Archives for February 2012
Writing Tips & Tools Part 1
I haven’t been pleased with my writing lately so this post is sort of a note to myself, but you might find some value in it too.
“If you want to be a great writer you need to be able to live and relive your pain. You have to touch it, feel it and roll around in it. That isn’t hyperbole, it is just how it works.”
Pain provides opportunity, introspection, description and discussion. I don’t think that you always have to be sad, angry or upset to come up with great writing but it helps, especially when it comes to certain topics.
I am an advocate of simple writing, especially when it comes to blogging and general fiction/nonfiction. Make it easy for people to relate and to understand what you are trying to say. At the same time I am also a proponent of building your vocabulary. It is ok to mix things up occasionally and sometimes it is necessary. Sometimes you may find a less common word or something obscure.
It is part of how I got turned onto defenestrate. I can’t remember where I first heard or read it but it stuck with me. Really it is a great word and a useful tool for helping you to distinguish yourself.
I don’t believe in writer’s block in the sense of being unable to write. I believe that sometimes we get frustrated with the quality of our writing and this leads us to limit or feel limited in our ability to produce content. Exercise and music usually help me get around this but the most important thing to do is to sit down, shut up and write.
And now as promised I have a list of links to old posts that are worth a second look:
Do You Need A Commenting Policy?
Some bloggers have links on their blogs to their commenting policy. It essentially is a list of things that commenters can or can not do on their blogs. I don’t blame people for having them but I don’t like them. They rub me the wrong way and if you’ll stick with me for a few minutes I will explain why.
But before we do that take a look at the following numbers and tell me what you see:
108.61.81.101
Now let me tell you what I see. I see an IP address for a would-be commenter. Those particular numbers belong to a person(s) who leaves multiple comments on each post but uses a different name each time.
Their comments aren’t of the usual spam bot variety. Most of them relate to the topic of the post and show that they have read what I have written. Under most circumstances that is a formula that you can use to get your comments published.
However they almost always link to blogs that some people would call splogs, or spam blogs. And I almost always find these comments in my spam folder.
Why Do You Check Your Spam Folder?
I check my spam folder because sometimes legitimate comments wind up inside. I like having an active comment section and appreciate the time people take to leave comments. If you recall I see my blog as being similar to a big barbecue or cocktail party. Comments that are mistakenly identified as spam are similar to guests who get lost on the way to the party.
A good host looks after their guests and makes sure that those who are lost are taken care of.
But, I also acknowledge that there is a database that Akismet checks IP addresses against and if some numbers repeatedly show up there it might not be a mistake.
I also know that when I did some basic research I found through my stats that the person(s) who are posting these comments found me by using the following keywords (Â “CommentLuv badge”+”recently posted”).
In other words they didn’t find my blog because they were looking for dad bloggers or writers. They didn’t find me because they wanted to know my thoughts about children or because they like my views on politics, religion or parenting.
They just came looking for some link juice to promote their blogs and the products that they sell there. I like to help people. I like to help my friends. If you need something and ask me I will try to help you.
But I tend to frown upon providing free advertising. It is not why I am here and it is not fair to those who pay for advertising on this blog. So let this be fair notice that I won’t consciously give it away for free. If you aren’t here because you want to be a part of the community and or aren’t adding value in some way than I won’t approve your comments.
It has been a few years since I was a bouncer but I haven’t lost my chops. But I won’t establish a commenting policy either. You won’t find written guidelines because my guests don’t need one, they are better than that. This is still just a barbecue where we get a chance to grab a bite to eat and talk.
If you want to use this space to advertise/promote your products you are welcome to contact me. I am a Nintendo Brand Ambassador and have worked with multiple brands including Philips Norelco, Subway, Frigidaire and Mattel just to name a few.
That is all for now. Got to get back to grilling my steaks and burgers, grab a drink and enjoy yourselves.
