Archives for August 2012

Road Rage

August 24, 2012 by Jack Steiner 2 Comments

I wrote the story below as part of a prompt for Write on Edge and posted it over on the story blog.

After some thought about my post about just wanting to write I decided I wanted to share it with the rest of you. Would love to hear your thoughts.

It is only 400 words but I might expand on it. I have a few ideas about what to do with it.

Most people donâ€™t know that the largest traffic jam in the history of Los Angeles was caused because I dumped a plate of eggs on someone.

Something tells me thousands of people wouldnâ€™t care why I did it or that I look back on this experience as being among the scariest and best times of my life.

Nah, they wouldnâ€™t want to hear me tell them about how a flannel clad bald man stuck his leg out at the diner and tripped me. They probably wouldnâ€™t want to hear about how he laughed and offered to send me on another trip.

If he hadnâ€™t laughed so damn hard I might have thought it was a mistake but there was something about the gleeful look on his face that set me off.

When I glared at him he told me to â€œfuck off.â€

I smiled and asked him if he was enjoying his meal.

â€œYeah, it is pretty damn good. Now fuck off.â€

I smiled again and stuck my hand down the front of my pants and made a point to wiggle my fingers around.

When I pulled my hand out I wiped it across his face and asked him if he liked another serving of â€œSweaty balls.â€

And then I hit him in the head with his plate and watched the eggs run down the front of his shirt.

â€œYou ought to take a trip you fat fuck. Get the fuck out now and I wonâ€™t carve my name into the side of your head.â€

If this were a movie he would have meekly nodded his head and run out the door, but it wasnâ€™t and he didnâ€™t.

This is precisely the time that I should have heard warning bells inside my head and gotten out of there. Except I didnâ€™t hear any bells and my ego made me stroll away.

And by stroll I mean strut or maybe sashay, I am not really sure how to describe it as being anything other than the walk of arrogance.

Moments later I would put on my seat belt and pull out onto the street heading towards the freeway.

Somewhere during those moments he left the diner, got into his semi and came after me.

I heard him long before I saw him.

He didnâ€™t bother with signals, stop signs or lane changes. He just drove though the cars towards me.

All I Want To Do Is Write

August 22, 2012 by Jack Steiner 30 Comments

Sometimes I miss the early days of my blogging career when I didn’t think about who was reading these words and what they thought. I didn’t think twice about whether people commented or if anyone would share my posts.

I just wrote and fell in love with something that was new and exciting.

It took a while to figure it out. It took time to find my voice but I didn’t care. I wrote silly posts like Bob Denver is not related to John Denver and some serious ones too.

Didn’t worry about RSS, Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest then. Wasn’t concerned with trying to become the greatest daddy blogger ever nor did I think about whether I was doing a good job of marketing my blog.

Times change. People change. Blogs change.

Complaints

Now I think about these things, not all the time but they cross my mind. Now you see comments on my Facebook page about how some of the more popular bloggers produce crap and have readers tell them it is gold.

Flip through these pages here and I’ll show you posts about why I think most lists are a joke and how the blog conferences do a lousy job of finding speakers. Sift on through and you’ll probably find a post or two where I talk about how there are cliques of bloggers that select their friends to write to work with them at the “big, fancy publications where you get paid a couple of bucks to write.

You’ll probably find a post or two where I talk about how ego destroys blogs and bloggers. Most of the time I don’t care, but I am human. Sometimes it irks me to see people who have half the talent get where I want to be going.

If my kids were to bring that sort of complaint to me I would ask them if it makes sense to complain or find another way to make it happen. That is the kind of advice I need to live by.

Write Now

Write now is what I should be doing- writing.

Enough of the jibber jabber and the silly chit chat. Enough of the sour grapes about the people who pump out shit and feeling like mine doesn’t stink. That is a time suck that provides no benefits. So we are going back to the basics

I am going to write with reckless abandon and those who wish to read along can do so or go elsewhere. If you don’t like the content you don’t have to stick around. If you think I update too frequently you don’t have to stick around either.

The goal here is to shake off the rust and get moving. The goal is to just write and let the words flow because there has been a problem here.

