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The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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Archives for January 2012

The House That Jack Built

January 13, 2012 by Jack Steiner 11 Comments

The photo above is a picture of the tail end of a garage sale at the House That Jack Built. These are the odds and ends that weren’t sold. These are the things that were part of the memories that were built and or created inside that house. They are objects that might have once been of my affection.

Some of those were with us for the entire decade in which we lived in the house. Others were with us much longer. The old timers joined the band decades before and followed us from apartment to apartment and condo to house.

It may look like junk and or clutter to you but to me I see something else. There is the stroller that my first born traveled the world in. It is the same stroller that I pushed in wonder and amazement because the baby inside was mine. He was proof that my boys could swim and that life had changed in the most dramatic fashion.

There is more in that picture that catches my eye. There are pieces of my childhood and objects from a man’s first apartment. I can’t look at it without a flood of memories washing over me. It is a parade images and sounds of my past and a reminder of how hard decisions had to be made for the future I want(ed) to build.

And then there is this photo. Storage units filled with stuff. More memories and a million stories are stuffed inside these boxes. They are containers of clutter and creation. I stare at them now and try to remember if that is where I placed a few small objects and papers that I didn’t expect to need.

They were things that I didn’t want to get rid of. They are things that I need because there is merit and value to them. They are things that I didn’t expect to need until we moved out of the temporary housing we are in.

Who knew that the occasion would come in which I needed them sooner. It is more than a little bit frustrating to discover this. I know where they are located. I have the manifest that I put together just in case I needed something. Unfortunately they are buried deep inside the boxes. It would take a significant amount of time to recover them and they aren’t worth it.

Still that doesn’t negate the need for them today or the frustration I feel because they would be of great benefit. So I face a choice to remain frustrated to try to be extra resourceful.

I choose the latter. That frustration won’t make things better but a clever idea can and will. Besides the lesson that I have learned from all of this is that I was right about the lack of need for many of the things I own.

It is time to rid myself of more stuff. It is time to let go of more of the non essentials. I don’t think that I’ll worry about them all that much because they are just things of no particular sentimental value.

The House That Jack Built rests on other values than that.

Filed Under: Life

Are You a Cyberstalker Or Just Socially Inept

January 12, 2012 by Jack Steiner 29 Comments

Many years ago a reader sent me an email stating that if I didn’t take down a post they would call Child Protective Services to try to have my children removed. They left similar comments on my blog.

Other readers have written in or left comments threatening me and my family because they disagreed with my politics, were angered because I support circumcision and or because they don’t like my religious background.

The most egregious comments and or emails are always filed as are their IP addresses. I don’t expect trouble but I figure that it can’t hurt to take precautions. The Net is filled with all different kinds of people. I expect that most are harmless and even those that cross a line or two usually fit into the category of troll.

 There Are Boundaries In Blogging

There are boundaries in blogging that people need to recognize and accept. I don’t tell you all of my stories or share other pieces of information with you for personal reasons. You don’t need to know the reason why but I ask that you respect it.

Except the thing is that not everyone does that. Some people believe that they have a right to know everything and they go digging for information. They spend copious amounts of time logging and tracking who did what where and engage in keyword searches that make me a bit uncomfortable.

Maybe they just love my writing. Maybe they think it is fascinating. I don’t know.  I like to think that this is all that it is but something feels off to me. Something rubs me the wrong way and I don’t ignore those feelings. I have learned to pay attention to that “spidey sense.”

Fences make for good neighbors both online and off.

Filed Under: Blogging, Cyberstalking Tagged With: Cyberstalking

What Happens To Your Facebook Account When You Die?

January 11, 2012 by Jack Steiner 30 Comments

facebook logo
facebook logo (Photo credit: marcopako )

The question really shouldn’t be what happens to your Facebook account when you die because that is not inclusive enough, at least not for me.

I have been thinking about this on and off for a while now. Been thinking about it because Facebook is where I learned that three friends had died and an aunt. Been thinking about it because another friend died a short while back but her social media presence hasn’t completely disappeared.

Not that I am suggesting it should.

I have visited her Facebook page a bunch of times. It is where many of her friends and family have chosen to congregate.

Even though I am quite familiar with death and have lost more than a few friends it is still shocking when it happens. And as a parent it is a stark reminder to make plans to try and minimize the impact on your children.

My kids are still very young. If I died today it would be devastating. It is part of why you see multiple posts here that are addressed to them. It is why I have life insurance. It is why I have had multiple discussions about what happens if they lose both their parents.

Where do they go? Who raises them?

Those are the obvious ones which is why I circle back to social media. I am a dad blogger who is active on multiple platforms. What happens if I get hit by a bus, have a massive heart attack or take a bullet to the head.

I know that there are companies out there who offer services for just this purpose. Ask Old Doc Google to give you a rundown on who they are and you can figure out if you are interested.

As for me, let’s just say that I am not sure what I really want to have happen. Would I want some one or thing to wipe out all of the digital bits and pieces that I have collected and placed around the net. Would wiping my digital presence clean be good or bad.

