• Skip to main content
  • Skip to secondary navigation
  • Skip to footer

The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

  • About Jack
    • Other Places You Can Find Me
  • Contact Me
    • Disclosure
  • About Jack
    • Other Places You Can Find Me
  • Contact Me
    • Disclosure

Archives for December 2013

Are You The World’s Greatest Dad Blogger Or Content Marketer?

December 20, 2013 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

12 segundos de oscuridad

If I was a smoker today would be a 5 pack or more day. Too much going on, too little time to get it done in and more stress and worry than is needed or necessary.

So I turned on RainyMood and thought about whether I should reference the Sock Monkey post or not. Mulled over whether to share The 132nd Best Posts About Blogging and decided not to because my body may be at the computer but the mind is elsewhere.

My oldest is on the verge of turning 13 and is halfway through middle school which means that I am going to blink and have a kid in high school  and  another in middle school.

It means that I am several life experiences ahead/behind you. Kind of an interesting time of life. Depending on who I talk to I am an old man or a young kid who is about to hit middle age.

Does that make me the World’s Greatest Dad Blogger or Content Marketer?

I Don’t Know

I don’t know how to answer that question mostly because it doesn’t really matter much to me. What do I get from either of those titles?

If they don’t come with a stipend or additional peace of mind I don’t think I really need them. Sure it is nice to have a title but at the same time a title is just another label and I hate being labeled.

People keep telling me how busy they are and all I can think is…”so am I.”

Ok, that is not entirely true, I also think “you have control over how you choose to spend your time.”

Most of us don’t have complete control because unless you are independently wealthy and have no rug rats roaming around you have work/life responsibilities that you have to attend to.

Yet you have some influence about how many activities your children are involved in and how many things you volunteer for. The point is that with very few exceptions I am not interested in hearing how busy you are because we all have the same 24 hour day to use.

Rest assured that if I ever figure out how to create the 32 hour day I will make sure you have access to it. However I may have to do that from hiding because some people aren’t going to appreciate having an extra 8 hours of time for work.

About Blogging and Social Media

I have read 839,839,983 posts about bloggers who have published a book on blogging and almost every time I read one I shake my head and think it is ridiculous that someone who has virtually no blogging experience would write a book like that.

Don’t know why it bothers me. There is no law that says you have to have done XYZ before you can write a book but still I look at your post and roll my eyes at it.

Roll my eyes the same way I do when someone tells me how bad Triberr is. I’ll agree that Triberr is part of the reason why Twitter has become more of a broadcast channel but I’ll point out how it has helped me monetize my blog.

Yeah, I have made money from this blogging gig. It is not enough to buy a house but I have earned enough to cover all of the standard blogging fees and had enough to buy real stuff.

Why is that important?

It is important because it is tied into all of the goals/objectives I have for blogging. I really am one of those people who can say blogging changed my life in a positive way.

I don’t know what metrics you use to determine whether your blog is successful or if it is a good use of time but I can tell you that this is one of those things that has exceeded my expectations and that it continues to bring joy into my life.

So when push comes to shove I am happy to watch doubt fall into the river because I don’t need any of those labels to make me feel like I have made this blogging thing into something special.

It works for me and I can’t wait to see what the future holds.

Share
Pin2
Share
2 Shares

Filed Under: Blogging

The Mirror Lies & Other Things You Won’t Believe

December 19, 2013 by Jack Steiner 1 Comment

Field of Dreams

Yesterday evening I confirmed the mirror is a much bigger asshole than I had originally thought. Went to the tailor to pick up my suit and was pleased to see the alterations were perfect and it looked pretty damn good on me.

But in the midst of my joy the mean spirited mirror made a point to highlight my hair or lack thereof. Yeah, it is true the great and mighty melon that rests upon shoulders decided it needs more sunshine and has been actively making more space.

I can’t explain why it would betray me this way but I suppose I should be used to it because the mighty metabolism that I once enjoyed left a while back and hasn’t come home.

One day I am going to catch that jackass and stuff him back inside so that I can return to the days of not caring if I ate 5 hamburgers or just one. Going to lock that sucker up and eat an entire pizza by myself and then finish off a gallon of ice cream.

A Helpful Safety Tip

Should you happen to be hanging out with me during the time when I recover that metabolism you will witness feats of strength in eating that will put the dude who ate 71 hot dogs to shame.

Feats of Strength that have enabled me to never lose at Festivus.

But I must share that I am lactose intolerant. I say this not to cross the line of TMI but to protect you because all that dairy is likely to have a very nasty impact and it may come to pass that you will not want to be within a mile of any bathroom I defile that day.

