• Skip to main content
  • Skip to secondary navigation
  • Skip to footer

The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

  • About Jack
    • Other Places You Can Find Me
  • Contact Me
    • Disclosure
  • About Jack
    • Other Places You Can Find Me
  • Contact Me
    • Disclosure

People

Daughter Stumps Father: Hard Questions

December 28, 2016 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

I am rarely at a loss for words and even if I don’t know the real answer to a question I am fast on my feet and easily capable of providing something that sounds like it might be right.

But there was a moment in time in which my daughter caught me with a question that I didn’t have the foggiest idea how to answer.

It wasn’t something I had ever thought about having to discuss in the sort of detail she wanted so I punted.

“You probably should ask your mother.”

P.S. If you want specific details click on the link above and then come back to read the rest of the post.

We’ll wait.

Daughter Stumps Father: Hard Questions

I thought about it because my darling girl asked me today to share the hardest question she ever asked me and I decided I didn’t feel like having that particular talk with her.

Don’t mistake that to mean I haven’t or won’t talk to her about boys because I have and I will.

But I am certain the “halfway through 7th grader can’t wait to be older” would be horrified if I told her exactly what she said when she was 6.5.

So I redirected the conversation and asked how many boys she is talking to on the school chat and how many she interacts with on Instgram and Snapchat.

“Dad, were you listening to me talk to Kathy?”

I shook my head no and asked why.

“Because I gave her advice for how to deal with Dylan. Are you sure you weren’t listening?”

I smiled and told her no but she said she didn’t believe me.

“You hear everything, even when you don’t look like you are listening, you usually are.”

“Dad has superpowers and super hearing. Don’t forget that.”

She rolled her eyes at me, gave me a hug and asked me to leave her room.

“I want to have girl time with my friends. You can go now.”

Things Are Different Now

Girl time doesn’t mean that she had friends over because in the modern world technology means you can have friends over via Facetime or any number of other video chatting services.

I hadn’t gotten out of the room before the giggling started and muted voices called after me, “Ask her about James” followed by my daughter telling her friend to hush because I might actually ask.

His name is one I haven’t heard before which makes me wonder if maybe there is something to him, at least in her eyes.

I made a point not to react, nor did I ask her about him later. Better to make a mental note to follow up later on.

Too much attention to these things might cause her to shy away, just as no attention might make it awkward later on.

****

I have worked hard to make sure she knows she can ask me questions about anything and have promised to be honest with my answers, and I have been.

But there are moments now where it feels like I am winging it more than ever. That is not a bad thing, just a part of how it goes.

Still if you asked my darling girl, she would tell you it is because things are different now.

All Things In Their Time

I used the quote to prove to my daughter that some things never change.

She sort of rolled her eyes at me, but smiled and I smiled back.

It is a little game she and I sometimes play. She likes to tease me about being old and I like to pretend to fall asleep while she does it because you know us old men need our naps.

****

One of the other old men in my group of old friends called the other day to catch up and to ask a favor.

“Do you want to beat up a 17-year-old boy for me? If I see him I think I might have to run him over with my car..”

“Is death too good for him or will a simple beating with rubber hoses and hammers work?”

He laughed and told me to just wait.

“One day your daughter will have a boyfriend and you’ll be subject to all sorts of fun. She’ll have you on the roller coaster. Heart break to happiness to heart break to happiness and it won’t just be her because her mom will use that as an opportunity to practice her future mother-in-law skills.”

I laughed and told him all things in their time.

“You think you have control, but hormones don’t care what parents think.”

I said he was right because I remember what it was like to be the kid with raging hormones but I figure there is plenty to worry about without being concerned about dating.

The unofficial rule is that it can’t start before 16 but that is sort of a fast and loose decision that was made without any real thought.

Can’t say yet whether it will be enforced or if it will need to be. I just know that as of this moment in time, I still have time and I am going to take advantage of it.

Filed Under: Children, People

Email Scam Artists Are Fun To Play With

December 1, 2016 by Jack Steiner 10 Comments

Ten years ago I met a colorful character who called himself Shola Rhodes.

He sent me an email suggesting I work with him on a venture to make some serious money and I said I was interested.

Because when some stranger writes you out of the blue and offers you money you always say yes. Mama Steiner didn’t raise a fool, opportunity knocks and I enter.

I chronicled the adventure in a series of posts:

  1. I am Rich Again- How Much Luck Do I Deserve
  2. More About My Good Fortune
  3. Give Me Time and I will Be Rich, Rich, Rich
  4. My Application for Shola
  5. For Shola
  6. No Love From Shola- Goodbye Fortune

I had a lot of fun messing with that guy and that experience led to multiple new adventures, some of which I chronicled here and some of which I didn’t.

