The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for June 2015

It’s Another Blog Post No One Reads

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breeding
If the sole measure of success in blogging is based upon traffic I am in the midst of one of the most successful periods I have ever had during my career.

There is a significant bump in unique users and page views that began last Thursday and has continued throughout the entire weekend.

That is the kind of sustained increase that every writer/blogger hopes to enjoy because it seems to provide evidence that your work resonates with others but if you are like me you want confirmation.

It is not for lack of faith in your own ability but because confirmation provides both personal satisfaction and metrics you can use to justify whatever rate you choose to charge for your services.

It’s Another Blog Post No One Reads

I set out to find that proof by looking at engagement but didn’t find much in the way of comments so I took a look at unique users, pageviews and time spent on page.

Those numbers provided more support and evidence that people didn’t just point-and-click their way through here but something about it left me feeling a bit uncertain.

I wasn’t sure why so I sat down and thought about what bothered me.

Something about it reminded me of The Radical Honesty of a Life I Don’t Love.

When you have high standards and are hard on yourself it is easy to be irritated if you haven’t accomplished as much as you think you should have.

Those feelings might be exacerbated by feeling like you have been let down or betrayed by people you trust, not so much because of their actions but because you feel like you should have known better.

What is funny to me about it all is I have had conversations with my children about the need to remember we can’t control people and that some will come and go in our lives.

Call that proof that I am not always good at following my own advice.

Do as I say and not as I do.

How Blogging Provides Perspective

One of the most significant and practical aspects of blogging is the way in which it provides and shapes our perspective.

If you are honest in your writing it offers you an opportunity to gain a thorough understanding of what you really think and feel.

That is significant because the opportunity afforded by this isn’t limited to a single moment in time. It is magnified by allowing you to compare what you think/feel/did during a particular period of time against another.

Or in regard to my situation when I compare where I was when I wrote the post about the life I didn’t love against my current circumstances it is clear I have made enormous progress.

The net result is I recognize I am being unnecessarily hard on myself about my accomplishments.

That doesn’t negate my desire to have done more but it does remind me that I should give myself more credit and to recognize that how we measure progress/success has a significant impact on whether we think we have or have not made our mark.

courage

The hardest part about Father’s Day 2015 is the uncertainty of my current circumstances.

A while back I decided one of the reasons I felt like I hadn’t accomplished enough was my failure to provide as many experiences for my children as I would like to.

It didn’t require any effort to recognize that money was the problem and solution.

I devised a fool proof plan for knocking over Fort Knox but decided against it because I didn’t want to be the fool whose  fool proof plan failed so I searched for alternatives.

The lottery people refuse to provide me with the numbers for winning the lotto and are unwilling to guarantee I will win so I can’t count on them to solve this financial conundrum.

There are no wealthy millionaires or billionaires in my family who plan on dying soon and are willing to name me as the recipient of their fortunes so inheritance is out.

For a short while I thought about making my fortune by buying property in cleveland and Detroit but no one with any sense wants to live there so I figured that would be a bust.

The net result of all this is the recognition I can either move to a place that has a lower cost of living or find a way to make more money where I am at.

Or even better is to take a job that pays more than I am currently earning in a place with a lower cost-of-living.

That would fall into the “work smarter, not harder” advice I give my children.

Take Control Of Your Life

The point of it all if you will is to remember that although we never have complete control of our lives we do have control over how we choose to respond.

We have the ability to use our blogs to understand our thoughts and to provide a more balanced perspective about whatever particular challenges we face.

And as I remind my children we should remember there will always be critics who tell us why we should or should not do something.

Don’t let people who don’t have to live with the consequences of your actions or lack thereof be the one who make important decisions for you.

Or at least, do your best not to.

Sometimes there is no way around it and you get stuck waiting for them to choose their path but that is a different situation altogether.

But what do I know, I am just another dad blogger trying to make a better life for his family.  I’d rather take a chance and fail than fail to take a chance.

You either try to live your dreams or just dream your life away.

What I Really Want For Father’s Day

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Need and want
I don’t like cats, never have and if I never live with another I won’t notice. It is no just because I am allergic to them either, but then again the constant sneezing doesn’t help their case.

A buddy of mine asked me if I really want to move back to Texas and I told him I see it as being a Father’s Day gift.

The goal is to reduce cost-of-living expenses so that I can live a more comfortable life and enjoy/provide more experiences than I am capable of doing so in my current situation.

He asked me if it was possible to do it without moving and I laughed.

Anything Is Possible

Almost anything is possible.

If I chose to get another job or to take on several and made some other adjustments it is possible I could find a way to build the kind of life I want to here but I am focused on working smarter and not harder.

