Archives for July 2016

Do You Trust Yourself?

July 10, 2016 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

There is a scene that replays inside my head on a regular basis that looks something like this.

It is about ten years or so since Lost premiered on ABC and I got to wonder about the modernÂ castawaysÂ and theÂ magicÂ island.

If you never saw it and wanted to get a crash course in what I watched and maybe gain some insight into why the show caught my eye you can watch this clip here.

Unfortunately I don’t think it will provide you with the sort of understanding I really want you to have about what I see in my head now and how it connects to Â the show.

That pains me a bit as a person, writer and storyteller because I feel like I should be able to explain things in a way that provides clarity and insight.

Ask those who know me well and they’ll tell you now is about the time I might whip out that Einstein quote about how if you can’t explain it to a six-year-old you don’t understand it well enough yourself.

It would be done with great enthusiasm and energy, lightning will fly from my fingers and lasers from my eyes but the only response I would get is, “Do you trust yourself?”

The answer to the question is “yes, I trust myself. I do. I do so in spite of being frightened and uncertain. I do so not because I have a perfect track record of surviving bad days but because my gut says to ‘believe.’

****

I made a sarcastic remark to someone the other day and asked them if they knew McCartney was in a band before Wings.

Took less than a moment for me to realize it was the wrong pop culture reference for him and that if I didn’t have kids our musical interests might not intersect at all.

On a side note, my kids are familiar with the Fab Four, classic rock and a ton of otherÂ old musicÂ as well as new stuff.

Anyhoo, I mention that because I am listening to Paul sing Maybe I’m Amazed and thinking about how my world was turned upside down and inside out a long while ago.

Thinking about how this song means something different to me than it once did and how many other songs have evolved over the years.

Or rather how my understanding and or appreciation of them have evolved over time.

Age and experiences have impacted how I see so much, sometimes Â pushing me to take a position that is 180 degrees from the one I once held.

Kind of funny to me to think about how dumb I was about some things and how I held onto certain ideas and beliefs because fear wouldn’t allow me to do anything but stick my fingers in my ears and scream LALALALALA!

Do You Let People See You?

I am relatively guarded about who I let in and how much I am willing to share with them.

Been that way for so long I can’t tell you how or why it started and I am not sure that it matters. What matters to me is a long time ago I realized if I wanted to have certain things in life I had to let people see me.

What matters to me is a long time ago I realized if I wanted to have certain things in life I had to let people see me.

Not so long ago I tried to explain to my son why it was important and how the reward easily outweighed the risk.

He didn’t really get it and I was ok with that because he is young. I wouldn’t expect him to completely understand, but I thought it was a useful conversation to have.

I thought it was a teaching moment that might lead to some real benefit and opportunity for him and so I took a shot.

What Comes Next

I feel like I have spent a lifetime working towards what comes next but then again I feel like I have been Jack Shepherd screaming about the need to go back to the island.

That is because I left my island quite some time ago knowing that once I left the angels that garden my eden would shut the gate behind me.

Knowing once I passed through I wouldn’t be able to turn around and say I had made a mistake, I would have to go on the great journey and adventure.

Sometimes I like to think I hopped on my horse and trotted out like the cool hero or that I jumped behind the wheel of my car and floored it.

Hit the road doing 90 knowing that the sooner I got to it the sooner I would get to take a shot at getting back.

Eventually I did what I said I would and found my way back but the gates were broken and bent and the castle had been leveled.

Took a long while for my anger and frustration to subside and for me to recognize it was always about building something new.

So that is what comes next, the move to build anew.

Can’t tell you if that will be built upon the island I once lived upon or if it will be somewhere new but I can promise you it will be built.

Doesn’t matter to me if I am going to handle the foundation and framing myself because the time has come.

Can’t wait.

Won’t wait.

All that matter is moving ahead and seeing what unfolds as I go along.

That is a father’s obligation.

Sometimes Social Media Is Just Noise

July 8, 2016 by Jack Steiner 4 Comments

It is possible that I am feeling a bit spent because the ordinary aspects of my life have been filled with some extraordinary moments and challenges.

So that might be part of why I am looking askance at social media and asking if it is giving more than it is taking.

Everyone has an opinion and everyone knows better than you do.

Everyone is an expert and it doesn’t matter if they are talking about places they have never been or experiences they haven’t had because the Internet gives them license to do so.

“I have read about it. I have a brother/friend/mother from there. I know because I have common sense.”

The answers and excuses pile on and the anger grows because few listen and few are heard.

So I stare at the screen and think about whether it might be time to hop on a bike and ride away.

Might be time to go where it is quiet and conversations take place. A place where people will talk and listen.

