Archives for 2014

Men Use Pinterest Too

December 23, 2014 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

You don't last unless you love it. — You don’t last unless you love it.

Writing reminds me of a hot, steamy and heavy love affair. When things are great you feel invulnerable, unstoppable and convinced that you have figured out one of the great secrets of life.

Then there are those moments where you sit there dumbfounded, slack jawed and amazed at how quickly your arch nemesis discovered and used your Kryptonite upon you.

And sometimes in the midst of you sorrow you discover not only did that bastard drop a dime on you, he took your girl and made a film of them doing things you never want to think about and now you curse having a more active and colorful imagination than most.

This is the moment when you figure out whether it is true love or not because instead of throwing that bleeping, bleepity bleep out you scream at her and tell herÂ you wish you’d had never met her and seconds later you beg her not to leave because you can’t live without her.

Later on in the dark of the night when she brushes her lips across yours and wraps her body around you the anger fades completely and you remember that your invulnerability is based upon you working together as team.

Somewhere in the midst of the moment you forget about the hard times and smile because you are back.

Men Use Pinterest Too

I used to view Pinterest as being a social media platform for women. I didn’t care about dresses, frills or jewelry or need a place to search for recipes and crafty stuff that moms do with kids.

One day as my daughter did my hair and talked to me about stuff she wanted to do I thought about trying to come up with something that she would see as being special because it was just her and I and didn’t include her brother.

So I figured I ought to look at Pinterest because it would probably be a good resource and I discovered I had this silly, misguided stereotypical impression of it.

And as I spent time thinking about theÂ The Pinterest Predicament & The Rule Of Four it became clear I could make my Pinterest boards into something that served my needs.

The level of my engagement there varies from week to week. There are days where I barely acknowledge it but I always do something with it.

Initially I did it because my focus was on trying to use it as a way to drive more traffic but somewhere in the midst of that I saw it as a great resource/tool for writers and that has been where my most recent efforts have gone to.

That is not to say I have decided against using it for driving/generating more traffic to my blog because that would be foolish but our time is limited so I chose to focus on where I think I will get the most return.

Why I Write Daily

I write daily because writing is the one mistress I dare not ignore and because when I want something I go after it with a passion.

There is no way to become better at this than through practice and since it is a true love of mine I never get tired of chasing after that brass ring.

Pinterest helps provide inspiration and food for thought. Sometimes I pin posts/articles/quotes there because I am using it as an electronic bookmark.

Don’t have time to read now, but I’ll check it later.

It is part of why I try to go through my boards periodically to delete what isn’t needed and better organize that which isn’t.

Writing isn’t always glamorous. You don’t always find yourself sitting by a roaring fireplace watching the snow fall outside of your chateau or on a beach chair at your island hideaway.

Sometimes it is a take your lunch pail to the quarry and hammer away at rocks until you get something suitable and then you collapse from exhaustion.

But I love that crazy chick far too much to ever go away so I guess I am here for the long haul.
Visit Jack Steiner’s profile on Pinterest.

Is It Legal To Murder Santa Claus?

December 22, 2014 by Jack Steiner 3 Comments

Imagination will lead you anywhere and everywhere.

A reader once asked me toÂ justifyÂ using quotes in my posts. They suggested it proved I am a lazy thinker and suggested some of the quotes I used were fabricated and or misattributed.

Attribution matters to me and I try hard to make sure that what I share here is accurate but the allegation that sharing quotes represents sloppy thinking is as foolish as asking if it would be a crime to kill an imaginary figure.

I didn’t engage with the fellow. Didn’t mention much of our education involves studying the things others did and said because there are moments to wrestle with mental midgets and moments to do what we can to expand our minds or so I tell my kids.

What Is The End Of The Beginning?

One of the reasons I write is because I hope one day it will help my children find their way through some of life’s challenges and gain a better understand of who their old man is.

I have done my best to shield them from some of the chaos and confusion of recent years because I didn’t see how knowing more would help and figured the faster I moved through these moments the better it would be for all of us.

