moments. There have been some very difficult discussions that were heart breaking and others that were simply joyous. But I knew the job was dangerous when I took it so…

It is not always easy being a parent, but there is nothing better.

Once Upon A Time

August 20, 2010 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

The next insert for Fragments of Fiction

You know what I like about this video is the unbridled joy I see in it. That guy Matt can’t dance but he doesn’t give a damn and he just lets loose and that catches my eye. It catches my eye because it reminds me of how I felt with you- I just didn’t gave a damn. I know, that is sort of my M.O. in life but it was different with you.

It was different for a thousand different reasons that I can’t explain to anyone. A thousand sparkles shining in your eyes and that special smile that you reserved for me. Special isn’t the right word. It is not descriptive or powerful enough to accurately portray what I want it to. Truth is that if you have never experienced this sort of love you won’t have a clue as to what I am talking about.

“Once upon a time
Once when you were mine
I remember skies
Reflected in your eyes
I wonder where you are
I wonder if you
Think about me
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams

Once the world was new
Our bodies felt the morning dew
That greets the brand new day
We couldn’t tear ourselves away
I wonder if you care
I wonder if you still remember
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams”
“Your Wildest Dreams” The Moody Blues

I know why you don’t come by very often. I know why you keep your distance and how it helps you fool yourself. You do remember. You haven’t forgotten and you won’t. But for the moment it is easier for you to maintain this fiction. Easier to pretend that what we had and what we were was fantasy or somehow less than it was.

I know, because sometimes I go there too. Sometimes I pretend that it was nothing but a dream that I once had and that now I am awake. The dream is over, the day has come and so I must move on. But my darling I am not able to maintain that fiction. I can’t. I am not built that way. I jump in the fire and I stay until I can’t take it any longer and than I stay some more.

You hate reading these words. You hate knowing that I do this and you hate feeling responsible for it. I understand and though you won’t accept it, I absolve you of that. I do this freely because this is how I operate. I can only be who I am and this is how I do that.

Part of what I love about you is that incredible strength you have. I am impressed and amazed that you can stay focused and avoid those places where we used to be. But I know that there are days when you can’t help it, where you wonder if I have truly walked away. I know this to be true the same way I knew what you were thinking or how I’d pick up the phone and call you just as you were about to dial my number.

“And when the music plays
And when the words are
Touched with sorrow
When the music plays
I hear the sound
I had to follow
Once upon a time
Once beneath the stars
The universe was ours
Love was all we knew
And all I knew was you
I wonder if you know
I wonder if you think about it
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams”

And I know that though you protest you love hearing that I can’t forget you. I know that you love knowing that I have never forgotten what your lips felt like, how it felt to hold you or what you smell like. I know that you are relieved that we don’t run into each other because you couldn’t keep this up if we did.

And yes I know that last line sounds arrogant. It is not. It is confidence and it is true. One kiss and you would melt. One hug and you would remember by whose side you should be standing. I know it and you know it. So the distance and the space work to your advantage, sort of.

Because you can only fool yourself for so long. You can only hide from destiny for a short time and then it comes to find you. Or so I tell myself in the quiet of the night. In the dark places within my heart and the empty spaces in my soul that you used to fill I hear whispers. Whispers that accuse me of being a fool and worse than that. Accusations that sear my insides are there to suggest that maybe this is a fool’s errand.

But then I close my eyes and blot out all noise and there in the dark I see you looking back at me. So I pretend that you have been captured and are being held prisoner in some castle. And you know me, I am your hero- my girl will not be help captive any longer than it takes me to tear down the walls. You know that I will lay siege to that castle. I will tear the down walls and destroy any who stand in my way. I will fight and fight and fight until I rescue you.

Sometimes fairy tales come true.

“And when the music plays
And when the words are
Touched with sorrow
When the music plays
And when the music plays
I hear the sound
I had to follow
Once upon a time

Once upon a time
Once when you were mine
I remember skies
Mirrored in your eyes
I wonder where you are
I wonder if you
Think about me
Once upon a time
In your wildest dreams
In your wildest dreams
In your wildest dreams”

How to Be A Successful Blogger

August 20, 2010 by Jack Steiner 4 Comments

How to be a successful blogger is what you can call link bait. It is a headline whose sole purpose is to bring in traffic regardless of the value of the content. Link bait is a term that some people use as a pejorative. I suppose that you might define it as being a back handed compliment- but sometimes that is ok.