I Need More Time
A number of years ago my best friend and I had one of many long talks about what happens after you die. We disagreed about whether there is “life after death” or if you just end up rotting in a box.
We never did agree who was right and I am ok with that because she knows she is wrong. Hee hee, she hates when I do that.
The reality is that neither one of us could successfully prove who was right and who was wrong and that is ok with me. What I can say for certain is that we both would like to believe that something exists afterwards. But unless she has been holding out on me neither one of us has been given the sort of incontrovertible proof that we want.
So that leaves us in a position where we have to choose between faith in what we can’t see/touch/feel with certainty.
I have had some strange experiences where I could swear that someone who had died was with me. I have had dreams in which my grandfather and D appeared. We talked about all sorts of stuff and when I woke up I could swear that they had really been there. Could swear that they had told me something important but I couldn’t quite remember what it was.
I can’t say for certain if that isn’t/wasn’t my mind playing tricks on me. Maybe I saw/heard what I wanted and maybe I didn’t. There are other stories. There are things that have happened during the day that make me wonder.
What I am confident of is knowing that as long as I carry them with me in my heart they aren’t completely gone. I know that sounds hokey, but it works for me.
But What About That Time Thing
This is something that I intend to write about in more detail later, but for now I can provide a short explanation. I have very few regrets but the few that I do have are enormous. I know that technically I can’t go back and do those things over but I want to. And if I can’t go back, well I have to figure out how to make them right in a different way.
The second component to this is that I want more time to do chase after my dreams and turn them into reality. Â Sometimes it feels like I have a palm filled with water and I am trying to hold still because every time I move I lose a few drops.
I can’t hold on tighter because instead of securing my grip it would only make the water run out from between my fingers that much faster.
How can I become an expert in all of the fields that I find interesting. Â How can I do more than be a simple tourist in all the countries that I want to visit and or see again. How can I learn to speak all of the languages I want to speak.
You’ll notice that I didn’t put question marks next to any of those questions. I didn’t because I can’t guarantee that I will have enough time to chase after such broad statements. Given the chance I would do so much but I have so little time to focus.
Focus. Sometimes I hate that word but it is what I have to do. That is not to say that I have no focus because I do. I am focused on chasing down certain dreams already but I need to tweak some of those some more. I need to make a few decisions and bear down upon them.
Small victories lead to larger ones and that is how this battle is going to be won. Maybe I’ll see ‘D’ again and I’ll remember what we discussed or maybe Mookie will visit. I don’t know.
For now I am focused on writing my story and taking care of a few other things. I expect to be successful in those endeavors and well, we shall see what happens after that.
The Dark Underbelly of Social Media
A few hours ago I stumbled onto a bunch of white supremacists on Twitter. I read their tweets and some of their blogs. They spoke longingly of throwing Jews into the ovens again and sending the wetbacks, spicks and micks back to where they came from.
I won’t share their tweets here or provide links to their websites. If you want to find them you can but they aren’t getting any traffic from me.
Instead you’ll get to hear some of my thoughts and I’ll ask you to think about these things too. You see I am torn about giving them free reign online. I am torn about providing a venue for them to spout their hate and an opportunity to make “friends.”
Part of me appreciates having the monsters come out from the closets and under the beds. I like knowing where they are. But not all of the creepy-crawlers show themselves. Some remain in the shadows and among those who come out there is still secrecy.
Take It Seriously
When someone says they want to murder my family and myself I take it very seriously. You don’t get a pass on this. A five-year-old would get a pass from me, but not adults. When you say you want to kill me I take it seriously. I believe you and I make a point to take precautions.
It makes me angry. They are part of the reason why we have security at school. They are part of the reason why so many synagogues have security. I won’t not send my kids to school and I won’t not to go synagogue because they might show up. I won’t give them that power but it doesn’t mean that I can’t be pissed off about it.
But there are degrees of anger and you don’t have to respond by acting crazy. I could have responded to their tweets or posted on their blogs. I didn’t do it because I didn’t see the benefit in it.
