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The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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Archives for December 2011

How To Write Powerful Headlines

December 7, 2011 by Jack Steiner 9 Comments

With your pen and notebook, you blow me away...

This post may not be what you think and it is probably not safe for work. I just stumbled across another 198 posts about how to generate more traffic and they are all some version of a weak “how to” post that tells you that the writer doesn’t really understand what they are writing about but hope to get a little link juice from the headline.

It is reminiscent of the woman who says that she loves oral sex but what she really means is that sometimes she likes to lick it around the edges. Or to use a tired a sports analogy when you take the rock to the hole you better go up strong because otherwise we will knock you on your ass and laugh at you while you lie their flopping around like a dying fish.

My children and I have an ongoing discussion that is related to this topic. The test of understanding something lies in whether they can explain it to someone else. Now mind you we aren’t talking about complex topics that require you study something else so that you can understand how they work.

This isn’t Organic Chemistry nor is it that Advanced Physics course you took and barely passed because you wanted to impress the really hot girl who sat behind you in school.

This is about writing with vim. vigor, fire and passion. This is about using words to paint a picture that your readers can see and relate to but too many of you ignore that. Too many of you are getting caught up in the web of deceit the social media gurus are weaving about how to make money online.

Stop it! Stop, stop, stop. She is not going to sleep with you. It doesn’t matter how much money you spend or how nice you are. She is a tease and he is not going to call you back. You put out too much, too soon. too often and with no regard for who you let stick it in you.

We weren’t kidding when we told you he was a jerk. We didn’t say it because we are in love with you and because we want you for ourselves. We said it because he is an asshole in need of an attitude adjustment. As a matter of fact I might kick his ass based on nothing more than general principle and misplaced righteous indignation.

You are better than that and so are we. If you respect your readers you will not feed us this slop. You will stop worrying about how many of us you can fit through the damn door and you will write what is in your heart. Show us who you are. Write the stories that are painted inside your soul and stop fucking these idiots who never call because we are tired of listening to you cry over this crap.

Put pen to paper, finger to keyboard and let your fingers fly. Write with reckless abandon and ignore that voice that tells you that you are not good enough or smart enough.

Just write.

Filed Under: Writing

I Need Help

December 6, 2011 by Jack Steiner 15 Comments

My brain is working on overdrive and my thoughts are flying faster than my fingers can type them. I have a hundred ideas that I want to write down and at least 15 different story lines that I want to integrate into my book.

I feel a bit like Gollum except instead of muttering “My preciousssssss….” I run around whispering about “my book.” This tale I am telling, this story I am selling has been inside me for a long time and now I am ready to burst.

The words are churning and burning inside me and I am desperate to get them out. I don’t care if you like it, love it or despise it- I just have to get it out.

I don’t need it out like Lady MacBeth. I am not running around screaming “out spot.” It is not guilt or fear of being caught as an accomplice in murder that drives me. No, this is my soul celebrating because I am doing what it has pushed me to do. This is my heart singing a song that very few have heard.

This is me feeling, loving and experiencing a different sort of joy. This is me doing what I should be doing. I am a writer. Some years ago someone made an offer to me that I should have taken them up on. Some years ago they offered me something rare and special but I didn’t do it.

I Need Help

I don’t like asking for help. Don’t like feeling like I can’t get things done on my own. Fact is that I like working on my own because it is how I learn. When I took on redesigning the blog I did so in large part because I don’t like asking for help and because I knew that doing it myself would mean learning more than I otherwise would have.

It is a funny place that I find myself in. I teach my children to ask for help and that it doesn’t make you weaker or less of a person. In many areas I have absolutely no problem asking for it- but when it came down to a couple of areas I simply refused.

Let me clarify a few things. When I say that I need help it is not because I have any sort of substance abuse issues. I drink too much coffee and eat too much pizza, but aside from wreaking havoc on sleep and waist size they have no impact on my ability to function.

