The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for November 2012

Four Years Later

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The sun will shine again.

Candidates for president like to ask voters to answer a simple question, are you better off now than you were four years ago.

My gut reaction is to say no. It is to say things are much, much worse for me and that I have taken a severe beating that will have lasting consequences and I can’t predict exactly what they will be.

I have a pretty good idea, but life has taught me to not be surprised when things don’t work out like I thought they might.

The Past Is Over

Some people say G-d never gives you more than you can handle and that adversity builds character. Those things may be true but I don’t find them to be helpful.

It will sound arrogant, but I can handle much more than I have been through and I have been through a lot. That is not me asking for more nor issuing a challenge. It is a statement of fact and confidence in my own abilities.

The reality is that the past is done. It is over. What happened has happened and all I have to focus upon now is the present and the future I want to create.

I mention this because this is not a bitter post. There may be hints of anger and frustration but it is not bitter nor is it a “woe is me” post.

One of the points and purposes of this blog is to help me sort through my thoughts.

Opportunity

Four years later things are worse in many areas but better in others. I have answered some questions about what I want that I couldn’t have otherwise answered.

The challenges and adversity have helped my writing. There is a depth that didn’t exist before and there are layers were not there. Now I see texture that I couldn’t identify before. Now I appreciate so much more than I did.

Boil it down and the net result is opportunity to go for things I need and want but was unable or unwilling to recognize prior to having been through all of this.

Change is Hard

Change is hard and I am going through many. The hardest part for me is trying to help my children navigate waters that are sometimes rough and filled with hidden reefs and rocks.

My guy says they will be ok and that they may weather these storms with greater ease than I do. But parents worry about our children. It doesn’t matter how old or capable they are, we worry about them.

I truly believe these changes will be good for all of us and that these experiences will prove to help them but there is a piece of me that asks what if I am wrong.

There is a piece of me that wonders what happens if I have misjudged things and fears they will pay a price.

My Own Worst Enemy

Not unlike many people I am my own worst enemy. I am my biggest critic and have been known to sometimes trip over my own two feet.

A while back I decided it was critical to figure out what happened and why. It was important to me to determine what mistakes I had made so that I could avoid making them again in the future.

Thatreviewis the source of some of my frustration because it is where I figured out how much of what happened was outside of my control. Some of the poor choices that heavily influenced how these past four years have gone were not my own. I could not have predicted them and without clairvoyance it would have been impossible to avoid them.

Why Does It Matter?

It matters because I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes over and over. It matters because nothing happens in a vacuum so even though I can’t hold myself completely accountable I can’t ignore my involvement.

But I also can hold my head high and know I did my best and feel confident that if I keep moving forward things will continue to improve.

They are getting better, things that is.

If you wake up with health, a roof, food and clothing your life isn’t bad.

— TheJackB (@TheJackB) November 7, 2012

Tomorrow I’ll talk with my kids about the next four years. Our situation has been challenging, but we have all of the things listed above and more.

I keep telling them they are the captains of their destiny and they will determine how far they go in life. I believe all of these things and the goal is to show them.

We have been there before, but they don’t remember the high times the way I do. During the next four years I will get us back there so they can see it for themselves.

The Faces That Women Want

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Rufus T. Firefly: Not that I care, but where is your husband?
Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he’s dead.
Rufus T. Firefly: I bet he’s just using that as an excuse.
Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end.
Rufus T. Firefly: No wonder he passed away.
Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him.
Rufus T. Firefly: Oh, I see, then it was murder. Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first.
Duck Soup 1933

My daughter says she doesn’t like Movember because my face is too scratchy and that girls don’t like hairy faces. I told her I don’t like girls with hairy faces either and she rolled her eyes at me.

She asks me if I ever had any girlfriends before mommy and I tell her I can’t remember that far back but am positive none of them had hairy faces either, but that some of them might have had hairy legs.

“Daddy, I am serious. I want to know.”

Girls and their Questions

I know where these questions come from. My little girl found a bunch of “old” pictures of me from college and wants to know why I had more hair and if I can get the cuts in my stomach back.

She stares at pictures of me at fraternity formals and wants to know why I am wearing a tuxedo and why I didn’t take mommy to those parties. I smile again and remind her that I didn’t know mommy then.

I blame Disney for some of these questions or maybe I should blame myself for letting her watch these shows because that is the source of some of this.

Her brother is tired of these questions and says he doesn’t want to hear about girls. All he wants to talk about are cars and the election.