Somewhere in which the response you get has something to do with what you said and isn’t just issued because the other person felt like they had to say something about how smart or self-important they are.

Never hurts to disconnect for a bit, to recharge our batteries and breathe fresh air so that we can remember we are people.

We can remember who we are, what we are about and what we hope to do.

And in that moment regain and or retain our perspective.

Words With Meaning

The End Of Goodnight Kisses is one of my very favorite posts.

I had no idea that it would become that or even a hint that it would mean something to me. Like most of my posts I wrote it without an outline and without any idea about what story I would create or share.

It was just part of my journey.

****

I understand the anger and the pain that many people feel right now.

There is a lack of leadership and during times of uncertainty it doesn’t make people feel more secure or comfortable.

I understand feeling frustrated because things are happening that are outside of our control which is precisely why I want to take that deep breath before I act.

When I close my eyes it is not to run away from a problem or problems but to respond in the best way possible.

Ask my children what dear old dad says to do when times are hard and they’ll you I say to breathe and to not panic.

The person that maintains their calm is usually the one who will fare best because they are less likely to act like a fool.

Joy powers me, fuels my rides and my existence.

I live because I have loved and been loved and because I still…love.

Sometimes Social Media Is Just Noise

Social media can give and it can take.

It is filled with bright and shiny objects and some dark places too.

You have to keep your head up and your eyes open because not all that glitters is gold and if you are not careful you can follow the wrong piper.

But if you listen very hard, well you know how the rest of that song goes.

Don’t confuse the amplification of noise and magnification of minutiae make you think the world is filled with nothing but darkness nor that it is all light either.

Rainbows come after rain and light follows dark.

You don’t get one without the other and that is ok.

Life keeps moving because we keep moving.

As long as people of good conscience remember to take action we’ll always find ourselves heading towards the bright side of the road.

The End Of Goodnight Kisses

July 5, 2016 by Jack Steiner 6 Comments

I always knew the day would come when my children would see no reason or purpose in my kissing them goodnight.

That a day would come when they wouldn’t want me to read a book or tell them a story and that my “chase away the monster services” would no longer be wanted but I didn’t think it would happen overnight.

Ok, it didn’t happen overnight but it felt like the time between six months and a 16 passed as fast as a long weekend which is to say, way too quickly.

I went to bed as Superman and woke up as a nerdy old guy who needs help dressing and should never dance in public.

That little girl of mine, the one who will turn 12 in a couple of weeks but thinks she is 30 cracks me up.

Most of the time it is for all the right reasons but there are moments where she and I bang heads and I wonder if she recognizes how many traits she and I share in common.

Or if recognizes that I am not kidding when I say I can do anything in public and not worry about being embarrassed because I had that filter removed.

Confession: I can’t do anything in public without being embarrassed but I can do most things and just not care whether people think I am cool or an idiot.

I have earned all of those adjectives and a few more and will continue to do so as I age, that is part of the joy of living.

My goal isn’t to embarrass my children but I won’t lie and say that I haven’t used the threat to inspire better behavior.

Pro Tip/Advice

People like to say that disciplining your children is simple and in some ways it is. If you set boundaries, use logical consequences and are consistent most of the time it is a breeze.

If you set boundaries, use logical consequences and are consistent most of the time it is a breeze.

But no one tells you that sometimes enforcing those consequences requires work. You have to watch your kids and make sure they are not doing or doing what they have been told to do or not do.

During the school year you might need to punish them by taking away their phones and then discover it doesn’t matter because they are using their computer to stay in touch with the outside world.

You might want to remove the computer to be thorough and discover you can’t because they can’t turn in their assignments, participate in group projects or do other things for school that require the computer.

In theory you could sit next to them and make sure they only use the computer for school work but that means you Â have to give up your free time to make monitor things.

So you can do what I do and use Tasers, lasers and needles to inspire your kids to behave.

Ok, I don’t use Tasers or needles but lasers do shoot from my eyes, ask my kids.

The goodnight kisses might have mostly faded but I can still inspire a quicker step by glaring at them…sometimes.

These Changes Are Good

The changes I write about are good and so are my children.

I have worked hard to teach them to become self-sufficient and productive members of society. We have worked hard to help them become menschen, to be people of character.

And that includes having taught them to question themselves, adults and society.

I don’t want them to blindly do as others do any more than I want them to be so far removed from people they cannot get along.

The trick has always been how to help them figure out how to toe a line that never stops moving and when to cross it.

Given that I am not always certain where to place my feet or if the fingerholds I use to help pull me up the mountain are I shouldn’t be surprised if sometimes they mistep.

