Children

I was surprised to wake up and discover I am not hung over.

It is not unusual to catch me with a drink but to wake up the Sunday morning after having had many isn’t something that happens with any regularity.

Twenty-five years or more ago I wouldn’t have been able to say I can’t remember the last time I got drunk because it would have been recent.

Not because I had a drinking problem but because I was a single guy and it wasn’t unusual for us to out drinking.

The funny thing about that last sentence is how I added it to make sure you didn’t think poorly of me because this post is about dishonest bloggers.

It is about how we sanitize our posts and our Facebook updates to show a life we aren’t really living.

A Blogosphere Filled With Dishonest Bloggers

You know why I drank so much last night?

Because I got news that set me off, stuff of the personal kind and I figured WTF.

At the moment I live by myself and don’t have to worry Sunday responsibilities in the same way others do.

My To-Do list isn’t monitored by anyone but me, so I can get around to laundry, cleaning and grocery shopping whenever it suits me.

So I said what the hell and opened up the home bar and enjoyed myself.

It illustrated one of the other differences between now and then because these days I drink the “good stuff.”

It is not the most expensive, “top-of-the-line” booze you can buy but it is not cheap either.

Categorize it as “I earned the right to treat myself sometimes” and I will enjoy it.

Boundaries & Honesty

I want to write about what is going on without any regard for potential consequences, but not because I am angry but because I am scared.

It is not the sort of fear that paralyzes you but it is the kind of thing that keeps you up at night and makes you think “what if.”

Boundaries prevent me from doing so and that sort of makes me smile.

Because a man like me pushes the envelope and tests the limits.

When I see signs that say do not trespass or do not touch I want to do the very opposite of what I have been told.

I want to find out what happens and why. I want to know if there is a good reason for being told not to do something or if it is just another arbitrary exercise in authority.

Except this boundary is tied into others and crosses lines I choose not to pass, but I wish I could.

Because part of the purpose of writing is to identify and understand. It is to ask for the collective wisdom of others because I know this challenge isn’t something that is limited to me.

I know others have experienced it and I want to hear how they managed it.

Yet things are not so bad that I am willing to cross the lines and damn the consequences…not yet.

I hope they never will be and that this will always be a post that helped take the edge off.

This is the place I never expected to find and won’t ever be comfortable living in. The spot that won’t ever let me exhale and take full breaths.

It is not about turning what I fear into something within my comfort zone because comfort with this isn’t something that anyone should have.

Good Attitude Meet My Boot

Someone told me I need to remember to have a good attitude and I asked them if they wanted my size 12 boot in their ass.

My attitude is fine.

I don’t know enough about this particular situation to say it is going to lead to a very bad conclusion which is why I am not panicked.

But I also know bad things can happen to good people and that life isn’t fair.

I am rooting for this to end up somewhere in between all of that. It is certainly set up in a way that would allow for it and if things fall into place there will come a time when this is just another story we tell.

It is not impossible or unlikely for that to happen, but I can’t listen to stupid comments like have a good attitude.

Hope is not a strategy or a tactic.

I want more information so that we can develop a plan and the lack of that is what is truly grinding at me because not knowing leaves me wondering.

My imagination is exceptional and sometimes that can be an asset, but it can also be a challenge.

I stood under a cloudy sky and looked for stars and thought about how very lucky I have been and how much life I have lived.

Tried to melt the clouds with a hard glare because I knew the answer I want and need is out there but the clouds didn’t break and the angels didn’t find me.

Wandered around for a few minutes and swore I heard someone say “this won’t break you” and smiled because it won’t.

But it is knocking chips and pieces off of me and that is impossible to ignore.

Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart.

That silly prankster whom we call life in their infinite wisdom decided that it might be fun to see what happens when you old hit old Jack Steiner in the head with a Shillelagh, but not the sort you might find at Hammacher Schlemmer.

I being a big believer in giving twice as good as I got checked out the non-affiliate link just to see if that stick had any sort of magical powers I could use because life isn’t a person.