Some of you may recall the Chicken Vindaloo story but if you don’t suffice it to say that flames just aren’t supposed to be shooting out of there and your priest cannot save you from that satanic eruption. There isn’t enough holy water in the world.

Thinking about it reminds me of a story I once heard from a guy who was a wrestler. He was trying to make weight for a match and thought that a self inflicted colonic would do the trick.

I can’t tell you much about what happened to him because the conversation took place in the steam room at my old gym. What I do remember is that most of us were sitting on towels and he was dressed in sweats.

Can’t say how the conversation started but I remember him telling me about his plan and then mentioning that supermodels do the same thing.

Now I know women have to answer the same call to nature as men but did he have to try to ruin my image of supermodels. Hope that sick bastard crapped himself on the mat. 😉

Things I’ll Do In The Name Of Vanity

I told the Shmata Queen that there are things I will do in the name of vanity and things that I won’t.  My hair isn’t going to be contingent upon taking pills.

She didn’t complain about it but I suspect that crazy broad hopes I am joking when I say one day I will shave my head. I am serious about it.

If enough hair decides to leave me I will take a razor to the rest and join the Brotherhood of Bald Men.

What I will do is commit to and execute a plan to improve my diet and exercise more, especially if I am going to hang out with Mr. Clean, dude is buff and I won’t let him show me up.

And because of vanity and an elephant like memory I’ll do it so that I can walk up to the asshole mirror and show off the six pack I’ll be sporting.

That’ll teach that nasty creature that I am a man of my word. Of course if for some reason it doesn’t happen I’ll just pull the old baseball bat out of the trunk and show the mirror that I am not just a man of my word but action too.

Oh the humanity.

Filed Under: Narishkeit

A Daughter’s Wrath

December 18, 2013 by Jack Steiner 4 Comments

Ride the Lightning

David Lee Roth is singing Hot For Teacher and I am grinning, silently remembering when I too told a teacher “I don’t feel tardy.”

Headphones on, fingers at the keyboard I am locked in on a major project for work and am about to find the perfect phrase for the newsletter I am working on.

That sucker has been just outside my reach all afternoon but not for much longer, I can feel my fingers tightening around him and then there is a very angry 9.5 year old demanding my attention.

What Happened

“Daddy, it is not fair and I am beyond angry.”

I think I know what this is about but am not certain so I ask for clarification and find out that I was right.

“Why does he get an iPhone.”

It is not a question but a statement. She is furious because she thinks she has been snubbed. I make a point to let her vent and then remind her that her older brother is…older.

Every day he walks from the schoolyard to his mother’s office a quarter mile away. He goes to Bar and Bat Mitzvahs and other places where he is dropped off and we need access.

We need to be able to reach him so we know when to pick him up. And he needs to be able to reach us so that we can get him when needed.

She isn’t satisfied with my answer and starts to tell me about how some of her friends have iPhones and how other 9.5 year-olds and even a 7 year-old do too.

“It doesn’t matter what others do because I am not their father. I don’t care what they have or don’t have. I am responsible for you and that is the only thing that comes into play here. You don’t need a phone yet.

When Should Children Get A Cellphone

It is not a question or a statement. I guarantee I don’t agree with how many parents raise their children and I am sure that plenty feel that way about me.

What others do is their business and as long as they aren’t hurting their kids I don’t say boo.

Part of me feels badly. I understand her frustration and I wish I could do more about it but I don’t see a need for her to have a phone and I won’t spend money on it right now.

My children have heard me say many times it is a mistake to focus on what we don’t have. I can give them a long list of things I need that I don’t have now.

Life isn’t fair now and it wasn’t yesterday either. Not likely to be fair in the future. Some people will always have more than us and I am ok with that.

Part of my job is helping them learn how to be ok with it too.

But Daddy

She tries to press me one more time and I respond with You Rush a Miracle Man, You Get Rotten Miracles. She shrugs her shoulder at me and says it was worth a try and I smile.

As she leaves I turn back to the computer to insert that clever phrase I had come up with and realize I can’t remember what it was.

Damn.

Filed Under: Children

The Pressure To Blog

December 17, 2013 by Jack Steiner 8 Comments

Scotch Night

I suspect that I am different from many bloggers in that I like feeling pressured to blog. I like knowing that I have so much swirling around in my head I could write 50,000 words a day.

That is not an exaggeration nor bragging. I don’t mean for you to read it that way at all. It is not a competition, it is just me sharing part of me.

Writing soothes my soul and clears the cobwebs from my head and believe me that place is a junkyard that is stuffed full of all sorts of  things.

Some of them might actually be golden nuggets and some might be bright and shiny pieces of trash. Hard to say, writing is subjective.

