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The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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  • About Jack
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Archives for May 2011

Stupid Blog Tricks- The Difference Between The Best & Most Popular

May 4, 2011 by Jack Steiner 38 Comments

Dad bloggers get paid to blog.

Welcome to another edition of stupid blog tricks where we share the top secrets of the blogosphere with you. Unlike internet marketers we don’t charge you for these. There are no e-books to purchase or seminars to attend. Instead we provide you with with this valuable service for the incredibly low price of….free.

Today we are here to discuss the difference between your best and most popular posts. If you have been blogging for more than a short while you have probably noticed that your best posts are not always your most popular. It is a curious phenomenon that some scientists have compared to why people enjoy watching The Jersey Shore, The Kardashians and The Bachelor. Fortunately for you I have as much training as any of those people and more importantly am willing to share my knowledge with you.

The answer to your question is that there really isn’t any significant rhyme or reason as to why your incredibly well written and thoughtful post about how you became a father is ignored while some throwaway post about why people from cleveland heights are crazy is read daily. Here in wild, wacky and woolly blogosphere logic is ignored, reason is laughed at and up is down.

And since you asked here is a list of posts that the powers that be say are quite popular. If I had made the list I might have included some of these or I might not have. Either way it doesn’t matter because Stupid Blog Tricks doesn’t charge you for our valuable free services. So here is a list of 65 posts that stats say are popular.

I have highlighted a few of them that jump out at me as being among my favorites. This isn’t a complete list by any means. There are plenty o’posts that should be included but sometimes free is free and you get what you pay for.

  1. Why Your Post Sucks and Everyone Hates Your Blog
  2. If You Died, Who Would Take Care Of Your Children
  3. And Justice For All
  4. The Best Cover Letter….Ever
  5. Wind and Waves
  6. Dear Angry Blogger
  7. The Easiest Way To Get Comments On Your Blog
  8. Whiny Bloggers Quit Because It Was Work
  9. What Does Your Blog Say About You
  10. Bad Blogging
  11. Facebooking Proves That Time Doesn’t Heal All Wounds
  12. Five Minutes
  13. One Slightly Used Pump For Sale
  14. Becoming a Dad
  15. What The Hell Happened to Courtesy
  16. 10 Things I Hate About Commandments
  17. The Song of My Heart Has Gone Silent
  18. Some Questions Should be Answered By Mom
  19. Dad’s Dilemma- The Private School Paradox
  20. I Hear Music
  21. She Wore A Red Dress
  22. Clubbing In The Blogger Era
  23. Simple, Yet Powerful
  24. Writers Write Right
  25. Things I Have Learned From Blogging
  26. A Father’s Failure
  27. Bourbon, Blogs And Business
  28. Stolen Innocence
  29. Dear Russian Spammer
  30. Be A Better Parent Through Blogging
  31. August
  32. The Difference Between Sick and Tragic
  33. The Many Layers of Hell
  34. A Fire In The Sky
  35. The Price of Passover
  36. And then the world shifted
  37. When Simply Awful Became Simply Wonderful
  38. Real Men Don’t Cry
  39. Forgotten Treasures
  40. The Broad Shoulders of Fatherhood
  41. A Detour
  42. The Boy Who Wouldn’t Play Baseball
  43. It Was My Favorite Toy
  44. The Flying Clown
  45. These Words Are My Tears
  46. The Radical Honesty of a Life I Don’t Love
  47. Preserve Your Memories
  48. The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants
  49. Don’t Read This Post
  50. The GermoPhobe
  51. Shine A Light On Our Soul
  52. The Joy of Defeat
  53. The Blogger I Want To Be
  54. Sounds of My Youth
  55. Instant Messenger
  56. What I Dream About
  57. We Were Alone In The Stacks
  58. A Little Digestive Distress- Chicken Vindaloo
  59. Almost 6000 Words of Wisdom
  60. I Can’t Play The Guitar
  61. Becoming a Dad
  62. That One Perfect Moment
  63. These Pictures of You
  64. Where Am I
  65. Johnny Was A Hero

Filed Under: Blogging

The Times and Trials of Remorse Brown

May 3, 2011 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

This is a continuation of this post:

Who in their right mind would name a daughter Remorse? Although that wasn’t so bad; her big brother was called Regret, which is a sorry name for a man.

The old thief espied their shack from afar, and counted his blessings.

There was a reason why he had lived to be an old thief who walked free of fetters and shackles and not one who lived in chains.

He never let ego get in the way of doing a proper job. Too many other men had made the mistake of trying to leave a signature behind and had paid the price for it.

Ego and the movie industry were responsible for that. Ego made you want to to show how smart you were and movies made you think that it would turn you into some kind of icon.

