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The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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Archives for May 2011

Opportunity Knocked But I Wasn’t Listening

May 12, 2011 by Jack Steiner 30 Comments

A social media expert once told me that I have 30 seconds to capture the attention of the people that point and click their way onto my blog. Thirty seconds to convince them that they should stop surfing long enough to read my post and comment upon it. I wasn’t interested in debating the issue so I didn’t tell them that I don’t worry about that. I didn’t tell them that I believe in building my community around me or why I blog.

I didn’t do it because they weren’t listening and I didn’t have the energy to pitch them on my position.  Too much is happening in my life to expend energy on things that don’t provide a positive ROI.  So I simply don’t do it.

Not long afterwards I sat in on a meeting where people ignored the topic of the meeting and spent precious minutes talking about how often opportunity knocks and how so many people fail to answer the door. Since I am not a fan of silly platitudes I made a face, rolled my eyes and unsuccessfully tried to look interested in the conversation. Silly me, I should remember that Cookie Monster is the only person who can roll their eyes and still look interested. Perhaps I should feel badly that my sour expression put a damper on things but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I just couldn’t listen to it. I didn’t have it in me to listen to them talk about how many times they have come within moments of becoming fabulously wealthy if only they had done XYZ. My life is filled with a dozen examples of things that I could have or should have done. I know them all. I have the mental checklist of all of the things that I blew and am quite aware of the hard work and or pain that I suffered through because I blew it.

But with very few exception I don’t focus upon these things. I know exactly what I truly regret and why the other stuff doesn’t matter.

Read that again: the other stuff doesn’t matter.

Here is what I know. I have succeeded and I have failed. And I have done both more than once. My goal is to end my life being able to say that the successes outweighed and outnumbered the failures.

When I wrote about my frustration and disappointment with my birthday it was because it is the worst birthday I have had. There is no need to sugarcoat or try to hide from the truth. It was bad. It is bad and the reasons why haven’t changed and are unlikely to any time soon. The reasons why are for the most part outside of my control which is why I am frustrated and angry. I am quite good at getting into trouble on my own and I very much dislike being assisted in it. But as my friends and family will tell you I describe as “it is what it is.”

That doesn’t mean that I have given up on this battle because I most certainly haven’t. But I have accepted that I have a limited ability to affect it in the manner that I want. I have accepted that the situation is unfair and that what is happening is unreasonable.

For now I continue to focus on what brings me joy and what makes me happy. Because the reality is that while this moment is unpleasant it is nothing more than a moment. It doesn’t define me unless I chose to let it do so and that I will not do.

P.S. The next time opportunity knocks I am going to open the door and punch opportunity in the mouth, kick it in the balls and then drag that SOB inside where I’ll hold him hostage. Opportunity and I are going to have a nice long talk about the future but we’ll that nonsense for a different post.

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Tips and Tools for Writing

May 11, 2011 by Jack Steiner 8 Comments

Writing Books

Tips and Tools for Writing

A good vocabulary is a critical component in every writer’s toolkit. Every so often I like to spend some time preparing posts that provide words that you might not be familiar with. Words like defenestrate make me smile. In fact I’d like to defenestrate more than a few people for no reason other than it would feel good to see them reap what they have sown, but I digress.

Welcome to the 13th edition of Vocabulary words. I love to write and enjoy learning new words. Below you will find a list of words that I have stumbled upon and decided to share with you. It is not in alphabetical order. Instead sets of words appear from their respective editions.
Here are the new words for this edition:
  • adjunct– Noun: A thing added to something else as a supplementary rather than an essential part. Adjective: Connected or added to something, typically in an auxiliary way: “alternative or adjunct therapies”
  • augur– : an official diviner of ancient Rome 2: one held to foretell events by omens
  • bete noire– a person or thing strongly detested or avoided
  • ecumenical– 1: worldwide or general in extent, influence, or application 2 a : of, relating to, or representing the whole of a body of churches
  • fait accompli– a thing accomplished and presumably irreversible
  • inveigle– to win over by wiles : entice 2: to acquire by ingenuity or flattery : wangle <inveigled her way into a promotion>
  • lagniappe– a small gift given a customer by a merchant at the time of a purchase; broadly : something given or obtained gratuitously or by way of good measure
  • poltroon– a spiritless coward
  • truckle– to act in a subservient manner
  • vacuous– : emptied of or lacking content 2: marked by lack of ideas or intelligence : stupid, inane <a vacuous mind> <a vacuous movie> 3: devoid of serious occupation
  • vagary– an erratic, unpredictable, or extravagant manifestation, action, or notion.