Just Write

Haven’t participated in Just Write forever so I figured it is a good time to do so again. Blake Shelton is singing God Gave Me You and there is a smile on my face that only one person will understand.

Such a weird feeling inside right now, so many different things coming at me at rapid speed. So I shift between them all and share what I will on this page.

Maybe it will make sense to you and maybe it won’t. I am not here for the accolades, the chicks or the money, I am here because if I don’t write my head will explode into a million pieces.

Bet some people might like to see that but I am going to disappoint them all by living to be 139.

Speaking of living I have a son who is going to be turning 13 this month. 13, WTF happened?

Hell I know what happened and it is just hard to digest.

Last night he and I listened to Johnny Cash’s cover of Hurt and then we watched a clip from Hangover III of Mr. Chow singing it. I had intended to use that as a springboard to start singing along.

I figured that my son would say I sound horrible and ask me to stop and then I’d compare myself to Chow. It was a great plan until one of the characters said “What the fuck” and I shut that clip down.

Colorful Words

I have been known to swear like a sailor and I know for certain that I am responsible for my kids vocabulary expanding. Not totally upset by that, it has made for great teaching moments and I have impressed upon them the importance of time and place.

Moments after I shut down the clip I looked as the boy sitting next to me and told him I remembered seeing him come into the world.

Told him that I was in the room and that he was a bloody mess.

Wasn’t trying to mess with or upset him. I was just sharing a moment and was semi amazed by how big he is now and the knowledge that he is more than halfway to college.

He looks up at me and asks if all fathers are allowed in the delivery room and I say it is not uncommon now. He asks if grandpa was there to see me and I tell him he wasn’t because I was a C-section.

“Dude, that sucks for grandma.”

I tell him that grandma didn’t mind it at all. Not sure that is entirely true but most mothers I know are pretty happy about being mothers and I know mine loves me.

The conversation continues and I say he is lucky that he wasn’t covered in crap when he came out. His eyes get wide and he says, “did mom poop me out?”

I can’t help myself and I say she didn’t but there is a reason why some people are called “shitheads’ and we laugh hysterically. It is dumb but really funny.

And then I make sure he knows how childbirth works, on a basic level that is. He confirms he does and then I tell him I am proud of him and happy he is not a “shithead” and we crack up again.

More Stories

Got more stories to put on paper and no more time to write now. Might get back out here after dinner, but I can’t say for certain. Got way too much to do.

And yet I am anxious to get back because I feel time ticking and I have this sense of racing the moon to reach the sunrise. So I’ll end this post here and promise to come back as soon as I can.

Got that pressure to blog and I will answer the call.

Filed Under: Blogging

Sometimes It Feels Like Technology Is Mocking Me

December 16, 2013 by Jack Steiner 9 Comments

Mexico-3070 - Comalcalco - the only Mayan Brick Pyramid

Sometimes it feels like technology is mocking me and I am not quite sure how to respond. Unless I slept for a hell of a lot longer than I thought I did Skynet hasn’t arrived, HAL isn’t here and artificial intelligence hasn’t reached a place where computers can mock a person on their own.

There are moments where the computer stops working and I cant figure out why and then after much cursing, crying and begging it magically begins working again.

Can’t explain how or why it suddenly works, I just know it does.

The blog does the same thing. I get notices that it has gone down and when I try to figure out why I am left baffled and then just as suddenly as it went down it goes back up.

Fourteen Greatest Villains in Literature

Several hours ago my doppelganger provided a partial list of the Fourteen Greatest Villains in Literature. He  listed Goldielocks, The Von Trapp Family, Red Riding Hood and Dorothoy from the Wizard of Oz as being among those villains and I applaud him.

Had I more coffee in me I might add to the list Anne of Green Gables, Jane Eyre and the simply awful Scrappy Doo. Yeah, I know that we are talking about a cartoon character but that freaking mutt is evil incarnate. Dude reminds me of the evil Elf on The Shelf.

Some of you are horrified by this and are probably curious as to why I would pick these people. Well the answer is you never know who is masquerading as good but is positively evil.

Dads and Daughters

Little button nose, big brown eyes, freckles and black hair looks up at me and stares.

“Dad, I don’t know where your parents went wrong with you, but it happened. Fortunately I love you and I can fix the mistakes.”

I don’t know what mistakes she is talking about or how this is supposed to work but I know that this girl has her ideas about things and some times they are funny stories and sometimes I don’t tell them for my own safety.

Really, one day she’ll be older than 9.5 going on 30 and she might kill me then. Hell, that girl of mine has already mastered the female look of death.