For a moment he paused to wipe his brow and considered the best way to approach the shack. A smart man didn’t get lost pondering why someone would name their children Regret and Remorse, at least not from 100 yards a way.

That sort of wool gathering was best done at home in front of a warm fire and with your favorite drink in hand. His chosen profession required attention to detail as the consequences for mistakes could be quite severe.

Some of the younger guys would laugh and say that doing a job in the states wasn’t as risky as doing it in Saudi Arabia. And while it was true that if you got caught here they wouldn’t cut off your hand it was also true that lots of other bad thing could happen.

Few if any of the young guys had seen what an angry homeowner could do with a baseball bat or golf club. Some of those guys would beat you so badly your arms and legs never worked quite right again.

In his mind that was far worse than being locked in a cage or killed. Death wasn’t something that he feared or welcomed but he had a list of things to do so he preferred to wait a good while longer before that came about.

Nor was he interested in serving as the chew toy of any dog large or small. Hollywood didn’t make movies that showed what happened to thieves that were caught by some of the specially trained watch dogs. It was more exciting to see a dog chase a thief than to watch the dog savage him.

And savage was exactly what would happen. If the owner gave the proper command that dog or dogs would use their jaws to maul you in ways that would excite the National Geographic crowd. .

Once years before he had seen three Rottweiler’s kill one of his partners. It didn’t happen in a vacuum. The owner had been there too…encouraging the dogs. He could still hear the guy laughing about how no one would miss a thief and he was right because no one did.

It was a hard thing to watch but one of many good lessons about the value of preparation and the need for caution. This was probably the one area that Hollywood did portray with real accuracy.

The need for preparation couldn’t be overstated and thanks to modern technology it was becoming easier all the time. Digital photography, satellite imagery and a host of other gadgets were all part of his magic bag of tricks.

And let us not forget the wonderful world of social media which made it exceptionally easy to gather more information and details about the places and people he would go visit.

Facebook, Twitter and blogging told more tales about people and their habits than most would imagine. There were a million different fragments of information that he could use in a million different ways.

If you mentioned social media and crime what most people thought of was Identity Theft. And had that been within his sphere it would have been quite easy to get involved in. But that wasn’t his focus and for good reason.

It had turned into big business and as a result it had gained the attention of both state and federal law enforcement. That meant that an enormous amount of attention and resources were being focused upon its perpetrators and that wasn’t good for him.

He preferred to work in the shadows where less attention meant fewer people trying to catch him. Identity Theft left too many cyber crumbs and he wanted no part of it.

Speaking of shadows it wouldn’t be long before the sun set behind the mountains and he would get a chance to get a closer look at the shack.

Filed Under: Fragments of Fiction, Remorse Brown, Uncategorized

Boundaries- Things You Can’t Write About

May 3, 2011 by Jack Steiner 14 Comments

“Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.”
Mark Twain
“I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.”
Mark Twain
“Where there is much desire to learn, there of necessity will be much arguing, much writing, many opinions; for opinions in good men is but knowledge in the making.”
John Milton

Listen closely and you’ll hear the echoes of the words that once lived upon this page. Less than two minutes ago there were 659 words residing here on my screen. Those 659 words told a story…poorly and consequently paid the price for their poor construction. So though it filled me with some dismay I nuked them one and all.

There are boundaries in blogging but the lines that demarcate those boundaries are not uniform nor will they ever be. Those lines are based upon subjective decisions that the authors work out with themselves and others. Sometimes they evolve over time…mine have.

But there is a distinction between establishing boundaries and choosing not to write about topics. I mention this because someone asked why I don’t write about politics and religion anymore. The answer I gave them is that I haven’t given up on those. They don’t exist behind one of the imaginary lines I mentioned earlier.

In theory it might be smarter not to write about them because they can cause trouble. There is a certain amount of acrimony sometimes arises from such things. And in theory if I want to build a community than acrimony isn’t really what I want, or at least not for the community I am thinking of.

But that is not really what has slowed those posts down. The blame for that lies in a lack of interest on my part. I haven’t felt a need or reason to write about those things but I expect that it won’t be long before I do so again.

Some of those posts turn out to be my favorites because they have led to much learning and growth and that is always welcome.

 

Filed Under: Blogging

A Selection of Songs For Tuesday Morning

May 3, 2011 by Jack Steiner 4 Comments

You Don’t Know Me– Ray Charles
I Can’t Stop Loving You– Ray Charles
Killing The Blues– Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
Gone Gone Gone (Done Moved On) Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
When The Levee Breaks-Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
The Contender– Hans Zimmer
Whiskey Lullaby– Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss
Helter Skelter– The Beatles
In the Ghetto– Elvis Presley
Rebel Yell-Billy Idol

Filed Under: Uncategorized

A Fork In The Road

May 2, 2011 by Jack Steiner 20 Comments

It is 1989 and I am finishing my junior year of college. I am taking a full load of coursework and working around 25-30 hours each week. My free time is divided between the gym and the fraternity. I had intended to spend my junior year abroad but let an ex-girlfriend talk me out of going. I don’t know it then but it will be one of the five major regrets in my life. It is compounded by the fact that she dumped me and I am single.

