The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for December 2013

Comment Systems And Crap Flinging Monkeys

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The last night of Chanukah has come and gone and my kids are finally in bed, hopefully asleep and I am back at the computer preparing to do the work that pays the bills.

But before I can get to it I need to clear my head of the chaos and confusion that is currently occupying the space between my ears rent free.

I figured I might as well focus on something simple and unrelated to work and then I’ll simply shift gears and take care of that other stuff. So in a moment we’ll talk about comment systems and crap flinging monkeys but before we do here is a link to The Maccabeats singing Book of Good Life.

No, it is not a Chanukah song but I like it but if you really want another Chanukah song here is Matisyahu singing Miracle. But to be honest the song of the evening is Can’t Find My Way Home.

Comment Systems and Crap Flinging Monkeys

About six hours ago my daughter and I were at Trader Joes when I had a close encounter of the crap flinging monkey kind. I accidentally bumped a woman with the basket I was carrying and was instantly attacked.

This crap flinging monkey didn’t give me a chance to apologize. She automatically lashed out and called me out for being rude. I was going to apologize but when she did the old monkey on the back thing I responded in kind.

It was a mistake. In the online world we would have said I was feeding the trolls, but what bothered me the most was that I reacted like that in front of my daughter.

We walked away and I told her I had made a mistake and explained that I should have smiled and apologized but added that when we want people to respond pleasantly it is usually smarter not to lash out.

I thought about this because one of the reasons I turned off CommentLuv was that I kept getting slammed with spam and troll bait. I got tired of it so I decided to go a different direction.

And now that I have spent several months using the Comments Evolved plugin I am playing around with making the change again because comments have slowed to a trickle here.

The Source of That Trickle

The source of that trickle isn’t necessarily one thing. You could say that some of it is because people like to get a link for their comment and this system doesn’t offer that.

You could say that things always slow down during the holiday system or you could say it is because I don’t comment on many blogs anymore and consequently people have forgotten about this joint.

Alternatively it might be the content or maybe it is a combination of everything.

I suppose the ultimate question here is do I really care about comments and if so, what am I willing to do make a change. Will applying a new system have an impact or will I have to try to find more time to comment on other blogs.

My gut is that the lack of commenting elsewhere is the primary issue and that everything else is secondary.

Things That Matter

Got to tell you that I keep thinking about Superman Sam and how unfair life can be. Been thinking about what it must feel like to be 8 and to know you don’t have much longer and then I wonder how his parents are doing.

Wonder about it because I am built to protect my children. If you know me well you know it is not an exaggeration to say I will take the bullet for the kids or step in front of the bus.

It is not because I am tough or macho it is because I am their father and it is tied up in my DNA. It is just part of who I am,

So I think about his folks and wish I could offer more than just words to help because I can’t conceive of being in their position. I just know it would be awful and that my ability to grant wishes is far too limited.

The point is that the desire for more comments doesn’t really matter but life does and so do the people we love. Part of my way of trying to honor Sam and his family is to share the story and to make a point to be present in my life.

To make a point to do what I can to spend time and do important things with those who matter to me. If I can do that then I can go to sleep knowing the crap flinging monkeys haven’t gotten the best of me and that is worth more than you know.

You Can’t Fight Change

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Storm

He asked me to promise him I would never move again but what he was really asking was for me to promise he would never move again.

And when I told I him I wouldn’t make any such promise because I could never keep it he nodded his head and said he trusted me to do my best.

I didn’t tell him that I often feel like I am the guy in that rowboat above and it is just me out on the sea with nothing but my wits, luck and force of will to contend with whatever I come across. I didn’t tell him how many times I have felt like I was out in the middle of the ocean floundering around wondering if the wave would capsize the boat.

Nor did I tell him that I never drown, no matter how hard and how bad it has been. Maybe it is because there is a part of me that is locked up that I have kept buried because I don’t want to let it out until I am certain the storm is over.

He is a few weeks short of 13 and though he is quite mature there are some things he doesn’t need to know or discuss, not now.  But I thought about the movies we watch and this scene from The Fellowship of The Rings came to mind.

It has been a while since we watched it but I remember this scene ever so well. I was around 13 or so when I first read the book and I remember being crushed when Gandalf fell.

But now when I watch it I think about when my son and I watched it and how I had to be like Aragorn. I think about how hard that time was and how when I told the kids we were selling the house they cried and how I sat there stone faced because I couldn’t tell them how angry and upset I was.

We were selling the house because it had to be done and I wanted to have as much control of the situation as possible. I was afraid if we didn’t that things would get worse and then my ability to make a decision would be taken from me.

Anger doesn’t express what I felt nor does sorrow.

I was somewhere in between and it wasn’t the kind of thing a father shows his children.

Nor could I tell them how embarrassed I was. It wasn’t my fault. I knew it then as clearly as I know it now but I couldn’t accept that because the buck stops with me.