Here is part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part 6, part seven, part eight, part nine, part 10, part 11 and 12.

A list of previously used words can be found just below:
  • Opsimath– N. a person who becomes a student or learner late in life.
  • Climacteric– n.1 : a major turning point or critical stage
  • 2 a : menopause b : a period in the life of a male corresponding to female menopause and usually occurring with less well-defined physiological and psychological changes
  • 3 : the marked and sudden rise in the respiratory rate of fruit just prior to full ripening.
  • Prolix-adj. 1 : unduly prolonged or drawn out : too long
  • 2 : marked by or using an excess of words
  • Confluence: n. 1 : a coming or flowing together, meeting, or gathering at one point
    2 a : the flowing together of two or more streams b : the place of meeting of two streams c : the combined stream formed by conjunction
  • Tendentious-adj. marked by a tendency in favor of a particular point of view.
  • esurient- hungry, greedy
  • Nugatory–1 : of little or no consequence  2 : having no force.
  • acatalepsy-Incomprehensibility of things; the doctrine held by the ancient Skeptic philosophers, that human knowledge never amounts to certainty, but only to probability.
  • acephalist– One who acknowledges no head or superior.
  • Raconteur-One who tells stories and anecdotes with skill and wit.
  • Callipygian–adj.Having beautifully proportioned buttocks.
  • Lachrymose–adj.
  • Weeping or inclined to weep; tearful.
  • Causing or tending to cause tears.
  • Perspicacious–adj. Having or showing penetrating mental discernment; clear-sighted.
  • Flibbertigibbet–n. A silly, scatterbrained, or garrulous person.
  • Jejune-adj. Not interesting; dull: “and there pour forth jejune words and useless empty phrases” (Anthony Trollope).
  • Lacking maturity; childish: surprised by their jejune responses to our problems.
  • Lacking in nutrition: a jejune diet
  • Ollendorffian– in the stilted language of foreign phrase-books.
  • gerascophobia -a morbid, irrational fear of, or aversion to, growing old.
  • bathysiderodrophobia -the fear of subways, undergrounds or metros.
  • hormephobia-Fear of shock.
  • cacoethes loquendi-the irresistible urge to speak.
  • cacoethes scribendi-the irresistible urge to write
  • saudade-[Port.] yearning or longing, but more than that…
  • Scaturient-L. scaturiens, p. pr. of scaturire gush out, from scatere to bubble, gush.]
  • Gushing forth; full to overflowing; effusive. [R.]
  • Walpurgisnacht1) the eve of May Day on which witches are held to ride to an appointed rendezvous
  • 2) something (as an event or situation) having a nightmarish quality
  • barlafumble[fr. parley, call for truce + ?] Scot. obs.
  • a call for a truce by one who has fallen in fighting or play; a request for a time out
  • defalcate–intr.v., -cat·ed, -cat·ing, -cates. To misuse funds; embezzle.
  • Dactylonomy–n.[Gr. da`ktylos finger + no`mos law, distribution.]
  • The art of numbering or counting by the fingers.
  • recrudesce–intr.v., -desced, -desc·ing, -desc·es.To break out anew or come into renewed activity, as after a period of quiescence.
  • videlicet-vÄ­-dÄ•l’ĭ-sÄ•t’, vÄ«-, wÄ­-dā’lÄ­-kÄ•t’) pronunciation
  • adv. (Abbr. viz.)
  • That is; namely. Used to introduce examples, lists, or items.
  • temerarious–adj. Presumptuously or recklessly daring
  • Tentiginous-[L. tentigo, -inis, a tension, lecherousness, fr. tendere, tentum, to stretch.]
  • 1. Stiff; stretched; strained. [Obs.] Johnson. 2. Lustful, or pertaining to lust. [Obs.] B. Jonson
    Urinator–n.[L., from urinari to plunge under water, to dive.]
  • One who dives under water in search of something, as for pearls; a diver.
  • usufruct–n.The right to use and enjoy the profits and advantages of something belonging to another as long as the property is not damaged or altered in any way.
  • Jackpudding–n.A merry-andrew; a buffoon.
  • Jobbernowl–n.[OE. jobbernoule, fr. jobarde a stupid fellow; cf. E. noll.]
  • A blockhead.
  • nikhedonia-fr. Nike, the Greek goddess of victory + hedoné, pleasure] the pleasure derived from anticipating success
  • quidnunckery-[fr. L. quid nunc, what now] nonce-word curiosity, love of news or gossip (also quid-nunc-ism)
  • mancinism-the condition of being left-handed
  • macroverbumsciolist– 1) a person who is ignorant of large words
  • 2) a person who pretends to know a word, then secretly refers to a dictionary.
  • mastigophorer-obs. a fellow worthy to be whipped.
  • matutolypea-getting up on the wrong side of the bed.
  • xenodochiophobia -the fear of foreign hospitality (worry about foreign hotels).
  • Xenodochium-n.(a) (Class. Antiq.) A house for the reception of strangers. (b) In the Middle Ages, a room in a monastery for the reception and entertainment of strangers and pilgrims, and for the relief of paupers. [Called also Xenodocheion.]
  • Knobstick-n. 1. One who refuses to join, or withdraws from, a trade union. [Cant, Eng.]
  • 2. A stick, cane, or club terminating in a knob; esp., such a stick or club used as a weapon or missile; a knobkerrie.
  • effulgence-\i-FUL-juhn(t)s\, noun:
  • The state of being bright and radiant; splendor; brilliance.
  • [Webster 1913 Suppl.]
  • divaricate-To diverge at a wide angle; spread apart.
  • Otiant– idle; resting.
  • machicolation– n. apertures in parapet or floor of gallery for firing upon persons below. machicolate, v.t. furnish with these
  • Secern– To discern as separate; discriminate.
  • prothalamion -A song in celebration of a wedding; an epithalamium.
  • a capite ad calcem–From head to heel.
  • ad internecionem– To extermination.
  • Abusus non tollit usum-Wrong use does not preclude proper use.
  • ad captandum vulgus-To attract or to please the rabble.
  • Abligurition– n.[L. abligurito, fr. abligurire to spend in luxurious indulgence; ab + ligurire to be lickerish, dainty, fr. lingere to lick.]
  • Prodigal expense for food. [Obs.] Bailey.
  • Anililagnia– an attraction to older women.
  • Armsaye: the armhole in clothing.
  • Euneirophrenia: peace of mind after a pleasant dream.
  • Suppedaneum: foot support for crucifix victims.
  • Adfenestration: V. The act of entering through a window, usually surreptitiously.
  • Vatic–adj.Of or characteristic of a prophet; oracular.