Ask me what I really want for Father’s day now and I’ll tell you I am dying to have my own home office again so that when I want to write I can do so without constant interruption.

My car is 15 years old so I am not just due but ready to buy a new one. I’d like to have more flexibility in what I purchase than I do under the current circumstances.

It is about time for everyone in the house to have their own laptop so it would be nice to have the spare cash to do that without triple checking the budget.

What I Really Want For Father’s Day

What I really want is to reduce the amount of time I spend thinking about how to pay bills and more time on more important matters.

Are there other places that provide similar opportunities?

Sure, but there are three reasons that Texas has held my attention.

I made my first trip there in 1993 and I knew then there was something about it that called out to me. I knew there was a connection just as I know about my connection to Jerusalem and Israel.

I knew I would need to explore it more closely.

That particular itch received attention when I moved there a few years ago. When I went from visitor to resident I knew I was in the right place and even though I moved again I knew I had to go back.

If you look at how many different cities I looked for work in and how many responses I received you’ll see the responses from Texas were more than double everywhere else.

I may be stubborn and thick headed at times but even I know to pay attention to all that, so I did and I have.

What the net result of it all will be is still being worked out but if you are the kind of person who listens to your intuition and your gut, well…

Life Is About Experiences

I am a father and a writer. I need and want more experiences for personal and professional reasons.

So what I really want for Father’s day is all tied into that.

Incidentally I noticed there is a surge in traffic today so I’d like to welcome you all to the blog. If you are interested in learning more about me you are welcome to read About Me.

If you don’t feel like checking out the page but want to read more of my work you can try:

  1. A Father Describes Parenting
  2. The GermoPhobe
  3. I am In Love
  4. Grandpa
  5. Donuts
  6. Why Your Post Sucks and Everyone Hates Your Blog
  7. An Uncertain Certainty
  8. Four Generations & A Wedding
  9. The Best Thing My Father Ever Said To Me
  10. The Story Of A House- The Final Days
  11. He Died A Hero
  12. Twenty-Five Links That Will Make You A Better Writer/Blogger
  13. Of Dads and Daughters
  14. The Greatest Dad Blogger You Never Heard Of

If you love my writing and never want to miss a post then subscribe to me on Feedio or your favorite alternative. Have a great Father’s Day.

99 Problems & Blogging Isn’t One Of Them

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writingyourstory

I picked up The Dance by Fleetwood Mac on iTunes, It is a live performance and I love it. Played it loud enough that the kids came to my room to ask me to turn it down.

Played three songs all the way through for them to hear and then agreed to put something else on.

  1. Tusk
  2. Go Your Own Way
  3. The Chain

They asked me what I wanted to hear and I told them I was in the mood for music that told a story because sometimes that helps with my writing.

  1. I Was Wrong– Social Distortion
  2. Babe I’m Gonna Leave You – Led Zeppelin
  3. Whiskey Lullaby- Brad Paisley, Alison Krauss
  4. W.O.L.D.- Harry Chapin

Reciprocity In The Blogosphere

My son asks me to tell him about how I come up with ideas based upon music and I talk about the lyrics in some of the songs I linked to and how it is easy for people to relate to those.

When he asks me if that includes me I nod my head and I tell him it absolutely does and talk about how we could spend hours going through the 10,000 or so songs I have loaded on iTunes not to mention the hundreds of cassettes, records and CDs that are here too.

“Write about what you know and be honest when you do it because that will make it easier for people to buy into what you are sharing.”

“So if you write about what you know everyone will find your blog and come read it?”

I laugh and tell him that it doesn’t work that way, especially because reciprocity is a big deal to people.

“What do you mean dad?”

“Some bloggers won’t comment on your blog if you don’t comment on theirs. Some might not ever visit if they think you don’t come by their blogs.”

“Dad, that is just sad.”

99 Problems & Blogging Isn’t One Of Them

We talk about summer break and the camp he is working at and he tells me how he doesn’t want to go to high school.

He cares less about the location and more about being nervous about going into high school in general.

I tell him to watch some of the Fleetwood Mac videos with me and give him a brief explanation about the relationships among the band members and how they were singing about their lives and talking to each other.

He asks me a few questions and I tell him to think about how hard it must have been to be in the band and how people appreciate how the band somehow made it work and still plays together to this day.

“Dad, I don’t know why you are telling me this. I am never going to have girlfriend and you are going to lose the bet.”

I laugh and tell him that nature makes me think I have already won. The bet he refers to is the $20 I put up that says he’ll kiss a girl by the time he is 20.

“My sister makes me crazy why would I let some other girl do that too.”