Speaking of which I need to take a look at some of those older posts because when they were imported from my old Blogger blog there were some formatting issues.

It is not hard to read, but it could look better. Chalk it up as another blogging task I need to get to.

urban-1513868_1920

Email Scam Artists Are Fun To Play With

I received a new scam email today and I have been playing around with sending a silly response back to it complete with a picture of me wearing a scary clown mask.

 

Dear Concern,

I am Talent Scout For BLUE SKY FILM STUDIO, Present Blue sky Studio a
Film Corporation Located in the United State, is Soliciting for the
Right to use Your Photo/Face and Personality as One of the Semi -Major
Role/ Character in our Upcoming ANIMATED Stereoscope 3D Movie-The Story
of Ferdinand (Ferdinand 2017) The Movie is Currently Filming (In
Production) Please Note That There Will Be No Auditions, Traveling or
Any Special / Professional Acting Skills, Since the Production of This
Movie Will Be Done with our State of Art Computer -Generating Imagery
Equipment. We Are Prepared to Pay the Total Sum of $620,000.00 USD. For
More Information/Understanding, Please Write us on the E-Mail Below.
CONTACT EMAIL: blueskyfilms@usa.com
All Reply to: blueskyfilms@usa.com
Note: Only the Response send to this mail will be Given a Prior
Consideration.

Talent Scout

I mean who wouldn’t want to engage with a talent scout so that you could make a quick $620k.

Funny thing to me is to think about how much has changed in 10 years and how in some ways I am far more relaxed and far more cautious than I was then.

Maybe it is because I have heard many more stories about ransomware and identity theft so my antennae go up with this sort of thing.

I tell my kids it is smart to be cautious but you can’t let fear dictate all that you do.

So I am sitting here mulling over not whether I could play with this talent scout but whether it is worth the time.

After all every time I read silly letters that are taken seriously like the one below it makes me laugh and I think about coming up with something new.

Hi Shola,I am trying to decide which bank we should use for this as I bank with several.

Cleveland Bank of Plunder and Spoil
1313 Mockingbird Lane
Cleveland, Ohio 44102
Personal Agent: Herman Munster

Barnacle Bob Bank of Mistrust
4 Is the Square Root of 16 Lane
Toledo, Ohio 44104
Personal Agent: Barney Fife

Dinah Mite Financial
69 Comelickmeclean Road
Bustedtuchus, Ohio 44018
Personal Agent: Hawkeye Pierce

Do you have any thoughts or suggestions as to which one you think would be easiest to work with? I have had many interactions with Mr. Munster as when I was young I used to watch him. So perhaps it might make sense to work with his institution of deceit, deception, distrust and dismay.

-Jack

 Life Is Too Short

I should add that given the ridiculous news I read each day about the crazy stuff our president-elect says and the rampant fighting online it is hard not to look for ways to be silly.
Life is too short to be serious all the time and laughter is the best medicine.

Filed Under: People

The Agony Of Stupid Mistakes

November 29, 2016 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

The kids and I talk about the importance of learning from our mistakes and how they can be growth opportunities.

I tell them there will never be a time in our lives when we don’t make them and say there are very few life-altering screw ups.

When they ask me to share some of mine I name a few but intentionally don’t mention some of the ones that jump out at me.

Some of it is because there are boundaries between parents and children and they don’t want to or need to know about certain things.

grouchio_idiot

Move On

After I graduated from college I was hired to work as a writer and salesman for a publishing house.

It didn’t pay much but it was enough for me to have my own apartment and to cover all of my bills.

I  have very fond memories of this time but there is one moment that sticks out as the sort of mistake you never want to repeat.

Her name wasn’t Kathy but that is what I called her and it happened after midnight during a moment when she had my full attention.

Don’t ask me why it happened because I can’t tell you. It just slipped out of my mouth and it didn’t take more than a moment for her to let me know how unhappy she was with me.

I didn’t try to cover or pretend I had called her Kathy because her name wasn’t close to it. Didn’t use the same first letter or rhyme, it was different.

She blasted me and I apologized…more than once…with sincerity.

Eventually she forgave me and the night continued but two or three days later our dating life came to a swift conclusion.

“I can’t forget what you did and flowers won’t fix it. It is time to move on.”

Stumblefail

The Agony Of Stupid Mistakes

I wasn’t happy when she ended things but I got it. Besides it didn’t take long for me to realize that I didn’t really miss her which made it clear to me that we probably weren’t meant for the long haul.