Filed Under: Words, Writing

Mother’s Day

May 11, 2011 by Jack Steiner 8 Comments

A Few Words about Mother’s Day

Filed Under: Uncategorized

I Am A Better Father Than You Are

May 10, 2011 by Jack Steiner 36 Comments

I am a better father than you are…especially if you are a mother. And believe me, some of you fathers can be described as mothers. Of course if you have done your homework and read all of the posts in this blog you know that my son and I sat down last year and discussed his last of “bad words” and what they mean. For the sake of both posterity and clarity here is an incomplete list of the words we reviewed:

  • ass
  • asshole
  • shit
  • fuck
  • fucker
  • motherfucker
  • dick
  • dickhead

During our conversation I explained what these words mean and why people use them and I did so with a straight face. I know, that comment about straight face sounds kind of silly. I am an adult, it is silly to think that I wouldn’t or couldn’t do this without maintaining a straight face. However that assumes that my son did n0t say anything that made me want to laugh hysterically or crawl into a hole. And since we all know what happens when you assume something it is safe to say that this did not happen. So let’s move on and review for a moment how we got to the point where  a discussion was necessary.

I attribute the need for the talk to school and traffic. For those of you whose children have not made it into school yet allow me to remind you that one day your kids will come home with all sorts of new words, thoughts and ideas courtesy of other students.

jacksteiner

Sometimes that is because “Johnny” has an older sibling in middle or high school and you benefit from their teaching their younger sibling all of these really great things that they in turn pass along to your child.