No, what I am referring to in this situation is that I asked the universe for help. I feel goofy writing that. It sort of gives me the willies, but the truth is that I did it. I sat down and asked for help. Told the universe that whatever I was doing wasn’t working and that I was open to new things.

And then something happened. I am not going to tell you that I won the lottery or that a book deal was offered to me because that is not true…today. Maybe it will be tomorrow, I don’t know.

What I do know is that I rediscovered parts, pieces and places inside me that I wasn’t aware had been dormant. I discovered that a fire that I had thought was dead was very much alive and now I am going a little bit crazy.

Crazy because this story needs to be told. Crazy because this book isn’t being written fast enough. Crazy because my air isn’t quite what I want it to be, but that is ok.

Because I am running back up the side of the mountain with boundless energy and reckless abandon.

I will finish this book and it will be published and when I do I will ask for your help.

I have already asked a bunch of people to read it and tell me what they think. There are some issues with it. The formatting needs to be tweaked a bit and there are few other hiccups that could be polished.

But if you want to read it and leave a comment you are welcome to do so. If you don’t want to do that but are interested in helping there are lots of other ways. Sponsor me. Donate a million dollars to the Help Jack Write his Book fund. That would provide enough cash to cover all of my bills and allow me to focus on my writing.

Or alternatively you can choose to do something that costs nothing but still helps and that is you can become a fan of TheJackB.

Meanwhile you can be certain that I am going to continue to update my blogs and work on my story.

Signed,

 

Jack the feeling pretty good right now dad blogger.

 

 

Filed Under: Writing

The Sunshine Award

December 6, 2011 by Jack Steiner 7 Comments

My friends Kaarina and Barbara have both nominated me for The Sunshine Award and it is not because I live in a land of eternal sunshine either.

Here are the rules for accepting the award

1. Thank the person who gave this award and write a post about it.

2. Answer 10 questions.

3. Pass the award on to 10 – 12 deserved bloggers, link their blogs and let them know you awarded them.

And now for the Q&A

Favorite Color: Blue
Favorite Animal: Dog or monkey
Favorite Number : 8,315,969
Favorite Drink : Cold
Facebook or Twitter : Google+
Your Passion: Writing, basketball, life
Giving or Receiving Gifts: Both
Favorite Day : Today
Favorite Flowers : Dead

I know, I don’t always play by the rules and today I am really jammed for time so I am doing things a bit differently. A comedian once did a bit about the difference between how men and women react to flowers.

The basic gist was that women really like them and that when they ask a man to smell them he doesn’t smell something pretty. Instead he sticks his nose in their and thinks, $50 bucks. I didn’t tell it the way that I should have but it makes me laugh every time.

Even though I didn’t follow the rules very well I appreciate being chosen and am grateful for it.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Living My Dreams

December 5, 2011 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

Mountain

If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.
when mountains crumble to the sea, there would still be you and me.

Kind woman, I give you my all, Kind woman, nothing more.

Little drops of rain whisper of the pain, tears of loves lost in the days gone by.
“Our love is strong, with you there is no wrong,
together we shall go until we die. My, my, my.
Inspiration’s what you are to me, inspiration, look… see.

And so today, my world it smiles, your hand in mine, we walk the miles,
Thanks to you it will be done, for you to me are the only one.
Happiness, no more be sad, happiness….I’m glad.
If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.
If the mountains should crumble to the sea, there would still be you and me.”

Thank you- Led Zeppelin

It is almost 10:30 on Monday night and I am back at the computer listening to music while I work on turning my fantasy into reality and dreams into my life. This song speaks to me in ways that I can’t quite explain but little pieces of my soul respond to the call of what once was and the thoughts of what could be.

