I am tempted to start the by asking If You Could Do Anything What Would You Do? Except I am not sure if he’ll really appreciate or understand it.
Every day he is one step closer to 13 which sounds old to him but young to me. He is wading into the thick of hormonal overdrive and the crazy moment of life called middle school and he finds it challenging.
I understand it because I remember those moments and what it felt like to always be on the outside looking in. When he tells me it feels like nobody cares and nobody understands it irks and hurts me.
Hurts because I want him to know I am always on his side and irks me because it sucks that life is like this. I remember him being a the little boy at the playground who was upset because he asked another boy if they wanted to be his friend and they said no. He was about three at the time and the other boy was too, so I try to bear that in mind but I remember the look on his face.
Nobody Cares
I think about asking him to read Life Is Meant To Be Traveled Along The Field Of Dreams and The Beatles, Princess Bride & Blogging because I have a dream they’ll do a better job of explaining what nobody cares means but I opt to bring my buddy Mr. Twain into the discussion instead.
“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.†― Mark Twain
I tell him there are multiple ways to look at nobody cares and that one of them can be viewed as realistic/negative. People get caught up in their lives and many won’t care what sort of challenges you face. They won’t give you credit for anything you have done because of arbitrary reasons that only they understand so you can decide to fight for their approval or just accept that you need to be comfortable with how you live and what you do.
Some people care about what happens but they have a limited capacity to express and or help. And some who say they care will mask their own pain by starting fights with you because it is always easier to say goodbye when you are angry.
“Dad, what are we supposed to do about it? How does this help me?”
I understand the frustration and I tell him the point is that we are responsible for our own happiness and for finding ways to figure it out It is not always nice and it is not always comfortable but that is part of the job.
Nobody Understands
When he tells me he feels like no one understands him I smile because it is another thing I relate to. There have been big chunks of life in which I felt like people didn’t understand me or care about any of the challenges and or struggles I had to deal with.
But the difference between him and I is that I have learned how to deal with the disappointment that comes with this. Because these moments never go away forever.
They go on throughout your life and the sense of frustration that serves as your companion is there too, except as you get older it is less of a problem.
Still I dislike thinking about the thick skin he needs to develop and the process of getting it. I don’t know how to explain to him that even those these feelings come and go throughout life the “power” isn’t the same throughout.
When you are in a good space and things are going your way they just don’t impact you in the same fashion. But if you are going through rougher moments and are finding more challenges than those moments can also have a significant impact upon your response.
But in the end I want him to understand that even though there are some real challenges life is good and that if you work hard good things will come to you.
They might not come easily, but they will come provided you are willing to put in the time.