Single, alone and angry meld together into something called confusion. Law school doesn’t sound interesting to me any more and neither does anything else. I want to drop out of school and find myself but my father tells me that I’ll lose my healthcare so I don’t. Frustration mounts and I add time in the campus pub to my regimen. I have an enormous thirst that I can’t seem to quench.

Pitcher after pitcher of beer finds its way down my gullet and I decide that getting drunk three times a week is a rite of passage for a college student. It doesn’t matter that it is the middle of the day nor do I care if I drink alone or with friends. Most of the time I have company so the drinking alone is infrequent. Often times we sit on a patio that overlooks one of the pools.

Our table is filled with endless pitchers of beer and slices of pizza. The skies are blue and just below the landscaped is dotted with girls in bikinis. It is hard not to look at this and think that I have discovered paradise.

One of my drinking buddies is in two of my classes. He is worried about failing so he tells me that he is going to cut back on his time at the pub. I tell him not to worry and he tells me that I am being stupid. I am young, dumb and male and determined to prove him wrong. I tell him that I am going to drink three pitchers of beer and then study for the midterm.

He tells me that he doesn’t want to be the reason I fail. I tell him that won’t be and he is not. He remains sober and receives a C+. Not me. I drink all three pitchers and then receive an A- for my efforts. He is furious and tells me that it is because I was sober when I took the test. I laugh and tell him to join me at the gym. He says ok and I tell him that I’ll see him tomorrow.

The next day I stop by his apartment to pick him up. He buzzes me in and I go upstairs. While he packs his gym bag I hit the restroom. While I’m washing my hands I hear a very loud crash and then screaming. My friend sounds like he is crying. I run out and see a wide open door. Some guy is sitting on top of him and beating the crap out of him. I have no idea what is going on but I run over to help.

I hit him from behind and he crumples. It is not heroic. He had no idea that I was there but my friend really is on his back…crying. I find out that he is crying because he has a gambling problem. I am suddenly scared and I take off. I don’t want this guy I cold cocked to know who I am.  Later on I’ll find out that “my friend” has many problems besides the gambling.

One day a fraternity alumnus approaches me at the gym and asks when I became such an asshole. He says that I used to be smart and likable. It resonates with me because most of the house dislikes him and wonders how he ever got in. It makes me think and wonder if maybe he is right.

I figure that the easiest change is to stop drinking.  The alcohol isn’t making me happier or assisting me with making decisions. It doesn’t take long for me to feel like a fog is lifting.

From start to finish that whole experience took all of three months or so but so much happened it feels like years. Hard to believe that so much time has passed.

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Filed Under: Life, Red Dress Club

The Car of My Dreams

May 2, 2011 by Jack Steiner 6 Comments

I was about 8 or 9 years old when Smokey and The Bandit came out. I can’t remember whether I saw it in a theater or drive-in. For that matter I might not have seen it in either of those places. For all I know it was on a friend’s Betamax but none of that applies to this particular post.

Because what is most important to me is that Trans Am that the Bandit is driving and the memories of the little boy who once was.  That boy and his friends used to ride their bikes around the neighborhood and pretend that they were being chased by some crazy County Mounty. We had our walkie-talkies that we would use to talk to each other using our CB handles and lots of stories about adventures.

Some of those stories actually happened and some are just clever fictions that little boys create to impress their friends.

Fast forward a decade or so and the little boy who was once me picked up a ’77 Camaro. It wasn’t the exact version of the dream car but it was $600 bucks and I had a $1,000 in the bank so the deal was done. Took that Camaro and fixed it up and created some new memories that had a bit more substance than those of the boy on the bike.

A few years go by and the Camaro is traded in for a used Camry. The Camry wasn’t as fun but it was far more reliable and the boy needed transportation to an office each day.

Fast forward another decade and the boy stumbles onto his dream car. It is a private seller who asks $8,500 or best offer. The boy thinks very hard about it. He has the money in the bank and is within moments of going for it when all of a sudden a baby starts to cry. And then the boy looks down at the stroller he is pushing and sees the face of his boy and sighs deeply.

That dream will have to wait for a different day because the boy in the stroller needs a house with a backyard. But every now and then the boy who pushed that stroller plays this video and remembers days long gone by…

Filed Under: Children

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