How To Use 5000 Pounds of Bananas To Terrorize Noisy Neighbors

Yes, I Have No Bananas

You might wonder who blogs about using 5,000 pounds of bananas to terrorize noisy neighbors or if you are like me you start by asking yourself more important questions like how much does it cost to purchase 5,000 pounds of bananas, does the price include shipping and how do you use bananas to terrorize noisy neighbors.

Of course those are general type questions that don’t really dig into the nuts and bolts of the matter and being a guy who is interested in the small details I can assure you that I have many other questions tied into this that I may or may not share with you.

Some of you might be wondering what sort of man thinks of things like this and how did I come up with 5,000 pounds of bananas? Was it an arbitrary number? Why not pick 50 or 100,000 pounds of bananas?

Well, have you ever tried to figure out where to store 100,000 pounds of bananas or thought about what happens if you don’t use them and they start to turn brown. Ever thought about how to take care of 20,000 pounds of brown bananas?

It is not easy or so I have heard.

Anyhoo, there is more to talk about here but before we move on to some of those discussions let me share some background here. Let me provide with some links to past posts that might offer more insight to the wacky guy writing this.

Links of Interest:

What About That Noisy Neighbor?

He is a single man who lives on the third floor and though he doesn’t appear to weigh more than about a buck fifty he clearly likes to lounge around the house in a pair of custom made bowling ball slippers.

I listen to him stomp around the place all night long and am sometimes entertained by the ruckus and racket he and his dopey bowling ball slipper wearing self and friends make.

He is either oblivious to the noise or just doesn’t care and his lack of courtesy irks me. Really, I ask What The Hell Happened to Courtesy because it seems to have died the same ugly death as customer service.

That dude doesn’t understand that I had planned on blogging about music in this post. I had planned on sharing some cool tunes.

What Cool Tunes?

Well, I was thinking about songs like these:

  1. Hold On- Bruce Springsteen and Sam Moore
  2. The Sound of Silence -Simon & Garfunkel
  3. Stairway To Heaven (Heart Cover)- Robert Plant loved this
  4. The Ecstasy of Gold– Ennio Morricone

There are others, believe me there are others. It could have been the kind of post that moved you, had you dancing in your seats and weeping with joy but bowling ball slippers wrecked it for you.

That noisy and inconsiderate motherfucker had me thinking about hiring a marching band to play at 3:30 in the AM, but since I live in the same complex I would have been punishing myself.

And that is probably why you are wondering how I could use 5,000 pounds of bananas to terrorize him and how to do it without making trouble for me.

Well the beauty of sleep deprivation is that it provides you with legal cover called temporary insanity and makes you believe that ridiculous ideas like using 5,000 pounds of bananas to strike fear in the heart of your neighbor is smart.

Because everyone knows that 5,000 pounds of bananas isn’t nearly enough. It has to be tons, most assuredly and indubitably needs to be tons.

Is There An Alternative?

Well I suppose that I could knock him out, stuff him a burlap sack and ship him off to cleveland or force him to root for one of those lousy teams in Boston, but I am not sure if that wouldn’t qualify for cruel and unusual punishment.

Maybe I ought to just ask him if he would mind keeping the noise down. That ought to work for now, or at least until I can obtain the bananas. 😉

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  1. kat August 18, 2013 at 7:37 am

    I agree that the direct approach is probably the best way but I would love to know exactly how you would have used the bananas. The possibilities are endless……..

  2. Carolyn August 14, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    Best. Title. Ever.

    You probably won’t be much search engine traffic on this post, but you never know who could be searching for this exact topic. If they do, I bet yours is the first result they will see.

    So sorry about your neighbor. I do like the direct approach. Perhaps you could bring him some banana bread when you ask him nicely?

  3. Stan Faryna August 14, 2013 at 12:12 am

    Back to Commentluv so soon?

  4. Elizabeth Lee August 13, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    We may not agree about much, but I heartily approve of your taste in music. 🙂

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