I look him in the eye and tell him it is not a good comparison.

“I don’t care who you are with as long as you treat each other well but I’m telling you some of this isn’t so easily controlled. Sure, you are always in control of your own behavior but nature has made us in a way that makes it far more challenging to ignore girls.

I might tease you about it occasionally, but there is no rush. You’ll find a girl when you are ready or maybe when one decides she is  ready for you.”

“Dad. I don’t like that smile and no girl is going to be able to catch me.”

I laugh and tell him to add that to the list of famous last words.

The conversation moves back to high school and we talk in general terms about the future.

“If you do what you have always done you will get what you have always gotten. That is why when you find yourself slamming into the same wall you need to change your approach.”

The Layers Of Life

I play the Harry Chapin song for him and when it is done talk a bit about how I expect he won’t relate to it as well now as he might when he is older.

We don’t talk about how I wonder if he’ll ever really appreciate the lines about FM and AM rock and for a moment I feel really old.

“Sometimes when you are writing you want a very simple story that has a beginning, middle and an end. Make it easy for the reader to follow what you are talking about. But sometimes you’ll want to add layers and depth to it. Sometimes you want to give them something meaty to chew on, the layers of life.”

“But dad doesn’t that make it harder for the reader to follow. They might misunderstand.”

I tell him there will always be people who misunderstand and or misinterpret what we say, do or write.

“People like to see what they want and what they expect. They aren’t always willing to look for more than they anticipate or consider they could be wrong.”

He nods his head and a short time later wanders off to bed.

Midnight Passes

I have Springsteen’s greatest hits playing on my headphones and my memory wanders backwards and forwards in time.

Thirty years ago I was wandering around Jerusalem with my friends but then I was the teenager who was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do with myself.

It seems impossible that so much time could have passed and yet as the Boss sings different songs my memory is jogged in different directions.

If I could go back in time what would I say to that kid. If we listened to Born To Run would we smile at the same lines or would we stare at each other in disbelief, not understanding how the other guy could have missed the message that we so clearly heard.

People hear and see what they want to hear and see.

Sometimes it is a problem and sometimes it is a good thing, all depends on what side of the street you are standing on.

Would Stephen King Be A Good Dad Blogger?

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ear
Dear Stephen,

What is new in your world brother?

I don’t think I have reached out since I wrote Dear Stephen King or maybe it was A Conversation With Stephen King and it is not because I haven’t thought about you because I have.

But man you have to understand that when people don’t treat me well, act inconsistently or ignore me I notice and sometimes I respond in kind.

Sometimes my thick skin isn’t quite as thick as it could be but most days I am too busy to spend time wondering or worrying if my friends are really my friends or if they are treating me the way they should.

And even if I wasn’t the girl drama I hear from my daughter and her school friends is enough to wear me out.

Ok, I don’t know if it is all drama but girls are so very different from boys. I think it is because we tend to be more direct.

If a boy/man doesn’t like you there is usually no question about it. We don’t need to analyze what was said, how or with whom.

That is not to say we don’t have our own shit to deal with or never create our own form of chaos because we do but it is easier for me to understand so there is that.

Would Stephen King Be A Good Dad Blogger?

Someone once asked me if you could do what I do and I laughed because to me it seems like a ridiculous question.

The hardest part of blogging is sitting down and putting pen to paper. It is taking the time to share stories about parenting in a way that makes it possible for people to relate to.

It is figuring out how to share stories about dealing with mean girls, school stuff, summer camp, diapers, teenagers, summer camp, questions about life and all sorts of other crap for the long haul and not just for a couple of months.

So I figure an author who knows how to write stories that are turned into books and movies has not only the writing chops needed to succeed here as well as the temperament that will help you sustain your effort.

That sustain your effort bit is something I have always wanted to speak with you about because I am curious to hear your take on how your ensure that the well of ideas never runs dry.

Blogging Is a Funny Sort Of Animal

A friend of mine read a post I wrote about blogging called If You Write It They Will Come and said he thought I made it sound far more difficult than it is.

I must have scrunched up my face when he said it because he told me he was sure it was much easier to get readers than I made it sound.

When I told him he was fooling himself if he thought he could put links to his posts on Facebook and that all of his friends and family would read them he said I was being negative.

I politely told him he needed to remove his cranium from his rectum and take a more honest approach to what might happen but he thought I was being a jerk and told me to stop deluding myself.

I said I would be happy to let it go but reminded him that sometimes those who accuse others of being deluded suffer from the same disease they think others have.

The whole thing reminded me of some conversations I have had with my kids where they have tried to convince me that my experience as a student isn’t as relevant as I make it sound because I have been out of school for so many years now.

