The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for December 2007

Great Moments In Parenting- Parts of our Body That Grow

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The almost seven year-old boy and I have an ongoing ritual of talking about life and the things that happen. Many of the best conversations come just before his bedtime. In part that is because he is trying to stall and in part because he is already lying quietly in bed and in a thoughtful mood.

Here is a transcript from a recent conversation.

Son: I heard something at school.
Dad: What did you hear?

Son: Justin said that some parts of our bodies never stop growing.
Dad: What did Justin say?

Son: He said that our hair, our nails and our skin never stop growing.
Dad: Ok.

Son: Is that true?
Dad: You and I should spend a little time researching this. Do you know what that means?

Son: Yes. We’ll go to the ‘puter and look at the encyclopedia.
Dad: We don’t have to use the computer. We can always go to the library and use the research books to find this information. (Have to make sure that he knows how to do things the old fashioned way.)

Son: Dad. Why don’t our hands grow forever?
Dad: Good question. It might be hard to find a new baseball glove if they grew forever. Let’s look that up.

Son: Ok. What about our feet? Why don’t they grow forever?
Dad: I bet that it is tied into the same reason our hands don’t. Let’s take a look tomorrow.

Son: I am confused about something.
Dad: What?

Son: Justin told me that his brother said your penis can grow forever.
Dad: (Inside my head I hear Robbie The Robot saying “Danger Will Robinson) I don’t think that it works like that.

Son: But dad, sometimes my penis grows and sometimes it does not.
Dad: I know. We talked about this and why it happens. Do you remember?

Son: I do. But what would happen if your penis never stopped growing?
Dad: Do you mean what would happen if you never lost your erection?

Son: Yes and what would happen if it keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger.
Dad: Your erection doesn’t last forever. Remember I told you about how it helps make babies.

Son: Yes, but what if it did. What if it kept growing for the rest of your life. What would you do?
Dad: ( I wanted to say join the circus or start a harem, but I just couldn’t do it.) I am not sure. what do you think would happen?

Son: I think that it might be hard to find pants to wear. But it could be really good.
Dad: Oh. What would be really good?

Son: If you had to pee really badly you wouldn’t have to get so close to the toilet. You could stand really far away and just aim.
Dad: That might be nice.

Son: Tomorrow I am going to tell everyone that you and I want our penises to grow really, really big.
Dad: I don’t think that this is the kind of thing we should share. Remember there are private parts of our body that we don’t share.

Son: Oh yea. I’ll just tell mom. She’ll make sure that you drink a lot of milk so that your penis will keep growing.
Dad: Uh, ok. I think that it is time for bed. Get some sleep and I’ll see you in the morning.

Son: Ok. I love you dad.
Dad: I love you too.

And now you see why sometimes these conversations can be a little tricky.

I Have Never Driven In The Snow

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I can’t remember if I have ever done a post in which I listed some ordinary things that I have never done so I figured I’d come up with kind of a quick list.

1) I have never driven in the snow.
2) I have never walked to or from school in the snow.
3) I have been sledding/inner tubing but never gone skiing.
4) I am not sure if I have ever seen it snow.
5) I have never de-iced my car.
6) I never missed school because of a snow day.

Can you see a theme here. I think that I can probably count the number of times that I have been in the snow on both hands. I am a Summer kind of guy. Give me a t-shirt and shorts and I am happy.

I have been in Toronto and Buffalo during winter. I figure that should count for something, what that thing is I can’t say. I even shoveled a little snow, much to the amusement of the people I was staying with.

That crazy Shmata Queen, remember the girl whose blog is on hiatus, claims that I can’t handle the cold. But the truth is that I never cared about proving that I could or couldn’t. There is a better way to live and she is proof. There is a reason that she has lived more than half her life outside of that rusty old city.

Uninvited Guests- What Would You Do?

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Pretend for a moment that you blog anonymously. Now pretend that someone you know asks to see your blog. You explain that you are intentionally anonymous and that you’d rather not give them the keys to your cyberspace home.

Still they persist in asking to see it and you finally come up with a compromise. Said compromise is that you will share some of your writing with them, via a little cut and paste. They in turn AGREE not to try and find your blog.

Sadly they ignore your wishes and use the writing sample you provided to “Google” your blog. You in turn let them know that via your stat checker you know they have intentionally ignored your wishes and are trespassing and still they continue to show up.

Would you just let it go and accept that you were foolish in providing them with a writing sample?

Would you confront them and ask them to stop reading?

Or would you write a post in which you make it clear that you know they have violated their promise and are abusing your sense of trust in them?

I suppose that you now understand what I might do in the situation. It is one thing to be discovered by accident, it is another to be found out via intent.

Guns- Heroes Are Made Not Born

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Just a few minutes to throw up a quick post. Within this past week we have seen several incidents in public places in which innocent people have lost their lives to rampaging gunmen. Sadly these are not the first time we have witnessed such tragedies and nor will they be the last.

The usual responses are being floated around. Some people want to ban guns and others are advocating that more people be allowed to carry them. I am troubled by the black and white response. I don’t know if it is just because these are knee jerk responses or what, but there is a middle ground here.

I don’t claim to have the answer. This is just old Jack composing on the fly. No editing, no careful consideration so take it for what is is worth.

I am in favor of gun ownership and gun control. There is no reason why people shouldn’t be allowed to own guns, but then again I don’t see a reason why they should have military grade weaponry around their homes either.

The old line that heroes are made. not born is one that has a lot of truth in it. You don’t know what you’ll do in a particular situation until you are in it. You can be trained for all sorts of situations, but you can’t always guarantee that you will respond in the appropriate manner.

We can speculate for hours as to what would have happened at VA Tech, Columbine or the Mall in Omaha if someone would have had a gun. Maybe they would have stopped them. Maybe lives would have been saved. It is a real possibility.

The security guard in Colorado is a former cop. To me that makes her different than the random citizen who might be carrying a weapon.

Speaking of that, I get antsy when people start talking about how G-d was on their side. It just bothers me that some people start saying they acted a certain way because G-d told them to. Too many times we see people who are diametrically opposed ideologically claim that G-d is on their side.

Must make for an awkward situation at parties.