Nothing Stays The Same

It took a long time to weather that storm and to get to a point where we could see daylight. Took much longer than the kids know and I will always be happy about that because for a little while I was the guy fighting off the hordes by myself and none did pass and then…they did.

But we got through it and reached a place where the rain that fell came in drops and the sky was blue instead of  black.

And now we are in this really interesting place where we haven’t quite reached the shore but land is in sight.

All we have to do is sail a little bit longer and then we get to find out if the natives are friendly and if the land is hospitable.

And if I can geek it up a bit more I’ll remind myself that the really good times did not come until after the Breaking of The Fellowship.

Time will tell.

Facts Are Only Found On The Internet & On Street Corners

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What's important?

The Internet is a fickle place. Last week I saw multiple tweets and status updates from people who thought the war between Diane and Elan was hysterical.

A few days passed and the tide turned into posts about how bullying, sexism and how horrible Elan was. Some of those were written by people who had actively promoted the original thread as being really funny,

More than a few of Elan’s detractors have said that Diane was entitled to slap him. I wonder how many would have felt the same way if the situation had been reversed and he had slapped her because of something she said or wrote about him.

I appreciated the story and shared it. It was over the top and I wasn’t sure if it was real or not.

Why I Question Things

I have written some pretty goofy stories and they haven’t all been true. If you are short on time you can bookmark 69 Reasons Why Fathers Make Better Lovers and we can talk later.

Or alternatively you can look at these:

“The clown was drunk, surly and horny. Or should I say that he was in dire need of shagging Tinkerbell. Ok, her name wasn’t really Tinkerbell but the performers at a kids birthday party don’t introduce themselves by their real names so you’ll forgive me if I can’t tell you whether she was Karen, Kathy, Tracey, Lacey or Stacey. “ The Flying Clown

“A bear hug is no match for an angry man with a salami. For I took said salami and proceeded to beat him silly with it. Fortunately I was smart enough not to hit the two cops who came ostensibly to break up the fight.”  It Wasn’t Worth Getting Arrested

“Most people consider it bad form to slap a priest or pull a rabbi’s beard. They aren’t real keen on your telling Sister Mary that she has a rack that was made for sin and or suggesting that you can help her see god.”  567 Ways To Tell A Better Story

Confession: there is more fiction than truth there. I like ridiculous stories and enjoy writing them. I am also guilty of not always telling you when I am pressing your button and pulling your leg.

Not going to apologize for it either. I am the guy who wrote about beating up Santa Claus. It is and was a popular post. People like quirky and I like writing ridiculous stories in large part because I am consistently amused by how people believe whatever they read on the Internet.

It is also why I sometimes question the goofy stories I read online. It wouldn’t surprise me to find out they are real or that they are made up.

Fact Checking and Courtesy

The Elan versus Diane story caught my eye for a bunch of reasons. I was surprised by how many people didn’t question whether this really happened or not but maybe I shouldn’t be.

Some very intelligent people I know believe almost anything…on the Internet.

And it caught my eye because I am fed up with self entitled people who think that it is ok to treat other people poorly because they are having a bad day.

Mind you I’ll be the first to say I have been guilty of acting like a jerk and or doing things I shouldn’t do. I am not a saint nor anything close to perfect but I tend to be pretty damn good about not treating those who serve the public like lesser beings.

I hate seeing wait staff mistreated by customers. Don’t like watching flight attendants get screamed at for things outside of their control and cringe when people yell at the checker because they had to wait longer than they wanted to.

What Is Important

It took a long while for me to fall asleep after I wrote Should We Believe In Miracles?  Children with terminal illnesses and their families are much more important than the ridiculous fluff I mentioned above, my own stuff included.

I lay in bed and thought for a long while about Sam and his family and silently apologized for being relieved/thankful that my family is healthy.

It is not something I ask for at the expense of others.

The Internet is a fickle place and sometimes so is life. I don’t know about you, but I am just doing my best to try to be present now and to live the kind of life that fills my heart, makes me happy and gives my kids the best future I can provide.

Make of that what you will.

P.S. I still want to kill the Elf On The Shelf.

Should We Believe In Miracles?

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I don’t know Superman Sam but I know that in August he had a bone marrow transplant and that he has a disease called acute myeloid leukemia.

Most of what I know about him comes from what I have read on his blog or what his mother has posted on Facebook. Sam and I have never met, for that matter I haven’t ever met his mom but I have made sure to keep tabs on him.

I can’t imagine what it is like to be so young and to have had to face the challenges he has and I certainly don’t understand what it must be like for his parents.

One line in this post reached out from the screen and wrapped its fingers around my throat.

Believe us when we say that we have left no stone unturned. We have tried them all. We fight now for comfort and time.

A Time Of Miracles

I read those words and my heart aches for Sam and his family. I read those words and think about how hard I am working on trying to find the right words to share with my son at his Bar Mitzvah.