That always leads to my saying “you can’t screw an old head on young shoulders” and some eye rolling on their part.

It also reminds me of how my friend pointed out some blogs that are relatively young that appear to have great success.

The kids can always point out something that is different between now and then but it is never significant enough to make me agree that the differences are too big for me to relate to.

I had good teachers and bad, homework, tests, finals and had to deal with all of the same kinds of people they do now.

Perspective Is A Funny Thing

I have to tell you Stephen that I would definitely ask you about perspective and how you develop your characters. I want to talk about how you create them and what kind of method you use to give your creation…life.

When I write fiction I always use an amalgamation of people I know as part of the foundation of the character and just work from there.

Sometimes I make a point to create some that I dislike because life is filled with all kinds of people and I won’t limit my tales to only heroes who only save the day.

That is because sometimes heroes fail and the happy ending they would have brought about never happens.

Oh Stephen, did I mention I have often wondered what life was like when your kids were little.

If they came to you and said they had a nightmare did you listen to their story and think to yourself, “that is not scary at all” and then want to tell them a scary tale so they would know the difference.

I kind of pictured something like, “Dad, I had a dream that some kids and their dogs were chasing me.”

You always respond with a comment about whether they came from the Pet Cemetery and were joined a clown driving a classic car with a rabid dog in the front seat.

I don’t get scared easily, but even that might make me think twice about being alone in the dark.

Happy Father’s Day Stephen

Since you never responded to the last post or two I am going to guess you probably won’t comment here or email either.

That’s ok with me, I understand what it means to be busy so I’ll just wish you a Happy Father’s Day and say if you ever do think about becoming a dad blogger or even just a regular blogger and want to talk shop you know how to reach me.

Another Social Media Experiment

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courage
I don’t know about you but I am a learn-by-doing kind of guy. If I watch you do something a few times I’ll probably pick it up, but I am rarely satisfied unless I try doing it myself.

Don’t know if it is because of an independent streak that makes me prefer not to rely upon others or an inquisitive nature that pushes me to find out how things work and to explore what happens when I push the envelope.

Whatever it is that combination is probably to blame for the number of times I have blown up the blog or created issues for myself by messing around with plugins and design without always knowing what I was doing.

It is definitely played a significant role in my finding a way to accidentally turn off the RSS feed here for a significant chunk of time.

Or in other words it was an excellent way to try and kill some of the traffic here.

Had it not been for messages from some of the readers who wondered if I had finally given on blogging I still might not be aware that technical difficulties were impacting things here.

Another Social Media Experiment

In an effort to avoid taking that kind of hit again I am going to request that you consider subscribing to the blog. You can do so by using the subscribe bar that lies under the word discussion or by clicking on the large link in bold below:

Never miss one of my posts by subscribing to me on Feedio.

There is no obligation to do so nor any promise of rewards for doing so other than the opportunity to stay in the know about what is going on here.

If that works for you that is great and if it doesn’t that is cool too. I have told more than a few people no one is obligated to read anything I write nor am I obligated to explain your misunderstanding anything I have written.

Why Are You Grumpy Jack?

I am glad you asked. I am irritated with the misbehavior, misunderstanding, mischaracterization and mishegoss that some people have forced me to deal with.

I am irritated with some people trying to apply their perspectives, fear and uncertainty upon me.

I am frustrated with having to deal with a bunch of unnecessary crap from people who think they have more influence over my choices and decisions than they do.

That being said I follow the same advice I give my children as outlined in the Emerson quote above.

Confession: A few hours ago circumstances proved to me that I am indeed not 20 anymore.

A disagreement with someone infuriated me and there was a moment where the idea of tearing the doors off of the hinges and putting my fist through every wall I could find sounded like a good idea.

The difference between then and now was I took a deep breath and thought about a saying I read on Pinterest, Not My Monkeys, Not My Circus.

And then I thought about that Emerson quote above and decided it was my choice to give them the power to irk me and I could take it back.

Does that mean I wasn’t angry or hurt anymore?

No, because I was but I didn’t have to react or do anything stupid.

Instead, I chose to set it aside and think about what bothered me about it and then I could decide if it merited more attention.

Why Do People Follow You On Social Media?

The obvious reasons are because you educate, inform and or entertain them.

There are lots of different ways to do that but this post isn’t about any one of them. This post is just me sharing some thoughts and ideas with you.

It is me saying that sometimes I think the misunderstandings between people occur because of a communication breakdown.

Sometimes we get frustrated because we feel like our words are intentionally twisted or because we feel like we have been lied to.