I don’t really know and I am not sure that it matters. It is not because I am concerned, worried, scared or upset about what happens after death. That doesn’t bother me. What I wonder about is what it would mean for those who loved me.

Would having my words be a comfort or a burden. This blog is filled with almost 9,000 posts about everything you can think of. There are posts on politics, religion, sex, life and all sorts of other stuff. Is it really representative of me and does it matter.

Not long ago an old friend posted a few pictures of us from college. Two of them show me in a state that is less than flattering. If I had the choice I’d prefer that those not be the last images people have of me. Not that I expect them to be. Unless something crazy happens I will be back at the keyboard, tonight, tomorrow and for a long time to come.

Have you thought about this? Do you wonder or worry about what happens to your Facebook account when you die?

Filed Under: Children, Social Media

Jesus Hates Tim Tebow & 17 Other Reasons Why Your Blog is a Failure

January 10, 2012 by Jack Steiner 41 Comments

Tim Tebow
Tim Tebow (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Let’s get a few things straight I may be Jewish but I know that Jesus hates Tim Tebow. How do I know? Because he told me so.

It happened last night. I had just finished playing two hours of basketball and was driving home when a voice came over the car stereo. Here is a partial transcript:

“Jack, I want you to know that I hate Tim Tebow?”

“Uh, who is this and what are you doing inside my car?

“You know exactly who this is, it is Jesus, Jack.”

“Jesus, I think you are in the wrong car. I play for the other team.”

“I want you to blog about this. I want you to tell all the people in the blogosphere that I hate Tim Tebow.”

“Yeah, sure. That ought to go over well. As soon as people see me writing about you I am going to get flamed by a million angry readers. Got anything to say about that or any advice you can offer?”

“Pick New England to win by 17 and stop eating Pop Tarts at your computer.”

Unfortunately he didn’t leave me with the Shroud of Turin, Holy Grail or even a Grilled Cheese sandwich with his image on it but I got a ton of other good information from him. Just wait until I hit Texas next month, they’ll love me there.

******

It is always gratifying to see that 2012 in the blogosphere has started by another 1,964 posts about how to become a social media expert in three easy lessons and 2,822 posts about how to become a professional blogger. Not to mention the standard 872,092 posts about how to comment on a blog.

I am mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Stop spewing out garbage in which you repurpose the garbage that your blogosphere neighbor spewed out about the importance and need to do XYZ in blogging. It wasn’t original, unique or interesting the first 1,987,332 times it was written.

But the real reason it is so bland and damn irritating is because you never inserted an opinion into it. You don’t say what you think. You don’t share what you feel. You just write something that you hope every one will love. You don’t have to go out of your way to offend people but you shouldn’t be afraid to share your opinion either.

We’re adults. It is ok to disagree. It is healthy. You should be challenged on your beliefs and opinions and you should challenge others. You can do so civilly. You can dig into things and spend a few minutes trying to figure out whether there is a purpose and reason to believe as you do.

And the reality is that you don’t always have to base it upon logic. Sometimes we don’t like something or sometimes we believe something for arbitrary reasons. Life doesn’t have to operate based upon logic and reason. Sometimes you can veer off the track and that is ok.

*****

I’ll tell you what else drives me crazy. I hate visiting a popular blog to discover 1,000 comments agreeing with them. WTF people. Guy Kawasaki and Chris Brogan are people. They make mistakes and are wrong sometimes. (BTW, I used their names because people know them not because I have posts of theirs to link to.)

Challenge the writers of the post. Ask them to defend what they wrote. Ask smart questions that make them think and we’ll all learn together.

This doesn’t happen enough for my taste. Some of you put the “sycho” in sycophant.

*****

There is no single way to blog. There is no one right way to blog.  Anyone who tells you otherwise needs a good old fashioned bowl of STFU and my boot in the behind.

But that doesn’t mean that your blog can’t be better and more interesting.

  • Find your voice.
  • Post consistently.
  • Sustain your effort.
  • Cultivate a community.
  • Have an opinion.
  • Don’t be afraid to fail.

Filed Under: Blogging, Writing

Daddy, Please Don’t Kill My Boyfriend

January 9, 2012 by Jack Steiner 17 Comments

The dark haired beauty is 7.5 going on 30. That little girl of mine has spent her entire life trying to figure new and improved ways for manipulating me. What she hasn’t figured out is that I am well aware of it.

I know exactly what she is doing and why. The fact that I am crazy about her doesn’t change anything. I may be in love with that girl but I won’t be taken in by the dark eyes, freckles and cheeks. That toothless smile is cute but it still isn’t enough to make me forget that she came home today and told me that she has a boyfriend.

She floated into the house and glided across the room to where I was waiting and said, “Don’t kill him Daddy!” Years from now I may pull out this post and show it to her. It might be fun to tease her about how crude her technique was when she was little.

“Daddy, don’t kill Jimmy.”

“Why would I kill Jimmy?”