I wouldn’t call it writer’s block because I have a million ideas and a ton of partially written drafts, but you could say that I have been constipated. For whatever reason I haven’t written these posts the way I want to or am capable of.

Some of it probably stems from producing content for several different blogs as well as some personal crap that has been pulling me away from here.

I draw the line here. Here is where I make my stand.

What Sort of Content Will We See?

I am glad you asked. The answer is I don’t know. Whatever comes to mind and makes my tiny black heart sing. I offered some writing advice to a friend recently and suggested that she flip through the mental movies in her head and share whatever looks bright and shiny.

So here is something bright and shiny that some of you won’t want to read because it is classified as TMI. So here is your opportunity to click away to a different post here or elsewhere.

And here we…go.

Since my children are in new schools I am just starting to get to know the other parents in their classes. The other day one of the fathers at one of the schools introduced me to his wife. Sounds perfectly normal right?

Well, it is and it isn’t.

I know his wife in ways he probably would prefer that I don’t. But I don’t have fond memories.

There are a couple of people who stand out in my mind for how badly they kissed and she is one of them. It was like being with a St. Bernard.

Every time she kissed me I had to wipe my face off afterwards. She also holds the distinction of having caught me with a tooth so effectively I took my friend and went home.

There is more that I could say but I think we’ll leave it at that.

All I want to do is write and this is where it starts..again.

The passion has been provoked and the flames are flowing freely. You’ll see the results here and on the story blog and maybe a few other places too.

And I can guarantee that I’ll keep going whether you comment or not. Comments are cool, but they aren’t currency.

You Smell Like Daddy

August 21, 2012 by Jack Steiner 15 Comments

I carried her downstairs and put her to bed tonight all the while wondering if this would be the last time.

My little girl is 8 and though I am still capable of carrying objects that are much heavier than she is I can hear the tick tock of the clock ticking away. For better or for worse it is clear that these days are numbered.

Part of me is thrilled because every age brings new and exciting experiences and adventures. She loves her new school and raves about her teacher. These are things that soothe my soul and ease my heart.

You see my girl is joy incarnate and when she smiles there is a light that shines from behind her eyes and permeates her entire being. She shares this with her brother and it is among their finest traits.

Surprise

Tonight I picked her up off of the couch and almost dropped her. When she went airborne she twitched in surprise. She has done this her entire life but now she is big enough to cause a bit of strain on my part.

When she was truly little I could carry her like a football and never notice her weight, but like I said those days are past. And for the sake of her future feelings she is not heavy now. The doc gave her a clean bill of health at her last physical and noted that she is clearly athletic.

No, the deal now is tied into trying to support more than four feet of girl. But I was prepared for the twitch, dad wasn’t going to drop his girl.

Memories

A thousand years ago I carried my sleeping niece and shared the story of how she woke up momentarily and said, “you don’t smell like daddy.”

My little girl brought that moment back to me tonight but this time it was different. That is because she put her head on shoulder and muttered, “I am tired daddy.” Had she been awake and asked me for the credit card she would have gotten whatever her heart desired.

Instead I stood next to her bed, closed my eyes and wondered who she is going to become. Closed my eyes and pictured the girl who is sometimes grumpy in the mornings and then saw her running on the soccer field, pony tail bouncing and eyes focused on the ball.

This little girl is determined to make me lose my hair and to drive me crazy. She is a daredevil who has no fear. When she is angry lightning flashes in her eyes, but my lord she has such a sweet side to her.

I just wish that she wasn’t in such a hurry to grow up. I will always love and support her but I am going to miss these days.

We Opened Pandora’s Box

August 20, 2012 by Jack Steiner 10 Comments

English: Bedford Middle School, 88 North Avenu... — English: Bedford Middle School, 88 North Avenue, Westport, CT. Opened in 2001, this school is named after the original Bedford Middle School on Riverside Avenue, now renovated and opened as Saugatuck Elementary School. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sometimes I forget that storms follow where I walk and that I am capable of creating chaos and wreaking havoc with limited effort. Ok, that is a bit of an exaggeration but not as much as I would like it to be.