In less than a month my family is going to come together for a giant celebration and so when I think of time I think of it in very different terms than Sam and company.

Part of me feels guilty about that. Part of me feels guilty because I have found the transition from Texas to California to be really hard. Some of it has been great but some of it has been more than a little trying and I have felt like running away.

And then I think about Sam’s family and I want to slap myself because they are doing all they can to buy time and here I am irritated about trivial stuff in comparison.

We are smack dab in the middle of Chanukah and the chaos of the holiday season. It is a time of miracles or so I keep hearing and reading and I ask myself if I believe them.

I ask myself should I believe in them and should I teach my children to as well.

36 Rabbis Shave for the Brave

It is close to midnight here in Los Angeles. I have checked on my sleeping children several times. Wandered over to the side of their beds, stood there watching their chests rise and fall just as I did when they were babies.

Standing over them, I stop, look and listen to make sure that all is well. I got a double dose of the protective gene and maybe that is part of why I feel even worse for Sam’s parents.

Because it is much easier to protect them against the obvious things. It is simplistic but I can fight the monster in the closet and the bad guy with the gun.

But some invisible terminal illness, now that is really scary.

And then I remind myself it is really not about me.

So I keep reading and I come across the link for the 36 Rabbis Shave for the Brave and I stop to read about these rabbis who are trying to fight childhood cancer.

I can’t do as much as I want to help Sam and his family but I can help the rabbis raise money and awareness.

Should We Believe In Miracles?

Miracles make me face the contradictions of my inner beliefs. They force the heart and head to do battle on yet another front.

When I talk to my children about life I always counsel them to be prepared to work hard and to be smart about it. Work smarter, not harder is a big part of our conversations but so is understanding that sometimes there are no shortcuts.

We make our own luck.

And yet there is a big part of me that believes in the things we can’t see, touch and feel. Some have accused me of turning off my brain to believe and to accept and that is ok.

When my son asks me what to believe I ask him what he thinks. It is not because I don’t have an answer but because it is a personal question and our answers often change over time.

Medicine isn’t all science and sometimes the unexpected comes about. It is not my place to tell anyone else whether they should believe or not.

For now I am going to keep rooting for Superman Sam and will continue to send my best wishes to the family and hope they realize there are many out here in cyberspace who support them.

Could You Sum Up Your Blog With One Post?

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spongebob
Got less than a month until my son’s Bar Mitzvah and while most of the heavy lifting has been taken care of there are a million little details to be handled and one or two big ones that require my attention.

Some of it is what you can categorize as easy and some of it is just…nuts.

Took him to the LA Auto Show today and we came across the Toyota Highlander in the picture above. Toyota took the back of the car and turned it into a real aquarium and then for good measure added Spongebob. Can’t tell you if they did it because they thought it would get more attention than an aquarium without or not and I am not sure it matters.

Speaking of things that matter I have to give a short speech at the Bar Mitzvah and I have spent quite a bit of time trying to figure out what it is I want to talk to him about. What matters most? What should I pass along?

Sum Up Your Blog With One Post

Sometimes when I am faced with an important subject and I want to be certain I do a good job with it I focus on something else entirely. That is part of why I have been thinking about the old elevator pitch as it applies to the blog and as I wish to use it.

If I had one post to try and sum up the blog what would I write/say? If I had to use that one post to provide significant and real insight into the almost ten thousand posts here what would I say and how would I say it?

“If you can’t explain it to a six year old, you don’t understand it yourself.” ― Albert Einstein

Don’t know about you but I love that, probably because there is nothing in life I can’t apply it to. It works for the blog and it works for the Bar Mitzvah.

Truth is if we are talking about summing up the blog than we really shouldn’t be focused on trying to do so with one post. Really it should be a couple of sentences, something I could say in about a minute.

If people aren’t regular readers they are not going to understand or appreciate all of the little details and there is no way to include that without making things complicated.

It Is a Conversation, Not A Speech

Circle back to the Bar Mitzvah for a moment. I have given a million speeches in my life and done more presentations than I care to remember but I don’t want that for this particular moment.

What I want is to have a conversation with my son. Sure I’ll make a point to announce to everyone how proud of him I am but he knows that and the moment isn’t about me telling everyone how much I love him.

Nah, it is a different version of the elevator speech. It is a different form of summing up the blog. It is me doing my best to offer him something that has value, meaning and significance.

It is me trying to give him something that he can remember, take with him and apply. He is not six anymore so the conversation can be a bit more sophisticated than it was then, but the goal of making it easily understood remains.

Maybe I’ll use one of these:

“I fear the day technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots.”
― Albert Einstein

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
― Albert Einstein

“Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere.”
― Albert Einstein

Sometimes the real trick in life lies in taking action and not wasting time categorizing things as being big or little details because the difference between success and failure is often as simple as being able to say you did something instead of responding with “I did nothing.”

Good night from Los Angeles and goodbye Nablopomo