The look that passed across her face was really cute. Her intent had been to bust my chops but when I didn’t react she realized that I didn’t have a clue what she was talking about. Fortunately she’ll read this one day and realize that dear old dad knew what was going on and intentionally kept a blank expression. It is only fair. Dad has to have a few tricks of his own.

“Daddy, Jimmy asked me to be his girlfriend.”

“And what did you say?”

I think that she tried to reply but the huge smile on her face and uncontrollable giggling made it difficult to understand.

“Ok, Jimmy can be your boyfriend but only if he can complete all of the tasks that I have for him.”

“What kind of tasks daddy?”

English: Hercules cleaning the Augean stables....
Image via Wikipedia

Call me cruel, but I rattled off some of the little deeds that Hercules was required to complete. I should add that even though my daughter is brilliant she didn’t have a clue what a Hydra was or how Jimmy would clean the Augean Stables.

So I told her that instead Jimmy could do me a favor and collect the twenty bucks that my friend Godot owes me.

Sigh, I am truly not ready for her to really start dating and glad that I have some time. Ultimately the same rule as always applies here, if you cannot defeat me in single combat then you cannot date my daughter.

Still something tells me that I better enjoy my sleep now because life will get more complicated.

Filed Under: Children

Cheaper Than A $5 Whore With Less Risk of Infection

January 9, 2012 by Jack Steiner 22 Comments

moonlight quote

My friend Craig deserves partial credit for the headline on this post. Click on that link and you’ll read a post he wrote in which he asked for advice. I won’t tell you what he asked for because I am going to ask that you go read the post and comment. Do it for me and do it for Craig. Do it for Craig’s wife who supposedly reads this blog but never comments.

Maybe one day she’ll change her mind. I like the community here and I am grateful for those who comment and those who don’t. I can’t help but wonder about the lurkers. Can’t help but wonder what you enjoy and why you visit. It sounds sort of silly, but sometimes I am surprised that any one reads my words. Still, I am grateful.

Gratitude

I grind my teeth more than I should. I find myself sitting here with my jaw clenched and remind myself that I need money more than my dentist does. It is something that is happening with increasing regularity, the teeth grinding and jaw clenching thing. I know why I am doing it and am working on fixing that.

Gratitude is part and parcel of the cure. That is I am careful to remind myself of the things that I am grateful for. Two of the people I care most for lost their fathers last year. Both of them miss their dad’s terribly and I am very sorry for their loss.

I remember how frightening it was when my father had his heart attack. All of the docs told us to get ready for the end and then it didn’t happen. So I am grateful for all of the time I have had and pray for plenty more.

I am grateful for my health and that of my family in general. It is one of the reasons why 2011 wasn’t a complete disaster.

I am grateful for opportunities that are coming my way and hopeful that some others will too.

Children and iPads

Old Jack the dad blogger (score one for SEO efforts) has a new concern- iPads and children. The issue is that my children and their friends are using iPads to make videos and I am very concerned about them uploading these videos to the Net.

I don’t trust their judgment. They mean well but they don’t really understand or appreciate that once you upload something you lose control of it.  Chances are nothing will happen but my job as dad is to be worried about what could happen. Sometimes that means worry is somewhat misplaced and others….

Since we don’t own an iPad they aren’t making these videos here but that hasn’t stopped them from happening. That is because many of their friends own one or have access to a family unit. I have made sure that my children know that nothing is to be uploaded and they have promised to follow through but I don’t trust their friends.

It is not because their friends are bad but they aren’t my kids and I am not monitoring them. It is so easy to give in to some sort of childish whim, especially when you are 11 or 12 and think you know better.

I have mentioned my concerns to a number of parents but not all of them feel the same way. One mother made the mistake of mentioning how silly my concern was to one of her friends while I was in ear shot. She doesn’t know that I have a juvenile sense of humor and that I considered uploading a picture of her eating a banana.

To be clear I don’t have picture of her eating a banana and there is a 98% chance that I wouldn’t actually do it. It would be funny but I don’t think that she would receive the sort of education I would like. All it would do is create a problem and I don’t need any more.

Cheaper Than A $5 Whore With Less Risk of Infection

I read another post from one of the social media experts that suggested that people should write their headlines first and then fit the post around the headline. I understand why they recommend doing so but it is still not something that I find attractive or enticing.

That is because I see it as another tool for inducing sterility in blog posts. I really dislike that. When I read a post I want to get a sense of the author’s personality.  If their words were food I’d want to have something to savor. I’d want their to be some sort of spice. It doesn’t have to be so sugary sweet I can’t take it or so spicy that flames shoot from my behind.

It just needs a little something.  Give me some personality and a dash of purpose and I am probably going to be happy. Remove the spice from your post and you kill your post. I can assure you that there are many bloggers who disagree with me on this. They don’t want to offend so they take a middle road.

It may be cheaper than a $5 whore with less risk of infection but it is so damn dull that the readers you tried not to offend will end up going elsewhere.

What do you think?

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Filed Under: Blogging, Writing

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