But today what I am really focused upon is a mistake I made in a professional email.

****

It is not something that will kill my career or create huge issues and it might not even be noticed by most people.

Still it bothers me because it is such a dumb error on my part and the little niggling mistakes tend to irk me more than big ones.

That is because I see them as being so obvious and so avoidable I want to kick myself in the butt for being so foolish.

Since that is not possible nor useful it won’t happen. I’ll make a mental note to remember not to repeat this one and move on.

Random Thought

I stumbled across a couple of parent blogs who were running sponsored posts and wondered again how they got this business.

Their writing is poor and in desperate need of editing.

If that was me I would never hit publish because I would be embarrassed to have my name attached to that crap.

I know that is not nice and people can find errors in my work too, but the number of mistakes relative to the amount of content I put out is pretty low.

I suppose it bothers me to see that junk out there because we occupy the same space and their work reflects poorly on the rest of us.

That is a good segue into saying how disappointing it is to see writers devalue the work of other writers by giving content away for free or for almost nothing.

Exposure doesn’t pay the bills and in many cases it does nothing to advance your career other than to convince others that they can hire free labor.

courage

Filed Under: Children, Life, People

The Night I Played With Garth Brooks

October 22, 2016 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

You might ask about my adventures in blogging or maybe you just need to read The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face.

Or maybe you need to know what it was like to sing Unanswered Prayers and More Than A Memory with him.

Maybe you need to know if the headline is link bait or if somehow I really did play with Garth.

I understand and I get it.

Every five pixels online is filled with another outrageous headline in which someone tries to get your attention.

So here is the story, I had a dream that I played with Garth.

The Night I Played With Garth Brooks

As far as I know this is the first time I have ever dreamed of playing with Garth, but not the first time I have dreamed of playing alongside various artists.

Springsteen and I have shared a mike and I have danced alongside Mick.

I have made Axel shake with anger because the crowd responded to me and ignored him and I have taught Sinatra how to sing.

That is the mind of a writer and a storyteller.

It is a snapshot of what goes on inside my head all the damn time.

Ask me if I have better dreams when I am awake or asleep and I’ll say I am not really sure.

That is because sometimes when I am awake and my mind drifts off like Walter Mitty I don’t let go the way I do when I am unconscious.

Instead of accepting that I am next to Garth playing guitar and singing I hold back because I don’t play guitar and no one is going to pay to hear me sing.

But if you come closer I’ll share a secret with you, I think I could write a song or songs that Garth would sing.

I think I could do the same for Bruce too.

It is because they sing stories and I figure I tell them.

Granted I know it is not as simple as I make it sound but I can picture it and sometimes that is all that is required to move from dream to reality.

twainongenius

Dream Or Die

Steiner the minor told me he thinks he might have one of the craziest fathers ever.

“Dad, you think you can tackle professional football players, hit professional pitchers and guard NBA players. You’re old enough to be their fathers too and you are not that big.”

I tell him about the guy who weighed 285 that I played basketball against last year.

“He was 6’5 and I blocked a shot and knocked him out of bounds twice while chasing after loose balls. Effort, will and belief will take you a long way.”

My kid shakes his head, “nothing personal, but I bet he sucks.”

“He does suck and a pro will be significantly better but they’ll probably underestimate me. They’ll see an old guy who looks like he is out of shape and that is when I’ll take control.”

“Dad, you might get lucky once or twice but after that…”

I shake my head and tell him I approach life in one way, “Dream or Die.”

Part of me is disappointed with his attitude but it is not because he doesn’t think I can do what I claim but because I want him to dream.

I want him to dare to dream of stealing fire from the gods.

I want him to look at the prettiest girl in school and think she might consider dating him.

I want him to believe he can do anything he wants or at least dream it.

What I can’t figure out now is if this attitude of his is just a phase or if it something more.

This parenting thing ain’t for the faint of heart, now is it.

Filed Under: People

And Somewhere In The Madness

October 18, 2016 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

The full sentence reads and somewhere in the madness I lost her.

It is from a story I wrote long ago and perhaps it is part of one I am still writing but I’ll save that for tomorrow or some other day to share.

For now it is past midnight and I need to get some sleep but must put words on paper before shut eye time comes.

There is an ache in my stomach that keeps coming and going and I am certain it is motivated by stress and curious as to why I can’t seem to kick its ass and send it away.

Been a while since I felt normal for extended periods of time and I am tired of feeling like it is a battle to get my butt in gear and out the door.