Dad’s Laser Focus

Saturday night I heard my kids talking about me and stopped what I was doing so that I could listen.

They commiserated about my laser focus on a few issues and asked each other if they had any insight as to why I do certain things.

I shouted some random words down the hall and they yelled back that what I said made no sense.

“Daddy, why did you do that?”

I smiled at my daughter and said I wanted their complaint to be factual.

“What do you mean?”

I laughed and told her that myÂ requestÂ to keep their rooms neater made a lot of sense and that clutter leads to chaos.

She rolled her eyes at me and asked me if I would always be so uptight about some things.

I nodded my head and walked back to the computer desk I am sitting at now.

The one that makes me crazy because it is too small and no matter what I do seems to be filled with clutter.

Darkness Falls

Later on that night my daughter called me to her room and told me she was going to sleep.

I didn’t make a big deal out of it and enjoyed some silent gratitude.

She told me a little about camp and asked me some questions about my day.

“Daddy, you are either silly or serious. There doesn’t seem to be much in between.”

“Do you think that is how I always am?”

“No, I think you are always thinking.”

“I am and it is usually about figuring out how to do more for your brother and you. Time moves quickly and I want to give you the best childhood I can. Sometimes I get preoccupied with it, that is why I get silly because it helps me stay in the present.”

She nodded her head and said she was ready to go to sleep.

“I kissed her goodnight, said I love you and walked out the door.

“I love you too daddy.”

Why Would Anyone Read Our Posts?

July 3, 2016 by Jack Steiner 3 Comments

I want to think my kids are innocent enough not to immediately recognize all of the different meanings in Make It With You by Bread.

It doesn’t have to be for long, maybe a month or two or even a couple of hours.

I know it is crazy for me to ask or even think about stopping time because that damn river keeps running.

Doesn’t mean I can’t or won’t ask questions I already know the answers to or that I might not try to do something that seems unreasonable or impossible.

Why Would Anyone Read Our Posts?

Do you ever wonder why people stop to read our posts?

Do you ever look in the mirror and ask your reflection what makes you so damn special?

Sometimes I wonder how I found myself here and marvel that anyone reads what I have to say. Sometimes I think about why they take the time and I figure it is the same sort of answer I have for a lot of things.

Because.

I don’t know.

It interests me.

There is no right or wrong answer here. I suppose if this was my full time gig I’d want more data and details because those of you who read would be of paramount importance.

Don’t mistake that to mean I don’t value you, but the truth is I don’t have as much risk as the professional so I can do what I want with less regard to whether you like it or not.

I like to think it leads to greater authenticity and more interesting reading, at least some of the time.

If I had my druthers I’d be walking some street in Jerusalem or hanging out at some cafe in Tel Aviv and you’d read about some of my modern Israel adventures.

Don’t worry though because those stories are coming again, they just aren’t here yet.

But sooner than you know the guy who sometimes calls himself Jack Steiner will be packing his bags and heading out the door for some new adventures.

Since I am a bit superstitious I won’t go into all the details about what I expect to happen but rest assured there are several potential opportunities just ahead and I am working on reeling them in.

If things go as I hope I’ll be given the opportunity to choose from many but I’d be ok with having just a few to choose between.

Sometimes You Have to Just Write

I suppose you could say this post ties into bothÂ The End Of The Road Meets Stock PhotographyÂ andÂ 39 Bloggers Who Were Beat Up By Scarecrows.

And I suppose you could say the underlying thread/theme here is I am exhausted and a bit frustrated with the posts I have been publishing.

If life were an action film or Western I’d be the hero who is in dire need of rest but who refuses to put down his gun/sword because he feels like doing so will put him at risk.

I have tried to compromise by taking it down a notch and by spending more time away from the computer.

But the compulsion to write pushes me to come back and so I am here typing, moments before 2 AM thinking about how you never know which post is going to be the one that resonates with everyone.

And as I type those words I ask myself whether I was honest with myself about whether I care whether you read or not.

Have I mentioned how much I love writing and how excited I am about the future?

That is part of what fuels my fire and gives me the energy to keep pushing ahead. I feel something big coming along and I am anxious to meet it on the road.

No FOMO here, just a desire to move from here to there.

Closing Words

Consider these the closing words of this post but certainly not the final to grace the pages of this blog.

Elie Wiesel has died and with his passing the light is a little dimmer than it was before.

I told my children about his death and reminded them our job is to do what we can to make the world a little bit better than when we got it.

Doesn’t have to mean we do big things because the little stuff is important too and the truth is beaches aren’t made up of one giant grain of sand but of a million little ones.

See you on the other side of the evening.