When we made the decision to leave private school for the public world it was with the hope that we would be accepted to a particular place. There was one school that ranked above the rest and it was where I focused my energy.

There was no doubt in my mind that it wasn’t the only option and that other good schools existed but I pursued it with somewhat singular vision. Enrollment was guaranteed to those who lived in the neighborhood and a lottery was available for those who did not.

Long story short we did not live in the magic area and pursued admission via the lottery. It didn’t work out and the children were placed on wait list. Daughter ended up at a great elementary school and loves it. I am quite pleased to see how happy she is in school and love hearing the stories she tells about her teacher and all the new friends she has made.

The prodigal son was a slightly different story. He started middle school with more trepidation than I liked and I found myself wondering if I was responsible for making him fearful.

Change is Frightening

Much discussion led to the conclusion that some of his discomfort came from fear of the unknown and some from the mouths of friends who filled his head with horror. Many thanks to these children who have never attended public school and were merely parroting parental discharge.

Got the big guy to accept that they did not know what they were talking about and watched him ease into the new joint with some of the same joy we all exhibit in stepping into cold water. Slowly but surely he has become more comfortable and I have been proud to see his progress.

Early Monday morning I received a telephone call letting me know that a space has opened up at the school we originally wanted him to attend. Ran over to the school to get enrollment papers and had a brief talk with my son about this.

He is not completely sure he wants to change and I am torn.

Whose Decision Is It?

In reality he is still young enough not to have a “real” vote in where he goes to school. He is welcome to give his opinion but we retain veto power.

This should be easy. The decision to move him over to the school that had been headlining our desire shouldn’t be difficult. We are only one week in to the school year which means he really won’t be behind the other students.

Except it is not easy and I am surprised by how much harder it is than expected.

He has done much better acclimating at the current school and has made some friends. Part of me wonders if I shouldn’t respect these things and let him continue. It is not a bad school but it wasn’t the first choice.

Now I am staring at a piece of paper trying to figure out if one is truly better than the other. Staring and wondering which has the advantage and which will give him more opportunity.

The young master had trouble going to sleep tonight. He wrestled over this and listening to his questions/comments I could tell he was trying to please me. That is not what I want.

I don’t want him to decide to do this because he thinks it will make me happy. I want it to happen because he sees opportunity. Of course it is possibleÂ that he won’t want to change and I will insist because I think it is best.

It is a parent’s prerogative, but none of this is as easy as saying yes or no. The plan had been to start at the new school tomorrow but I may push it back a day to give everyone a littleÂ more time to think.

Wednesday will be the drop dead date. Oy, sometimes this parenting thing is just nuts.

We Don’t Quit

August 20, 2012 by Jack Steiner 12 Comments

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.“Ernest Hemingway

â€œThe hard part about writing a novel is finishing it.â€Â Ernest Hemingway

I call this time of day late Sunday night but most of you probably refer to it as early Monday morning. I’d like to say that the reason I am consistently awake at this hour is because I am doing something important but that is questionable.

It would be fair to say that part of the reason I am awake is because I am following Uncle Ernie’s advice and I am bleeding. No, it is not because I headbutted the typewriter, punched the wall or did anything that would cause my blood to flow freely from places it is not supposed to flow.

There have been moments where I considered it, but I am not that much of a masochist.Â If anything you could say that my biggest challenge right now is finishing the damn novel. I have most of the pieces together but I haven’t quite got it the way I want it to. Not going to give up because we don’t quit.

The Second Week of Middle School

TheÂ second week of middle schoolÂ begins tomorrow and I am curious to see how it goes. Overall the first week went much as I expected it would go. It wasn’t perfect but it seemed to go pretty well.

However my son is less than anxious to go back and I admit that I have some concerns. The challenge is trying to figure out what is really going on.

Most of my son’s friends are still enjoying summer vacation so after having heard about beach trips, swimming pools and general free time it is natural for him not to want to plant his butt behind a desk again.

When we add in that he is attending a new school that has almost six times as many students as his old school it is not unreasonable to expect some bumps in the road. What I didn’t expect to hear about were as many behavioral issues as I have.