Link bait is an important part of this discussion because it is germane to why many people blog. A blog is a platform that they use to promote their thoughts, ideas, views and or products. And that means that they want eyeballs- they want readers to spend time reading and commenting upon whatever it is they are writing about.

If you want to have a real discussion about what it takes to be a successful blogger than you need to define what that means. What is a successful blogger? Is it that rare person who takes their blog and turns it into their full time job. Could be. Or maybe a successful blogger is that man/woman/child whose blog is turned into a book or movie.

I’d argue that the definition of a successful blogger is contingent upon an individual and their goals. I would love to have this serve as my full time job. It would be very cool to be able to say that this joint here is the reason that I got a book or movie deal. Either one or both would make me very happy, but I don’t have to have that to feel good about my corner of cyberspace.

I don’t need it because I already am successful. For six years this place has been my home, my refuge, my therapy, my oasis, my sandbox and much more. For six years this place has helped to chronicle the lives of my children and the people I love. For six years it has been my confidant and a vault of secrets and wishes.

This is where I confess my sins and whisper about my dreams. This is where I talk openly about things you wouldn’t ever hear anywhere else. This is my Tara. This is my island except there are no others, smoke monsters or castaways. There is only myself and my guests. Welcome to Fantasy Island my friends.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to improve upon the work that I do here or that I don’t dream about opportunities. It doesn’t mean that I don’t think about change because I think about it constantly. But if you are one of the 17 long time readers you know that. You know things about me. You have insight that few are granted.

It is a little disconcerting and somewhat frightening to think about how much you know. But in the end I can only be who I am. I can only write the stories that I know or that I am in the process of learning. I can tell a good yarn or two and weave a few strings into something that resembles a story. Sometimes I write them because I am happy or sad. Sometimes I delve into the darkness and pull out old heartbreak and sadness and share that with you.

And sometimes I do the same with stories about joy and love. There are moments where I look at the screen and wonder where the words come from. But they do come over and over again. More often than not I am surprised at how many people come by here. I find it both flattering and amusing.

That is all part of why I think I am a successful blogger. And maybe that is the key, I think I am successful, therefore I am.

Maybe it is all about perception and awareness. Doesn’t really matter much what it is as long as it fits whatever you want it to fit.

Dinner time now- back later.

Can a Father Follow His Heart

August 19, 2010 by Jack Steiner 4 Comments

“Like wind on the plains, sand through the glass
Waves rolling in with the tide
Dreams die hard and we watch them erode
But we cannot be denied
The fire inside”

The Fire Inside– Bob Seger

Lightning flashes across the sky followed by an extended rumble you call thunder. You open the door and step outside into a torrential downpour. Within seconds you are lost in the moment a 41 year-old man transformed into a boy transformed into a teenager and then back again. You can’t say how much time has passed because you really don’t know. There is no way to gauge that sort of thing- not here, not now.

What you know is that when you stepped out that door you said goodbye to a piece of you and hello to something new. The weather may have been wet but somewhere in that storm a fire was ignited inside of you. Maybe something snapped or maybe you just tore down the walls that had imprisoned that thing you call desire.

And though it scares you a little you welcome it because the fear reminds you that you are alive. You remember who you were and how you changed. Some of it was good and some of it was less good because you were forced to subjugate pieces of your being and that made you less than you were. The fire inside burned those parts away.

Now you stare out at the world and feel that hunger to go consume life again. You aren’t interested in floating through the days. You can’t let another sailor man the wheel anymore. Destiny calls and you will answer because that is who you are and your heart has taken control of the engine room.

For a while there was a war that waged between your heart and your head. The brain counseled you to act carefully and to consider each action- to try and predict what could happen. But the heart told the brain to go fuck itself and then beat it silly. The heart maintained that caution hadn’t brought the joy and happiness that is necessary to LIVE life.