Her older brother asked me a few hours ago how she got to be so good at making us feel bad with just a look and I just shrugged my shoulders at him.

“It doesn’t get any easier or any better when girls get older, especially if you really like them.”

He asks me what I mean by that and I just laugh.

“You’ll see.”

 Walking In Mud

Been  quite a day here and I can’t come up with a better description than it has been a “walking in mud” kind of day. The kind of day where you feel like every time you step your leg sinks into the muck until you are waist deep and it takes real effort to pull it out and move forward.

Every step is earned and every move is only managed through sheer will.

And that my friends is why I am ending this post now because it has given me just enough time to catch my breath and prepare to wade through the swamp one more time.

Maybe I’ll see you back here a bit later and maybe it will be in the company of a new post.

Filed Under: Narishkeit

You Are The Most Dishonest Blogger Ever

December 15, 2013 by Jack Steiner 5 Comments

{Take A Chance}

Sunday morning is here and in the back of my mind I am still thinking about Superman Sam and his family. The shrinks might have a word, expression or description about it.

Maybe it is because that August day has been burned into my mind and Sam’s story reminds me of it.  Made me think about Mookie again and then again maybe it is because right now life feels a bit like I am living inside a cereal box that has been turned upside down and is being shaken by someone who is determined to get that last piece of cereal.

Not sure about any of it and I am more ok with that than you might realize because a big chunk of life is about being able to just roll with what comes and not to make sense of it.

Music Plays

iTunes is rolling out the songs and I am just floating alongside them. Imagine Dragons just played Demons and now Van Halen is singing Hot For Teacher.

A few moments later The Beatles will sing about Golden Slumbers and Carrying That Weight.

I am sifting through more posts because it feels like I need to find one, but I am not sure which one it is. Maybe I am supposed to share Endless Blue Skies with you or maybe it is Preserve Your Memories.

Maybe I am suppose to listen to Bookends with you and hope that it helps you see what I see.

Somewhere in this wild and woolly blogosphere is a post where someone has written about anonymous bloggers as being the most dishonest bloggers ever and I am laughing.

Laughing because Jack Steiner isn’t my real name but even if it was that wouldn’t mean that everything you read here is real or the truth.

I have my reasons for my pseudo anonymity and I have no regrets about it.  I haven’t hidden the fact that my driver’s license has a different name on it nor have I shouted that out.

Why should I.

You Can’t Handle The Truth

That doesn’t roll off of my tongue the way it does when Jack Nicholson says it but that is ok. Sometimes I think we forget the importance of vetting whatever we read.

A “real” name doesn’t mean that a post is “real” or “truthful.” Sometimes we intentionally take artistic license to make the posts about ourselves and our families look better.

We self censor what we share and what we write. That is not a bad thing. There are boundaries in blogging and not everyone needs to know every detail about you.

I try to make a point not to write about anything I don’t want others to know about because if it is online it is discoverable. That is life. It happens.

Lack of a “real name” isn’t indicative that someone is really hiding things either. If I told you that I wrote a post about having a hard time crying you probably wouldn’t think it is anything special.

Well when I wrote it almost a decade ago I wasn’t comfortable having that discussion with people so writing under an alias allowed me to put it out there in a way that felt comfortable.

Ask me about it today and I’ll tell you it is not something that happens easily and I’ll say I don’t care who knows. Can’t tell you exactly why it bothered me then, but it did.

More Music Plays

Fleetwood Mac just played Monday Morning and Never Going Back Again and I am getting ready to shift gears. The personal blogging time for the moment is almost over.

Won’t be long before my son gets home and I’ll be dad. Won’t be long before I have to help him with some writing assignments and I’ll remember how much I dislike homework.

Won’t be long before I feel like writing teachers to complain about busy work and to ask for an explanation about how 4 hours of homework helps with education.

Laughing because I just stumbled onto Wipeout by The Fat Boys with a special appearance by The Beach Boys. Kind of goofy but it makes me smile, good memories associated with it.

Can’t hear it without thinking about Walk this Way with RunDMC and Aerosmith, more good memories.

Memories and The Present

Superman Sam has left the present and is nothing but memories now. My heart aches to type it but I need to remember the importance of being present now.

Homework sucks, but it is one more thing my son and I will share and life is more than just memories of magic and mystical moments.

Mundane moments make up big pieces too and that is ok.

Baruch Dayan Emet to Sam’s family again, so very sorry.

Filed Under: Blogger

  • « Go to Previous Page
  • Page 1
  • Page 2
  • Page 3
  • Page 4
  • Go to Next Page »

Footer

Things Someone Wrote

The Fabulous Archives

Copyright © 2025 · Jack Steiner

 

Loading Comments...