I tend to think the truth might lie somewhere in between those two points and that maybe if the parties got a chance to really flesh things out they come to a place where they understood each other.

That might not mean they ever agree but they would at least feel like they had been heard. Sometimes that is all people really need.

The more I read online the more I think the reason some of us are out here writing is because it is the only place we feel like we are heard.

Did I mention:

Never miss one of my posts by subscribing to me on Feedio.

“A little talent is a good thing to have if you want to be a writer. But the only real requirement is the ability to remember every scar.”
― Stephen King

“I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write to explore all the things I’m afraid of. ”
― Joss Whedon

“Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to write it down, and either you over dramatize it, or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

It Is Better Than A Father’s Day Gift Guide

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
It is Darkest Before The Dawn

They say it is always darkest before dawn and that god never gives you more than you can handle.

Those damn talking heads also say that adversity is where you learn what you are made of and what kind of character you have.

Truth is they say a lot of things and some of what they say I file under bullshit people try to feed you to make you feel better.

Those of you who say I love quotes might wonder and or ask if this means I don’t believe in all of the quotes I post.

The answer is of course I don’t.

When I post a quote it is because I think it will add value to the post, lead to thoughts/discussion and because I hope it will make it more likely people will share my work with others.

There is nothing wrong or contradictory about that nor is there anything wrong with challenging your beliefs or others.

Who I am today is not who I once was.

It Is Better Than A Father’s Day Gift Guide

Sunday night dinner at the current homestead set the stage for a knockdown, drag-out fight about who makes decisions and how not everyone gets a vote because democracy is something we talk about in school and not at home.

A teenage boy adopted a role I remember taking in my youth and questioned why certain decisions are made and insisted upon being given more influence than he is entitled to.

The kids got to see what happens when dad finally has enough and discovered I wasn’t kidding when I said they haven’t ever seen me get angry the way they think they have.

At one point the boy stood against the wall, puffed out his chest, raised himself to his full height and told me he refused to go along with my plan.

I leaned down, put my forehead against his and whispered, “do you want to rethink what you are saying and or change your attitude?”

“No, I am right and there is nothing you can do about it.”

If you told me you heard thunder and saw lightning I would believe it because I responded by channeling my own father.

“You will go where I say you go and do what I say you are going to do because I am your fucking father.”

A second later I followed up with a comment about how this conversation was a million times better than a Father’s Day gift guide.

“How is screaming at me better?

“Because now you know what I really want is a little respect and belief that I am not making big decisions based solely upon anger.”

Star Wars And Parenting

Maybe I should have consulted Yoda’s Life Lessons For Business & Raising Children or The Wisdom of Star Wars On Child Rearing before having this conversation.

Perhaps I would have been calmer or thought to use Yoda’s lesson on my Star Wars loving child, but I didn’t.  I’ll take responsibility for forgetting how young he is and not recognizing there is no way he can really appreciate why this move needs to happen.

The truth is if I told him that as soon as I hit the ground in Texas I felt a sense of relief and certainty he wouldn’t understand or buy that as reason to move.

And even though I am confident that if I can make the move happen on the terms I want I cannot say it will be all I hope to be.

chain of destiny
Churchill is correct.

We are not given the sort of clairvoyance that allows us to foresee every challenge.  Prescience doesn’t exist beyond a very short window of time after which all we have is our intelligence, common sense and willingness to roll with whatever comes.

The real source of my anger stems from a general lack of support and a feeling that lack of cooperation from parties who should be helping forced me into a very difficult situation.

Not to mention that one of the hardest parts of parenting comes from doing your very best to give your kids a better life and a lack of gratitude on their part.

I know why he acted as he did and understand it far better than he realizes but my saying I remember being a teen to a teenager doesn’t work as well as I might hope.

I can’t expect him to blindly accept my word, especially when I never believed my parents totally got it either.

What Came Later

Some hours later I strolled into the garage so that I could lift and burn off some steam.

“How much is on there dad?”

“About a 150 or so.”

“You swing that around like it doesn’t weigh much. Can you teach me?”

He wanders over and we have a conversation about how much he should lift. I tell him to think about form and remind him to consider proportion as part of the process. The amount I lift may not be all that much compared to my size.

The amount I lift may not be all that much compared to my size.

“Sometimes math is useful.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t mean that I liked Algebra.”

“No, but you took Algebra in middle school, I didn’t take it until 10th grade. This will help give you more opportunities. That is what I am trying to do for all of us, give us more opportunity.”

The net result is he is not thrilled with the idea of moving but he understands why. I suppose that is a good thing, but it doesn’t make having to wait for other people to make decisions any easier.