And sometimes it is because while driving they witness other drivers giving you the old one fingered salute or they actually hear them say XYZ to you. In my case my son heard another driver call me a motherfucker and then wanted to know what that means.  That really was the impetus for this vocabulary lesson. That and the fact that I had heard him and his friends swearing and then laughing hysterically. Actually their joy in saying “ass” and “shit” made me laugh. They didn’t know that I was standing outside the room and that I could hear them say these words.

Anyway, as a writer words are very important to me and I am a believer in having a well rounded vocabulary. Not to mention that as a father I knew that one day I would need to teach the kids what was appropriate and what wasn’t so it made sense to me to take advantage of the opportunity to try and turn it into a teaching moment.

And because G-d likes to laugh at me he ensured that my too smart for his own good baby boy would come up with all sorts of nifty comments. The shining example of this was when he tried to use motherfucker in literal terms to explain that it wasn’t bad because it was true. I quickly shut down this line of thought and explained that wasn’t how it was meant. It was another reminder that nuance is sometimes lost on children.

Did I mention that my son told his mother that he thought that Mother’s Day wasn’t a good idea and that we shouldn’t do anything for it. Why? Well he said this because he thought that it was unfair that I had to share celebrating my birthday with it and then in spite of my request not to say it he repeated it again to both of his grandmothers and all of his aunts. I thanked him profusely and asked him to allow me to cause my own trouble because if I am going to be punished I might as well earn it myself.

And lest you think that my son is the only child who asks tough questions let us not forget my daughter who managed to ask the one question that left me speechless. Remember, she was the girl that mistook a moose’s tail for a different part of his anatomy and then was offended when I told her that this cartoon character wasn’t gifted with anything that would allow us to call him tripod. I didn’t expect to have that conversation with her anymore than I expected to argue with her about whether dads have a crotch or not. Not to mention that she noticed that Ken of Ken and Barbie fame isn’t anatomically correct either.

Way back during the dawn of time when my son was quite little we had the penis talk a few times. I expected those conversations and was prepared for them. But there was one that I never expected to hear from him. In fact just typing it out makes me shiver. Ok, it doesn’t make me shiver but I am laughing thinking about it because this was more proof that you can’t anticipate what your children will come up with. Believe me when you son says to you, “She Broke My Penis” you really have to work hard to maintain your composure.

I mention all of these things because last year my children gave me a hat and t-shirt that said “World’s Greatest Father 2010” and I intend to hold onto my title. And unlike my beloved Lakers my reign of terror shall last for quite a while longer.

Filed Under: Children

Why Do I Blog

May 9, 2011 by Jack Steiner 42 Comments

Why do I blog. Why do I spend so much time sitting here at the computer staring a monitor that is filled with the fingerprints of tiny people. Why do I surf the net and engage in 21st century voyeurism.

The very simple reason is that I derive a tremendous sense of joy and satisfaction from using words to express my thoughts. I have a great love for the language and I appreciate those people who can use words to construct a mental image. I appreciate their ability and craftmanship and wonder how it is they can take my mind and send it on a journey out of my body and into another world.

For surely it is a bit escapist to sit at the keyboard and scroll down the pages and read about the lives and trials of others. And in a different way I find it comforting. I am part of a community of bloggers, a part of the overall blogosphere and at the same time I am also part of many other groups within the blogosphere.

I am able to reach out and click someone. I can see that there are others who are facing the same challenges I face or have already overcome them. I take strength in their words and I offer my own.

Here at the keyboard I commune with others and speak about my life. I offer my insecurities and my beliefs. I open my mind and try to learn about the world around me. I am always searching and seeking for new things to learn. I am an educational hedonist.

I have many refuges. There are places I seek during times of trouble and uncertainty. There are physical locations that feed and nurture my soul, places in Ojai and the Los Padres National Forest. There are areas around Malibu and beaches in Hawaii.

Around Jerusalem, in the Negev and near Joshua Tree. On top of Yosemite Falls and elsewhere. These are places that I seek because I find them to be relaxing. They help me find myself and reconnect.

The problem, the challenge is that often I cannot get to these places as easily as I can get to the keyboard. So I compromise and sit here where I share my thoughts. I offer my joy and release my pain.