Some of this stems from what happens when dad gets caught in the corporate chaos created by others and some of it comes from the turmoil that comes with mid career moves.

When the day comes when they ask me how I have made certain decisions and how I justified analysis and a dose of going with my gut I’ll share these quotes with them.

â€œThe intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.â€ â€• Albert Einstein

â€œI never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinkingâ€â€• Albert Einstein

They are all tied into the posts below. There is a whole theme here, a rhyme and reason that others might be able to follow or might not.

One of the things I want my kids to understand is it is nice to be understood and to have people follow your train of thought but it is not always needed or necessary.

Sometimes you are the only one who can hear the song of your heart and you follow a yellow brick road that no one else can see.

People make fun of what they don’t understand because of fear and insecurity but I don’t want them to pretend they can’t hear that music or see the road when they do.

I get it. I know it. I understand it because I am living it.

It is not always clear and I still would prefer to have more concrete rules, items and examples to use but I don’t. I am good with that. I am ok.

That is part of why I blog too.

This where I suss and sort it all out.

If you want a rough and inelegant way of describing it this reminds me of the surge of energy and fear I sometimes had before a fight. I was always nervous about getting hit but once I knew what that felt like it was game on for me.

A nicer way of describing it would be to compare it to entering really hot/cold water.

â€œIf the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.â€ â€• Albert Einstein

I love that quote more than I can say.

It reminds me of a discussion with a good friend about the importance of asking the right questions.

Good questions are part of the foundation of a good education. It begins with recognizing you don’t know what you don’t know and trying to figure out what gaps need to be filled in so you can ask smarter questions.

Circle back to the quote about changing the facts for a moment and I’ll say sometimes I think we get the right answers but they are attached to the wrong question.

Part of growing is figuring out how to expand your mind so that you recognize the opportunity to look for other answers/facts.

â€œSomebody who only reads newspapers and at best books of contemporary authors looks to me like an extremely near-sighted person who scorns eyeglasses. He is completely dependent on the prejudices and fashions of his times, since he never gets to see or hear anything else..â€ â€• Albert Einstein

Ask my kids about the importance of being able to argue both sides of an argument and they’ll tell you I am an advocate because the person who can argue both sides often has a greater understanding of the issues.

But it is also because I am pushing back against a growing intolerance for being offended. All too often I hear/see people complain about being offended and their response is to call for a ban or boycott.

I find that shameful and disappointing. Don’t like what you see on television? Don’t watch.

Is It Legal To Murder Santa Claus?

Why not ask a serious question likeÂ Why Do Clowns Make Better Lovers Than Mimes?

Or more importantly tell me the man who just spoke about tolerance why I shouldn’t burn your evil spawn, the elf on the shelf and the mensch on the bench.

I hate those creepy things.

Now if only I had a quote for that…

Sometimes Dad’s Just Don’t Know

December 21, 2014 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

It is fair to say we have reached the crossroads here and I who am quite decisive is feeling a bit less so because sometimes the choice to go left instead of right or up instead of down is bigger than trying to decide if dinner will be steak or sushi.

Flip through the pages and posts and you’ll find comments about paralysis by analysis. You’ll see I am a man who likes to consider the consequences but understands that sometimes you jump into the flames and dance your way through but the weekend has made me question everything.

It has made me wonder if the teenager in this house is just being a teenager or if maybe I have been clueless. Maybe the crap that is being flung every which way is because I am a fool and an idiot.

Except I don’t believe I am both. Might be a fool, might be an idiot but I am not both. Of course if I am clueless I wouldn’t have any idea that I am both a fool and an idiot which would be appropriate for a clueless man.

It would be nice to have a mentor, guru, big brother or oracle I could consult with. Would be great if there was someone I could lay out all my questions in front of and be confident they could tell me precisely how to navigate these challenges but that person doesn’t exist.

And might I say I wish I was the author of the quote just below.