I didn’t do it because I don’t believe that they are going to engage in dialogue. We are not going to hug it out. Â It is far more likely that insults will fly and I’ll tell them to go fuck themselves and remind them that they always lose.
But what is the point. I don’t need to wave my dick around and show them that I can piss harder, faster and farther. So you’ll see me vent just a little here and that will be that.
In between I’ll think about this and maybe make contact with organizations that deal with these douchebags. Â In my mind the goal is out think and out maneuver them. But I would by lying if I said that I don’t want to see them get their asses handed to them.
I Could Be a Better Father
I could be a better father than I am now. That doesn’t mean that I am not good because I am. My kids will tell you that I am the best father in the world and more importantly they’ll mean it.
But that doesn’t mean that I am not aware of my shortcomings or that I haven’t any interest in becoming better. I suppose that I could provide you with a list of things that I want to work on. If this were a real review I might very well do that. But if I did that I would want to include some metrics that I could measure myself against because how else do you know if you are improving.
Except I don’t need metrics. I am competing with myself and with the image I have of my father and grandfathers. They set the standard that I am trying to follow.
Lately the kids and I seem to be listening to Paradise a lot, both this version and the one that the Piano Guys did. We listen to all sort of other music too. The dark haired beauty is trying hard to teach me how to shuffle. Don’t tell her but I am intentionally not learning how to do it.
That is because she is so damn cute I don’t want her to stop teaching me. I am having all sorts of fun.
Science Camp
My son left today for a three day school trip. He is off in the mountains participating in a science camp that I wish I could go to. That is not because I am nervous about him being away from home because I trust the school. Nope, I wanted to go because the stuff they are doing there sounds really interesting to me.
Still I wonder what he is doing and hope he is having a good time. Tonight at the basketball game a couple of the dads with younger children asked me if it was hard to let him go. I told them the same thing I wrote here, I trust the school and the staff that is chaperoning the trip.
But that doesn’t mean that I don’t think it is a reasonable question. We place an enormous amount of faith and trust in the schools our children attend. Sometimes that trust is betrayed in truly terrible and horrific ways. I believe that those are the exceptions and not the rule. We can’t stick our children inside a bubble and keep them safe from everything.
Part of the job is making sure they learn how to become productive members of society. This kind of trip helps make that happen. Even though he is being looked after he still has a fair amount of responsibility and that is part of the growth opportunity I see here.
“Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I’ve walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah”
My friend Sandi has a post she calls 21 Quotes To Crush Your Someday Thinking. I like it. My friend Janet has run similar posts to. I like them as well. These are posts that talk about taking action and not waiting for your dreams to magically come true. These are posts that offer inspiration.
I think about them because I agree with the principle of living your dreams and not dreaming your life. What I struggle with is how to make that happen for me without doing it at the expense of my children.
That is because when you dream of being a writer you have to accept that there will be a time where you won’t earn much. I don’t mind working hard to make my dreams into something more. I don’t mind chasing after them. I am having so much fun writing my story that I would do it regardless of my desire to publish it.
Most of the time I have just as much fun blogging. I may have told Bill that I am not sure if I have more words to share but I tend to think that I will find them. If I have trouble I’ll go visit John or Stan. They always give me food for thought. And if that doesn’t work I can always watch Clint Eastwood talk about Halftime again.
And if for some reason that doesn’t work I can always dig through Stupid Blog Tricks and find something there.
In the interim I am still working on becoming a better father and a better writer. I am still working on building a bigger platform because that is supposed to help convince an agent to represent me. It is why I ask you to be part of my community. Good things happen for those who are willing to work hard. Good things happen for those who are brave enough to dare to try new things.
I want those good things and I am going to get them.
This post is part of the Just Write project. It is all about free writing and not having to worry about structure. Some of you would benefit from writing like this. It is worth checking out.