People

I am rarely at a loss for words and even if I don’t know the real answer to a question I am fast on my feet and easily capable of providing something that sounds like it might be right.

But there was a moment in time in which my daughter caught me with a question that I didn’t have the foggiest idea how to answer.

It wasn’t something I had ever thought about having to discuss in the sort of detail she wanted so I punted.

“You probably should ask your mother.”

P.S. If you want specific details click on the link above and then come back to read the rest of the post.

We’ll wait.

Daughter Stumps Father: Hard Questions

I thought about it because my darling girl asked me today to share the hardest question she ever asked me and I decided I didn’t feel like having that particular talk with her.

Don’t mistake that to mean I haven’t or won’t talk to her about boys because I have and I will.

But I am certain the “halfway through 7th grader can’t wait to be older” would be horrified if I told her exactly what she said when she was 6.5.

So I redirected the conversation and asked how many boys she is talking to on the school chat and how many she interacts with on Instgram and Snapchat.

“Dad, were you listening to me talk to Kathy?”

I shook my head no and asked why.

“Because I gave her advice for how to deal with Dylan. Are you sure you weren’t listening?”

I smiled and told her no but she said she didn’t believe me.

“You hear everything, even when you don’t look like you are listening, you usually are.”

“Dad has superpowers and super hearing. Don’t forget that.”

She rolled her eyes at me, gave me a hug and asked me to leave her room.

“I want to have girl time with my friends. You can go now.”

Things Are Different Now

Girl time doesn’t mean that she had friends over because in the modern world technology means you can have friends over via Facetime or any number of other video chatting services.

I hadn’t gotten out of the room before the giggling started and muted voices called after me, “Ask her about James” followed by my daughter telling her friend to hush because I might actually ask.

His name is one I haven’t heard before which makes me wonder if maybe there is something to him, at least in her eyes.

I made a point not to react, nor did I ask her about him later. Better to make a mental note to follow up later on.

Too much attention to these things might cause her to shy away, just as no attention might make it awkward later on.

****

I have worked hard to make sure she knows she can ask me questions about anything and have promised to be honest with my answers, and I have been.

But there are moments now where it feels like I am winging it more than ever. That is not a bad thing, just a part of how it goes.

Still if you asked my darling girl, she would tell you it is because things are different now.

All Things In Their Time

I used the quote to prove to my daughter that some things never change.

She sort of rolled her eyes at me, but smiled and I smiled back.

It is a little game she and I sometimes play. She likes to tease me about being old and I like to pretend to fall asleep while she does it because you know us old men need our naps.

****

One of the other old men in my group of old friends called the other day to catch up and to ask a favor.

“Do you want to beat up a 17-year-old boy for me? If I see him I think I might have to run him over with my car..”

“Is death too good for him or will a simple beating with rubber hoses and hammers work?”

He laughed and told me to just wait.

“One day your daughter will have a boyfriend and you’ll be subject to all sorts of fun. She’ll have you on the roller coaster. Heart break to happiness to heart break to happiness and it won’t just be her because her mom will use that as an opportunity to practice her future mother-in-law skills.”

I laughed and told him all things in their time.

“You think you have control, but hormones don’t care what parents think.”

I said he was right because I remember what it was like to be the kid with raging hormones but I figure there is plenty to worry about without being concerned about dating.

The unofficial rule is that it can’t start before 16 but that is sort of a fast and loose decision that was made without any real thought.

Can’t say yet whether it will be enforced or if it will need to be. I just know that as of this moment in time, I still have time and I am going to take advantage of it.

I have too many passwords and the iron trap memory that I pride myself upon is starting to ask me why we are not taking advantage of other resources.

In a perfect world I’d consider hiring Baravelli. He might not be the best gatekeeper but anyone who makes you smile is worth keeping around or at least thinking about.

Take a gander.

The Impact Of Cellphones On Memory

Those of you who remember life before everyone carried a cell phone will appreciate why when some people called me a walking white pages was a compliment.

Telephone numbers and random trivia were always easy for me to remember. If I called you once there was a good chance I remembered your number, definite if it was twice.

But that was then and this is now and things have changed slightly.

Instead of dialing your number and benefiting from the repetition of tapping it out on a touch tone dial pad or even sticking my fingers in the number hole on a rotary phone I just touch your name/photo and the phone does the rest.

In concept, if I enter your number and information in my contacts there is a good chance I might remember it, or at least a chunk, but even that doesn’t happen as often as it used to ‘cuz tech has made it simple to just beam information over.

****

My kids will tell you I have gently lectured them about learning how to read maps because sometimes the map function on phones or the navigation systems in our cars don’t work.

They have heard me say “if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it. Exercise your minds, think.”

What I haven’t heard them say is “I can’t remember the passcode to my phone or I can’t remember the password to XYZ”

Does that mean their memories are better than mine or alternatively that mine is going?”

Absolutely not.

It means I have stuffed more than 47 years of information into mine and they haven’t. The giant hole between their ears isn’t filled with as much stuff as mine is.

Or more accurately, I have many more things to worry about and be distracted by than they do.

If they were to ever bust my chops about this memory thing I’d smile and say I love you and then tell them I follow the advice of a very smart man.

Eat Your Words

Since I share DNA and a bit of an attitude with my children I would expect to hear some kind of retort about how they’ll use that line in school upon their teachers.

Can’t say I would be completely against the idea of complaining about being asked to regurgitate information because I am not convinced being able to do so is of benefit.

I suppose there are some good discussions to be had about what things you should memorize because there are benefits and what doesn’t but I’ll save going down that particular rabbit hole for a different day.

And I’ll confess that I had to erase my iPhone because I forgot the passcode.

That is what led me down this path and started this post.

I didn’t completely forget it or totally screw it up, but I botched it enough times that I got irked and decided to start over.

Since I back up my phone daily I didn’t lose any data, just a few minutes of peace.

And I know for certain that what is behind this is my not being present.

Be Present Where You Are

If you juggle enough balls in the air and are constantly multitasking it is easy to miss things.

That is what happened to me.

Got a ton of stuff going on now, some of which is very taxing and I wasn’t focused on some things so I screwed up the passcode.

If I had given myself a day or at least slept on it I probably would have come up with the code and been fine but I was tired and frustrated.

Some of this crap is wearing me out so I said screw it and just started over.

It worked out because of good planning and being prepared for stupid things happening like tech failure or brain farts like just not remembering something I had done a million times.

I don’t like it and am not particularly fond of struggling to remember some things.

But I am not going to panic about forgetting stuff when eight million other things are happening, that is normal.

Still it makes me think that maybe the great brain could use some simple assistance in some areas, maybe I ought to get a password manager.