â€œ…In books there’s always somebody standing by ready to say hey, the world’s in danger, evil’s on the rise, but if you’re really quick and take this ring and put it in that volcano over there everything will be fine.

“But in real life that guy never turns up. He’s never there. He’s busy handing out advice in the next universe over. In our world no one ever knows what to do, and everyone’s just as clueless and full of crap as everyone else, and you have to figure it all out by yourself. And even after you’ve figured it out and done it, you’ll never know whether you were right or wrong. You’ll never know if you put the ring in the right volcano, or if things might have gone better if you hadn’t. There’s no answers in the back of the book.â€â€• Lev Grossman, The Magician’s Land

That sums it up, doesn’t it. We want to turn to the man/woman/kid and ask for directions to the volcano. We don’t care if we are going to have to fight flying monkeys, orcs or cross the seven seas because we have simple directions to follow.

Take this ring and destroy it and life will be easy, peaceful and magical.

We know it is not going to be easy to destroy the ring. We know it is going to be a struggle but we like it because the ring is tangible and the task is clear.

Sometimes Dad’s Just Don’t Know

TheÂ high levelÂ mission for dads is to provide for our families and raise children who are of good character and capable of living on their own and contributing to society.

But the way to do that is far more complex and filled with more uncertainty than trying to decide whether to go around the mountains or face the dread in Moria.

I suppose what is really irritating me right now is not having a made a decision about a few things because I just don’t know. Maybe it is because I am so invested in what is happening around me I lack some perspective and maybe I am frustrated because I am dealing with idiots who are make fools look like geniuses.

But this is one of those moments where I feel like I am failing and when it comes to parenting failure isn’t acceptable. It is just not.

It is one of those moments where I expect someone to walk out from behind a curtain and tell me this has all been a joke and they were only kidding.

This moment is one of the reasons why I blog because blogging helps provide clarity. It makes it easy for me to see what it is I think/believe and to lay out reasons why I should or should not do something.

Really, in the moments in which I have been writing this certain things have become more more clear and the resulting clarity has only made me wish that figuring this out was as simple as taking a fucking magic ring over the hill and through the woods to the volcano.

I was built to beat up orcs and kill monsters. I am good at it.

But that is not what is happening now. Instead I am looking at the words my pal Emerson wrote again and again.

If I have done my best I should be able to follow these words.

Most of the time I feel like I do a pretty good job of doing that. Most days I fall into bed know I did all I could do but there are moments where I get frustrated because I feel like my best just wasn’t good enough and pick apart the moments trying to figure out how to do better.

When I fall into the trap of replaying and rethinking what I did or didn’t do I try to remember to follow a different suggestion.

A good walk is invaluable. I take them often and usually bring my phone with me because a good storyteller doesn’t rely solely upon memory to find fodder for their tales.

The phone serves as a notepad, camera and assistant muse but that is a tale for a different day.

And now we have reached the end of this particular mental march I feel a bit better than I did when I began but between you and me I still wish it was as simple as destroying a ring.

Oh well, dad operates off of touch and feel as much as anything else because sometimes we just don’t know.

It Is The End Of The Beginning

December 19, 2014 by Jack Steiner 5 Comments

When they ask me to describe this moment I am going to tell them it is the end of the beginning and then when they scratch their heads and screw up their faces I’ll laugh and walk away.

The few that stick around and ask me to explain it will hear me rattle on about wishing I was like Aragorn and how if I was I would command the dead men of Dunharrow to come fight for me and then I’d go wipe out ISIS and other terror groups because that is the kind of man I am.

And if they pressed me to give them a more serious answer I’d probably talk about the Henry James quote above and then I’d throw in a couple more quotes that I have been thinking about lately, like the Emerson one just below this line.

And the David Whyte below this one.

I’d talk about how I am trying to blend pictures with words to tell a story I see inside my head and explain how it relates to me on a personal and professional level.

But I expect few people would really listen or be able to hear what it is I am saying or guess what it is I am striving for and I would think how interesting life is.