It makes me think of Springsteen singing Happy. It is another song that is pure poetry. I listen to the opening and the memories send me out searching:
“Some need gold and some need diamond rings
Or a drug to take away the pain that living brings
A promise of a better world to come
When whatever here is done
I don’t need that sky of blue babe
All I know’s since I found you, I’m
Happy when I’m in your arms
Happy, darling, come the dark
Happy when I taste your kiss
I’m happy in a love like this”

I want to be able to write like that. I want to unhook and unleash all that is pent up inside. I have grown weary of wearing these fetters and listening to the rattling of the chains that bind me. No more jingle jangle for me. No more wishing and wanting. That time is done and now I am in motion.

Active pursuit of that which I seek.

The book that I wish to write isn’t just fragments of fiction anymore. It slowly but surely is coming to life but I will not let it be like Frankenstein’s Monster. I will not give life to something twisted, ugly and horrible. I don’t know what this will be but there is beauty in watching dreams turn into reality and I am grateful for the opportunity.

It is a time of transition and change. I have mixed emotions about it all. There is much joy, hope and a lot of gratitude there. But I would be lying if I said that there wasn’t some anxiety too. Some things cannot be predicted and so the only way to see what happens is to experience them.

So you have to put yourself in a position in which you let your fear come to life and see what happens. Maybe the monsters of the deep are nothing by myth or maybe they have been waiting for this moment to come out of hiding. You never know until you try and I intend to try.

This post is for the Just Write project. It also happens to be another opportunity for me to provide the “current” copy of my story.

FYI- This is a work of fiction that I am going to turn into a book. Every day I add new parts and pieces to it. Sometimes you will see me upload individual posts to this blog. Some of those posts will be included in their entirety. Some won’t. But I am trying to make this blog a storehouse of the entire body of work.

My name is Jack. I am a single father who works as a journalist for the local paper. I have a a bi-weekly column that is read by more than 1 million people and I am the author of three books, with a contract to write more.

On the weekends I coach my son’s soccer team and drive my daughter to dance class. I have two girlfriends who really are just that, girls who are friends. Sometimes I wonder what the difference is between a girl friend and a wife. They both tell you what to do and neither put out.

I suppose that the real distinction is that the girl friend doesn’t receive a piece of my paycheck each month so that they can live in my house with Rudy, the flying Dutchman.

I know, that sounds overly bitter. My therapist told me that I should be happy about this. She said that it would be good for the ex to have a man in her life, that it would make her happier and as a result she would be easier to deal with.

I tried to look at it that way, I really did, but there is 6’2 of stupid preventing me from doing so. The same 6’2 of stupid that is shtupping my wife, sleeping in my bed and enjoying the house that was the fruits of my labor.

Don’t get me wrong, we’re better apart. It was a long time coming and something that I should have done years ago. I didn’t mind her taking the house because it was easier than uprooting the kids. But I won’t lie about being irritated about the cold Germanic figure that lives there now too.

We might not have had the greatest marriage, but we had a great house. [Read more…] about Living My Dreams

Filed Under: Fragments of Fiction

How To Celebrate Chanukah

December 5, 2011 by Jack Steiner 10 Comments

Chocolate coins for Chanukah.
Chocolate coins for Chanukah. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Every year people ask me what day Chanukah begins and every year I tell them that it begins on the same day, The 25th of Kislev. That is the sort of joke that has a more limited audience. It is not understood by many MOTs but I am a father and entitled to tell jokes both good and bad.

This post isn’t going to provide you with chapter and verse on the proper way to celebrate Chanukah. I am not here to tell you the story about who, what, when, where, how and why. Won’t talk to you about what is required to make a Kosher menorah or how many blessings you say each night.

My focus lies elsewhere. My focus is on two children who call me dad, daddy, father, abba and sometimes “hey you.” My focus is on trying to figure out how to make sure that they don’t get caught up in the rampant consumerism that surrounds this time of year.

Gratitude and a heavy dose of appreciation is what I am thinking about- both mine and theirs.

You see this year has been challenging from start to finish. There have been a million different things that have happened and many of them have been more than your ordinary bump in the road – but the kids think of them as hiccups. At least I think that is how they view them.