So the heart stuffed the head into a locker and threw away the key. It wouldn’t work forever, the head may be cautious but it was also clever and far too smart to remain imprisoned. It didn’t matter, the heart understood intuitively that this was a temporary thing but the goal was to affect and impact a life. In doing so the heart would provide incontrovertible evidence that this change was good, necessary and beneficial.

“Youre out on the town, safe in the crowd
Ready to go for the ride
Searching the eyes, looking for clues
Theres no way you can hide
The fire inside”

A Letter To A Girl Who Was

August 18, 2010 by Jack Steiner 6 Comments

I was made to love her,
Worship and adore her,
Hey, hey, hey.

All through thick and thin
Our love just won’t end,
‘Cause I love my baby, love my baby. Ah!

My baby loves me,
My baby needs me,
And I know I ain’t going nowhere.

I was knee high to a chicken
When that love bug bit me,
I had the fever with each passing year.

Oh, even if the mountain tumbles,
If this whole world crumbles,
By her side I’ll still be standing there.

‘Cause I was made to love her,
I was made to live for her, yeah!

Ah, I was made to love her,
Built my world all around her,
Hey, hey, hey.”
I Was Made To Love Her– Stevie Wonder

Hey woman, it is me again. Yeah, I know you can’t figure out what I see or why I keep this up. You’re tactile and concrete in your world view. The queen of low expectations who likes to think that she is logical and rational, but I know better. You are one crazy broad and I don’t care.

I don’t care because you are the one who fills me up and makes me happy. You drive me crazy with some of your completely ridiculous habits and your nonsensical proclamations. No one does a better job of infuriating me. No one makes me angrier and no one makes me feel sadder. I once told you that you were the best thing and the worst thing that ever happened to me.

How is that for a start to a love letter. But the reasons I love you can’t be written down and checked off like some cockamamie grocery list. You can’t apply logic to love and you can’t ignore your heart. You can try and ignore it, you can come up with reasons to stay angry and use those to keep me at a distance. You can come up with a million reasons why it shouldn’t happen and so can I.

As a matter of fact I have. I know why and how. I get it and I dismiss it because as your partner I am the one who understands dreams and recognizes that sometimes we can be more than we are. I know these things because they occupy a place inside me that cannot be ignored or dismissed. I can’t forget or ignore who I am without you and who I am with you.

Can’t pretend that it didn’t happen. Can’t ignore the past, but I can see the future. Can see the possibilities and I can’t stop chasing them. Can’t pretend that a life without you is the kind that I want to live. Don’t go off half cocked and worry that I am going to kill myself because that is not going to happen. I am too freaking strong for that, too stupid and too stubborn.Too crazy by half to wreck the chance of holding you again.

If it never happens that will be tragic and the angels will weep and the heavens will open up with a torrential downpour and a lightning storm such as the world has never seen. But it would be nothing compared to the storm that rages within me at the idea of just giving up. Nothing compared to the pain I feel at the thought of not trying.

So as I tell you now and have said before- I will jump headfirst into the flames. I will burn and ache because you are worth it to me. I will do it because you brought me back to life. You rescued me when I had no idea that I was almost dead. You took my heart and taught it to beat and soothed my soul. You reminded me that the world is filled with magic and helped me recognize that there is something more out there.

Is it hard to read this. Is it hard to write. Is it all difficult and crazy. Yes to all of the above. There is a class out there that we can teach and many that we should take together. There is a world that is waiting for us and a chance to be the people that we want to be. We don’t have to wear these shackles or to be prisoners of circumstances.

Take my hand…please…I don’t beg anyone or lay my throat bare for anyone. You know this, you have always known it. So to the one person who sees me for who I am I ask, take my hand. If you do I promise one hell of a ride. Stop blushing, I didn’t mean it that way, but ok, go ahead and blush ‘cuz…well you know.

Give me your hand and I will make like Samson and tear down the walls of this prison. Give me your hand and I will be Popeye on spinach and Bluto will have no hope. Take my hand and fly for a while. Live your dreams, don’t dream your life.