Because my son tells me all the time about how he is trying to figure out where he fits in at school and I am convinced that I no longer fit where I once did and am in the midst of the journey to where I do.

In large part I am operating off of gut feelings and trusting them not to steer me wrong but understanding that there is a process in getting there.

The places you'll go. — I always wanted to meet Dr. Seuss.

Life is the greatest adventure of all but you can’t and won’t notice it if you sleep through it. One of the goals is to recognize that sometimes it is the ordinary moments and things that are the most extraordinary.

So this is the end of the beginning for me because it is clear I am in the midst of the great journey to find the next place to hang my hat.

My mind and my eyes are open wide. Got my notebook, a pen and a camera and am making preparations for the next part of this journey.

Bloggers Need The Write Stuff

December 18, 2014 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

Internet Trolls — The commenterus assholus is also known as a troll.

Bloggers need the write stuff is sort of tongue in cheek for me, a comment about the eternal chase to write a post that goes viral.

It is a dread disease that I have succumbed to more than once for no reason other than blog envy.

You read some post that is being passed around Facebook, Twitter and Google Plus and wonder what the fuss is about because the writing is awful, the post is pandering to a particular group and you can’t figure out why some schmuck gets the attention you deserve.

Sometimes I read those posts and I ask myself, “Self, what would you tell your children if they came to you and said they were jealous of the success someone else had?”

The answer is I would tell them we don’t find happiness by comparing ourselves to others. But in the silence of my mind I am making like Gollum and staring at the accolades saying “my preciousss.”

And if I am not careful I start thinking about how to get that other writer arrested so I can have them shanked in prison. Do you think I took Sons Of Anarchy too seriously?

Maybe I ought to go Heisenberg and start screaming about being the writer who knocks. I suppose I’d Better call Saul and ask.

Where Our Focus Should Be

If you ask me for a serious response I will always tell you to stop writing for SEO and start writing for people. People read blogs. People like stories.

Computers don’t care what you write. They have no feelings. Writing for keyword searches and SEO benefits might position you in a way that provides moreÂ organicÂ traffic but it is not the kind of thing that lasts.

There needs to be a balance of some sort. That is why my focus is on trying to entertain, educate and or inform. It is why I keep tweaking my blog in ways to try and provide a reading experience that is easy and pleasant.

It is why I don’t limit myself to writing about one topic. I write about what drives my passion and when I do it well it seeps into the pages and the reader feels my energy.

They feel the effort and they respect that or so I like to believe. Might be wrong. Might be misguided. Might be a lot of things but I am entering into my eleventh year of blogging so maybe there is more going on inside than a Masters in Mishegoss.

If you are among the more active readers you knowÂ Success Is More About Effort Than Luck. It is about putting in the time and doing the best you can to learn your craft.

Most of the time the biggest challenge I have is to shake loose restraint and just write with reckless abandon.

The funny thing to me is sometimes I find it easier to just write here than when I focus on my fiction.

It is a crazy contradiction because fiction shouldn’t have the same restraint asÂ fact.Â It should be easy to just write and adjust as needed but my internal editor barks more loudly during fiction than almost any other time.

*****

I have never read any of Gaiman’s work but I plan on rectifying that.

That quote brings a sort of wry grin across my face because I get it. I get it, I get it, I get it.

Sometimes the children complain about how easily I do certain things and I laugh. I always ask them how they know it is easy and if they can tell me how long it took to reach this place where it is easy.

Easy comes after countless hours of work, effort and practice and no, they are not always the same thing.

If you are lucky you find the write stuff and figure out how to put it down on the page in a way that makes people sit up and notice you but it rarely happens solely because of luck.

It is not all based upon talent either.

I can’t say there is a single formula we can use but I can say there is a recipe and like every good recipe for a home cooked meal the ingredients vary and the method is slightly different for each cook.

The reason I keep throwing myself back into the breach each day is because I figure one of those times I’ll find the mix that works for me and catch lightning in a bottle.