I am grateful for that. I am thrilled that they don’t have a real clue as to what has been going on or some of the sleepless nights that I have experienced.  When they hurt themselves and or are hungry they tend to look for mom but I am who they seek to take care of the monsters in the closet and the mysterious noises at night.

This is what I signed up for. This is why my parents and grandparents told me to remember that it is a marathon and not a sprint because shit happens.

I am on the fence about whether things happen for a reason but I have opened myself up to the possibilities and opportunities that the universe has to share and it has made a difference. I am just more relaxed about life and some of the challenges.

That doesn’t mean that I am not trying to steer the boat- I am the captain of my ship and not willing to let the sea throw me into the rocks. But that doesn’t mean that I am not following my own North star. That doesn’t mean that I am not doing my best to sing the song that I hear my my heart singing.

That is part of how I plan on celebrating Chanukah- I am going to sing along with the song of my heart and see what happens.

It might sound hokey to you, but I have gone to look for America.

Filed Under: Children

Dear Stephen King- Writing Is Lonely

December 4, 2011 by Jack Steiner 19 Comments

Dear Stephen,

Afternoon old friend. It is a bit after 4 on Sunday afternoon and I am back at the computer. It is just you, me, a cup of coffee and some Alka-Seltzer. Ok, that is not entirely accurate because I have a thousand voices inside my head and the whispers are starting to irritate the hell out of me.

Don’t finish dialing that phone- I am not crazy. I know that these voices aren’t real. They are just one more way for me to try and describe the stories that I see and hear inside my mind. I am tempted to say that I don’t know what to do about them but that isn’t true either because I am doing something.

I am writing a book. I am trying to get it out, this thing that is stuck inside but I am not sure if I am doing a proper job of it. I lack perspective. I am too close to this tale and I find myself swinging between feeling like I have the tiger by the tail and wondering if maybe instead he has clamped down on my arm.

It is kind of fitting to describe it that way. Supreme confidence and whispers of insecurity sandwiched between the knowledge that the only way to get out is to go through.

Don’t get me wrong I am not unhappy or upset. I love this. I feel like Indiana Jones except I don’t wear a Fedora or carry a bullwhip. Not that it matters, but I have both items. I like hats. Got the Fedora about 25 years or so ago and wear it upon occasion. Thing is that every time I wear it people ask if I am a rabbi.

I kind of laugh at that. I am not a rabbi but I have thought about becoming one. Been a long time since I took that seriously. Can’t say whether I will or won’t. Time will tell.

Anyway, this writing deal makes me happy. There are parts and pieces of me that are singing our song with the utmost joy and I am excited to see what happens. I don’t know where this story is going. I have my ideas but I really can’t say for certain. I suppose that this is in line with what you wrote about in your book but I am not doing it that way because you said that is how you work.

I am not you. I am me. That is a different topic and for once I won’t go off on a tangent.

The characters are going to let me know what to do and which direction to go in. All I am doing is helping them find their voice so that they can sing their song.

But I have got to tell you that sometimes this writing business is kind of lonely. Sometimes I feel like I am the proverbial outside looking in. Sometimes I feel like there are a million people outside doing their thing and then there is me locked up in a cage with nothing but them.

And by them I mean these characters. I feel like I know them. I feel like I see them. I feel like I have a pretty good idea of who they are, what they value and what they are going to do. Yet I also know that humans are anything but logical, reasonable and rational.

So even though I think that I know them I haven’t a clue if they’ll do as I say or think. They might. They might go ahead and try to find a way to turn a second chance into something special or maybe fear will prevent them from taking a risk.

I am curious and intrigued to see what happens. Anyway, I suspect that I am not the only writer to think or feel these things but I wouldn’t care if I was. I am just recording these thoughts down for posterity and because I think that one day I might find them to be interesting.

Or maybe not. Maybe it will just sound silly and I’ll nuke the entire post. Suppose we shall have to wait and see.

What do you think?

Filed Under: Writing

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