I went to public school my entire life so I am not unfamiliar with what happens there. What I haven’t been able to figure out is is this is a normal and reasonable amount of school mischievousness or not. He is not used to seeing students openly defy the teachers.

This week we’ll pay attention to what happens. It is not time to freak out but if he is in a class where the teacher can’t handle the students then I want to move him.

He is in public school for a host of reasons including exposure to the real world but that doesn’t mean I am going to let theÂ real world wreck his education.

Although it is only fair to admit that I was known for raising some hell in school so maybe the sins of the father are being visited upon the son.

Either way it doesn’t matter. I was pleased when he told me that “we don’t quit” and that he plans on going back tomorrow.

Nope, that is not a door at my son’s school or my daughter’s. Did I mention that my girl, the dark haired beauty who is determined to make me lose all of mine is having a field day in school.

She marched into class that first day and took the place by storm. Ok, that is an exaggeration because she was just as nervous as her big brother, but she has acclimated quite quickly.

Some of that is because of her personality and some because her school is only twice as big as the old one.

I need to clarify one thing, I don’t compare my children. I don’t need or want them to be the same. I want them to be who they are going to be. I want them to live, love and learn.

The bit about comparing is important. When the day comes that they read my words I want them to see that I am consistent. They’ll know that I wasn’t kidding about some things. I love them differently, furiously and equally. That is what fathers do.

Frankly that girl of mine has provided me with so much blog fodder I don’t know what to do. Been trying to figure out what is reasonable to share and what isn’t, there are boundaries in blogging.

The End Is Coming

The end is coming for this damn novel. I am going to figure out how to tie everything together in a way that makes me some what happy and then we’ll see what happens.

If you want to get some sense of what that might look like keep reading over here. Got to run now, it is 1 am and I am bleeding from my eyes.

Building a Future

August 16, 2012 by Jack Steiner 6 Comments

I wrote the story below for Yeah Write. It appears on myÂ story blogÂ but I received so much feedback on it I thought I would share it here with you.

It starts just below the asterisks:

*****

The 198,383th time I heard thatÂ pride goeth before a fallÂ I made a face and pretended to hang myself. Blame it upon the arrogance of youth.

I hadnâ€™t yet learned that life has a way of humbling us and that it was the sort of education that wasnâ€™t very pleasant.

You see I fell in love with a girl and I loved her fiercely. I loved her madly. I loved her passionately. I loved her in every way that the poets wrote of, spoke of and dreamed of.

I loved her with all of my heart and all of my soul. I loved her desperately and somewhere in that madness I lost her.

We were much younger then and no one could have predicted that things would go as they did. I wasnâ€™t her type and she wasnâ€™t mine. Not unlike so many other couples on paper we had everything in common and nothing in common.

I canâ€™t tell you if there are soul mates or things are meant to be but I can say that if there is a master chemist they created the perfect mix of magic. It wasnâ€™t just because there was a ridiculous amount of lust but because we liked each other.

++++++

It is just before dawn and we are lying in bed. My flight leaves in five hours. In a few minutes youâ€™ll wake up and weâ€™ll engage in some early morning exercise.

Midway through my shower youâ€™ll join me and try to convince me not to leave. Iâ€™ll look down and weâ€™ll make eye contact and Iâ€™ll think I am crazy to leave, but Iâ€™ll force myself to beÂ strong.

â€œI love you baby, but I canâ€™t pass this up. I have to give it a shot and I canâ€™t ask you to wait for me.â€

Tears well in her eyes and she tells me that it is a mistake. She says that I should wait a bit longer and sheâ€™ll be able to come with me.

I smile and hug her.

â€œI want to get things started. It is for our future.â€

She nods her head but I miss the look in her eyes. This isnâ€™t her being understanding. She has already decided that if I insist on going she will too. She is ready to build a life and wants to start now.

Years later I see clearly what I missed then. The future I wanted to build disintegrated that day.

I made a mistake.

*****

If you enjoyed that you might want to reading one or more of these links:

Road Rage