But it is more likely to happen because of the time and effort I put in than because I got lucky but between you and me if getting lucky makes it happen sooner I’ll gladly accept luck.

What about you?

Success Is More About Effort Than Luck

December 17, 2014 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

“It is only a game, you don’t have to hit me so hard.”

I smile and tell him that is why his team is going to lose. He tells me I need to back up the trash talk or it doesn’t count.

Fifteen minutes later my team has won and he is yelling for us to get back on the court because he wants a rematch. The third time I dive on the floor for the ball he goes with me but I outweigh him by at least a 100 pounds so he bounces off me like a pinball.

“Kid, don’t get in the way of a freight train. I won’t ever lose this fight. It is basic physics.”

Two hours later we walk off of the court and he reminds me they won two games.

“We took four. Five years ago we wouldn’t have lost any.”

He shakes his head and tells me it is just a game.

“Don’t you worry about getting hurt?”

I shake my head no.

“I play hard or I don’t play. Don’t have enough talent to half ass it and if I did I would be ashamed of myself for not trying harder.”

*****

The 19 year-old kid I mentioned above is a real person and that was a real exchange between us. The conversation was friendly and though I barely know him my intent was to try and teach him something.

Don’t know if that is obnoxious or pretentious on my part but after setting picks that rattled his teeth and crashing through the screens he set I felt like it was only fair to share a tip he could use for his own success.

Success Is More About Effort Than Luck

Somewhere in the pages here are a comment or two about why sometimes it is better to be lucky than talented. Call that a comment on how sometimes some people have tremendous success not because they are smart or good at what they do but because they won the birth parent lottery.

If mom and dad own an empire and you are born into it well, that is a good thing for you but it doesn’t mean you deserve it or get it because you worked hard. Just means you are lucky.

That is really not a value judgment, it is a comment.

But that doesn’t mean those of us who don’t seem to have the same kind of luck because good things come to those who put the effort into making things happen.

A cynical person might respond to that by pointing out how bad things happen to good people and how working hard doesn’t always translate into the type ofÂ good thingsÂ I am referring to.

I take a middle position here and teach my children to do so as well. We might not be able to guarantee that working hard is going to give us all we hope to achieve but it is more likely to help than hurt us.

It is the type of attitude that lends itself to sleeping well at night because it is much easier to close your eyes at night and feel good about yourself when you know you tried hard than when you didn’t put in the effort.

Sometimes that effort doesn’t yield the results you want it to. I am frustrated with howÂ He Named His Intention TexasÂ came out because it fell short of the mark I set for it.

But I published it because sometimes the way you improve is by looking at what you did so that you can figure out how not to make the same mistakes again.

Sometimes heroes fail to save the day and sometimes murderers save lives. Part of the absurdityÂ of life are the daily contradictions we encounter.

The kids tell me stories about how the kids who are jerks to everyone sometimesÂ break characterÂ and do something really nice for someone else.

Can’t tell you how many times I pulled a card from the deck praying I’d get the Ace of Spades and discovered I pulled the Joker. But some of those moments where I wished I could punch that fool in the face led to places I never expected to reach.

I like to believe that effort had something to do with it because in the moments leading up to that one I created a chance to turn possibility into opportunity.

That 19 year-old kid and his team should have beaten us at least fifty percent of the time. They had youth and talent on their side but they lacked effort and I took advantage of youthful naivete the same way theÂ old guysÂ once did to me.

I suppose it is proof that maybe this hard head of mine isn’t so damn thick. Maybe I have learned a thing or two.

When it comes to writing I’d sum it up by saying my favorite thing to do is tell a simple story that has a beginning, a middle and an end. Some people mistake simple for being an insult but it is not.

If the goal is to tell a story that people respond and relate to simple is the way to go. Don’t mistake it for condescending either because that is not it.

Simple is the comfort food of writing. It is what you read when you feel blue or sick and where you go when you just need something to warm your heart.

â€œThis is how you do it: you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until its done. It’s that easy, and that hard.â€â€• Neil Gaiman