I look at my reflection and remind the guy staring at me to take control of the situation and the pressure will ease but that old bastard only hears what he wants.

fool-1187197

I watch, listen and wonder about much of the world around me figuring there are more stories to be learned, shared and told.

There are some people I miss having as big parts of my lives and I can’t figure out if they are truly gone or just on their own walkabouts.

Inside my head there is an internal debate about whether to reach out and say I miss you or to chalk some things up to the etiquette of unfriending.

Twitter Lives/Twitter Dies

I need to set aside some time to write about Twitter and the reasons it lives or dies for some.

Have to figure out where and when because I have stories to return to writing and new ones to begin.

Mostly I need to remember if I want this stomach ache to disappear I probably should start by shutting this down and getting some sleep.

Probably.

Don’t ask my kids to tell you how many times I say they ought to do as I say and not as I do.

One way or another I manage, but life isn’t meant to be just managed. It is meant to be lived and lived hard.

If you don’t laugh and love, what do you do that makes you know you are alive.

Filed Under: People

I Need A Better Password Manager

October 1, 2016 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

I have too many passwords and the iron trap memory that I pride myself upon is starting to ask me why we are not taking advantage of other resources.

In a perfect world I’d consider hiring Baravelli. He might not be the best gatekeeper but anyone who makes you smile is worth keeping around or at least thinking about.

Take a gander.

The Impact Of Cellphones On Memory

Those of you who remember life before everyone carried a cell phone will appreciate why when some people called me a walking white pages was a compliment.

Telephone numbers and random trivia were always easy for me to remember. If I called you once there was a good chance I remembered your number, definite if it was twice.

But that was then and this is now and things have changed slightly.

Instead of dialing your number and benefiting from the repetition of tapping it out on a touch tone dial pad or even sticking my fingers in the number hole on a rotary phone I just touch your name/photo and the phone does the rest.

In concept, if I enter your number and information in my contacts there is a good chance I might remember it, or at least a chunk, but even that doesn’t happen as often as it used to ‘cuz tech has made it simple to just beam information over.

****

My kids will tell you I have gently lectured them about learning how to read maps because sometimes the map function on phones or the navigation systems in our cars don’t work.

They have heard me say “if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it. Exercise your minds, think.”

What I haven’t heard them say is “I can’t remember the passcode to my phone or I can’t remember the password to XYZ”

Does that mean their memories are better than mine or alternatively that mine is going?”

Absolutely not.

It means I have stuffed more than 47 years of information into mine and they haven’t. The giant hole between their ears isn’t filled with as much stuff as mine is.

Or more accurately, I have many more things to worry about and be distracted by than they do.

If they were to ever bust my chops about this memory thing I’d smile and say I love you and then tell them I follow the advice of a very smart man.

einstein-memory

Eat Your Words

Since I share DNA and a bit of an attitude with my children I would expect to hear some kind of retort about how they’ll use that line in school upon their teachers.

Can’t say I would be completely against the idea of complaining about being asked to regurgitate information because I am not convinced being able to do so is of benefit.

I suppose there are some good discussions to be had about what things you should memorize because there are benefits and what doesn’t but I’ll save going down that particular rabbit hole for a different day.

And I’ll confess that I had to erase my iPhone because I forgot the passcode.

That is what led me down this path and started this post.

I didn’t completely forget it or totally screw it up, but I botched it enough times that I got irked and decided to start over.

Since I back up my phone daily I didn’t lose any data, just a few minutes of peace.

And I know for certain that what is behind this is my not being present.

Be Present Where You Are

If you juggle enough balls in the air and are constantly multitasking it is easy to miss things.

That is what happened to me.

Got a ton of stuff going on now, some of which is very taxing and I wasn’t focused on some things so I screwed up the passcode.

If I had given myself a day or at least slept on it I probably would have come up with the code and been fine but I was tired and frustrated.

Some of this crap is wearing me out so I said screw it and just started over.

It worked out because of good planning and being prepared for stupid things happening like tech failure or brain farts like just not remembering something I had done a million times.

I don’t like it and am not particularly fond of struggling to remember some things.

But I am not going to panic about forgetting stuff when eight million other things are happening, that is normal.

Still it makes me think that maybe the great brain could use some simple assistance in some areas, maybe I ought to get a password manager.

Filed Under: Children, People

  • « Go to Previous Page
  • Page 1
  • Page 2
  • Page 3
  • Page 4
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 21
  • Go to Next Page »

Footer

Things Someone Wrote

The Fabulous Archives

Copyright © 2025 · Jack Steiner

 

Loading Comments...