Sometimes it is disconcerting to realize I am old enough to be the father of some of guys who play ball with me.
So very strange to hear their comments about how it is cool that an old guy plays so hard and to realize they are talking about me.
They ask why I play so hard and I tell them the twenty seven years between us will pass far too quickly and they’ll recognize they never fully appreciated just what a gift a younger body is.
And then I shake my head and hear the echoes of the men who once said that to me and I remember thinking how ridiculous it sounded.
I was young and stupid and too inexperienced to understand.
It was before I knew about real love and real heartbreak. Before I understood what was truly possible and before I understood that I hadn’t figured it all out the way I thought I had.
That boy/man never could have predicted how things would go and if he had, well I don’t think I would be who I am today.
These Are Words To Live By
I don’t know if I had a real motto that meant anything to me when I was younger. I had ideals, principles and values but I don’t know what my motto would be.
Not sure if any of that matters but sometimes I think about it because I think of it as being something a good father would do.
Because I am an active participant in the lives of my children and I look for things that will make their lives easier and better.
Sometimes I share with them some of the quotes I put in these blog posts because I think they’ll get something frmo them.
I don’t always expect them to understand or appreciate them the way I do. But it is good to hear their thoughts and to learn from them too.
Sometimes Writing Is Scary
The kids tell me I am different from them, that I have no fear and that I don’t worry about things the way they do and I laugh.
When they look at me I explain I am not laughing at them, I am laughing because dear old dad worries about more than they know and fears a few things they don’t.
They ask me to give them an example so I tell them about a few and then my daughter asks if anyone makes fun of my writing.
I tell her it happens all the time and that I have heard a million different complaints and criticisms. Writing can be scary but sometimes it can be amazing.
I play with words and phrases and I stare at them, try to figure out if I sound like a buffoon or a genius. Sometimes writers fall in love with words they shouldn’t.
That sentence in the box is one I have been wrestling with.
When my daughter asks me to give her more details I talk in non specific terms about some of the fiction I have writen and how surprising it is to me to write some of these tales.
But I don’t tell her that I find writing some of these stories a bit embarrassing and that I am not entirely sure why.
Maybe it is because I have some sort of preconceived notion about who should be writing them or maybe it is because I think people will laugh.
Doesn’t really matter because as I tell my kids my nature is to confront the things that scare or upset me. I don’t always do it immediately because sometimes I like to chew on the idea a while.
But one thing I have learned about life that comes being a father is that when you discover you have some unexpected skill or talent you ought to spend a little time checking it out.
It might not be something you have interest in pursuing and then again it might. Can’t hurt to check it out.
So that is part of what I am doing, revisiting some old stories and thinking about whether I ought to bring them back to life or try to weave them into a longer tapestry that just might become something more than it was as a simple blog post.