Boys And Their Questions

Some of this is gender related and some of it age. Both schools are talking about the election but middle school classes have made a bigger push to incorporate it into the curriculum.

He shares with me his concerns and tells me about the things he has heard about President Obama and Governor Romney. We talk about how the presidency is important and about how it is really not just one person running the government.

There is a team of people who come along with POTUS. We need to consider that along with our choice of incumbent or candidate.

It reminds me of a conversation I had with my father when I was about the same age. President Carter was running against Ronald Reagan and school was filled with rumors about what would happen if Reagan came into office or if Carter got another four years.

“Daddy, did you like this girl? Why is she hugging you like that”

“Dad, isn’t there a movie about that hostage thing you mentioned from when you were a kid? Why is she hugging you like that? Her legs are wrapped around you?”

It is not the first time they have tag teamed me with questions. I smile and tell them to take a breath and I will answer their questions.

“Her name is Lori. I was giving her a piggy back ride and yes, there is a movie called Argo that deals with things that happened during the hostage crisis.”

They look down at the picture and back up at me. I haven’t exaggerated or made anything up. I remember the picture. I did give Lori a piggyback ride.

“She was just a friend. We had races at the fraternity. Lori and I took on a few other people”

My daughter looks at me and says, “you didn’t shave in that photo. Maybe if you had she would have been a girlfriend.”

I can’t help but laugh, she is cute.

Words About Writing

I am supposed to be the featured writer at another site tomorrow. As part of that I turned in a post about writing that is supposed to share some of my thoughts about writing.

It is not as eloquent as I wanted it to be. I wanted it to be distilled wisdom from Twenty-Five Links That Will Make You A Better Writer/Blogger but think I might have fallen short.

I need to go back to Building a Future and some of the other stories and weave them together.

If you asked me to share a post I am proud of I might suggest you read Blogging Every Day Is Easy- The Class Of ’69 Speaks. I like that one. It was fun and it flowed freely from my fingertips.

Bed time calls to me

This was part of Just Write #60. It has become a post I look forward to writing each week.

P.S. If you are in the U.S. and eligible to vote please remember to go out and do so. If I had my druthers I might vote for Rufus T. Firefly. 😉

You have to respect the man that ruled Freedonia. Duck Soup forever.

Blogging Every Day Is Easy- The Class Of ’69 Speaks

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'69 Was A Good Year For Cars and people.
’69 Was A Good Year For Cars and people.

Blogging every day is easy and not just because I love to write but because there are endless stories to share, to tell and seek out.

Flip through the blog and you’ll find posts about why Daylight Savings Times exists, what benefits you receive as president, how much it cost to build the Death Star and how to make hardboiled eggs.

The Importance of Half Birthdays

November 9th will mark my half birthday upon which I will officially turn 43.5. That makes me ancient to some of you and a baby to others.

If I didn’t have children I don’t know if I would notice half birthdays but they are important to them and hence I notice. These youngsters of mine ask if I feel old or notice the years and I say only years like 43 where I get to be a prime number.

I say that I don’t notice but I suspect the truth is I am more cognizant of the years than I want to admit. I attribute it to two things:

  1. Ego. I don’t like some of the changes that have come with age. Irks me to see some of the guys I play ball with outdo me. Years back they never could have, but there comes a revolution.
  2. I am more driven than ever to check off a few things on the list of accomplishments and objectives and more aware of time. There is so much I want to do and less time to do it than before.

Generation X

I am part of Generation X. Used to hate the label and was more than irritated with all of the stupid articles about how different we were from the Baby Boomers and the generation before. Used to roll my eyes when I heard how we grew up sheltered, entitled and were unwilling to work hard.

Now I listen to people describe the millenials in the same terms and nod my head. Can’t decide if that makes me a hypocrite or if this time it is accurate.

But I do know there are some things you can’t learn in school and that even a few years in the work force isn’t always enough to figure out some of this stuff.

When Did I Become This Guy

My oldest is going to be Bar Mitzvahed next year. It is a big deal and a significant accomplishment. I am tearing out what little hair I have trying to figure out how to come up with some cash to pay for it all.

It is not going to be a crazy-over-the-top party. It wouldn’t be if I was a billionaire. I don’t believe in that kind of thing nor think it is appropriate, but I need to do something because it is important.

My son deserves it, but it is going to take some doing to make it happen.

We’ll see if Jack The Elder is the Superhero his kids think he is. I guess this helps to explain how I found my first two real gray hairs today.