You can’t call Life up and say, “we need to talk” or be more direct and say “if you aren’t nice to me I am going to shove a barbed Shillelagh  up your ass and then rip off your arms and beat you with them.”

But I really wish you, er we could.

I really wish I could grab Mjölnir and make like Thor, ya know call down some lightning and or take my hammer and hand out some justice.

Sadly, life don’t work dat way so we haf to deal wit it differently.

Is Your Perception My Reality?

Since the election ended I have read, heard and watched people talk about what life is going to be like for all of us and wondered if their perception is going to be not just our, but my reality.

However that old prankster life hasn’t let me spend much time focusing upon it because I have been slammed with other stuff.

Instead of being able to take a deep breath to think about things like the end of goodnight kisses I have been hammered with other stuff like Teenagers- The Struggle Is Real.

Here I sit thinking about how some people would cry, but The Tears That Do Not Fall situation hasn’t changed all that much.

That is not offered as a value judgment, but a thought that streaks across the night sky of my mind as I try to figure out that needs to be done.

Circumstances aren’t just personal now, they have spilled over into the professional arena too.

Is Your Perception My Reality II

There is a situation I am working on right now where I know that perception is skewed and not close to reality.

I’ll apologize in advance for lack of specifics but there are boundaries in blogging that I pay close attention to.

So in broad terms let’s say I am running a race and someone has set up numerous road blocks around the course.

My typical approach isn’t to whine or complain about theses things but to run hard and overcome. To find ways to jump over, go under, through or around and to let my actions speak for themselves.

A picture is worth a thousand words.

But I also understand there are moments where you need to advocate for yourself and so I pointed out the roadblocks and said, “if you need me to accomplish these things you have help move these from the road.”

And then that silly prankster life got involved and made sure the people who needed to understand what I was saying didn’t.

There was a moment of uncertainty and doubt on my part and I had to check myself to see if maybe I had misunderstood what was going on.

Maybe it was me, maybe I was the problem.

The funny thing about this is how other team members called me for advice and shared how they were having the same experience.

That confirmed it wasn’t me and I felt better about some things, but not all because I knew there was a misunderstanding and misperception of and about me.

Dad Doesn’t Always Know

Back in the land of thought and mild confusion your favorite dad blogger stares at the wall and wonders what he ought to do.

If his kids asked him about this sort of situation he’d tell him not to worry about what others think and to just live their lives.

But in this particular situation that might not be the best advice.

It might be the kind of thing that allows misperception to influence real world activities and there could be consequences for that.

The challenge is some of the people involved are the same who minimize the road blocks and who in some cases cannot see the fires they set every time they walk through a room.

I dislike this kind of junior high nonsense, no wait, I despise it. All I want to do is ignore it and do what needs to be done because that is what grownups do.

Because it should provide the sort of empirical evidence that makes it clear that misperception was involved.

Yet past experience is enough to make me wonder if that is a mistake and to be wary of feeling like I somehow caught my friend in my zipper.

BTW ladies, I have never understood how that happens. There has never been a time where I was so drunk, sick or unaware that I had to worry about that.

There are things you just know, but I digress.

My Heart Hurts

You know why I want to take life out to the woodshed is because I worked my ass off to make some things happen that I thought would make for a better life for my kids.

I did all the things parents do, climbed mountains, swam through oceans and fought lions and tigers and bears.

Did the last part without the ‘oh my’ at the end.

Just did it because that is how I was raised and because it feels right.

And here we are stuck in the mud, unclear whether it is the beginning, middle or end of something rough.

I am killing myself trying to figure out how to get through that teenage struggle and it hurts my damn heart to see what is going on.

I think there is progress.

Looks like there is progress, but I can’t see it clearly enough to feel as confident as I’d like.

And all that is muddying my ability to see clearly through this one other area. My gut says I am going to be ok there and that I have it on track, but dammit.

This parenting isn’t for the faint of heart, now someone give me that damn stick and life’s telephone number.