I post and comment and speak, but I rarely read my work again, at least not in its entirety. I refer back to it because I know that it relates to current work, but I tend to post and pretend that it never existed because I am rarely satisfied with it.

But this is too important to ignore and too important to waste time by trying to be something I am not. This is where I show my humanity, my good and my bad, my strengths and my weaknesses.

This is where I blog.

Now how about you. Why do you blog?

Filed Under: Blog

Happy Birthday Jack

May 9, 2011 by Jack Steiner 29 Comments

“What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way”

Hurt– Johnny Cash version

Call it self indulgent, narcissistic or any other term that you like because I don’t care. Today is my birthday, the not even close to fabulous number known as 42. Yes, today I am 42 and feeling angry, bitter and unhappy.And that my friends is a trifecta that you don’t want, need or deserve any day of the week- let alone on your birthday.

I can provide a long laundry list of reasons why this is so but the recitation of it would bore myself and you. More importantly it wouldn’t change a thing because the bulk of my distress has been caused by one person and I stare at his face every time I look in the mirror. Except the thing that is most noteworthy about that face is that I no longer recognize him. The hairline is very different from the one in my mind’s eye and the lines that have appeared upon it are striking. The only thing that I recognize is the look in his eyes. I know that fire. I know that sadness. I know that determination and the glare that says ‘fuck you world.’

You see that guy that I am looking at  is most upset with himself because he has a list of challenges that he feels he should have already overcome. It doesn’t matter whether some of it is outside of his control or that substantial progress has been made on some of the most critical areas. It doesn’t matter because there are other areas that are crushing him. You can call it a war that he wages and say that he is losing some battles but winning others. You can use those euphemisms and talk about how very strong he is and all that would be true.

But it doesn’t change certain fundamental things about his personality and how he views the world. It doesn’t help mitigate the pressure that he places upon himself. He is his own worst critic and biggest enemy. And as he sits at the computer writing these foolish words he recognizes how damn pretentious he sounds so he’ll switch back to first person.

That version of Hurt that Johnny sings is outstanding. I suppose that some people might consider it to be a depressing song but I find some hope in it. I chose that excerpt for a reason because at the moment I find meaning in it, but the part that I focus upon is the last section. I focus on that because that is where I see hope and signs of life. That is where I remember that 42 isn’t 25 and I celebrate that. Damn, I don’t look like I want to or feel like I want to. Physically I feel worn and beat up- but that is not a permanent state. Really it is more of a reflection of that war I referred to and based upon the mental/emotional toll of some challenges that have been placed in front of me.

*****

Not long ago I read a blog post that suggested that we shouldn’t talk about things that could reflect negatively upon us as it could hurt us personally and professionally. I disagree with it and that is because there is a confidence and sense of self that comes with being 42 and not 25. It would be a lie to say that I don’t miss the physical attributes of 25. I sometimes feel frustration when my body doesn’t respond the way that it used to but there is a peace of mind that comes from having life experience. I know that this post is but a moment in time. It is a small blip in what should be a long life, at least if genetics have anything to say about it.

Yet that aforementioned life experience weighs upon me. I firmly believe that force of will can influence things and that some of the changes I want in my life will come because I will them to be so. But having buried more than a couple of friends I feel the weight of time upon me. Sometimes things happen. People get sick or get hit by cars. I don’t think that most people worry about this or really believe that it can happen- I don’t. Even though I have seen it first hand I don’t really believe that it will happen to me, but  sometimes I wonder what if.

And that what if drives me to catch some of the butterflies I chase sooner. I don’t have the same amount of time I had at 25 to play so I need to be more focused in some areas. Yet in one of the great contradictions of life I have different dreams at 42 than I had then. You can call them more mature dreams and that would be true. You can say that I am better prepared and more focused to make them happen and that would be true as well. But sometimes I hear that tick tock in the back of my mind and feel like I have to push harder.

There is far more to be said on this but the real world beckons and I need to answer that call. So as this particular post comes to a close let me share a number of quotes that are significant and meaningful to me.

  • “A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • “All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • “Always do what you are afraid to do.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • “Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” Mark Twain
  • “Hell, there are no rules here – we’re trying to accomplish something.” Thomas A. Edison

Filed Under: Life

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