A Secret Handshake

My daughter is eight going on thirty. She was born a few minutes before midnight and I’ll never forget it.

It was two days after my father had a triple bypass. His surgery was the culmination of his beating the odds, docs said he would probably die and he didn’t. It is another piece of the puzzle that made me a blogger.

I remember watching my daughter emerge and walking with her and the nurse to the Pyrex incubator she was placed in. Nurse cleaned her up and I stuck out my right index finger.

She looked up at me and wrapped her entire hand around my finger. I told her I was her daddy, said I love you to her in person and promised to take care of her.

That became our secret handshake. Sometimes she walks up to me and silently grabs my finger. Sometimes people think she is trying to pull it and run away in anticipation of what might happen, but they couldn’t be farther from the truth.

I Never Owned A Mustang

I never did own a Mustang. I started with ’77 Chevy Impala station wagon, moved to a ’69 Dodge Dart Swinger, went back to the Impala and then to a ’77 Camaro.

Loved the Camaro, last year of the steel bumper and ever so much fun to drive. There were other cars and many more stories that happened before, during and after the times I have referred to.

Some might say I fought a balrog in the Mines of Moria and that I came out victorious. Others might argue no such thing happened and that I played a different role in the affairs of Middle Earth.

Perhaps we’ll save those tales for publication elsewhere and perhaps they’ll never be shared.

“If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber’d here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,

Gentles, do not reprehend:
If you pardon we will mend.
Else the Puck a liar call.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.”
Puck- A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Beat The Clock- Hard Decisions Edition

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Music sets the mood. I Am A Man by the Spencer Davis Group is playing in the background and I am trying to clear my head so that I can do the work that needs to be done.

I am on deadline in multiple areas and places.

Got six articles that are due within the next few hours and day. Got hard decisions to make about life, career and kids. Got chaos and clutter swirling around me and I feel like I am both master and slave to it all.

The music is moving me and I am starting to dance in my seat a bit. Probably look ridiculous to everyone else but in my mind’s eye I am cool, slick and in control. Confidence is building that I am going to figure the out the right answers to these questions but I admit to being concerned.

Sometimes there are no road maps to follow and all you do is blaze a trail. I am good with that for me, used to it but I am cautious about it with the kids. Don’t want to wrap them in invisible bubble wrap because you can’t and I won’t cripple them. They need to learn to roll with it, but I am dad and I wonder.

Six articles, what am I insane? Can I meet the challenge of time and quality? Can I get it done. Yeah, I will becuase I don’t give myself any other options.
This SOC post is a warm up. It is me stretching out and finding my rhythm so that I can do what needs to be done.

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This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spell checking. This is writing in the raw.
Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (in the sidebar). .
Link up your post below.
Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

A Game Changing Moment

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Sometimes I miss the days of my youth when Darth Vader was evil incarnate and we shuddered to hear him tell Luke who his real father was.

It was 1983 and I was a wee lad of 14 who still believed he might play left or centerfield for the Dodgers and had no idea that one day George Lucas would rape my childhood by tampering with perfection.

Nor did I have any idea that one Saturday night I would sit at my keyboard smiling broadly because my son scored two goals, including a game winning shot.

Teaching Moments

David Prowse as Darth Vader in The Empire Stri...
David Prowse as Darth Vader in The Empire Strikes Back (1980) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Last week I shared my disappointmen about how the soccer team quit. Adversity came and instead of working together as a team to weather the storm they rolled over and gave up.

I HATE THAT.

It is not in my nature to just quit. You could argue that I hang on to some things too long, but not quit. It takes a lot for me to just let go.

I spent a chunk of the week trying to take advantage of teaching moments from last week.

Game Changing Moments

You need courage to live and you need to be willing to learn from both success and failure. When I spoke with my children about the need to preserve our dignity and to do so for others it was tied into the feelings I have surrounding the game last week.

Even though that particular game isn’t something you can use to gauge the future success of these boys it chafed my skin because I don’t want to create a habit of giving in when things get tough.

Today I saw those same boys prove to themselves they could do better. They played two games.

They came roaring out of the gate and it looked like they were going to handle the first team and then they lost their grip. They made a few mistakes, gave into doubt and they ended up tied.

A few hours later they roamed around the field but without energy and purpose.  Even though they scored with ease they felt sorry for themselves because they gave up several goals and it looked like they might just lose.

But we shouted, encouraged, begged, yelled and cajoled some life into their legs and they came back to win the game.

My son hit the game winning shot.

A Change In Perspective

My son has played soccer for about seven years now and loves to play defense. He understands it and takes great joy in helping to shut down opposing teams and players.

But like all players he has his desire to score goals and dreams of being the hero.

He hasn’t had too many opportunities to try and fulfill those particular dreams. You can attribute it to two basic reasons:

  1. He is a very solid defender so his coaches haven’t wanted to move him up  front.
  2. Since he is less familiar with offense he has been hesitant to ask for the assignment. He wanted to try but he feared making mistakes.

I suggested he change his outlook and stop fearing making mistakes. I said it was better to try and fail then not at all.

I also told him that corner kicks and broken plays were the best times to score. Sure it is nice to receive a pass, shoot and score but the ugly shots count the same as the pretty ones.

And the guys who do the dirty work, who gut it out in the trenches earn a different sort of well deserved respect.

The Game Changing Moment

He scored his first goal during the second quarter of the first game…on a corner kick. Yep, little man took my advice, hustled and put it in. Amidst the confusion he slipped between two defenders and sent it into the goal.

The game winner from the second game also came on a corner kick, but there was a twist.

Three players on the other side stopped playing because they thought a foul would be called on one of their players. It gave my son more space to operate and he slipped in between them and put it in.

I taught him not to stop playing unless he heard the whistle and was instructed by the ref. They quit, he didn’t and the team won.

Just to be clear, the victory belonged to the team, but he hit the winning shot and I couldn’t be prouder.

What About Darth Vader Vs. Darth Maul?

Sometimes posts evolve and this one did.  Train jumped the tracks and I went with it.

I could have given you a “speech” about the dark side, but I am too tired. Didn’t swap the photos because I like them and they don’t hurt the post.

Sometimes you roll with the changes and sometimes you fight them. Small victories lead to bigger ones- I am so damn proud of these boys.

You Are Too Stupid To Read This Post- Go Away!

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Woes of a Literal Marketer: Link Bait
Woes of a Literal Marketer: Link Bait (Photo credit: HubSpot)

Apparently the angry rhetoric of the election has impacted my choice of headlines or maybe it is more accurate to say I am testing out linkbait that isn’t tied into sexual innuendo.

I don’t know how many of the Triberr gang will choose to share this post but I admit to being quite curious. If you are in a tribe with me and want to feel better about this post let me provide you with some reason to nod your head.

Honey Boo Boo, Snooki, Kate Gosselin, The Real Housewives are sucking the life out of all of us. This post is really a call to arms and a request for a return to the intellectual honesty of yester year when men were men and women met their husbands at the door wearing pearls and holding a stiff drink for us.

Did that work? Did I sell you on the merits of this post?

What About This?

Or maybe I should try to tie this into social media and some sort of lesson about how to become slamming social media ninja. How Some People Are Using Triberr To Kill Blogging and How I Used Bad Headlines and Jedi Mind Tricks To Make A Billion From Blogging might do the trick.

Or if you are unwilling to read those let me summarize:

  • Don’t use hashtags in your headlines.
  • Headlines are overrated, many people won’t do more than skim.
  • We’re killing Twitter by using it as a broadcast channel and not engaging more with others.
  • I love to write and take joy in the journey.

Did You Know I Write A Serious Newsletter

Did you know I write a serious newsletter? Really, I have an outstanding newsletter in which I share useful tips and information that you can use to improve your writing and social media efforts.

But what I like best about it is that it has served as a great springboard to building relationships with readers. I have made friends and learned so very much because of it and am so very grateful.

I am less grateful that Jetpack decided to act up again and is impacting my ability to insert links and pictures. I would defenestrate it, but I don’t know how to do that to a WP plugin and something tells me it just wouldn’t be afraid.

BTW, you really ought to consider signing up for my newsletter. I have a goal of gaining 1 million subscribers and I am only many hundreds of thousands of subscribers short.

Nanowrimo

I need to start putting the words down on paper for my Nanowrimo effort. I am thinking about a story about two boys floating down the Mississippi River who are captured by slave traders and then placed in a ring where they are forced to fight other children to the death.

Or maybe we’ll do some sort of celebrity MMA battle, like Lurch versus Herman Munster. And now you know why so many people wonder why Hollywood hasn’t signed me up to write the next 5 blockbusters to come out in the coming year.

Hell, it could happen, I didn’t say what year now did I.

Goodnight

Be excellent to each other and prove the social media mavens wrong by leaving lots of comments in the comment section.